by Leigh Bale
So did she, but the change would have to remain in his ball court. He’d broken up with her, not the other way around. Even if he asked to get back together, she feared she’d never be able to trust his commitment to her. What if he changed his mind again? “Things can be different, Mac. It’s all up to you. But don’t make that move unless it’s for keeps this time. I won’t accept anything less.”
She didn’t know how to give him a more blunt invitation. All he had to do was say the word and she’d melt into his arms like nothing bad had ever happened between them.
When he turned away, her heart gave a painful jerk. She watched as he eased himself into a chair, knowing he still wasn’t ready to settle down. At least not with her.
“Is your leg hurting you?” she asked.
“It’s fine. I’ll wait here while you get cleaned up and change your clothes.”
“Thank you.” Her voice wobbled and she felt anxious to leave the room.
She glanced at the stairs. “Will you make sure Cara’s wearing something modest when she comes down? I’ll call Grams and let her know that she’ll be working over at Shannon’s house until later.”
He didn’t look at her as he spoke. “Sounds good, but you realize Cara could change back into something immodest over at her friend’s house, right?”
“Yes, but I still have to enforce the rules.”
He smiled. “I agree. I’ll make sure she’s wearing something suitable.”
Toni went upstairs, passing by Cara’s bedroom on silent feet. What a coward, trying to avoid her own sister.
When she returned to the living room a short time later, she wore Capri’s, a light blue blouse and sandals. Mac sat on the sofa, flicking absentmindedly through a magazine. He perked up when she came into the room. His gaze scoured over her and one corner of his mouth lifted in a pleased smile.
She felt the heat of a blush stain her cheeks, confused by the mixed signals she was receiving from him. One moment, it seemed he didn’t want her. The next moment, he gave her a look that could melt honey.
The phone rang and Toni welcomed the distraction.
Mac turned back to his magazine, but she wasn’t fooled. He seemed aware of her every move. She caught his occasional glance as she spoke to Keri, her store manager. As she listened to Keri’s report, she tried to watch what she said, knowing Mac could hear her conversation.
The news from Keri wasn’t good.
After the call, Toni hung up the phone. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to settle her nerves, failing miserably.
“Everything okay?” Mac asked in a gentle voice.
“Just business. Another sales clerk quit this morning, but Keri says she can fill in until I can return. It happens all the time. Thank goodness I’ve got Keri to help out.”
She didn’t tell him about the overdue accounts. The store had been in financial difficulty since before Dad was killed. She’d had a good offer from Gorsheim’s Shoes to buy the store, but Grams insisted they hang on. It was just a matter of time before they’d be forced to let the store go. Toni hoped it worked out before they faced the humiliation of a bankruptcy.
She didn’t want to deal with the store issue right now. Not until she resolved this problem with Eric’s file.
“Anything I can do to help?” Mac stood next to her.
She flinched. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed him hobbling over to her.
As she looked up at him, he rested a hand on her arm. In his eyes, she saw genuine concern. She felt the urge to hand her burdens over to him rather than cope with them herself. He’d carry them, no doubt about it, but it wouldn’t be right. After all this time, she needed to stop relying on him.
“Toni.”
He looked into her eyes and moved nearer. His warm breath caressed her cheek. She thought he might kiss her and a rush of excitement swept her. Then, she shook her head, knowing it wouldn’t change anything between them. “Mac, I can’t.”
She stepped away, trying to ignore the flash of rejection she saw in his expressive eyes. She didn’t want to hurt this man, but how could she confide the feelings broiling in her heart? Eric had died just five weeks earlier. Once they resolved the issue of his letter, she and Mac would return to their separate lives. She’d run the shoe store until forced to sell and Mac would return to his career with the military. Nothing had changed between them. He didn’t want to be tied to her.
“Make yourself comfortable,” she told him as she headed for the stairs. “I’ll get my laptop so we can take a look at Eric’s flash drive.”
