by Karina Halle
“No!” Camden cried out, attracting a few looks from the patrons around us. He quickly shot them a sheepish look and then lowered his voice, shaking his head. “No. I can’t. She wasn’t a very good mother before. That’s when all our problems started. When she was on drugs and never at home. Now I know she’s involved with her brothers. She’s part of that gang. Fuck, she used Ben, her son, our son, to lure me in, to get money, to hand me over to her brothers. They were going to kill me, in front of him if they could. It’s made me sick every time I think about where he is right now, and what he’s doing. I can’t let him grow up in that life. I won’t let that happen.”
“Then you’ve made your choice,” Gus told him solemnly. “If you can’t let him stay with her, if you can’t say goodbye to him, then you must take him. And we will help you. You can’t do this on your own.”
Camden put his head in his hands, his knee bouncing up and down.
“Baby,” I said softly, and put my hand on his jumping knee. “You’re not doing this alone. Even if it seems impossible, even if it doesn’t feel like a choice you want to make, you have to do this if you want him back. Ben deserves to be with you, Camden. Someone with a big heart, a father who will do anything for his child. That’s what you are. You have that in you to give and Ben is a lucky boy that you’re his dad. You’re giving him the future he needs.”
Camden turned his head to the side, glancing at me with damp eyes. “And you’re the future I need.”
I leaned over and kissed him, sweetly, slowly, then blushed once Gus cleared his throat, reminding us he was there.
I pulled back, smiling to myself and had a good long sip of the margarita, gazing out at the ocean. I wondered if Camden still wanted to go to Gualala, that beach town he dreamed of, his personal paradise. I wondered if I was his future, if that’s where we could build a home, build a life. Me, him and Ben. Gus too. And maybe, just maybe, a child of our own.
I was getting ahead of myself – wasn’t I? – and Camden sighed, bringing my focus back to the problem at hand. If Ben was in our future, how did we get him?
“It’s just that kidnapping a child,” Camden murmured, voice barely audible, “I can’t imagine how I’d live with that.”
“You’re doing it for the right reasons,” I said. “That’s how.”
His knee started bouncing again. “But how do we pull it off without hurting Ben?”
That was the problem. I licked the salt off my lips and sat back in my chair, thinking. “Ben knows you’re his father. Right?” He nodded. I went on, “He trusts you then. He’s young. Kids are impressionable. I couldn’t tell you the things that were probably done to me when I was young, the ways I was used for bait, to con people, to steal, and I don’t even remember.”
“It won’t be easy but Ellie’s right,” Gus said. “Obviously we don’t want to make a scene or do anything that would endanger or mentally damage the boy. But I think if we take him, in the right way, and if you can find a way to face your guilt that I have no doubt you’ll feel for some time, he can grow up with no damage. He’ll be resilient. And he’ll have the life he needs.”
Camden looks up, face newly determined. “So when do we do this?”
Gus scratched at his mustache. “We find Sophia. We stake out her place. We start planning our moves. The three of us, we can do this together. We can do it quickly. No fuss. In and out. It might take a few weeks for everything to roll into place.”
“We don’t have a few weeks,” Camden moaned.
“Camden,” Gus said sternly. “You have a few weeks. A few weeks is nothing compared to a lifetime of being together – or not being together. My god, you and Ellie are both as impatient as Chihuahuas. No wonder you belong together.”
Camden and I exchanged a coy look. We did belong together. We all did.
Once dinner was over, we made our way back to the small hotel we were staying at, right on the beach. Gus retired to his room, said he wanted to continue watching this Telemundo show he got hooked on when he was being held hostage, and Camden grabbed my hand, leading me to the sand and crashing waves. The moon was in a perfect quarter, its reflection shining on the black-blue water.
He brought me to the ocean’s edge and stood behind me, wrapping his warm arms around me.
“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “Every minute that goes by, you fill my heart. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Ellie. I’ve been so close to losing you.”
