by Leigh Bale
“Feeling better?” he asked Toni, trying to smile.
“Much better.” She answered stiffly as she sat across the room in another stuffed chair.
“Did Mom wrap your ribcage?”
She nodded, cradling one arm against her injured side.
“You trimmed your hair. At the funeral, it looked longer.”
She blinked, seeming surprised that he’d noticed. “Yes, I got the split ends trimmed.”
“It looks good.” He resisted the urge to sit beside her and caress the bruise on her forehead. Seeing her again and not being able to touch her was pure torture, but he no longer had a right. He’d hurt her so much. And he didn’t want to hurt her anymore.
She hesitated. “We need to talk, Mac.”
His insides churned. He didn’t want to face her questions until he knew for sure what had happened that night in Afghanistan. Yet, he couldn’t help wondering why she’d come here. What did she want from him? He glanced at his parents, who pretended not to be listening. He knew better. They could hear every word. “After supper, we’ll have some time to speak in private.”
With her usual efficiency, Inez placed a crockery bowl of butter and strawberry preserves next to a basket of warm biscuits. She clasped a hot pad, then lifted the Dutch oven from the fire before setting it on more hot pads in the middle of the oak table. “Mac, you stay right there and keep that leg propped up. I’ll bring you some food.”
Relieved he wouldn’t have to jar his aching leg again, Mac watched as Dad dolloped savory stew into four bowls. As he passed his wife, Hank grinned and planted a kiss on Inez’s cheek and she playfully swatted at him. Watching them together, Mac realized his parents had the kind of marriage he’d always wanted. Helping each other, loving and considerate. Putting each other first.
But Mac hadn’t put Toni first. At the age of twenty-eight, he’d thought Toni was the right girl for him, but their relationship hadn’t worked out. A year earlier, he’d been unwilling to compromise. Too caught up in the excitement of war and special operations that took him far from home.
Since their breakup, Mac’s priorities had changed. He wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore and needed time to sort it all out.
Toni brought him a bowl of stew. As he accepted it, his fingers brushed against hers and she stepped back fast.
He couldn’t blame her. She didn’t want him anymore. Not after he’d pushed her away.
“Mac, will you bless the food?” Dad asked as he took his seat at the table.
Mac tensed, unable to comply with his father’s request. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. A heavy foreboding settled over him, clogging his throat. He couldn’t pray to God anymore. Not after He’d abandoned Mac and his men during their darkest hour.
Moments ticked by and he glanced at Toni, conscious of her watching him quietly, her blue eyes filled with surprise and disappointment. He looked away, glad she couldn’t see inside his anguished heart. She’d find nothing there but black, ugly anger.
Chapter Five
“I’ll say the blessing.” Inez folded her hands and bowed her head. In a firm voice, she thanked the Lord for their bounty and for saving Mac and Toni’s life.
Afterward, they began to eat, but Mac had little appetite. Mom spread creamed butter and jam on two biscuits and poured a cool glass of water for him. Toni’s gaze followed every movement of his mother doting on him and he squirmed with embarrassment.
“I can do it myself, Mom,” he told Inez.
His mother leaned over and gave him a gentle hug. “You know I love waiting on you, son. Besides, the doctor said you need to rest your leg. You overdid today.”
“Here, take one.” Dad tossed Mac his bottle of prescription pain killers. “And don’t tell me you don’t need it. I can see the way that leg’s bothering you. Doc said you’d heal better without pain.”
Mac gave in to wisdom and accepted the pills. He popped one into his mouth and swallowed it with a gulp of water.
Something about the out-of-doors made a person ravenous and everyone but Mac wolfed down their food. He forced himself to eat enough so the pain pill wouldn’t upset his stomach.
Inez smiled at Toni. “It’s so good to see you again. We’ve missed having all you young people around to liven up the place.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
“Is this a social call, or did you have a special purpose for your visit?” Dad asked.
