Jezebel's Ladder

by Scott Rhine

  Paulson smirked and said, “No CDs.” The director then proceeded to pillage PJ’s computer case himself until he came up with the Einstein book. “Ideas and Opinions. There’s hope for you yet, boy.”

  When he handed the prize over, PJ immediately felt more confident. Director Paulson had a seat. “You’re either very good or very lucky to find this information before we did. Which is it, Mr. Smith?”

  “I just know computers and I know Nick.”

  The bureaucrat mulled that over before volunteering, “He’s now in a very exclusive, private asylum near Cape Kennedy. He had no right involving anybody from outside. Who else knows about this?”

  PJ almost answered truthfully, until he remembered the goons and how he could disappear even more cleanly than Nick. “Just the senator.”

  Ill at ease, Amy improvised, “Braithwaite was pretty angry. You were given a direct order from the president not to pursue this technology till it was safe.”

  Paulson smiled like an evangelist. “I assure you, we’ve solved the problems of the prototype. The president knows how badly we need advanced defenses on our new anti-missile platform if we have any hope of dealing with these latest threats from Asia.”

  Amy steeled herself to push the bluff as far as it would go. “With all due respect, sir, we need more than your word.”

  Director Paulson wore a martyred expression as he said, “Well you’re not cleared and you can’t hope to understand the equations. Let’s see how bright your new, little friend is, shall we? We’ll try the Socratic Method, and you’ll tell me what was wrong with the prototype. You have most of the facts already.”

  She agreed, and Paulson leaned over PJ’s chair, propping his hands on the arm. “Mr. Smith, when the prototype first started out, it coughed and sparked so much that it almost tore free of the bolts mooring it to the cement. Yet later, what happened?”

  “The field faded to near invisibility.”

  “Give me three possible scientific reasons for this,” he ordered.

  PJ balked at his leading. “Were you a Latin teacher or something?”

  “Headmaster, actually. I find that the average boy can think if pressed hard. Try not to disappoint me. You now owe me four reasons.”

  The programmer ran his fingers through the front of his hair, both as a thought stimulator and as a subtle dig at Paulson’s inability to do the same. “The obvious reason is that Nick took a lot of liberties with the equations and the error was almost large enough to prevent functioning at all. Many of the second derivatives in his simplification are assumed to be zero. This just isn’t true at start-up. As time went on, the system reached a steady state, where his model was accurate enough.”

  “That’s one. Do try to be more succinct.” Paulson steepled his fingers again, awaiting the next response.

  “I was elaborating for Miss Reese,” PJ said. “Since we are dealing with quantum levels of energy, it might be that the initial energy boost provided to the system wasn’t the right amount for a stable orbit. The sparking was an attempt to bleed off the extra to attain the next-lowest, stable quantum level.”

  He followed up with a quick third. “Of course, like with electronics, or even a car, there are certain speeds which are resonance frequencies in the system. When my tires vibrate at 63 mph, the whole car shakes.”

  The director waved his hands impatiently. “Yes, yes, but none of that explains the later effects. Think in terms of cause and effect. What could cause this behavior in an experiment?”

  “Contamination?”

  The director nodded.

  PJ stalled for time. “The contamination, although strong at first, dissipated over time. This contaminant caused the violent episodes, both at the start-up and the later fatality.”

  “What contaminant was both in the room and in a human being?” Paulson spread his hands like a magician.

  The programmer had a guess, but it was too awful. “The final clue is that the contaminant is not found in space, which is why they allowed you to deploy it.”

  “Bravo,” said Paulson, satisfied. Amy still looked puzzled.

  PJ explained. “Humans are mostly water. Being in the desert, in a controlled environment, the air in the experiment chamber was probably at a very low humidity level before it was sealed. The airborne water molecules colliding with the field caused miniature explosions. As the humidity dropped, the explosions became less frequent, and the field became invisible.”

  “But how?” Amy asked.