I gripped his hands over my stomach and leaned back into him, my head settling into the crook of his arms, and let that beautifully light feeling sink into me. “I love you. You have me. I think, deep down, you always did, even when I didn’t know it.”
We stood like that for quite some time, our feet in the cool, soft sand, just watching the waves crash, the stars shining, the moon so far, so close, so constant. Every night it appeared, no matter where in the world we were, even hidden by clouds, it was still there.
“You’re my moon,” I said quietly.
“Then you’re my earth.”
He turned me around, ever so mindful of my leg, and kissed me deeply. It was a kiss that reached right into you, stirred you around until you were effervescent and sparkling and deliriously happy. It was soft, warm lips and silken, skilled tongue. It made you hungry and thirsty and longing for more, for it to go on forever, satisfying yet insatiable. It turned me on, flipped the switch, awakened the passion that wouldn’t stop until we could fully devour each other. It was a kiss of the earth and the moon, all gravity and pull, a prelude to many forevers.
I don’t know how long we made out like that, just feeding from the love and the lust that we could only consume from one another, me surrendering in his arms, his arms that kept me close and kept me safe. Finally he pulled away and rubbed his thumb over my lips.
“I’d suggest sex on the beach,” he said, his voice husky, my mouth feeling empty without his. “But I think the two of us deserve a bed for once.”
That, and sex on the beach was highly overrated.
He bent down and picked me up in his arms. I let out a small laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face below his ear. I breathed in his smell, absolutely intoxicating, and let him carry me all the way to our hotel room where he lay me down on the white, shabby-chic bedspread.
This was the first time we’d really been alone, been intimate, since we left the compound. I had something to tell him, but I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it. I loved him beyond all doubt and I knew the man loved me. I knew we were the moon and the earth and each other’s future, revolving and evolving. But I was still scared to tell him what I knew, tell him what I wanted.
He bent over me, hands at the drawstring on my pants, but I pushed him back, hand on his chest and said, “I’m always getting naked first. Drop your clothes.”
Camden grinned wickedly and I bit my lip in anticipation, leaning back on my elbows to watch.
He took off his wifebeater first, the tats on his stomach and chest now on full display, then slowly started to unbutton his shorts.
“Are you doing a striptease?” I asked playfully.
“I’m stripping and I’m teasing,” he answered as he very deliberately rolled the zipper down before looping his thumbs on the waistband and inching them off. Bit by bit, until the ink faded into the hard Vs of hip bones and I saw the hard, glistening tip of his erection appear, flush to his pelvis.
He let the shorts drop and he took my breath away.
“Derek never got me any briefs,” he explained, as if I cared that he was going commando. Fuck me, he was a man who would never stop giving me the chills. I’d never seen a cock so large and beautiful as the one on Camden McQueen. My man. My moon. My everything.
He slowly walked toward the bed, growing larger as he came closer, so tall, so strong, so ready for me. His eyes held assurance and lust, drive and desire. He knew what he looked like, he knew what he was offering me, his perfect body and his perfect soul.
/> “When I saw you, I fell in love,” he said to me as I lay back against the bed and he crawled on top of me on all fours. “And you smiled because you knew.”
I grinned lazily as he bent down and slowly kissed along my neck. “Quoting Shakespeare, now?”
“If only Juliet had been a scowly faced teenager,” he murmured against my neck. “Because while I’m pretty sure you knew I loved you, I don’t think it made you smile.”
I jerked my head away from him and held his face in my hands. “Camden. You always made me smile, even when I didn’t show it. You were my only friend and I was too young to know what your heart was worth.”
“And you know now.”
I ran my hands through his thick hair. “I knew then, now and always.” I pulled his face to mine and kissed him softly before looking deep and hard into his eyes, trying to figure out how to say this. “Camden … I was on the pill until, well, until we left Veracruz. I’ve only been with you since.”
He frowned, a look of wonderment and fear in his eyes. “Are you pregnant?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so. I’m just …” I chewed on my lip. “I’m just thinking … I don’t want to go back on them.” There. I said it. The weight of it all hung in the room.
