by Angel Devlin
“Living his best life, yeah?” Lisa said sighing.
“Yeah, makes our lives seem a little mundane, doesn’t it? But do you know, I wouldn’t swap him for the world.”
“Really, how come?”
“Because he doesn’t live a ‘normal’ life. He doesn’t know who to trust. Most of the people around him want him for what he can do for them.”
“Why doesn’t he come home then? You'd think he'd realise he has more to be here for than there.”
“Quite simply, he loves what he does. He shrugs off the movers and shakers, does his job and then goes home. He says he’s not dating but I heard a female voice when I last spoke to him in the background. I think he is, but he’s always been very private.”
Lisa nodded. “So can I ask something personal, straight off?”
I tapped the steering wheel as we’d come to a red traffic light. “Sure?”
“You asking me out. Is it because your ex is getting married? I heard the news on the grapevine. I know the rumours are that you left her at the altar and haven’t dated properly since.”
“Yes and no.” I answered truthfully, as I looked around the corner and turned into the restaurant car park. “No, not just because she’s getting married. I’m happy for her, but yes in that it was another factor in me realising I had to move on and start dating again.”
“Yes, at some point you realise you have to just get on and live your life, don’t you?”
I pulled up and turned the engine off before getting out of the car. I was going to walk around to let Lisa out, but she was already out of the car before I got there.
We checked in at the entrance and were shown to our seats by a waitress who handed us menus, took our drinks orders and said she’d be back in a few minutes to take our food orders.
“So what’s your own dating history?” I asked her. “I’m guessing nothing noteworthy or the whole of Willowfield would already know about it.”
She moved her fringe out of her face and looked at me. “Long term on and off boyfriend who then became an off. I was engaged for a while to a guy I dated for a year before that ended, and a few regular dates and never to be repeated dates in between.”
“Still looking for Mr Right then?”
“Something like that.” She laughed.
The waiter came with a coke for me and a glass of red wine for Lisa.
We carried on chatting and ate some lovely food. It was a nice evening, but there was no spark between us. At times there were awkward silences where we then smiled and made up things to talk about. She refused a dessert and I realised that the date was over, and my relief showed me that there wouldn’t be a second one.
I asked for the bill which Lisa insisted on going halves on. I wasn’t happy but she wouldn’t have it any other way.
As we walked out of the restaurant, I touched her arm and pulled her to face me gently. “Thanks for tonight, Lisa. My first date after, well, my past was always going to be difficult, and now it’s done. It was a nice night, but I know we’re just friends.”
Her face relaxed. “Shit, I thought you were going to try to kiss me then and I’d got to push you away.”
I laughed. “I didn’t think I was that revolting.”
She laughed back. “You’re not. You’ll make someone a lovely boyfriend. Just not me. But I also had a nice night. Friends, yeah?”
I made a dramatic, sweeping, ‘head to my forehead’ gesture. “Friend-zoned. Way to destroy my self-esteem.”
She playfully punched me in the arm. “Behave.”
“Come on, let me take you home.”
"Thanks." She got back in the car. I drove back to her house and then once again thanked her for a nice night. I watched her walk to her doorway, and she gave me a small wave before going inside and closing the door.
As I drove back to mine, I expected disappointment to hit, but instead relief flooded through me. Relief that I’d survived a date and could see myself dating again.
Finn was still around as I walked back into the house. He looked at his watch. “It’s only half-past ten. What are you doing back at this time?”
I smiled. “Nothing happening between us. Pleasant enough evening, but we both agreed we’re nothing more than friends.”
"And you're smiling about that? You're a weirdo. I’ve already explained my own situation. You can be friends-with-benefits.”
“Nah, it’s not for me. Not with Lisa anyway. I think I know now that I just picked Lisa because she was pretty, single, and well, there in front of me: as in, in the pub. We didn’t have a connection. However,” I emphasised the word dramatically. “My first date in forever is out of the way and now I finally feel I can move on and get back to it. Have a little fun.” I wiggled my eyebrows.