  PJ followed his hypothesis. “The field was built to repel hydrogen, probably at relativistic velocities.” He pointed to his Mickey Mouse shirt. “Say Mickey’s head is the oxygen atom, and his ears are the two hydrogen atoms in a water molecule. When they touch the Icarus field, his ears shoot off in different directions, releasing enough energy to make the oxygen ignite.”

  The former head master seemed pleased. “Highly efficient, really.”

  Amy went pale. “That poor man!”

  Paulson dismissed her. “It was over in a microsecond. He didn’t even have time to register the light coming from his hand as it converted to energy.”

  Far from making her feel better, the image horrified Amy. She choked out an accusing, “He was a human being. You monsters ordered more of those things when you found out.”

  “It’s perfectly safe in space, where there’s no water at all. The laser it’s guarding is far more of a threat. This is the biggest step toward global peace and national security we’ve made this century. Think of the possibilities!” Paulson exclaimed.

  Amy said, “I have. That’s why you’ve got to stop it!”

  His voice took on an apologetic tone that couldn’t hide the smugness. “That’s impossible, I’m afraid. Due to the security leaks and the attempted sabotage, we used our alternate launch window today at five o’clock. It’s already gone.”

  Amy slumped in defeat.

  Mutely, the two visitors signed all the documents his staff brought. After the signing, Paulson informed PJ, “Don’t bother to return to work on Monday. You’ve been fired. Any attempt to explain the extenuating circumstances to your employer will land you in Fort Leavenworth prison.”

  Amy was despondent. She couldn’t talk. PJ drove them back to the restaurant first, but his car had been towed. Great. He decided to take her back to her apartment and take a taxi to a hotel. He’d see where his vehicle was impounded the next morning. They got to her place at nearly midnight. Originally, he only went in to borrow her phone, but then she started crying on his shoulder. Even though he had just met her that day, he couldn’t leave her alone like that. PJ held her for another twenty minutes until she fell asleep against him, sitting on the sofa.

  Chapter 34 – Celebrations

  Friday was cast-removal day for Jez and Benny. They went into Ward Seven where Doctors Weiss and Poldark cut them free simultaneously. Their friends threw them a huge party in the office cafeteria to celebrate the impending launch as well as their new freedom. Guards and significant others attended. They’d even hired a DJ.

  During a brief roast of the two leaders, they showed a very young and dorky Benny Hollis’s screen test.

  Then, they played the newest Jezebel video compiled by their opponents. It was spliced footage of her shopping for clothes in Paris, trying on nearly thirty pairs of shoes. She piled boxes into the arms of her incredibly hairy driver until he couldn’t see over them. The soundtrack was from the musical Earth Girls Are Easy, a wicked satirical song called “‘Cause I’m a Blonde.” Benny fell out of his chair laughing when they caught her talking on one phone while texting on another, and then tripping over a curb. The video made her look stereotypical, shallow, and moronic.

  Jez slugged him in the arm, protesting, “That’s not funny!”

  The refrain showed Jez taking Nena convertible shopping, with both of them bopping to the stereo system.

  Jez covered her face. “Oh my God, that was the test drive where the cop pulled us over!”

>   At the end, they had an actual audio snippet of Jez talking. She turned to Nena and said, “Remember, with the right shoes, you can go anywhere.”

  Benny had tears in his eyes from holding in the guffaws.

  “Say it,” she dared him.

  Daniel said it for him, “That’s going to be the next graduation speech at the Imelda Marcos finishing school!”

  Trina stepped in, fuming. “In Paris, she was buying things for every one of us. Jez took me car shopping to cheer me up because Dirt Bag was mean to me that day for something Octavia did. Jez tripped on the day of the funeral because she’d had no sleep and was wearing two casts. She was distracted trying to help someone pay for a necessary surgery. I think this video shows what a good friend she’s been to all of us. And making fun of her shoes is just cruel when she couldn’t wear them for over a month.” She glared at the crowd until everyone apologized, including Daniel.

  Jez hugged her. “Thank you, sweetie. You had your first fight and used the first person. I’m so proud of you.”