He blinked, his dark brow still furrowed, and suddenly I was unbearably frightened that I had scared him off. My heart felt like lead.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I—”
“You want a baby?” he asked gently. His face was softening, his eyes searching mine, pulling truth from me.
“I don’t mean right now,” I managed to say. “Or maybe I do. But yes. With you. I want a family of my own. To start new. To give us both what we never had.”
“Oh, Ellie,” he whispered. His face crumpled slightly and he brought it to my neck. He whispered into my ear, “Oh, Ellie. I will give you that. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for us. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
And suddenly I was all love.
“Really?” I asked.
He looked at me, glassy-eyed, and grinned so wide, so amazing. “Really. A brother or sister for Ben.” He swallowed loudly, taking a moment to contain himself. “My beautiful Ellie, I want this. I want this. We need this.”
He reached down and slowly unbuttoned my blouse until my breasts were bare and spread before him - he wasn’t the only one going commando. He trailed his fingers over my flesh, goosebumps rising in his wake, and tugged lightly at my nipple ring. I groaned and arched my back, offering myself to him, needing more.
But he wasn’t in a hurry, not tonight. He slowly made his way from my breasts to my abdomen, kissing and licking over my stomach, concentrating his mouth there as if willing his seed to be planted. He finished untying my pants and cautiously pulled them off, taking it slow around my leg.
“Does this hurt?” he whispered as he held my damaged leg in his hand, his eyes roaming all over my naked body.
I shook my head no. “Not right now.”
He peered at the bandages. “Once these come off, once it heals, I’ll make you beautiful again.”
“You already made me beautiful, Camden,” I whispered. “Now get your head between my legs.”
His dimples appeared. “As you wish.”
He parted my legs and started moving his mouth up my inner thigh until he was teasing my lips. Once his tongue found my clit, needy and full, he spent no time getting me off. I grabbed his hair, yanking on it with each wave of orgasm as he moaned into me, the vibrations bringing me to new heights.
When I was coming back down, he looked up at me with his glistening mouth and a devious glint in his eyes. “You know that’s not how we’re supposed to make a baby.”
“Then show me.”
He came back on top of me and poised his stiff cock into me, entering slowly, very slowly.
Torturously slow.
“Camden,” I whispered, my body bucking for him. “Faster.”
“I’m in no rush,” he purred. “I want to live in every inch of you.”
He pushed in and out, silky smooth with just enough friction. I watched him as his wide chest overpowered me, straining with each controlled movement. He looked up at the ceiling and groaned loudly as he pushed through, then looked down at me with heavy eyes, his mouth open in lust. His gaze undid me, so much passion and love, now more than ever.
He picked up the pace, wrapping one of his large hands around my waist while the other began stroking at my clit again. Each thrust became harder, deeper, until he was buried far inside of me. His breath hitched as he said, “I want to put a baby in you. I want this. Oh, I want this.” He moaned again and I joined in, my nerves white hot and begging for release. Blood was pooling deep in my core, the pressure building. This was love-making, baby-making, an act of creation and pure, raw, primal power.
We elapsed into a steady rhythm, the headboard slamming against the wall, the paintings rattling, sweat streaming off each other’s bodies in the hot, tropical night. I was wet, so wet, and blossoming for him, driven by his mass, stretched by his fullness. I was fulfilled and yearning all at once, and I watched as his slick cock slid in and out of me, watched his whole body as he drove in deeper and deeper until I thought I was being staked to the bed.
“Oh fuck!” I cried out, taken by surprise and coming fast and hard. I dug my nails into the back of his shoulders, my hips rocking in unison with his.
He came too, floored by his orgasm and I felt higher than the clouds as he poured his seed inside of me, my convulsions bringing it out of him and harboring it deep inside. He swore amidst his groans, his thrusts slowing down, until he lay down on top of me and kept himself inside me.
