Your Heart, My Sky

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Your Heart, My Sky Page 5

by Margarita Engle


  for experimentation?

  If only we had a whole plant

  with growing roots and stems.

  If only my farm-smart abuelos

  lived closer.

  Tourist

  Liana

  A surfer.

  Young.

  Alone.

  He’s the first foreigner either of us

  has ever seen, with the exception

  of Russian soldiers.

  Canadian?

  British?

  Dutch?

  We’ll never know, because he plunges

  into the ocean, paddles out on his board,

  and spends the whole morning

  waiting

  for waves.

  If speaking to foreigners were legal,

  we could guide him toward more tumultuous waters

  just a few hundred meters away from this calmness.

  A Farfetched Fantasy

  Liana

  Sooner or later, the surfer will grow tired.

  What can he eat, in this town with no hotels

  or restaurants, no taxis either, just horses

  and old cars that look like broken clocks

  under the hood, an assortment of stray wires,

  gears, and coiled springs all held together

  with cardboard

  and duct tape.

  How did the foreigner reach us?

  Are there black market taxis now,

  or is the government starting

  to change those old rules?

  I think about our lives

  as I try to see myself

  through the eyes

  of a traveler.

  Mothers, children, old folks, and fishermen

  have all gathered around, watching, wondering,

  waiting to find out

  what the surfer will do.

  The enigma seems so simple.

  All he does is ride small, lazy waves,

  balancing in a way that reminds me

  of our daily struggle to juggle reality

  and wishes, always ending up creating

  a makeshift assortment of fantasies.

  Maybe he has learned to be

  just as inventive as we are.

  If I offer him a creative snack

  will he accept, would he pay?

  How much might a tourist give

  for two handfuls of roasted peanuts?

  Would a marketeer accept foreign money

  as payment for our purchases, and could we

  manage all these transactions without

  being caught?

  The Comfort of Nature

  Amado

  I imagine this beach

  as seen through the eyes of the surfer.

  Infinite sun, sugar-fine sand, all the colors

  and crystalline light of a coral reef

  where rainbow-hued creatures

  drift

  and dart

  like dreams.

  If only hunger

  never clouded my vision.

  I would treasure the sight of natural beauty

  every day, instead of hunting for sea beings

  to gobble.

  Ideas, Part 1

  Amado

  Imagine

  balancing

  on a board

  that resembles

  an enormous fish

  while sharks

  lurk below

  and the sun

  flares

  above.

  The surfer moves

  like a rafter,

  trusting

  this stubborn sea.

  Could I ever

  be brave enough

  to rise up

  and glide

  from one nation

  all the way to another?

  I think of all the inventions

  I’ve seen, motorcycles made from bicycles

  simply by adding parts from old Russian

  washing machines,

  lamps fashioned from

  toothpaste tubes,

  bottle caps converted

  into dolls and toy trucks,

  shards of old vinyl records

  combined with telephone components

  to create fans for cooling houses,

  as if music can be transformed

  into a natural

  breeze.

  Why not use a surfboard to cross

  between Cuba and Miami?

  It would be no more challenging

  than creating stews from seaweed.

  Ideas, Part 2

  Liana

  When Amado speaks of ingenious contraptions,

  their images spin around in my mind until I conceive

  of my own best invention—a secret restaurant,

  hidden

  perilously

  inside

  my home,

  right beside

  the garden!

  With just a few tables in our courtyard,

  I could feed any foreign sports fans

  who manage to make their way

  from the global games

  to our town, our beach.…

  All I’d have to do is wait

  until they look thirsty,

  then hungry, ravenous,

  desperate,

  just like us.

  Ideas, Part 3

  Amado

  Enriqueciendo is the most serious crime.

  Getting rich by selling is far more risky

  than buying on the black market.

  Liana’s punishment for creating a secret restaurant

  would be drastic.

  Even this chatter about the possibility of a business

  intended for profit

  could get us arrested if we’re overheard

  by informers.

  No, I tell her, don’t do it, let’s not even try.

  When I go to prison, let it be for pacifism,

  not greed.…

  A Restaurant for Survival

  Liana

  It wouldn’t be greed, I argue vehemently,

  not if all I do is cook enough and sell enough

  to keep myself and my family alive.