  Trina excused herself, pushing Daniel’s wheelchair toward the door. “We’re going to have make-up sex now. We’re told it’s invigorating.”

  “And she’s gone,” Jez lamented.

  Benny wrapped an arm around her waist. “I’m sorry. I was laughing because I was so embarrassed by my clip. Millions of people have seen my flops, but I’ve never seen a bad photo of you. Even when the Fossils make fun of you, every guy watching wants to be with you and every girl is jealous.”

  She blushed at the compliment. “As your penance, you owe me three dances.”

  Benny bribed the DJ to play three slow dances in a row. He got to show off his ballroom skills and finish with a dip. Afterward, he drove Jez home. When they arrived, Tan’s car was suspiciously missing. Jez’s stomach did flip-flops as Benny helped her up the step into the house.

  She approached the subject delicately, as he put on soft music in the living room. “Benny, other than dinner and AA meetings, we haven’t seen much of each other the past couple of weeks.”

  He patted the sofa. “We’re together now. Come here.” His smile was irresistible.

  She dropped to the leather surface. It was softer than an old bomber jacket. His arm slipped slyly around her. It was like high school. Every action screamed, “My best move.”

  She had grown so accustomed to their non-threatening time together that this felt awkward.

  “People have been making a lot of assumptions about us since we met,” Benny rumbled. “Now that we’re alone, there’s something I’ve been wanting to show you for a long time.”

  As he leaned back and reached for his pocket, she hopped to her feet. “No, not like this. I’ve wanted it, hell, dreamt about it for weeks, but I need to shower. Worse, I need to exercise. I don’t want your first view of my ass to be this wreck. I need at least another week to whip it into lingerie shape. And my feet… you can’t see my feet until I get new shoes. Even then, we might have to turn the lights out first.”

  His head was spinning, but that was its natural state around this woman. “Whoa, breathe. I have no idea where that UFO-like, non-ballistic turn went.”

  “This is about sex. I want our first time to be perfect, and this isn’t it. You’ve had beauty-pageant sex before, Coppertone-tan, bikini-model sex, and from what I’ve heard, freaky, circus sex. Okay, I’ve done the last one too, but I need time to get ready because I don’t want to disappoint you.”

  He shook his head. “This is like watching MTV, Newlywed Game, and Cirque de Soleil at the same time.”

  She frowned. “I’ve actually done that with Triniel. What are you trying to say?”

  “Sit down and turn off the Ping-Pong ball in the tornado. You’re a menace to low-flying planes. Please listen to me for one minute without predicting or reacting.”

  Mildly hurt by his generalization, she sat.

  He sighed and began again. “People have just assumed we were getting married for over a month now. And I’ve never asked. That’s bothered me.”

  She opened her mouth, but he held up a finger. “I still have fifty-four seconds, and then you can take the rest of the night.”

  Jez mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key. Then she gave him her ‘this better be worth it’ glare.

  He said, “My dad’s been prodding me to say this for weeks. I still can’t get used to the fact that you talk to my dad and friends more than I do.”

  Then he opened the ring box. “I wanted to be the one to ask you the right way.” Benny got down on his knee and said, “Jezebel Johnson, would you do me the incredible honor of…”

  She tackled him, pinning him to the plush carpet. Her mouth prevented the rest of his proposal from getting out. When they came up for air several minutes later, he said, “I e-mailed the whole speech to your phone before I started. I knew you’d never let me finish.”

  “I never said a word,” she giggled. “That was the rule.”

  She turned on the phone to see if he really had sent her the proposal. She skipped the call summary email with PJ’s name.

  ****

  Though they had never discussed the prospect, the couple agreed it should be a small wedding, on a weekend, and closed to the press. Tan would obviously be best man, and Claudette the matron of honor.

  Jez summarized, “That just leaves where and when.” They both took out their phones to compare schedules.

  Benny avoided answering. “The woman usually has the most say in these things.”

  “My old friends are in Vegas. There’s a hotel there I’d love to honeymoon in.”

