by Leigh Bale
He coughed and tried again. The first few sentences burst forth with a shudder. Then, the words came pouring out of him. He opened his heart to God, contrite and humbled. For too long, he’d withheld himself from his Heavenly Father. Now, the Spirit battered down the floodgate of his resistance. In a hoarse whisper, he told God everything, his regrets, his hopes, his pain, and his shame. He handed his burdens over to the Lord, asking for forgiveness, begging for help. And when he’d finished, he lay across the bed, weak and drained of energy.
Quiet and calm as a summer morning.
Warmth enveloped him, as though someone had draped a soft blanket over him, fresh from the clothes dryer.
Gone were his doubts and fears.
His guilt.
Deep in his heart, he knew God loved him. This knowledge filled him with renewed confidence. The assurance that he could help Toni find her sister. No matter what, everything would work out all right. As long as he had faith, good or bad, God would care for them all.
But what about Toni? How could she ever truly forgive him?
Trust.
Yes, he must trust the Lord. He couldn’t comprehend the tranquility he felt, but he knew God loved him, just as Mac loved Toni. It was the one thing he could control. The one thing no one else could ever take from him. He freely gave his love to Toni, with no conditions attached.
A flood of intelligence entered his mind, as though someone were standing in the room speaking to him. It infused him with light and knowledge. Like a pulse of electricity thrumming through his veins. Something he couldn’t comprehend, yet he knew what he must do.
He had to take another look at Eric’s flash drive. He’d missed something. The answers must be there somewhere. Cara’s life depended on it.
* * *
Later that night, Uncle Glade drove Toni and Grandma to their home. Toni sat in the back seat listening to Grams chat about the new alarm system Uncle Glade had scheduled the security company to install in their house earlier that day. Knowing they had a security system brought Toni some small measure of comfort, but it wouldn’t bring Eric or Cara back. She’d feel better if Grams stayed at Aunt Holly’s place until this problem was resolved, but Grams had bluntly refused. She wanted to be in her own house.
As she listened to Grams, Toni felt filled with misgivings. Her family didn’t know about Eric. How he’d really died and that Mac might be responsible. Toni couldn’t bring herself to tell them. At least, not until she was sure. Though she longed to share the burden with someone else, she didn’t want to cause her family any more worries than they already had.
Toni prayed the ballistics test vindicated Mac of any wrongdoing. That he was innocent and it hadn’t been his bullet that had killed her brother. Thinking about it was too horrible. And she honestly didn’t know what she’d do if it turned out Mac had killed Eric, even if it was an accident.
If only Cara were safe. Mac would come over in the morning and they would wait to hear from the kidnappers. Agent Miller had said they’d arrive an hour before the deadline, to set up a recorder. Toni didn’t understand their apathetic attitude. Except for Mac and the Lord, she felt completely alone. She even thought about offering herself as a hostage for the return of Cara, but doubted the kidnappers would accept.
The headlights from oncoming traffic glared in Toni’s eyes as Uncle Glade took the onramp to the freeway. Toni stared out her black window at the city lights gleaming along the Vegas strip. So much iniquity and vice thrived in her city. Yet, many good people lived here, too. All her life, the evil had seemed so far removed. Her family had gone to church each Sunday. The casinos and nightlife downtown were nothing more than scenery she ignored. Maybe the good people in this city counterbalanced the wickedness. She’d been protected by her parents, Eric and Mac.
Until now.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get everything Mac had told her out of her head. She was angry at him. Furious, in fact. And yet, she felt so bad for what he’d endured. For the guilt he must be grappling with.
Lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice the car had stopped until Uncle Glade tapped on the window and called to her from outside the vehicle.
“Hey, sweetheart, you planning on sitting out here all night by yourself?”
Toni jerked back to reality, then opened the car door. “I’m sorry, Uncle Glade. I guess I’m tired tonight.”
