by Marie Cole
"I love you, Elly. More than you'll ever know. More than you'll remember." He sighed as his hand came up to stroke my hair slowly.
I moaned softly. I felt him slide closer and felt his arm move around my waist as he held me.
I turned over and snuggled against his neck and then kissed him there. My hand moved up to his cheek and I stroked it lightly. "Can't you just sleep with me one more time for pity's sake? Roofie sex is supposed to be good, right?"
I felt the muscles of his jaw tighten and loosen under my hand. "Elly, I .. " His voice faded away.
My hands went up into his hair, running through it slowly, much the opposite of when he did it to himself. "One pity lay? I'm pretty much begging."
"I..." I felt his hand slid under me and his strong arm pulled me closer to him until our chests were pressed together. "All I want to do is feel myself deep inside you. I want to taste your lips and feel your skin against mine," he whispered.
I moaned and gripped the hair at the back of his head tightly. His dirty words making me wet. "Then do it. It will be our little roofie secret..." I was close enough now to breathe the same air as him and I inched forward until our lips touched.
When our lips met, the kiss from Kent was hungry, surprising my dreaming self. But a few seconds later the kiss was broken and I heard him take in a ragged breath. "Elly, this is.. rape. You're not in control of your body."
I whimpered and rolled away from him, "Even my sex dreams suck these days."
"You were of your own mind that night."
"Oh, so in this dream you do remember that night. It's turning around."
"I was awake most of the way through it. I remember it, Elly. All I wanted to do was whisper your name."
There was some shouting on the other side of the door a few seconds before I heard it burst open. "You can't just burst in here, Jen!" My mom's voice called out.
"Kent! I'm not supposed to be jealous of this?!"
I groaned my eyes still closed, "And it just got bad again."
I felt Kent roll away from me, "This isn't what it looks like, Jen. Jesus Christ."
"No? It looks like you have a hard on in Elly's bed!"
"Oh god, Jen. I tried, okay? I tried to seduce him but he said no. Now go away so he can--"
Jen's voice broke through my zen, "So you can what? And what the hell is wrong with her? Is she drunk?"
"She was saying go away so I can leave and go home, Jen. Elly has had a rough night and I was trying to comfort her. She's had a lot to drink and doesn't feel good."
I started to laugh. "He roofied me. Kent paid eighty bucks for a roofie."
I heard my mom grumble, "Oh lord, Kent. Wait 'til I tell your mother."
Kent sighed in frustration. "Her Christmas present was a tattoo and she said she couldn't go through with it. Jesus Christ." I felt him moving the bed behind me. "We got matching tattoos."
"Whatever. Can we go now? She's in her bed and delusional anyway she won't remember a thing."
"Yeah, yeah." I felt the bed move again and then go still, as he stood up. "Goodnight, Elly. Merry Christmas."
I scoffed, "Would've been merrier without Jen in my dream."
I heard my mom yelling, "Kent, a roofie??" And then everything went black again.
Chapter Forty-Five
My wrist was on fire, my head was pounding. What the hell was going on? I groaned as I rolled over, trying to get comfortable in my bed. I hoped it was my bed. I couldn't remember anything after sitting down in the tattoo chair.
I groaned again. I got a tattoo. Kent made me get a tattoo. And whether I liked it or not I'd always have to think about him whenever I looked the underside of my wrist. He was good. Either I would think fondly of him for the rest of my life or I'd be seventy five and cussing his name as I stared at an old, wrinkly tattoo.
I wondered what we'd be like at seventy-five. Would we even still know each other? Would we live close? Would we talk on the phone or do puzzles together in the same nursing home?
Home... oh god, I hope he got home alright. I picked up my phone and texted him.
Me: It hurts!
Kent: Ugh. Mine too.
Me: What the hell happened last night?
Kent: You lost your tattoo virginity?
Me: Did I bleed on you?
Kent: Not me.
Me: Myself?
Kent: No. Matt, yes.
Me: Was I brave?
Kent: ...Roofie? You don't remember a thing, do you?
Me: Oh, right...and after that?
I waited for a minute or two and when no response came I forced myself out of bed. I had to pee really bad. When I came back I saw he'd responded.
Kent: Jen is angry because she found us in bed together.
In bed together?? I had a dream that we were in bed together. It was a very vivid dream. Did he? Did that happen? Was it not a dream? I typed my next question carefully, I didn't want to give anything away if it wasn't true. I felt my heart squeeze tightly in my chest and held my breath as a I waited for a response. If it was true then he wasn't sleeping when we, you know, did it.
Me: Whose bed were we in and why were we in it together?
Kent: Yours. You were out of it. Confused. I was comforting you.
Comforting me... okay. That was like the dream. Now for a test.
Me: Did you grind on my ass or was that just a dream?
Kent: I touched your boob.
Me: What??
Kent: You put my hand there. Then Jen came in and you told her to leave.