“Good on you. Fancy a beer?” Finn asked me. The door opened and Eli came through with Silas, Jules, and Dad. They’d been to the cinema. We all sat in the living room together for a while before people made their way to bed. As I sat with them, I felt blessed at the family I had around me.
I was on a job the next morning when a text came through from Milo.
House next door sold. Wonder who the new neighbour will be? If he’s good looking can you help me rearrange his face… jk.
I wasn’t expecting my reaction to his text to be so visceral. A sinking feeling hit my stomach as I read and reread the message. That was it. Becca was gone. I’d only known her a short time, but it had been enough to make a lasting impression. I hoped now she could move on with her and Laurel’s life. I got in my van ready to arrange my work for the day and drove past her house, wanting to see the sign for myself. There it was. An empty house and a SOLD sign.
Driving into the yard, I left the van and walked into the office where Violet manned the reception for our renovation business. As usual Rocky leapt up at me as I walked in. He was a gorgeous little thing. I might have to get myself a dog one day. It was time to think of new beginnings.
“Morning, Cal. Want a brew seeing as your first job’s not for a while yet?”
“Why not?”
She went into the kitchen to make drinks and I carried on fussing the Staffy at my feet. “Here you go.” She placed the drink down on the table in front of me. “So how was the date?”
“Friend-zoned. On both sides. But I’ve started getting myself back out there, haven’t I? It wasn't a total waste.”
“I think it’s great. Now just keep going.”
“I’m starting to think about everything, you know? Don’t tell Milo because this is just me thinking outside the box, but the whole 'sold' sign situation today on Becca’s made me think about getting my own place sometime. Not right now because I don’t want to rush things, but I thought this is stuff I can discuss at my counselling appointment. Maybe not tomorrow's but at a future one. Can think about properly moving on with my life. I wouldn’t want to be too far away because I want to see everyone regularly, especially with Eli, but…” I shrugged. “God, I’m rambling on, sorry.”
Violet smiled and lifting her mug took a drink of her tea. “Cal, this is fantastic. You’ve obviously been avoiding living your life, and now, no matter what sparked this, you’re starting to think of the future. Now, personally, I can’t say don’t rush things because, hey, Milo, but do whatever feels comfortable. Talking things over will help so much, Cal. It really will, but like I’ve said to you before, I am always here to listen.”
“Thanks, Violet. I’m glad Milo decided to claim you for his own because you’re a welcome addition to the family. Oh and a heads up, he’s on a mission for your wedding to happen sooner rather than later. He completely got the wrong surname in life, that man."
“Yes, well Milo needs to be taught about patience and so he can caveman all he likes, but this is one mission he’s not winning.”
"Have you heard anything from Becca?" I asked.
"No. I sent her a text, but she's not replied yet. Maybe she won't?"
"I'm sure she will. You've been su
ch a good friend to her. She's probably just finding her feet at her parents' house."
"Yeah, you're probably right."
I drank up my cuppa. “Thanks for the drink and the chat. I’m off to my first job, and then I’ll be back to the house to drag the teenager out of bed and round with me for the afternoon.”
Violet nodded and then standing up she walked over and hugged me. “You’ll be fine, Cal. All you need is to take it one step at a time.”
And I believed her. I actually thought that at some point in the future, my life might turn out okay after all. I just had to try living it.
Chapter Seventeen
Becca
For once my parents' fussing didn’t bother me at all. Having more of our own things with us, like my favourite throw to snuggle up under at night, and Laurel's huge array of toys, made it feel less like we were a burden and more like we belonged. With my mother’s Kenyan heritage, she had never understood my need to be so independent, forever telling me that it took many people to raise a child successfully. I didn’t tell her that it was the fact that our own house when I was growing up was always so full of family and friends, with hardly ever a minute to ourselves, that made me want to move out at the earliest opportunity to get some longed for peace and quiet. But maybe my mother had a point, that you couldn’t do everything yourself. The last few weeks had shown me that, as my next-door-neighbours and the family across the garden had included me like I was one of their own despite not really knowing me and had taken care of me in my hour of need. And now it was time to let my mum do her thing, so I could expect to catch up with lots of family and friends while I was here. My father just kept quiet in the background and let her get on with it.