“Hank, don’t be rude,” Inez scolded. “It’s none of our business.”
“It’s okay,” Toni responded. “I do have a special reason for coming. I need to speak with Mac.”
Her gaze rested on him. He looked away, longing to confide in her and free his heart from this heavy load weighing him down.
Inez tossed an uncertain look in Hank’s direction. “After supper, we’ll give you two sometime alone.”
“Thank you,” Toni said.
“How’s your grandmother feeling after her last stroke?” Inez asked.
Toni glanced at Mac, her cheeks flushed, her eyes wary. “She’s doing as well as can be expected, but she needs a lot of rest.”
“You give her my love, won’t you? Eric’s death can’t be easy on your sister, either. Our prayers are with you and your family.”
“Thanks, I’ll tell them.” Toni reached out and squeezed Inez’s hand.
Mac watched his mother with mixed emotions. Dear Mom. If anyone knew the pain of losing a child, she did. They’d buried Mac’s older sister after a drunk driver hit and killed her eight years earlier. Mac was all they had left. Gratitude filled him when he thought of his parent’s many sacrifices on his behalf, yet they expected nothing in return. It reminded him of the Savior’s selfless sacrifice for all mankind.
Mac leaned his head back against the worn chair. He longed to accept the Atonement, but he didn’t deserve it. Not anymore. And he didn’t know how to be the kind of man Toni wanted and deserved.
A stilted silence descended on the room and he set his bowl aside as he stared into the fire. Thirty minutes later, Toni helped Mom wash the dishes while Dad rummaged around in a trunk for more bedding.
“You can sleep in the women’s bunk room with Inez,” Hank told Toni. “Usually we have a full house of guests. Tomorrow morning, we have six people coming in from Oregon. They’re hoping to film some Desert Bighorn sheep.”
“Wherever you put me will be fine,” Toni replied as Dad dropped a pillow into Mac’s lap. She glanced between the two men.
“I sleep in the recliner lately, so I can prop up my leg,” Mac explained.
Dad took Inez’s arm and steered her toward the outside door. “We’re gonna sit out on the deck for awhile and enjoy the starlight. You two can join us when you’re ready.”
“I wish you wouldn’t go out there,” Toni said, her eyes wide.
“Stop worrying. That man’s long gone by now. Besides, we’ll have Grunt with us.”
The dog followed them outside. When they were alone, Mac indicated the rocker sitting before the fireplace. “Why don’t you sit down?”
Toni stood watching him, her eyes filled with expectancy and concern. He didn’t know what to say. Before their breakup, they’d talked for hours about anything and everything. So comfortable around each other. Like they’d been good friends forever. Now, it seemed they were more like complete strangers.
“Can I get you something?” she asked.
He didn’t want her pity. His leg still screamed with pain and he raised the footrest slowly, gritting his teeth. Hopefully, she didn’t notice. He hated showing her any weakness.
“No.” He shook his head. “How about you? Can I get you anything?”
An impish smile curved her lips, charming and contagious. He smiled back.
So much for small talk.
“Mac, I didn’t plan on staying the night. I’m sorry to be a bother.”
He grunted. “Forget it. I’m just glad you’re safe.”
Her ga
ze scanned the numerous framed photographs resting on the mantel. Pictures of him and Eric. He’d removed the photos of Toni because they were too painful, reminding him of what he’d lost. He kept them inside his trunk, digging them out whenever he felt frustrated or lonely.
He’d been looking at them a lot recently.
“Is this the baby deer you raised?” She pointed at a picture of a fawn with a speckled rump standing in front of the cabin.
He lifted his eyebrows. “Yeah, Mom found the photo in the bottom of her trunk. Since I returned from Afghanistan, she’s been feeling nostalgic and dug out some old pictures.”
Their gazes locked and they both laughed nervously.
She stepped away from the mantel. Her brow crinkled and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He liked the way her mouth curved and her cheek dimpled when she smiled.