She got out and followed him and Grams up the front walkway. The dry air smelled of sweet hibiscus. Inside the house, Grams looked about the dark entranceway, her eyes wide and uncertain. Uncle Glade switched on the hall light, then walked to where a new key pad had been installed on the wall. A shrill beep sounded and a red light blinked until he punched in a number code. The key pad went silent.
“You’ve got to memorize the code.” He looked at Bernice. “Don’t write it down for someone to steal.”
“We won’t,” Toni promised.
“Cara still isn’t home.” Grandma’s eyes showed her anxiousness.
“Don’t worry, Grams. She’ll be home soon.” Toni closed the front door and threw the bolt. Anything to avoid the turmoil shrouding her mind. The more time that passed, the more desolate her hopes became.
And the bleaker Cara’s chances of survival.
She stood in the entranceway with Grams, not budging until Uncle Glade checked the house thoroughly.
“The alarm was on. No one could come inside without setting it off,” he argued.
Bernice looked skeptical and Glade heaved a disgruntled sigh. “Okay, okay. I’ll check upstairs. Then, I’ll teach you how to use the system.”
He headed toward the living room, flipping on lights as he went through the house.
“Come on, Toni. You can help me make some dinner.” Grandma headed for the kitchen, but Toni detoured into the living room.
She stared at the mantel, at Eric’s picture. A handsome man with sandy blond hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a penchant for laughter. In the picture, his expression seemed so solemn, hiding his normally gregarious personality. Marine’s didn’t smile when their dress picture was taken at the end of boot camp. They just didn’t.
She missed him so much. Yet, now her heart dwelt more and more on Mac. If the ballistics test proved he’d killed Eric, how could she ever forgive him?
A touch on her shoulder caused her to whirl around. “Oh, Grams, you startled me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, but you do seem extra jumpy tonight.” Bernice glanced at Eric’s picture. “Are you okay, dear?”
Toni bit her bottom lip, longing to confide in her grandmother. She didn’t dare. The truth could land like a ten ton elephant and she didn’t want Grams to end up in the emergency room tonight.
She thought about Cara, knowing the girl must be so frightened. If the kidnappers hurt her, Toni would never forgive herself. She’d give anything to have her sister back safe and sound.
A thought occurred to her. Mac must feel the same way about Eric. He’d said he would give his own life if it would bring Eric back.
The way the Savior had given his life for all mankind.
Grams’ eyes crinkled as she surveyed the room. “Did Mac clean up the mess the burglar made?”
“Yes, most of it.”
“He’s a good man, Toni. You should give him a second chance.”
Surprised, Toni stared at her. “What do you mean?”
“You love Mac and he loves you. Anyone can see that. He’s changed. Give him another chance.”
Toni stiffened. If Grams knew the truth, she might not be saying this. It was on the tip of Toni’s tongue to blurt it all out, but she held back. Because she did love Mac, she didn’t want to hurt him. And yet, she couldn’t forgive him either. And that challenged her own faith. If she really believed in Christ and the Atonement, then she should forgive Mac.
Shouldn’t she?
Toni shook her head. She didn’t know if she was that strong.
“You and Mac both deserve to
be happy,” Grams said.
Yes, but happiness seemed to be a luxury they couldn’t afford. At least not until Cara was home safe and they were assured that no intruders would break into their house again.
Toni pressed her shaking fingers against her trembling lips. She felt so disloyal. How could she foster a relationship with the man who may have killed her brother?
She didn’t know what to think anymore. She needed more time to sort this out.
But time was running out. Fast.
“I wonder if Cara called.” Grams startled her when she stepped over to the phone machine.
Toni gazed at her grandmother with doubt. Lately, the elderly woman had been having some lapses in memory. Didn’t she recall that Cara had been kidnapped?
“I’ll check it.” Toni leapt toward the small white box sitting on the desk by the telephone. “You go on into the kitchen and I’ll be there in just a moment.”
Shaking her head, Bernice headed toward the door. “Okay, but if Cara calls, I want to speak with her immediately. She should check in more often. Some things are going to change around here.”