I’d been here for almost two weeks now and after making enquiries at the local nursery, it was Monday lunchtime and time to take Laurel to a new place to socialise, where she could hopefully make new friends without the stigma of her father’s behaviour sticking to her like a hair suit. Lord knows, she needed to go somewhere to work off some of the extreme energy fizzing around in her little body as she dashed around my parents' living room almost knocking her granny over in the process.
“Come on, sweetie. Let’s go play at your new nursery.” I stood up after fastening her shoes, picked up her coat and said goodbye to my mum and dad. The nursery was about a fifteen minute walk away for little legs and I looked forward to the fresh air.
“Kaa chonjo,” Mum said as I opened the door. Be alert. I turned back to her and nodded my head. “Always, Mama.”
She’d said it all my life, but nothing could have warned me about my husband, and now I felt I’d be on high alert for the rest of my life.
After introducing Laurel to her nursery teacher, she immediately went running over to the dress-up section and started chatting to two other little girls. “Not shy then?” The teacher, Mrs Lattimer exchanged a knowing look with me, that was no doubt borne of meeting lots of small children over the years and working out a personality within a few seconds. “Nope, and a chatterbox, so good luck at getting her to not talk through story time. My tip, ask her to mime the story for the other children. That way she can still wriggle but at least everyone can hear you.”
“She sounds a lot of fun.”
I nodded while looking back at the best thing I ever achieved in my life. “She’s amazing. Exhausting, but amazing.”
“Well you leave her with me for the afternoon and go and grab a hot drink and put your feet up. You said you’re staying with your parents for the time being while your house sells?”
“Yeah, so the putting my feet up might not be an option. My mum will no doubt have me earning my keep.”
With a smile and a last look back at Laurel, who couldn’t give two hoots that this was the first time she'd been there other than when we’d visited two days ago, I left and walked back to the house where I found a note from my mum saying she’d gone to a friend's house and that I did in fact have the house to myself. I didn’t hesitate to grab a book, a hot drink, and make the most of the few hours I had until I had to walk back for Laurel again.
By the time I went to collect Laurel from nursery again, Mrs Lattimer knew that her daddy had died and was in heaven. Actually, if heaven and hell were real, I didn’t think he'd be in heaven at all, but it still helped to explain things to Laurel if she could look up at the sky and ‘talk to Daddy’. As Mrs Lattimer gave me her condolences, some of the other parents collecting their children overheard and I could see passing looks of sympathy on their faces. I realised that here I could properly mourn my husband, the husband I had known and loved. Not the person he'd turned out to be, but the one I’d had in my life for six years. Over the next few days, I got into mundane conversations with a few of the regular attending mothers and soon they were asking me about what they’d overheard. A new path started to appear before me. New mums with kids who didn’t know our past, a new way forward. Yet always in the back of my mind was the truth, and I wondered if I’d ever be able to find a way to accept both parts of Rob as a whole.
Violet had left me alone for a few days to settle in which I was grateful for. I didn’t want to have to keep updating people on my life. I needed that time out and Violet seemed to understand. When I’d left, she’d just said for me to keep in touch at my own pace.
On the Friday afternoon, over two weeks after I’d moved into my parents’ house, I sent her a text.
Becca:Hey! Hope all okay. Laurel has loved her first week at nursery. If everything continues as well, then I think I might look for a rental around the area. I don’t want to put firm roots down anywhere for a while but having Laurel near my parents is a good thing.
I soon received a reply.