She wanted Mac to stay and help her, yet out of loyalty to her heart, she needed him to leave. Unfortunately, she couldn’t have it both ways.
Chapter Twelve
Mac stood in the living room, watching as Toni disappeared from view. His gut churned with a mixture of longing and regret. He wasn’t a fool. He’d heard part of her whispered conversation to her manager at the shoe store. Something about overdue accounts. From the little bit Eric had told him, the business was suffering from financial difficulty. This economy wasn’t kind to small businesses.
If he offered her a loan, would she accept? She might, if they were still engaged. Now, he wasn’t so certain. Before they’d broken up, he’d felt encumbered by their relationship. A wife and family would hold him back. Now, all he wanted to do was ease her burdens. Losing Eric and his other men had changed Mac in ways he didn’t quite understand. He just knew the people he loved had become more important to him than anything else in the world.
He couldn’t live a lie. She’d have to know the truth eventually. And when she found out, she wouldn’t want anything to do with him ever again. At some point, he might even find himself on the five o’clock news.
Cara swept down the stairs wearing a modest T-shirt. “Satisfied? I’m off to Shannon’s house. See you later.”
She waved, and hurried out the door. Mac sat on the sofa, shaking his head. He liked Toni’s sister. She didn’t seem like a bad kid, just lost and missing her parents.
A thought occurred to him. If he’d died with Eric, Toni would be forced to face this situation alone. Maybe God did have a plan for them after all. But he couldn’t help thinking the Lord had made a mistake by saving the wrong man.
When Toni came downstairs carrying her laptop, she turned on every light in the house in spite of the sun shining brightly outside. No doubt she still felt shaken by their earlier encounter with the man she now called Ponytail.
They went into the den and she plugged the laptop in. After she turned the computer on, she stepped back from the desk.
“Can I have the flash drive?” He held out his hand.
She lifted the lanyard over her head and handed it to him while the computer booted up. Then, she went into the kitchen and got them both a glass of orange juice and a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies. He drained his glass in a matter of seconds and munched a cookie.
“Thanks.” He set his glass aside.
She pulled up a chair beside him and stared at the keyboard while he logged in. After inserting the flash drive into the USB port, he followed the prompts to open the files. Two dozen thumbprint pictures of him and Eric appeared. Dressed in their cammies, they stood against a backdrop of red sand and Abrams tanks, grinning at the camera. Mac perused each one, opening the jpeg files, printing them out, looking for a clue as to what might be important about these files.
Nothing.
“I’m sorry, Toni. I can’t find anything here.”
She stood and leaned her hip against the desk as she peered over his shoulder. She smelled good, like raspberry lip gloss.
“What about the photo of you with Eric and Lieutenant Andrus? Anything unique about that picture?” she asked.
He double-clicked on the thumbprint and the larger picture opened. Nothing unusual about it, no difficulty in opening it.
He closed the picture, then used the mouse to left and right click on it, moving the picture around, minimizin
g, searching the background for any hint as to why Eric had electronically altered this particular photo. Mac studied their clothes, their gestures, their expressions. Nothing gave him a clue as to why Andrus had been included.
Finally, Mac blew out a breath of defeat and slumped back in his chair. He tipped his head and raised a brow in frustration. “Zilch. It’s just a picture, Toni. I have no idea why Eric included Andrus in this photo.”
“What’ll we do, now?” She looked deflated.
He sighed, sharing her disappointment. “Now? Are you hungry?”
“Yes. Most of our lunch ended up on the floor of your truck.”
“Let’s go get something to eat, then I’ll take you over to your Aunt Holly’s place. Maybe we’re looking too hard and it’ll come to us later.” He stood and handed her the flash drive, which she tucked inside her pocket before retrieving her purse.
As they walked outside, Mac noticed a stranger standing on the corner. The trees and shrubbery cast a disturbing gloom around him.