  Amado and I storm off in different directions,

  forcing Paz to choose between us, a dilemma

  so frustrating that the poor dog stands alone

  halfway between us, looking lost.

  Imagine all the meals I could serve!

  Wild rabbit, wild boar, a random assortment

  of bait fish, what wouldn’t a spoiled foreigner eat

  when faced with the reality of hunger?

  Spark

  Amado

  Again

  and again

  day

  after day

  we argue

  the same way

  we kiss,

  each syllable

  of our dispute

  fiery.

  We rage

  the same way

  we embrace,

  each atom

  of skin

  and bone

  flaming.

  Independence

  Liana

  I can’t let Amado’s fear

  rule my future.

  He’s supposed to be my boyfriend,

  not my boss.

  I’m free

  to ignore his opinions.

  So what will I call my restaurant?

  Sabor, to make sure hungry foreigners

  know they can expect flavor…

  or Palacio de sabor, but it won’t be a palace,

  just a patio at the heart of an ordinary home.

  Better yet, Paladar, a fancy word that honors

  the sensitive human palate, a delicate way

  of just barely suggesting glorious

  flavors

  to savor.

  Resilience

  The singing dog

  Crisscrossed pathways of teenage wishes,

  a scent of suspi
cion,

  no way to unite two divided individuals,

  but the dog is stubborn too,

  his goal so clear and fragrant,

  nothing more nor less

  than love’s relentless persistence.

  Now that they’re arguing,

  he needs to remember

  time’s

  aroma.

  In 1522, when the conquering Spaniards returned

  to Trinidad de Cuba with Aztec captives,

  the fugitives Uría and Arima were already safe

  in green mountains

  with their singing dog

  and a laughing baby.

  Now, this modern dog knows he must figure out how

  to lead Amado and Liana back toward each other.

  Impossible? Almost. So he curls up

  in the comforting shade

  of a sea grape tree on the beach,

  inhaling the free flow

  of scented canine daydreams

  from long ago.

  Hunger and Anger Are Synonyms

  Amado

  As soon as I storm off on my own, I know

  that I won’t eat all day, not without Liana

  to calm

  these spikes

  of rage

  that gnaw

  at my belly

  from inside

  like sharp teeth

  as if I’m being

  consumed

  by fangs

  of air.

  Together, we always find food and hope,

  but alone

  all I have

  is stark

  fury.

  The Stench of Confusion

  Liana

  Paz finds me the next morning

  by following my odor of turmoil.

  He gazes quietly, as if he understands

  that I’m forcing myself to focus,

  concentrate, stay busy, plan, scheme.…

  It takes an effort to forget about Amado,

  shoving our argument about an illegal restaurant

  out of my thoughts, like a villain in a half-waking

  nightmare.

  Questioned

  Amado

  I’ve been cautious for years, all my opinions

  about military service strictly private, never public,

  so when two well-fed men with clean clothes

  and polished shoes

  take me aside and ask to see

  my identification card and ration book,

  my heart flies up to my throat

  like a zoo-creature

  struggling

  to escape

  from its tiny

  cage.

  The questions are simple.

  They sound like statements.

  How is my brother, did I know

  that he’s organized a hunger strike in prison.

  How can anyone choose to eat less at a time

  like this, instead of more, am I a fanatic

  like him, have I answered any messages

  delivered by a smuggler, don’t I know he’ll die

  if he continues refusing to eat worm-ravaged

  prison rations, won’t he be known as a fool

  instead of a martyr, maybe you’re different,

  perhaps you like reality better than fantasies,

  don’t you.

  I have no answers.

  No guesses.

  No voice.

  Just my head, nodding automatically

  like a robot, as I promise to be practical

  and realistic

  instead of idealistic.

  My Silent Answers

  Amado

  Hermano, your stomach must be so empty,

  muscles and bone quietly disintegrating,

  mind dancing in slow-motion circles,

  weak arms wrapped around memory’s

  shadow.

  Small Gestures

  Amado

  Every time I’m followed by those two

  investigators, I stray far enough away

  from Liana and Paz

  to keep them safely out of view.

  Even if she decides to start some crazy

  profitable business that will get her sent away

  to a forced labor camp or women’s prison,

  I have to try to protect her as much as I can,

  because love does not care about

  wisdom.

  Is It True That Foreigners Are Accustomed to Choices?

