Christianna nodded miserably. “I have to. Before he goes, or I do. He has a right to know. I just don't want to tell him yet. It will ruin everything once he knows.”
“Why?” Fiona stared at her blankly. It still sounded exciting to her, although Christianna was acting as though it was a fatal illness she had contracted at birth, genetically. And to her it was. “Maybe he'll like the idea of being in love with a Serene Highness. It sounds pretty cool to me, maybe it will to him, too. The fairy princess and the handsome young doctor from Boston.”
“That's my point,” Christianna said sadly. “It's all over when we leave here. It has to be. My father would never let me marry him. Never. I have to marry a prince, someone of royal birth. A duke, or a count at the very least, and he won't be pleased at anything less than a prince. He would never give me permission to continue seeing Parker. Never.” And she didn't want to risk a permanent estrangement with her father.
“And you need his permission?” Fiona looked startled.
“For everything. And his members of Parliament as well, for anything even slightly unusual. There are twenty-five of them. And a hundred members of the Family Court, all of them related to me to some degree. I have to do as I'm told. I have no right whatsoever to just do what I want, about anything. My father's word is law, literally.” She looked devastated as she said the words. “And if I disobey him, and cause an enormous scandal, it would break his heart. He's had enough of that with my brother. He counts on me.”
“So instead, he'll end up breaking your heart.” It was slowly occurring to Fiona what Christianna was dealing with, and would be forever. A hundred and twentysix people decided her fate, if she played by the rules. “Maybe it's not as much fun as it looks,” she conceded as Christianna nodded.
“I promise you, it's not.” And then she reached out a hand and touched Fiona's arm. “I'm sorry I lied. I didn't think I had any choice. Only Geoff knows, and he's been very good about it. And of course the director in Geneva.”
“Wow! It's all very secret service.” And then she reached out and hugged her. “I'm sorry I got so angry. I just felt hurt that you hadn't told me. You've got a hell of a problem on your hands with Parker. Are you sure there's no way they'll ever let you see him when you go back?”
“Never. Maybe once, for tea, if I say we were coworkers here, but nothing more than that. My father would lock me up in a minute.”
“For real? Like in a dungeon?” Fiona looked horrified for her friend, and Christianna laughed.
“Not quite. But they might as well. He would tell me to stop immediately, and I would have no other choice than to follow his orders. If I don't, it will create a scandal in the press, break my father's heart, and break his promise to my mother. My father doesn't believe in all these modern monarchies, where their children are marrying commoners. He believes in maintaining the sanctity and purity of royal bloodlines. It's ridiculous, but ours is a backward country. Women have only voted there for twenty-three years. It would take my father an entire lifetime to see things differently.” She looked devastated at the thought. She was desperately in love with Parker, and he with her. Their love affair had been doomed from the beginning, and he didn't know it. It sounded tragic to Fiona, like a very bad opera.
“What about all those badly behaved princes and princesses you read about in the press, who go around sleeping with people and doing silly things?”
“That would be my brother. It drives my father mad, and he would never tolerate it from me. Besides, he doesn't marry them, he just sleeps with them. I think if he actually married one of them, my father would disown him.”
“I can't believe I never suspected,” Fiona said again with a look of disbelief as Christianna asked her if she would mind ripping out the page so they could destroy it, before someone else saw it, especially Parker. Fiona agreed, and they tore it to bits. “He's going to be heartbroken when you tell him,” Fiona said, suddenly feeling sorry for them both.
“I know,” Christianna said, sounding tragic. “I already am. I probably should never have started with him. It wasn't fair to him. But I couldn't help myself. We fell in love.”
“It seems as though you ought to have that right, like anyone else.” It all sounded so unfair to Fiona, now that she thought about it, and could see the pain in Christianna's eyes. She felt sorry for Parker, too, when he found out that their love affair could go nowhere, and would end in Senafe.
“I don't have that right,” Christianna said, as Fiona reached out and hugged her.