“Mac, is he watching my house?” She pointed at the man, who wore jeans and a sweatshirt with the hood covering his face. The dry evening heat didn’t warrant a jacket.
“Why don’t I ask him?” Mac took several limping steps, but before he could get any closer, the other man turned casually and jogged away.
Mac wished he could follow, but his leg pounded like a cannon on the Fourth of July. As usual, he’d overdone today.
Toni shrugged. “He’s probably just a neighbor. The recent events have made my imagination work overtime.”
He flashed her a smile, not wanting to worry her. “No harm done.”
They drove to an Italian restaurant on Las Vegas Boulevard. A waiter seated them at a table with drippy candles and long, dry breadsticks. They ordered salads and cheesy manicotti and talked about inconsequential things.
“How are things going at the shoe store?”
She hesitated. “Not good. I wish Grams would let me sell, but she believes it’d be disloyal to Daddy.”
“You don’t want to sell shoes the rest of your life?” he asked.
She snorted. “Not if I can help it. You know I hate shoes.”
“Most women are crazy about them. Mom’s got a collection in her closet that would put your store to shame.”
The candle glow illuminated hints of golden-red in her hair and he couldn’t resist gazing at her creamy complexion.
She laughed. “In all honesty, I love shoes, too. But I don’t want to sell them for the rest of my life. You know I want to open my own real estate office.”
Yes, he knew. They’d spent long hours talking about their hopes and dreams. That’s when he’d realized his career clashed with hers. It wouldn’t be fair for him to marry her, then leave her here in Vegas for months, maybe even years, without seeing him while he went on another tour of duty to some remote location where he might be killed. “I think Eric mentioned you got your realtor’s license.”
“Six months ago. I’m just waiting until Grams agrees to let me sell the store. I’d love to open my own real estate office where there’s lots of potential. Maybe somewhere like Clarkston. There’s so much beautiful land there, it’d be a realtor’s dream.”
He chuckled. “With a realty office, it wouldn’t be a small, isolated town for long. My dad has constant offers to sell his land to developers. What Clarkston really needs is a doctor.”
“Ah, yes.” She leaned her elbows on the table, cupping her chin in one hand. Her eyes gleamed in the candle glow. “Your mom’s always wanted you to open a medical office there.”
He shrugged. “It’s such a small community, I’d never get rich, but it’s an ideal place to raise a family.”
Now, why had he said that? He loved working in Clarkston during summer break, but he’d never seriously considered living there year round. But after what he’d been through in Afghanistan, his perspective had changed and it seemed like a more attractive idea. Funny how losing all his buddies and the use of his leg had made him more appreciative of his family and the simple enjoyments of life.
“People actually care about each other in Clarkston. It’s a wonderful place to live, Mac.”
“Yeah, a person can think clearly there. I feel as though I can sort out any dilemma when I’m in the cabin on Thorne Mountain.”
“Mac, I don’t mean to interfere, but maybe your parents are right about you seeing a doctor for your PTSD. Maybe someone can help.”
He locked his jaw, his pulse kicking into overdrive. If only it were that simple. “Unfortunately, my problem can’t be solved.”
“But maybe…”
“I don’t need anyone’s help.” His voice sounded clipped and he immediately regretted stinging her with his words. He couldn’t tell her he suffered from guilt, not PTSD. No one could help him.
Their quiet interlude had come to an end.
“I’m sorry, Mac. It’s not my business.”
He longed to tell her it was okay, but he couldn’t. The waiter brought them their check and she reached for her purse.
“I’ll get this.” Mac snapped up the bill and opened his wallet.
Silence settled over them, so thick he could have cut it with a knife.
Outside in the parking lot, her voice washed over him in soft waves. “Thanks for dinner, Mac. I really enjoyed it.”
“My pleasure.” Before he thought to stop himself, he reached out and squeezed her hand.
She went very still, staring at their entwined fingers. He pulled away, realizing he’d made another mistake, sending mixed messages. This was moving way too fast. For both of them.