Toni agreed. It was time. Cara had been running wild for too long. In case the kidnappers had called, Toni turned the volume on the phone machine down low so Grams wouldn’t hear. She didn’t want to upset the woman any more than she already was.
Nothing. Not a single phone message.
When would the kidnappers contact her again? And where did that leave Cara?
A fresh wave of panic threatened to engulf Toni.
Please, God. Please help me find my sister.
She must remember to have faith. Fear led to despair and certainly wouldn’t help Cara. If she couldn’t find Eric’s file, what then? She only prayed it wasn’t too late for her sister.
Half-an-hour later, Uncle Glade left and Bernice locked the door behind him. Working side-by-side, Grams and Toni prepared a pan of lasagna and green salad. They didn’t talk much, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
“Is Mac coming for dinner?” Grams asked.
“No, he can’t make it tonight.” Toni didn’t tell her grandmother she hadn’t invited Mac over. After his confession today, she needed time alone to think.
They ate and washed the dishes, then Toni went to her room. In the dark, she closed the door and lay across her bed. The gentle summer breeze ruffled the lacy curtains at the open window. She stared at them as they danced about in the darkness.
A zillion “what if’s” clogged her mind. What if Mac hadn’t fired over Eric’s head? Even in the heat of battle, what if Mac had been more cautious? Would Eric have come home safely? Even if it was an accident, how could she ever forgive Mac for what he’d done?
How can you not forgive him?
The thought permeated her mind. She looked up, at a picture on the wall of the Savior kneeling in the Garden of Gethsemane. He’d died to atone for the sins of the world.
Her sins. And Mac’s. He was entitled to the blessings of the Atonement, too. Accidentally killing your best friend during war wasn’t a sin. And yet, she knew the Atonement also healed acts of carelessness and neglect. She had no right to judge and deprive Mac of that. Unless she wanted to fall under condemnation of the Lord.
If she truly believed in the atonement, how could she withhold her forgiveness from Mac? She had to dig deep within herself and find the faith to forgive him. If she couldn’t do that, she would then be guilty of a greater sin.
She loved Mac. After everything that had happened, she still loved him. But was that enough? It couldn’t restore Mac’s faith in the Lord. Only he could do that himself. And it couldn’t make her forget what Mac may have done to Eric.
She found no answers and her weary eyes couldn’t seem to drop closed. Sleep refused to come.
Chapter Twenty
Toni awoke in the early morning, still fully clothed, disoriented and chilled. The shadowed glow of dawn glimmered outside her window. What time was it?
She glanced at the bedside table. Almost five o’clock. Something had woken her, but what?
As she reached to turn on the lamp, a dim light down below in the back yard caught her eye. Grandma sat in the dark, reclining in a patio chair next to the flower garden. Wearing her heavy bathrobe, she had her arms wrapped around her, staring at her bare toes. No doubt she couldn’t sleep again and Toni thought she was probably worried about Cara.
From her vantage point above, Toni saw the faint light from a lamp in the family room filtering out the sliding glass doors onto the patio. Darkness blanketed the surrounding flower beds, trees and shrubbery. Several bushes rustled at the back of the yard.
Apprehension prickled the back of Toni’s neck. She felt someone watching her. Something terrible was about to happen. She could feel it in her bones.
She stared into the shadows of the back yard.
There!
Her breath caught in her throat. A man dressed in black stepped away from the bushes edging the fence along the side of the house. He moved furtively, hunched within the shadows.
Grams!
Toni tore out of the room, taking the stairs down to the family room two at a time. Her heart pounded. Her side hitched.
She reached the landing with a thump and knocked over the lamp in her haste to jerk open the sliding glass doors. As she raced out onto the patio, she tripped over the bottom step and fell against the glass-topped patio table. The lawn chair Grams had been sitting in was empty.
“Grams!” she called. “Where are you?”
No answer. Terror scorched her as she scanned the darkness, searching for her grandmother.
A sound came from near the tool shed. Toni grabbed a broom and ran in that direction. In the moonlight, she could make out the pink of her grandmother’s bathrobe lying on the damp lawn. Bernice lay in a heap beside the fence, her face ashen with shock, hands covering her mouth, her eyes wide with fear.
