by Marie Cole
I sighed and spoke softly, "Kent. You don't know that. You can't know that."
"Of course I know that. I don't want to have sex with someone else. I don't want someone else. I'm sorry. I appreciate you trying to be a true friend, but," he sighed on the other end of the phone.
"But nothing. What are you saying? You're going to be celibate for the rest of your life because you can't fuck me?" My voice raised slightly as my anger increased. He was being ridiculous.
"Elly, it's not about the sex. I screwed up. I know this is probably going to fuck up our friendship, but, I love you. I always have, I always will, and when you finally see it, I hope that one day we can be together."
"Oh God, Kent. You're just," it was my turn to sigh again. "We can't be together that way," I spoke gently trying to break it to him easily.
"I wanted to tell you how I felt. I wanted to let you know that I didn't fuck Mary Ann, which I'm sure she'll tell you all about, and I wanted to say to you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made the wrong choice so many years ago when it was always staring me in the face and drinking Mountain Dew with me."
I soaked in his words and yet a part of me was still not convinced he meant it. "That was a long time ago. You didn't want me then, why now? Why...Now?"
The phone on his side was silent for a moment. "Jen wanted me, and I had no idea how to handle it. I'm sorry I pulled you along on all those dates as a third wheel. I'm sorry I didn't just tell Jen to fuck off. I'm sorry that you weren't my only choice for Prom. I was a teenager who didn't want to hurt anyone, but I hurt my best friend because I was stupid."
"I..." I stuttered and then sighed. "And I was pining and drooling over you. I ...I let that go. You'll have to learn how to do the same. What can I do to help? Block your calls? Be a total bitch to you?"
"You do whatever you feel is right, Elly. I couldn't live with myself anymore without you knowing how I felt."
The shower turned off and I got up wrapping a blanket around myself, tucking it in at my chest as I made my way to the living room. "Isn't that convenient for you to lay this all on me. I held it all in for all those years. But this isn't about me. It's about you."
"No, Elly. It's about us."
"Kent there is no 'us' outside of our friendship." I started pacing the living room.
"Meet me and look me in the eye and tell me that. Then maybe I'll believe you and leave you alone."
I scoffed. "That's such bullshit." When he didn't say anything for a few long seconds I sighed and caved in. I'd do almost anything to get him to shut up about the fantasy he'd created for us. "Fine. When?"
"One hour, the park."
"What?! Kent, it's after midnight. How about tomorrow morning at the park? Like nine-ish."
"How about one hour and this'll all be over, one way or another." He sounded like he wasn't going to back down. The door to the bathroom opened and Bryan came out with a towel wrapped around his waist as his hands shook through his damp hair.
"I'm a little...busy."
"So am I. I'm busy leaving to go to the park." Kent hung up the phone on his side.
"Goddammit." I stared at the Call Ended on my phone and then went back into the bedroom to collect my clothes, get dressed, and confront Bryan. I looked him over and admired his bare chest. "Hey...So I have some bad news..."
Bryan was running a brush through his hair when I came back into the bedroom. He watched me for a few moments as I dressed and smiled when I approached him. "Bad news? What's goin' on?"
"Kent needs to talk."
Bryan chewed on the inside of his lip. "I'm guessing right now, huh?"
"Apparently. I'm really sorry," I hugged him.
I could feel the apprehension on his end of the hug. "You want me to give you a ride?"
"No I'll be okay."
"Well, call me if you need me. Send me a text when you figure out what's up and if you're heading home or coming back this way." He leaned his head in and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.
I moaned and whined against his lips. "I don't wanna go. I wanna stay here with you."
"Hey, I'll still be here if you want to come back, minus a towel."
"Mmm. Don't tempt me." I smiled and all but ran away before my willpower to do so failed me.
As I approached the park I searched for Kent. After a moment of searching, I found him sitting on the hood of his SUV, his hands pushed into the front pockets of his pants.
I inched forward slowly, wrapping my arms around myself. I looked up into his eyes. "Kent..."
Kent turned his gaze towards me. I'd looked into those dark eyes so many times before. What was different about them now? He sat there and stared back at me, waiting for me to speak the words he'd dared me speak to him. "There is no us outside of our friendship." I shrugged my shoulders and looked down. "Satisfied?"
I watched the muscles of his jaw tighten. "Fair enough. Thanks, Elly. I needed that." The words came from him softly as he slid from the hood of the car and moved towards the car door.
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know."
"Kent..."
He opened the door to the car and then paused and looked at me. I followed him and grabbed the door so he couldn't speed away without hurting me. "You need to get out of the rut that is your high school life..."
"Actually, you put me right back where I was, because now I know how you felt. I'm sorry I made you feel this way, Elly."
"I'm over it."
"I'm still not, so you'll have to forgive me if I don't handle the rejection so well."
"I'm not... I'm not rejecting you. I am with someone."
"You rejected me when you came out here to meet me and tell me we'd never be anything but friends." He turned away from the car, shoved his hands back into his pockets and started walking away.
"Kent! Come on! Quit being such a baby..." I called to his retreating back.