“I’ve missed you,” he confided.
She looked startled, then tilted her head in challenge and her bottom lip quivered. “I’ll bet you barely remember anything about me, Mike MacKenzie.”
“Try me.”
“Okay, what’s my favorite ice cream?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Vanilla, with peanut butter and strawberry jam on top.”
“What’s my favorite rock band?”
“The Eagles. I also know you love reading travel books and eating Italian food.”
Her mouth dropped open, then she became very quiet, her eyes trained on the floor. “I’ll bet I remember just as much about you.”
“For instance?”
“You’re an Eagle Scout and you love animals. All kinds. And when you were just a boy, you found an orphaned mountain lion cub and hid it in your mother’s laundry basket so you could heal its injured leg. When your mom found it there, it scared years off her life. She didn’t care that you wanted to practice being a doctor. She made you take it to the Fish and Game office.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “Touché. Do you think there’s anything we don’t know about each other?”
“Not much. And yet, there’s so much I still don’t understand. Eric claimed that was what made love so special.”
He caught the edge of sadness in her tone. Mentioning Eric reminded Mac that his best friend was gone and wouldn’t be coming home. All of a sudden, they both became very quiet, lost in their own thoughts.
Mac’s heart felt heavy with words he longed to say. If only he could get her out of his heart, he’d be the happiest man on earth.
She frowned. “Why don’t we talk about something else?”
“Okay. How’s Cara?” he asked, thinking of Eric and Toni’s fourteen year-old sister.
Toni pursed her lips. “As rebellious as ever. Every time we talk, we end up fighting. She hasn’t been the same since Mom and Dad died. I had such hopes of us being a close family again. Once we got married, I thought—”
She turned away, seeming embarrassed that she’d confided so much to him. She stared at the small desk sitting nearby. A clutter of papers littered the top. Earlier, Mac had been working on the bills while Mom prepared supper. When they’d heard the gunshots, he and Dad had taken off to see what was amiss on their mountain. Later tonight, he’d finish up the accounts and take the bills into Clarkston with him tomorrow morning to mail them at the post office. But first, he’d notify the sheriff of Toni’s attack.
Bending at the waist, Toni peered at a picture resting on the desk. Dad had taken it of Mac and Eric when they’d first enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps six years earlier. Dressed in full military uniform, their expressions looked happy, young and determined.
Naive to the tragedy awaiting them.
Toni’s gaze turned wistful and she reached out to run her bandaged fingertips over the glass before stepping back to the fireplace.
Memories swamped Mac of when he and Eric had joined the corps. They’d both thrived on the excitement and drama. While Mac excelled as a medic, Eric had advanced in intelligence work. Being in the special forces was a dream come true for both of them. Neither of them believed one of them would actually get killed.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” His throat felt raw, like sandpaper.
She scuffed the toe of her slipper against the homemade rag rug covering the floorboards. A view of her slim ankles drew his attention before he lifted his gaze to her delicate face. As she sat, he caught her scent. Something floral and sweet. A soft wisp of hair hung over her eyes and she brushed it back. A myriad of angry scratches glistened with some kind of ointment Mom had rubbed on them. They didn’t seem to bother Toni as she crossed her ankles like a regal lady. Only her blue eyes betrayed her nervousness.
Ah, what a beauty. The way she tilted her head reminded Mac of the picture he still kept in his locker on base. He loved that photo.
“I received a letter from Eric yesterday in the mail. That’s why I came to see you.” Her gaze locked with his.
“I see. It upset you because he’s…?” He couldn’t say the word. He still couldn’t believe Eric was gone.
“Yes, but the postmark on the envelope shows he mailed it the day of your last mission.”
Mac shrugged. “That’s not unusual. It often takes five weeks to receive a letter from Afghanistan. The military combines U.S. mail service with military airlift. It all depends on when a plane comes by for the marines to send and receive mail.”