  Liana

  I need a menu,

  but how many languages,

  and is it wise to offer

  more than one selection,

  and what about the paper shortage,

  I’ll have to write on blank scraps

  torn from old books,

  flyleaves

  where I’ll scribble

  three sections:

  Sky, Earth, Sea,

  with pictures of a dove, cow, and lobster,

  even though in real life

  I might have to cook

  gulls, rats, and scavenged crabs,

  half-rotted on the beach.

  Why am I doing this,

  the eyes and voice

  of the singing dog

  seem to say.

  My only answer is independence.

  I need to find out whether it’s possible

  to live courageously in a time of danger.

  Loneliness Forces Me to Keep Exploring

  Liana

  While I’m angry with Amado

  I grow bolder,

  not

  more

  timid.

  Solitude lures me back to the cave at night

  to see if any balseros have abandoned

  something useful, but instead of the usual

  assortment of oddities left behind

  by frightened families,

  I discover

  an entire circus

  complete with ruffled costumes.

  Fire eater, magician, acrobat, unicyclist,

  and tightrope walker, all performing for each other

  one last dazzling time before converting

  their mended tent into an immense sail

  that will whoosh an enormous raft

  over horrifying waves

  and terrifying wind.

  The magician releases white doves,

  setting them free instead of sacrificing their flesh

  to a saint, as so many travelers would do—

  or taking them to sea in cages, to be eaten

  in a moment of desperation.

  What will I accomplish with this unicycle,

  my only payment for a homemade compass

  and the promise

  of secrecy?

  Maybe I can learn to ride it,

  then set off across the universe

  of galaxies, like an astronaut in a fantasy.

  Downpour

  Amado

  I witness the departure of the circus

  after I follow Liana to make sure she’s safe.

  My vow to stay away from her is impossible to keep.

  By crouching in a dark corner of the cavern, I remain

  hidden, as I watch and wonder if this is really actual love

  or just the pounding of rain, a warm summer torrent

  beyond the cave’s entrance, a cloudburst

  of lightning and thunder,

  proof that dark clouds

  have bright voices.

  My own throat is silent.

  The only thing I want to say to Liana

  is why take such a risk, please be careful,

  no amount of food in your belly is worthy

  of a cell so horrific that prisoners

  can only escape

  by starving.

  Generosity Means Restraint

  Liana

  An arched fan of bananas with sun-yellow peels

  and moon-hued interiors, softness, sweetness,

  stolen


  treasured.

  A marketeer accepts the unicycle

  in exchange for two legs and the snout

  of an illegal pig that was raised in a bathtub,

  hidden from neighbors by playing loud music

  and letting trash rot, to disguise the squeals

  and smell.

  Pork!

  I could serve it, even though

  I imagine most foreigners won’t want

  to eat the nose if they can see nostrils,

  so while my parents are at work, I marinate,

  slice, and roast the meat in bartered garlic

  and the juice of stolen oranges, a recipe

  for fragrance

  that I’ll have to hide

  from passing spies

  by filling the kitchen with flowers

  and wild herbs, claiming—if anyone asks—

  that I’m studying green medicine, the power

  of plants

  to heal

  in this tragic time

  of shortages so severe

  that even aspirin is just a fading memory.

  Doors and windows closed.

  Heat, humidity, steam, the smell of meat!

  While Paz and I inhale the fierce aroma of protein

  I remember how it feels to survive on nothing

  but scented air.

  When the meal is finally ready, Paz and I gobble

  a few precious fragments, saving the rest for my parents

  and Amado, maybe even his parents too, and yes,

  definitely, soon I’ll try to deliver some food

  to his abuelos.

  For such a generous gift to be possible

  I’ll have to control my own appetite

  and my anger.

  A Language of Air

  The singing dog

  Each human who joins our feast falls silent

  under the spell of tormented amazement.

  Eating one’s fill is a form of guilty magic

  when the world all around you is starving.

  The singing dog rolls onto his side

  and instead of chanting

  one of his ancient melodies

  he simply breathes un suspiro,

  a sigh.

  One Question after Another

  Amado

  Making up after our ugly argument

  feels like peaceful sleep after a terrifying dream.

  But will we be able to trust each other again?

  What if every disagreement leads to separation?

  Are we strong enough to accept each other’s need

 

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