Kent just shook his head and waved his hand in the air as he continued to walk.
"Kenny!" I frowned at his back and slammed the door of his car. It had no effect. His feet were carrying him a little ways into the park, where he sat down on a bench. I blew out a hot breath and looked around. My eyes caught on the flowers laying hopeful in the front seat and I wish they hadn't. What was he doing with the flowers if he thought I was going to come out here and tell him there was nothing between us? My gut twisted as I walked towards the bench he'd perched on. "What do you want me to do? Break things off with Bryan and date you?"
"Because I'm selfish, yes. I know it isn't fair, Elly. I'm sorry I even tried to call you tonight. I probably interrupted a good night for you guys."
"That is selfish. If I had told you to dump Jen and date me instead, would you have?"
Kent shook his head slowly, his eyes on his hands in his lap. "I would love to say yes, but I'm not that kind of guy, and I know you're not that kind of girl."
"But you have the balls to demand that of me now? A little hypocritical don't you think?"
"Entirely. That's why I was walking away. You shouldn't have to screw up a potential--" His eyes closed as he sighed, "a potentially wonderful relationship all because I asked you to."
"It pains you to say that?" I looked at him with wide eyes.
"It pains me to see my chances slipping away. I wish you could be happy with me, but I just want you to be happy even if it's not with me."
"Good. Then stop this crazy talk."
"Sorry, Elly. It's out in the open and I can't take it back. I won't."
I glanced at my phone after it chirped in my hand. It was Bryan.
Bryan: You alright, babe? Kent's not going all weird on you, right?
Kent watched me as I looked at my phone and his eyes shifted away. "Why don't you go back to, Bryan? It's late and he's probably worried about you."
Me: Yes. He's being weird.
I typed as I talked. "He wants to know if you're being weird."
Bryan: Do I need to come kick his ass?
Kent sho
ok his head again. "Now he's probably asking for a fight or something. Maybe to be your hero?" The muscles in his jaw tightened and then loosened. "Just go on, Elly."
"Don't tell me what to do. How did you know he wanted to kick your ass?" I typed my response quickly.
Me: Really? You'd come kick his ass?
"It's a typical guy response when their girlfriend is threatened or ogled. Protect the thing that makes children. It's in our DNA."
Bryan: I don't give a damn if he's my boss. I'm getting in the car.
Me: Bryan, it's fine. Kent is giving me a ride home.
Bryan: He'd better not try to fucking kiss you again.
I looked at Kent. "Drive me home?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "If you want me to." Kent seemed to be defeated at this point. He'd move past it. He did when he was going through the stuff with Jen.
I sighed. "Please?"
"Right. C'mon then." The words came from him softly as he stood from the bench and started to walk back to his car. He unlocked the passenger side first. "The flowers are yours." He climbed in behind the wheel and started the car.
I picked up the flowers and put them on my lap. "What's next for you?"
"I don't know, Elly." He said as drove me to my apartment. I nibbled on my lower lip as I stared at him in the darkened car. How could I get him past this without pushing another girl at him?
"Kent, you're depressing me." I looked from the flowers to his face and then back again. I could feel the tension in the car, so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"Don't let me get you down." He glanced at me and I could tell he was forcing the smile he had trained on me. I sighed heavily as I put my head back against my headrest.
"This is stupid. Pull over." He glanced at me, a worried look on his face.
"What? Why do you want me to pull over?" I grabbed the steering wheel and tried to force him over. He gripped the wheel tighter. "Alright!"
I let my hands slip off the wheel as he put his foot on the brake and pulled onto the side of the road. He wouldn't meet my eyes after he put the car in park. I unbuckled my seatbelt, threw the flowers in the back and then straddled him. My hands slid through his dark, messy hair and my head came closer to his as my eyes looked over his face. He looked unsure, confused.
"What are you waiting for?" I whispered as I stared at him, only our breaths between us.
"Is this some kind of game? I'm not really in the mood to play if it is..." Here I was throwing myself at him, giving him access to prove how much he wants me and he rejects me... Again.
"Right..." I hung my head and moved to fall back into my seat but his hands clamped onto my waist, holding me firmly in place. I glanced up and saw his Adam's apple bob before pulling my gaze up to his beautiful brown eyes. I chewed on my lower lip softly. What the hell was I doing? I was with Bryan. I'd been with him for like two days! I needed to give him a shot, a fair shot. My chest heaved as I started to panic. He must have seen it in my face because he let his grip on my waist go.
"Elly, this isn't..."
I nodded and slid back into my seat beside him.
"No, you're right. It's not right. If we do this then it has to be when we're both single and available." Kent swallowed hard again and then nodded, his hands seemed to be moving in slow motion as they gripped the steering wheel again. He put the car in gear, and within minutes we were stopped again in front of my apartment.
Chapter Seventy
I showed up at Bryan's house the following evening. I'd been thinking about the situation with Kent all day, and decided that what I said was true; I wanted to see how things with Bryan played out. I'd built Kent up for so long that I wasn't sure if he was reality or fantasy. But Bryan, he was reality and I wanted to give our relationship a fighting chance.