Ohmygod, ohmygod, it wasn't a dream. All of that shit had really happened. And he'd confessed. He'd confessed to me. Why wasn't he mentioning that part? My scalp was tingling with anticipation. Maybe he was going to leave her. I stared at the tattoo on my wrist with a grin.
Me: And you told me you wanted to say my name that night?
Kent: What are you talking about?
My heart sank. I must have just imagined that part of it. I was a total skank last night. I made him grope me and Jen found us like that. How was I ever going to show my face around her again? Stacy shot me a text while I figured out what to say to Kent, reminding me that I was singing tonight. Perfect. I'd distract him so he wouldn't have to know about my crazy dreams.
Me: Nothing. What are you doing tonight?
Kent: You? XD
Nothing.
Me: Funny.
Kent: Seriously. What's up?
Me: I'm singing tonight. U want to come?
A little square picture popped up on my screen. I squinted and recognized a half naked Kent holding his thumb up in the air. I chuckled. What a dork.
Kent: How's that for an answer?
Me: ...is that Jen's boob?
Kent: No, pervert.
Another picture arrived of a cream colored stuffed bunny. What the hell was he doing with a stuffed bunny in his bed? Maybe he was in Jen's. I couldn't think about that. He was engaged, for God's sake! I stared at the tattoo again. And obviously my friend.
Me: Is that a stuffed sex doll? Who's the pervert now?
Kent: Bah.
Me: 8 @ Crave. CU there, perv.
Kent: Sure thing, rockstar.
I texted Stacy back to let her know that Kent was coming tonight.
Stacy: I'll believe it when I see it.
Yeah, me too.
Chapter Forty-Six
"Will you stop it, please?" Stacy asked, her hand on my knee which was bouncing nervously.
I stopped the bouncing, "Sorry."
"If he said he's coming then he's coming, don't worry."
"Pft." I blew out a breath, "I'm not worried." I could act as nonchalant as I wanted to but Stacy was my best friend and she could see through my bullshit.
She smirked, "Uh-huh."
"Whatever. I'm not." I checked my phone. How could it still be 8:05? I frowned at the phone, something was wrong with this thing. If Kent was going to be late he would've called. And he was never late.
What if h
e got into a car accident? What if something happened to Jen or his mom or something? What if Jen found out and wouldn't let him come?
I chewed nervously on my lower lip as I waited. It was going to be my turn any minute. I looked at my phone once more and Stacy put her hand over mine. She had a look of disapproval on her face. I sighed. She was right. I needed to chill out or I was going to have a panic attack in front of everyone.
I set the phone face down on the table and inhaled deeply, trying to get soothing energy into my body to replace the nervous kind.
"Next up is a veteran to our stage, Elly Palmer. Give it up." There were polite claps from the crowd as I grabbed my guitar and headed up there. I felt a squeeze on my elbow from Stacy.
"Go get 'em, girl!" she winked as I smiled and stepped up onto the tiny stage. I took a seat and felt the familiar weight of the guitar on my lap. I cleared my throat as I looked around the small space. This was one of the few places open in our small college town on the eve of Christmas Day. It was packed with students who hadn't returned home for the break and other locals who just needed to get away from family for a couple of hours.
Still no sign of Kent. I felt the knots twist in my gut and tried to block out the disappointment that was starting to crush me. "I um," nervous laughter left me, "Merry Christmas everyone."
My fingers strummed the guitar softly, setting up a slow tempo. I took one more look amongst the crowd. I hoped against hope that he would have magically shown up. Just as I was about to drop my eyes back to my guitar I saw him. My heart fluttered and I momentarily forgot the words I was going to sing. My fingers knew the accompaniment, there were at least some small graces. I looked back to my fingers. Focus, Elly. I inhaled deeply and let "Hallelujah" flow from my body, slowly.
I didn't think about anything but the lyrics, the chords, the music for a blissful four minutes. The chords came to a close and applause erupted from the crowd. I grinned and looked out at their smiling faces, their looks of approval and felt my heart swell.
"Thank you," I said softly as I turned my gaze to Kent who was grinning in the front row, almost at my feet, "This next one is dedicated to an old friend of mine."
I turned my attention back to my guitar as I strummed the opening riffs of Kent's favorite bands, "3 Libras" by A Perfect Circle. I chose it because it fit my life. I made sure it was slow, angsty, so the crowd could feel the pain and desire that came from every word.
Again more applause met me as I ended the song. I held up my hand in thanks and stepped off the stage, guitar in hand. I made a beeline for the door before the post-crowd panic attack set in. I inhaled deeply as soon as I got outside. The door clicked closed and then opened again, the cacophony of the coffee house growing louder for a moment.
I looked over my shoulder and saw Kent, "I was hoping you weren't leaving."
I smiled softly, "No, not yet. I just need a minute. Could you get me a coffee?"
He hesitated as his eyes took me in but then he nodded and left me alone again. I wrapped my arms around myself when he left and took deep cleansing breaths. The cold air felt so good on my skin, in my throat and lungs.
He had come. I smiled as I remembered the look on his face as he admired me from below. It had only taken a year and a half but finally he had come. I'd half expected him to bring Jen with him too and I felt guilty for being glad that she wasn't here.