Violet:Hey back at you. Good to hear you’re doing okay. All fine here. Your house is fine. Glad you are surviving being around the parents. Have you heard from Rob’s mum?
Becca:No. It’s her loss. She hardly saw Laurel anyway, so I doubt she’ll miss her.
Violet: Sorry, you sent me a quick text and I’m already asking you awkward questions…
Becca:It’s fine. Here they believe I’m a proper widow and that’s how I’m being treated. I can grieve. Which is good. I lost an amazing husband and I need to grieve for him.
Violet:You do.
Becca:I just don’t know what to do about the part of me that hates him.
Violet: Give it time. Let me give you the number of the counsellor I saw. You don’t have to use it, but it’s there if you need it. If you need someone to talk to.
She sent me the number. Maybe one day in the future I might need to talk to someone if time didn’t make my head accept everything, but I didn’t want it now. For now, I needed simple. Take Laurel to nursery, come home, be with family, simple.
Becca:Thanks. Love to Milo and of course to Rocky. I’ll message you again in a couple of weeks or so, and then you’ll have to come over here for a girls night!
Violet:Sounds like a plan! Take care of you and Laurel. Miss you xoxo
Becca: Miss you too.
And it was true. I missed Violet’s kind nature, Milo’s cheeky and bossy ways, Callum’s kindness, Jules’ take no bullshit tone, Josh’s protectiveness. The Waite family were a lovely family. They just weren’t mine.
Putting my phone away, I went to help prepare the evening dinner, after which I planned a nice long soak in the tub while granny and grandpa watched over Laurel.
As I enjoyed a leisurely soak, I started to see the benefits of having grandparents nearby. I would definitely make sure that any new place was in kidsitting distance. After wrapping myself in my robe and putting a towel turban style on my head, I made my way back downstairs to grab a glass of water before I started Laurel's bedtime routine.
My mum and dad were giggling as I walked into the room, and Laurel was looking at them with a mischievous look on her face as she giggled back. “I don’t know where you got her from.” My dad quipped. “She belongs on the stage.” He looked back at Laurel. “Show
, Mummy. Do it again.”
Laurel picked up the Barbie and Ken dolls in her hands. She jumped Ken across the floor towards Barbie. “Give us a kiss, Princess.” She said in a deep, gruff voice.
My mum and dad laughed again. “That voice.” My dad said. “It’s creasing me up. She sounds like she’s on forty-a-day! You need to get her into a drama club when she’s old enough.” They weren’t aware that my daughter had obviously spent far too much time listening to Milo Waite. Seemed I wasn’t the only one who that family had made an impression on.
Chapter Eighteen
Becca
SIX MONTHS LATER
It had been six months. Six months since I had said goodbye to the house that used to be my home. Six months since I had put that house up for sale, and six months since I had had any contact with Violet or any of the Waite family. The house had sold quickly to a cash buyer. Though I had been in no big rush to look for a new home, after a couple of months of living with my parents, I realised it would be better for Laurel, my parents, and my sanity if we got a place of our own. At first, I had thought about renting, but as a house I'd admired on the walk to school came up for sale, I took it as a sign and made an offer. As a cash buyer myself with no chain they'd accepted my offer almost immediately.
The two bedroomed house was small—smaller than our previous home—but then I’d had a lot less budget for this house.
The girls who had suffered at the hands of my husband had decided to pursue his estate in court. For mine and Laurel’s peace, I had reached out through a solicitor and told them that they could share fifty per cent of what the house had sold for between them and that if they wished for more than they could pursue it through the courts. I was assured that it was doubtful that a court would make me pay anything out of my own pocket and that they would think I was being generous in not taking a portion of the proceeds for our daughter. In fact, it would be likely that the recompense they were seeking would be swallowed up in legal fees. I made sure they signed a contract that protected my daughter, although I hated silencing the mouths of Rob's victims. But my daughter was also a victim in this, and I needed to ensure that anything she learned about her daddy came from me.