I didn't tell him I was coming over, but rather showed up just after dinnertime. I knocked on the door and waited, my teeth gently clamping down on my lower lip. I wasn't looking forward to the chat I felt we had to have.
The door opened and Bryan stood there in a pair of tight blue jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. When his eyes moved onto me he grinned. "Hey, babe. If I knew you were coming over I'd have made more food."
"That's okay." I tried to peek around him to see if he had company and then back at him. "Am I interrupting anything?"
Bryan shook his head. "No, I was just putting leftovers away. It's just me. Want to come in?" He asked as he moved to the side so I could come in. "It'll just be a few minutes while I finish up. Want a drink or something while you wait on my slow ass?" He grinned.
I returned the grin and shook my head. "No, I'm okay. Thanks. I'll just wait on the couch until you're done; if that's alright..."
"That's fine. I'll join you in a minute." He pulled me into his arms for a hug and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
I smiled after pulling back from the brief kiss and, when he turned away, I smacked his ass. "I'll miss you."
He skipped from the smack and turned his head with a grin. "I know, sweetheart." He offered me a wink and moved on to the kitchen.
I chuckled to myself as I got comfy on the couch. I removed my shoes and pulled my long, black peasant skirt up over my ankles. As I waited for him, my mind drifted back to Kent. I wondered what he was going to do now that I'd turned him down. Was he going to try to reconcile things with Jen? Was he going to go find another woman? Would he indeed remain celibate? He'd probably throw himself into his work and stay inside playing video games all day. Whatever he did, it wasn't my problem. He was my friend but nothing more, I needed to let his own mother worry about him.
My mind shifted back to Bryan. He was the right choice. He was the sensible choice. And he adored me. And I adored him.
I heard Bryan in the kitchen. He was whistling the song he'd sang to me that night at my birthday party. I heard dishes moving around and then the fridge open. After a few minutes, Bryan vaulted over the back of the couch and put his arm around my shoulders. "I'm here, gorgeous."
"That's good, I was starting to wonder if you'd been eaten by a bear or something."
"No, no bear. Not eaten at all. Is there something eating you, though?"
I cleared my throat and sat up straight. I turned my body towards him and looked down for a moment to collect my thoughts. What was I going to say? I'd worked it all out in my mind on my way over. "Bryan, about last night..."
Bryan removed his arm and put his hand on my knee. "Did you sleep with him?" He asked with a soft voice. "Because if you didn't, then whatever happened doesn't matter."
I frowned at him. "So if I told him I loved him it wouldn't matter to you so long as I didn't sleep with him?"
"All I did last night was wonder what the two of you were talking about that was so important. I wondered if he told you how much he loved you, and I wondered if you told him the same. I wondered until I started to worry. I got jealous..." he turned his eyes away from me. "Then I realized that I would find out one way or another. You'd either break up with me, or you wouldn't. In that moment I decided I would trust you to do what's right." His eyes shifted back up to mine.
I exhaled loudly and shook my head, looking down, "I don't know why I'm angry at you. I didn't sleep with him. But he does think for some god forsaken reason that he's in love with me, which is just ridiculous."
"I don't dislike the guy. But isn't he like fifteen years too late on telling you that? I don't know you like he does, but I can't see how he passed you up. I don't know the story."
"Like... Nine, at least." I nodded and then shrugged my shoulders. "He..." I closed my eyes and shook my head. "It doesn't matter. The fact is," I reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling it to my lips. I kissed it and smiled up to him, "I want to be with you. I definitely picked you, hands down."
"Good." Bryan grinned as he quickly finished up his beer. "I got to brush my teeth and then we can get some sleep."
I had brushed mine before I came over so I felt confident in going straight to bed. I went to
his drawers and opened them up to find a T-shirt to sleep in, as he disappeared into the bathroom.
I heard the trashcan thud from the bottle and heard the water turn on as he brushed his teeth. After a few minutes he came out to join me. He undid his pants and pushed the jeans down, kicking them into the hamper, his shirt following closely.
My clothes were neatly folded on top of his dresser next to his camera and I was already under the covers in his T-shirt and my panties. "Hurry up, man. It's cold!"
"Patience, woman." He crawled into the bed under the covers with me. Bryan turned, switching the lamp off.
I clung to him like a second skin, wrapping my body around his. He was like a furnace, except for the places my cold skin would leech the heat from him. "You are cold!"
"I told you." I snuggled up with him. "Mmm..." I closed my eyes, my cheek and hand on his chest.
Bryan kept his eyes on the ceiling. "Where's my goodnight kiss?"
I slowly pushed myself off his chest and inched up until my lips found his and pressed against them softly. I felt him press forward a little more.
I broke the kiss and placed another quick one on his lips before pulling back so I could roll over and get some sleep.
"Goodnight, Elly." He said softly. He rolled over and put his arm around my waist.
"'Night, Bryan." I whispered softly.
He placed a little kiss on my shoulder. "I'll see you in the morning. It's your turn for breakfast, I think."