“But this letter isn’t the norm, Mac. I think you’d better read it.” She reached for her purse and pulled some folded pages out, then handed them to him.
Mac’s hand shook as he accepted the letter. He stared without seeing the words, his chest tight. He didn’t want to read this. Didn’t want to remember. He wiped his brow and blinked several times, forcing himself to concentrate.
“Are you okay?” Toni leaned forward.
“Yeah.” He answered too gruffly.
He focused on the first word, then the next. The cabin became unnaturally hot and quiet.
When Mac finished reading, he released a shuddering breath. He laid the letter in his lap and looked away. It felt as though his heart had risen to his throat, choking off his air supply. Eric might still be alive if only…
“What does it mean, Mac? He said he had some trouble with one of the other men and if something happened to him, I should have you open his files and trust no one but you. Who did he have trouble with?”
“I don’t know.” He spoke slowly. “A couple days before our last mission, Eric seemed worried about something, but he wouldn’t tell me what. I figured maybe you and Cara had another fight and he was concerned about you.”
“No, we didn’t fight any more than usual. Eric wanted me to sell Dad’s shoe store, but Grandma still won’t agree.” She shook her head.
“He could have stumbled upon something in his intelligence work.”
“Like what?” She stood and paced the floor. “He was afraid, Mac. He didn’t make a big deal over it in his letter, but you know Eric. He never wanted to worry me. What could be serious enough for him to believe someone might harm him?”
He met her gaze, his mind filled with turmoil. Why hadn’t Eric confided in him? Eric must have believed Toni would be safe, or he wouldn’t have drawn her into whatever this was. All Mac could figure was that Eric had tried to protect him too, and Mac had—
He couldn’t finish the thought. “I think it’s possible we’re talking about espionage.”
Toni’s eyes rounded as she sank back into her chair, looking deflated. “Espionage? As in spies and stolen microdots?”
“The technology is a bit more sophisticated now, but yes. Eric has shown me a few techniques that would surprise you. Really advanced stuff.”
“Eric would never be involved in espionage.” Her mouth tightened.
“I know. But it’s possible he stumbled onto someone who was. In his letter, he mentioned some files I should open.”
“Do you think someone planned to…to kill him?”
Mac forced his hands to relax as he shook h
is head. “I have no reason to believe our last mission had anything to do with Eric.”
No, the ambush had been set for the entire special ops team. The Taliban had intended to kill all of them. Mac had been lucky to escape with his life.
And then a thought struck him. Was it possible someone planned to have the Taliban wipe out the entire team just to ensure Eric died in the skirmish? It seemed a bit farfetched, especially considering how Eric died. The military was good at hiding facts. Toni and her family knew only what they’d been told. That Eric had died during a routine battle against Taliban fighters. She and her family didn’t know the truth.
Yet.
Toni’s brow crinkled and she gasped as if a startling thought had occurred to her. “Mac, you don’t think that man who tried to kill me today has anything to do with this. I mean, how could he know about Eric’s letter?”
“No, I think he was just an angry driver. From your description of the man, I know he’s not from Clarkston.”
“He looked like he was from the Middle East.”
“A Middle Easterner here on Thorne Mountain? Maybe he was an irritated tourist.”
“Do you know what files Eric is referring to in his letter?”
“No. Did he include anything else with his letter?”
She shook her head. “Just some pictures he took with his digital camera. He usually sent me a disc of photos with his letters, but this time he sent me a small memory flash drive. I printed the pictures off, but there weren’t any secret files on there that I could see.”
“Did you bring the flash drive with you by chance?”
She reached around her neck and pulled out a thin, black lanyard with a USB drive hanging on one end, no bigger than her thumb. “When I get home, I can email you the pictures if you want them in an electronic format.”
Mac shook his head. “Too bad we don’t have electricity and a computer handy. I want to take a look at that flash drive.”
Her eyes widened as she stared at the USB drive lying on her open palm. “You think there are secret files hidden on it? Something I overlooked?”