I stepped back into the building and shivered as the warm air met my cool skin. I coughed as I slipped through the tables towards the barista at the back. Kent and Stacy seemed to be talking intently about something and I approached I heard Kent say, "I want to talk to her about some things."
"Talk to me about what?" I asked as I stepped between Stacy and Kent. She held out the coffee and I took it with a smile. "Thanks."
"You bet. I'll be right back." She ducked between us and headed for the bathroom.
Weird. I sipped my coffee and stared at Kent who was looking at Stacy as if she were his life raft.
"So?"
"Jen wants the wedding moved up. To New Year's Eve. I told her that I wanted you as my best wo-man. But..."
Of course there was a but. But I wasn't pretty enough to be in Jen's wedding? Or Jen was too insecure in her relationship with Kent to have me stand beside him? Not that I could blame her, I was totally in love with him.
"She wants a traditional wedding. Which would require a male to be my best man."
I nodded as I sipped my coffee. I didn't understand why this was something he needed to talk to me about. Unless he was getting to a different point. "Uh-huh," I said, hoping he would continue.
"...I still want you to be my best man. But I don't want to upset her. I want to support her. I don't really give two craps about the wedding so long as my mom and my friends are there."
"New Year's Eve, that's like less than a week away." Way to state the obvious, Elly. I cleared my throat as I looked down at my coffee, hoping it would magically get me out of there. "Just get some men for your side and I'll be your secret best man. Woman. Whatever."
When I dared to look back up at him I found him grinning again. "Really?"
I shrugged, "Yeah, it's not a big deal." I gasped in surprise as he hugged me, his long, warm, strong arms around my body made me feel so small, safe. My heart warmed itself up a few notches.
"It's a huge deal to me. Let me buy you some beers."
God he felt so good, and he smelled so good. Did he say something about beer? Or did he call me dear? I opened my mouth to ask but he pulled away. Stacy was standing there, smiling expectantly.
"So?" she asked. "Did he tell you?"
"Uh-um..." My brain was drawing a blank, still busy playing Kent's hug in a loop.
He laughed beside me, "Yeah, I told her. And I'm buying you both some beers to celebrate Elly's acceptance as my best man."
Her eyebrows shot up as she looked at me. I shrugged. What could I say to her, really? That I wasn't really a best man, just a best man in secret? Everything really good between us since Jen had come along had been a secret.
"Well, you two have fun, I should probably get home and get some rest."
I felt my eyes about pop out of my head and I made a little motion with my head to try to get her to take it back. How was she supposed to get the signal when she wasn't even looking at me?
"Kent, we'll meet you outside in a minute." I handed Kent my guitar and then pushed him towards the exit.
He laughed as he stumbled, "Alright, Elly, geez."
I turned back to Stacy who wore a look of confusion. "What's the matter?"
"Are you kidding?" I glanced over my shoulder to be sure that he was gone. He was. Thank god. I turned back to Stacy and frowned, "If you leave me and Kent alone while under the influence of alcohol bad things are going to happen! Remember last Christmas? He kissed me!"
Stacy looked around and so I did too. People were staring so I guessed I was being a little too loud. I softened it down and put my hand on her shoulder, "Please? Please don't go yet," I begged.
She sighed and shrugged my hand off. "Fine. But if you two start making out I'm leaving."
I held my hand up in defense. No way was that happening. He was getting married in less than a week. I felt my stomach clench. In less than a week he was going to be married.
Chapter Forty-Seven
After the beers arrived Stacy wasted no time in starting the conversation, "You were so awesome. What was that second song though? Did you write that? I've never heard it before."
I sipped my beer to give myself a moment to breathe. I was having beers with Kent, like we were actual adult friends. He was sitting across from me and he looked delicious in a dark blue sweater. I couldn't get overexcited though because he'd just asked me to be in his wedding. Or a part of his wedding. He was getting married. Remember that, Elly! He is getting married!
"It's a song from Kent's favorite band, A Perfect Circle. He's in looooooove with them right now."
He had talked about th
em so much in Art History class last year. He would hum their songs anytime he walked from one place to another. It was cute for him to be so into a band. Normally he would hum the theme song to whatever video game he was currently into. At least that's what I remember from high school anyway.
"Yeah, yeah," Kent smiled, "That's the best rendition I've heard. It gave me tingles."
I rolled my eyes, not accepting his compliment. He was just being nice. He probably hated that I'd taken the song and molded into something else. I didn't want anyone else gushing about me. What could we talk about that would change the subject? Sex? No. God, no. What was wrong with me?
"So...you need to find your best men. Did Jen throw suggestions at you?"
I jumped in my seat as Stacy's shouted and pointed at me. "That guy! She probably picked that guy we saw her with that time we were walking to the campus pool. Remember him?" she started to laugh and I laughed briefly along with her, my eyes looking over at Kent. Did he understand that we saw something uncool going on? He just sipped his beer. No, apparently he didn't.