“I'm sorry I got so mad. Maybe you can talk to your father when you go back.”
“It won't make a difference. He will never allow me to be involved with a commoner, and especially an American. He's extremely old-fashioned about those things, and he's very proud of the fact that our bloodline is extremely pure, and has been for about a thousand years. An American doctor is not what he has in mind for me.” It sounded stupid even to her and like something out of the dark ages, when she explained it, but it was reality for her.
“Well, pardon me,” Fiona said, regaining her sense of humor. It had been a hell of a shock. For them both. Christianna was still feeling shaken by having been exposed, even if only by Fiona, whom she trusted. What if someone else got their hands on a copy of the maga-zine—there was always that risk—and then showed it to Parker? The thought of it made Christianna shudder, although she knew he had to find out sooner or later. Preferably from her at the right time, if there was one. And what if he reacted as Fiona had at first? He might walk away and never even speak to her again. Maybe in the end that would be better, and an easier way for them to leave each other, than distraught with grief.
“That reminds me,” Fiona asked, looking at her with a puzzled frown. “What am I supposed to call you, now that I know?” She was teasing her, and Christianna laughed at the question.
“I thought ‘you little shit’ was rather good. What about that?”
“You serene little shit perhaps? Your serene shittiness? You big royal shit!” Despite the seriousness of what they were discussing, they collapsed on their beds in gales of laughter like two naughty kids. They laughed until tears of laughter, and not grief this time, rolled down their faces. They were still laughing when Mary Walker and Ushi walked in, and inquired about what was so funny. The two younger women were incoherent with giggles.
“Oh, I was just telling Cricky what a pain in the ass she is. She was reading my magazine and tore a page right out. She's such a princess sometimes,” Fiona said, rolling her eyes, as Christianna stared at her in horror.
“You little shit!” Christianna said to her this time, and they collapsed in laughter again, as the older women looked at them, rolled their eyes, and went outside to take a shower.
“It must be the heat getting to them,” Ushi said to Mary with a grin, as they left the tent, and Christianna and Fiona exchanged a long look. In the end, Fiona's discovery had tightened the bond between them. The one Fiona was worried about now was Parker. And so was Cricky. This was going to be devastating for him.
Chapter 12
Christianna and Parker went to Massawa for a weekend, as they had hoped to, in June. Samuel and Max let her go alone again. They had an even better time the second time they went away. Every moment they spent together was idyllic, and this time when they got back from their magical weekend, Parker started hinting vaguely about marriage. It was everything Christianna would have wanted in other circumstances. But there was no question of it between them. She tried to avoid the subject, and then finally said that there was no way she could leave her father. He expected her to come home, and stay there, working in the family business with him. She had said all that to Parker before, but this time he was obviously upset and annoyed. It made no sense to him, or even to her now. But she felt bound by her father's wishes as much as by history and tradition. She had been taught since birth to sacrifice herself for her country, her subjects, and to obey her father's wishes on all decisions li
ke this one. She knew that defying him would seem to him and even to her, the ultimate betrayal. She hadn't been brought up to be one of the young royals who married their trainer, a cocktail waitress, or even a respectable young doctor like Parker. If she was to proceed with this, she needed, and wanted, her father's approval, and she knew there was no way she would ever get it. It was simply not going to happen.
“For heaven's sake, Cricky, that's ridiculous. What does he expect you to do, stay home and become an old maid, working for him?” She smiled sadly at the question. In fact, her father expected her to marry, but it had to be someone he approved of, or even chose. Someone from a family comparable to theirs. Parker was from a very nice family, he was well educated. His brother and father were doctors. His mother had been a debutante, he told her once, laughing, because he thought all of that was so silly. Christianna was a Serene Highness, which was even sillier. But the result of it was not going to seem silly to him once he knew. It was going to seem tragic to him, too.