Thump!
Two dark figures grappled in the shadows. Two men! The man dressed in dark clothes tried to flee and the other, larger man jerked him back.
Mac! But who was he fighting with?
The men fell to the ground, grunting, rolling across the dew-kissed grass. Toni knelt beside her grandmother, pulling her close.
“What on earth is going on?” Bernice’s voice trembled as she clung to Toni. “That man attacked me, and then Mac showed up.”
As the assailant tried to flee, Mac pulled the hood of the man’s sweatshirt back. Vague drafts of sunrise illuminated a face filled with hate and desperation.
The ponytail man!
Toni gasped with recognition.
In the scuffle, Ponytail’s long hair came undone from its binding. Tangles of black hair fell loose around his shoulders. Mac stumbled, dropping to one knee, pushing himself back up.
Ponytail slammed a fist against Mac’s jaw. Mac grunted with the impact, but didn’t retreat. His hands moved in rapid succession, delivering several punishing blows to Ponytail’s neck, torso and face. Blood spurted from Ponytail’s nose.
In an effort to protect Mac, Toni picked up the discarded broom and laid the stick across Ponytail’s back. He whirled on her, lashing out with his arm, knocking her to the ground.
Ponytail turned and kicked Mac’s injured leg. Mac fell, grimacing with pain. Ponytail ran, vaulting over the trash cans beside the fence. He raced through the open gate and down the street, disappearing from view.
Mac tried to follow, but his leg wouldn’t hold him and he dropped to the ground. Doubling up his fist, he smacked the damp earth.
“Mac!” Toni ran to him and knelt by his side.
She helped him sit up.
“I let him get away,” he growled. Frustration edged his words.
“Mac, what are you doing here? And who was that man?” Bernice’s pale face gleamed in the moonlight as she wrapped her arms around her body.
“Let’s get Mac into the house,” Toni said. “He can explain once we’re inside.”
&nbs
p; Together, the two women helped Mac rise. He leaned on them as he hopped over to the patio and braced his hands on the doorjamb. Followed by the women, he went inside, then slumped onto the sofa in the family room, breathing hard as he rubbed his injured leg.
“What were you doing outside, Grams?” Toni asked.
“I couldn’t sleep, so I went outside to get some fresh air. I heard a noise over by the shed and thought it must be the cat. When I went over to check, that man jumped out and grabbed me. Mac showed up just in time.”
Mac gritted his teeth, rubbing his calf as if to ease the pain. Toni didn’t know what he was doing here so early in the morning, but she was grateful he’d come.
“Oh, Mac, what have you done?” Bernice leaned over to inspect his calf.
Toni knelt beside him, surveying the damage with her grandmother. A smear of blood on his pant leg showed that he’d opened the healing wound. She glanced up at his face. He had stubble on his chin, his eyes crinkled with fatigue. He still wore his same clothes from yesterday and looked as though he hadn’t slept all night long.
“Get the first aid kit,” Bernice told Toni.
She obeyed, stepping into the kitchen before opening the top cupboard. She soon returned.
“Where’s your cane, Mac?” Toni asked.
“I left it in my truck.” He clenched his jaw.
“Your truck?” Toni stepped around a recliner, handing a bottle of antiseptic, cotton swabs and clean bandages to Grandma.
“I’ll take care of this myself.” He took the antiseptic. He wasn’t about to let these two women tend the wound in his upper thigh.
He limped down the hallway and disappeared into the guest room for some privacy. When he returned, Bernice lifted her eyebrows. “Why are you here so early in the morning, son?”
Mac hesitated to answer. “I was in my truck.”
Toni sat beside him on the couch. “What do you mean? Where is your truck?”
He heaved a sigh of resignation. “Parked out front.”
Bernice sat across from Mac in an easy chair. “Let me get this straight, son. You’ve been sitting outside in your truck all night long, watching over our house?”