He brushed the hair off my face, gently running his fingers over my cheeks. He cleared his throat and smiled, sated, happy. “You know, if that didn’t take, I am game for trying every day. Several times a day. On the hour.”
I grinned and pressed him close to me. “Don’t think I won’t hold you to that. I’m addicted to you. I must have my fix.”
“Is fix another term for cock?”
“It is for yours. You should have a warning label on that thing.”
He let out a small laugh, his lips tickling my collarbone. “Eh, it’ll probably rub off anyway from all the use.”
I sighed contently and wrapped my arms around him. He made beautiful sense out of all the ugly things I had done.
We fell asleep like that.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It was almost sad when we finally bid adios to Mexico. We ended up spending a few more days in the country, just lying on the beach and trying to get our lives back on track, to remember how to be real people in normal situations. The only problem was, the stint in Zihuatenejo was just a vacation, just a blip of normalcy before we had to delve back into things we didn’t want to do.
None of us wanted to take Ben like that. If there was any other way, we would have taken it. But Gus was right – either Camden would never see his son again or this was his only choice. And in any other mother’s arms, Camden would have probably let that happen.
Not with Sophia.
And it was she who was on our lips as we drove up the country and back into California. The border officials were a little suspicious of the three of us, but our passports all went through with flying colors and when they searched our vehicle – thoroughly, I might add – they didn’t find anything. We had ditched every weapon from the car in a gully outside of Tijuana. We were clean.
“So where’s the first stop for our new lives?” I asked as we drove through San Diego. I felt so much safer being back in America, back on my home turf, but I wouldn’t dare let myself relax. Not yet. “Do we need to be close to Sophia?”
“We need to find out if Sophia is still living where she was,” Gus said from the front seat. “We can use my place as a home base. I have a friend with a house up the street from me who rents it out on a weekly basis.” He looked over his shoulder at me. “Not that I don’t want you two i
n my house, but you know, just having the one bedroom and all it might be a little awkward.”
And loud, I thought as I felt the heat creeping on my cheeks. Just the other night someone in an adjacent room complained about how loud our sex had been. Loud and frequent. Damn prudes.
Camden winked at me in the mirror and we drove on until we ended up at the beautiful enclave of Pismo Beach. After Gus set things up with his friend and the house, which was a bit too large for the two of us but at least it was available, Camden and I headed to Target to stock up on all things wonderful and American. We had to get through the tough part first but we were still at the start of our new lives together. I even paused at the baby section, picking up an adorable tiny tee-shirt that said The Cramps on it.
“Look!” I exclaimed, shoving it in Camden’s face. “Your favorite band.”
He grinned and raised an eyebrow. “What if she’s a girl?”
“Like hell our daughter wouldn’t be a fucking rocker chick.” I threw it in the basket. “I don’t care if I’m jinxing it, we’re buying it.”
He pushed the cart along gleefully and I was hit with a sudden wham of pain. Not for my leg, no that was much better. I remembered what happened the last time I thought I was pregnant, all those years ago with Javier. I jinxed it then.
Even saying his name in my head put shivers down my spine and caused me to look around uneasily. Even though I had gotten prematurely excited with him, it wasn’t going to stop me from getting excited with Camden. Camden gave me hope and I was hopeful. He gave me strength and I was strong. We would be together. This all would work out. After everything we’d been through, it had to.
“You okay, baby?” he asked me, putting his arm around my waist.
“I’m good. Just … wary, I guess.”
He was being a bit on edge too, constantly worrying that someone was going to recognize him. Ever since we had come back into the country and had done a quick search of papers and the internet, the whole “Camden McQueen is Wanted” thing was pretty much gone. There were far worse people out there to report, including rumors of cartels coming across the borders and the Mexican Drug War flaring up on American soil, fighting for possession of local gangs and marijuana growers. It was only a matter of time before the war would come north, the papers would report, after a car exploded in San Diego the previous week. Funny how what we were experiencing south of the border was going on right here in our own backyards. Or at least the ghettos, as it seemed to be.