“That is what he expects of me,” she said firmly. “And I'm not going to be able to marry for a long time. Besides, I'm too young,” she said, trying to find plausible excuses to discourage him. She was turning twentyfour in a few weeks, which was not too young to marry. And her father was starting to make noises about her coming home. She had been gone for almost six months, and he thought it was long enough. Parker was still planning to leave in July. And if at all possible, Christianna wanted to finish out the year in Senafe. She had fought hard for it the last time she and her father talked, and things were at a standoff for now. With him at least. But Parker was starting to press her hard.
“Cricky, do you love me?” he finally asked her bluntly with a look of anguish in his eyes. He had never loved anyone as much in his life, nor had she.
“Yes, I do,” she said solemnly. “I love you very much.”
“I'm not suggesting we get married here, or next week. But I'm leaving soon, and before I go, I want you to know how serious I am. You said you might go back to school. Why don't you come to Boston to do it? There are lots of schools for you to choose from. Harvard, Boston University, Tufts, Boston College. Your father let you go to college in the States. Why not graduate school, too?”
“I think I used up the last of my tickets here. He wants me to go to school in Paris now, because it's a lot closer to home, or settle down in Vaduz.”
“Boston is six hours from Europe.” And he had already understood that money was not an object to them. She had never bragged about it, but he could tell. His own father's circumstances were comfortable, too. Parker was no stranger to the good life, or a moneyed world. His father was very successful, as was his brother, and his mother had left him a small trust fund when she died. He was in good shape. Paying for his education had never been a problem. He even owned a small house in Cambridge, and if they married, he could offer her a good solid life. But not if she insisted on playing handmaiden to her father and letting him run her life. Hearing about it really upset him. “You have a right to your own life,” he insisted.
“No, I don't,” she said firmly. “You don't understand.”
“No, I don't, dammit. Maybe if I meet him, he would understand that I'm a respectable person. Cricky, I love you…I want to know when I leave Africa that one day you'll be my wife.” Her eyes filled with tears as he said it. This was awful. She realized more than ever that she should never have allowed this to start. The inevitable sad ending had been written from the first. She nearly choked on her response.
“I can't.”
“Why? What is it that you've never told me? There is some dark, awful secret that you've been hiding from me all along. I don't care what it is. It can't be that awful. I love you, Cricky. Whatever it is, we'll work it out.” All she could do was look at him and shake her head. “I want you to tell me now.”
“It doesn't matter what it is. Believe me, Parker, all I want is what you're offering. But my father will never let me.” She sounded absolutely sure, as Parker looked more and more upset by the minute.
“Does he hate Americans? Or doctors? Why are you so sure we can't work this out?” There was an interminable silence as she looked at him hopelessly. It was time. She knew she had no other choice but to tell him now. It took forever for her to open her mouth and form the words, and then finally she did.
“He doesn't hate anybody. And he wouldn't hate you. I'm sure he would like you very much. But not for me.” The words sounded cruel, and the reality of her situation was cruel. For both of them. “My father is the reigning prince of Liechtenstein.” There was an interminable silence as Parker stared at her, trying to absorb what she had just said. The concept was so foreign to him that he sat very still for a long time, looking at her with no expression on his face.
“Say that again,” he said quietly, and she shook her head.
“You heard me the first time. I don't think you know what that means. I am entirely ruled by him, our constitution, and tradition. And when the time comes, he won't let me marry anyone who is not of royal birth. In some countries, they feel differently about those things. My father doesn't, he is very old-fashioned, and neither he nor the Family Court that makes those decisions will ever allow me to marry you, no matter how much I love you, and I do.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper when she finished, as Parker stared at her in disbelief.
“The Family Court makes those decisions? You don't?” She shook her head.
“I make no decisions for myself. He does. And they do,” she said, looking tragic. The full force of it began to hit him as he stared at her. “According to our constitution, all members of the princely house must approve a marriage, and it must not be detrimental to the reputation, welfare, or esteem of the Principality of Liechtenstein. The Family Court and my father would, I'm sure, consider our marriage detrimental to the country.” Even to her, it sounded absurd, and that much more so quoting their constitution to him.