  “Then that’s where,” he conceded.

  “I don’t have any family; however, your mom will probably have a lot of opinions. I think you should decide when.”

  He winced at the mention of the M word. “Mom said the sooner the better because ‘Her eggs aren’t getting any younger.’ I’ll call her and see when she can fly in. The damn engagement party is going to be the toughest part to plan. Her newest husband is in Congress and everything has to fit around fund-raisers and primaries.”

  Jez laid a hand on his chest. “You’re allowed to say no to your mother.”

  Benny concentrated on his phone and whispered, “I think the broken arms would be easier to live with.”

  Jez called Claudette with the good news. She opened with light conversation to disguise her excitement. “Hi, did anything interesting happen after the party?”

  “You know, it’s eight o’clock on a Friday and I have nothing better to do than check my social networking. Damn you for getting me hooked on this stuff,” the starlet scolded. “I checked your YouTube statistics. You were the flavor of the month. It’s dying down now, but Skank got over three hundred thousand hits.”

  “That puts me on par with the singing hamster,” Jez snickered. “Well, I wanted to tell you before someone else tweets it to the world.”

  As Benny told his mother the good news, Claudette overheard. Her voice went up an octave. “Did I just hear the word engagement?”

  “Yes. All we have decided now is Vegas. Can I count on you to stand up for me?”

  Benny was arguing with his mother. “I don’t want to talk to the Republicans. I barely have enough time at home as it is.”

  Claudette said, “Of course, silly. Just take all the photos from my left side.”

  “The surgeon was an artist, and you’ve been putting cream on that scar for weeks. It’s barely noticeable.”

  Her friend sighed. “The camera can tell, hon’. I’m going to run down the hall and tell Trina.”

  Benny admitted, “Yes, anyone could do a lot of good compared to the monkey they put in last term, but why me?”

  Jez warned her friend, “Don’t go past the yellow tape I put down on the hall carpet. Text her first. She checks it pretty often when they take their hydration breaks. I’m a screamer, but Trina is a broadcaster, about forty feet.” Benny stopped talking. “Remember that female guard? She stood o
utside their door while they were going at it. You know those triple orgasms that leave you relaxed and stupid-happy for a week? Yeah, eyes rolled back in the head, can’t use your tongue because you just washed it. Trina went for five; the poor guard passed out. No permanent damage. We had to ship her to London because she would make whipped-puppy noises every time she saw Daniel. Doggy style, that’s funny. Hold on.”

  She covered the receiver. Benny had dropped his phone on the floor and was staring at her. “Babe, why did you hang up on your mother so quickly?” He didn’t respond. Looking at the rise in his sweatpants, she could guess why. “I’ve gotta go,” she said smugly, before closing her own phone.

  Smiling broadly, Jez announced, “Mr. Hollis, you’re turned on. You like dirty talk.” She had finally found a chink in the white knight’s armor.

  He nodded.

  She purred, “I wish you had told me sooner. We could’ve been having hot phone-sex this whole time.”

  “But we’re sharing the same house,” he squeaked, like a boy whose voice was changing.

  “You’re missing the point. The rule is I can’t touch you, but I could try to push you over the edge by stirring your imagination. Mmm. I think I might have that shower after all. I’m feeling dirty, but my legs are so weak; I need you to stand behind me and hold me up.”

  Benny was sweating. “This is dangerous.”

  “You’re right; you need to build up your arm muscles before we can have shower sex. I don’t want you out of commission again after I just got you back. I’ll take a bath—a long, hot bath with lots of bubbles to make me slippery.”

  His breathing was getting ragged. “What’s going on? A couple minutes ago, you wanted nothing to do with sex.”

  She shook her head. “I told you I needed a bath first. No girl wants some boy pawing her when she isn’t prepared. But knowing that the man I love, my fiancé, gets so turned on by the sound of my voice that he drops his phone,” Jez growled. “That gets me ready. You know that hotel I told you about? I like it because of the enormous hot tub.”