“He was my brother and I loved him, Mac.” She whispered the words, so low he almost didn’t hear.
“I know, so did I.”
As she lifted her head, he caught the sparkle of tears in her eyes. An invisible barrier stood between them. A barrier he’d placed there through his own selfishness.
“Come on. I’ll drive you to your Aunt’s. I want to take another look at Eric’s files. Maybe I’ll notice something new. I’m going to call my commanding officer out in Mountain Springs. Early in the morning, I’ll pick you up and see if we can visit him. He’ll give us some insight into how we should proceed.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if you hadn’t been here to help.”
“I’m glad to be of service.” He gazed into her eyes, his heart completely lost. No wonder he’d always loved this woman.
* * *
Mac and Toni didn’t speak as he drove them to her aunt’s house. Inside her pocket, Toni gripped Eric’s flash drive. She wished she could be alone with her thoughts. Mac made her feel things she wasn’t prepared for. Emotions that went far beyond mere friendship. Dredging up the past wasn’t healthy, for either of them.
Silently, she asked God for help. He could cleanse the grief in her anguished heart and help them find Eric’s secret file.
Twenty minutes after seven o’clock, Mac parked the truck in front of her Aunt Holly’s house. Cara should be inside, safe with Grams. Toni resolved to be as kind as possible to her sister. With any luck, the girl would open up and tell Toni about her day.
“I’ll take you in.” Mac got out of the truck and opened the door for her. They walked up the front sidewalk in silence. Inside, Aunt Holly greeted them.
“Well, hello! You’re just in time. Dinner’s about ready. As soon as Cara gets here, we can eat.”
Toni froze. “You mean Cara’s not here, yet?”
“No, we thought she was with you.”
“But I called Grams and told her Cara’s plans.”
Holly nodded. “And Cara called and said the plans had changed and she’d be with you.”
A sickening dread overwhelmed Toni. She should have known better than to trust her sister to do as she’d been told. But what did Toni know about raising a teenager? Not much.
Toni reached for her cell phone. Without a word, she flipped it open, then dialed Shannon Taylor’s house only to
discover that Cara had left almost two hours earlier.
“Oh, no.” Toni dialed her home, praying Cara hadn’t disobeyed and gone there for some reason.
“Do you think she stopped by your house for extra clothes?” Holly asked.
Toni couldn’t respond. Fear washed over her as she listened to the phone ring, then voicemail picked up the call. She tried Cara’s cell phone with the same result. “Mac, should we call the police?”
Her voice wobbled.
“Not yet. She’s probably just late. Come on, I’ll take you home.” He opened the front door and she hurried outside, pocketing her cell phone.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Toni called over her shoulder to Holly. “Tell Grams not to worry.”
Why couldn’t her sister mind her just once? She had explained the dangers of going home alone and prayed Cara had stopped off somewhere safe.
Toni didn’t speak as Mac drove through traffic. The stop lights seemed to take forever to turn green. Anxiety caused her to breathe faster than normal. She should never have agreed to let Cara go over to Shannon’s house. She should have driven her over and picked her up herself. If anything happened to Cara, she’d never forgive herself.
At the front door of her house, Mac took her keys, then swung the solid oak panel wide so she could step inside. Looking up, Toni froze. The English drop-leaf table lay on its side, the table lamp shattered across the tiled floor.
She stared with disbelief. Had Grandma’s cat done this?
Shards of glass crunched beneath her shoes as she and Mac stepped further inside. The formal living room had been torn apart, the cushions of the sofa shredded. Grandma’s long, brocade drapes showed jagged rips in each panel, as if someone had sliced them with a knife. Stuffing from the sofa lay all over the pale Berber carpet. Lamps and tables had been overturned and broken. Books and papers littered the floor.
“Toni, get out of here now,” Mac ordered, pushing her toward the front door. She tore away from him, running to the kitchen, then the family room at the back of the house.