“Cricky, you're a princess?” His voice cracked as he said it, looking absolutely stunned. He was nearly speechless. And she was overwhelmed with a sense of loss and grief. “As in Your Royal Highness?” He stared at her in amazement, hoping she'd say no, but she didn't.
She smiled sadly at the man she loved so much, and shook her head. “Your Serene Highness. We're a small country. My mother was a Royal Highness, she was French, and a Bourbon. I suppose I could have the choice. I've always preferred Serene. And my father and brother are Serene, too.” She was feeling anything but serene at the moment, and wished with all her heart that she weren't royal, but it did her no good.
“For God's sake, why didn't you tell me?” It was the same thing Fiona had said when she found out. And in Parker's case, he was right. She had owed him that. In his case, she had cheated him out of the absolutely certain knowledge that their romance could go nowhere, and would ultimately break their hearts. She realized, looking at him, how selfish she had been, as tears rolled slowly down her face.
“I'm sorry …I didn't want you to know …I just wanted to be me, with you. And now I realize what I've done. I had no right to do this to you.” He stood up and began to pace, looking at her from time to time, as she watched him miserably, and then he came back and sat down next to her, and took her hands in his.
“I don't know how this stuff works. But people do walk away from all that. The Duke of Windsor did it when he abdicated to marry Wallis Simpson.” And then suddenly Parker looked even more worried. “You're not going to be queen one day, are you, or take the throne? Is that why your father is so tough on you?” She smiled and shook her head.
“No, women can't reign in my country. They're incredibly old-fashioned, women have only had the vote for twenty-three years. My brother will rule the country one day, whether or not he chooses to grow up. But because he's so irresponsible, my father counts on me a lot. I can't let him down, Parker. I can't just run away. This isn't like a job that you quit. It's about family and tradition, and bloodlines, and honor,
and thousands of years of history. This isn't something you take off, like a hat, or even a crown. It is who you are, and what you're born to, a country and people you serve as example to. It is about duty, not love. Love always takes a backseat to all the rest. It is about duty, honor, and courage. Not about love.”
“My God, that's sick,” he said, looking outraged. “And your father expects you to live like that, and give up who you are and who you love?”
“I have no other choice,” she said, as though declaring her own death sentence. And for them, it was. “To make matters worse, he promised my mother that I would marry someone of royal birth. They were both incredibly old-fashioned and he still is. He believes in duty before love. Even for himself. And he counts on me even more now to uphold tradition and do the right thing because it's unlikely my brother will. I can't let him down, Parker. He will expect me, and demand of me, that I make this sacrifice for my country, my mother, and him.”
“Will you ever see me again, after we leave here?” he asked, sounding desperate. He felt panicked by what she was telling him. She made it sound absolutely hopeless, because in her mind it was. He suddenly realized what they were facing, what it meant for them, and all because of who she was. She was fully prepared to sacrifice herself, and him, for her country and the wishes of its reigning prince. Parker didn't give a damn about her being a princess. All he cared about was being with the woman he loved. He had given her his heart, and now she was quietly giving it back to him, because of who she'd been born, and what was required of her as a result. For her, it was about honor, duty, sacrifice, and courage.
“I don't know,” she answered his question, totally honest with him now. “I'm not sure I can see you again, or how often.” She suspected Max and Sam would help her see him, at least once, but more than that would be very hard. If they did, it would create a scandal for sure. And one black sheep in the family was enough. Freddy already had that role. If she became one now, too, it would break her father's heart. She could not do that to him. “Maybe we could meet once somewhere. I don't think my father would let me come to the States. I just came back last year, and now I've been in Africa for months. After this, he'll want me home, or no farther than Paris or London.”
H.R.H. Page 19
