by Lisa Jordan
“Mom, Dad’s here.”
Josie looked over her shoulder to see Hannah pulling Nick into the kitchen. She glanced at him, then did a double take. The wooden spoon fell against the granite countertop. “Nick, your hair.”
Nick gave her a sheepish grin as he scrubbed a hand over his bare scalp. The hair she had loved so much and dreamed about running her hands through—yes, she was finally being honest with herself—was gone. He looked as if he had sat in the barber’s chair at boot camp.
“Dad shaved his head for me. Isn’t that like the coolest thing ever?”
Josie bit the corner of her lower lip and nodded. Words escaped her. What could she say? “Thank you” seemed so insignificant for the gift he had given Hannah.
A blush stained Nick’s cheeks. He shrugged. “No big deal.”
Oh, but it was. At least to her. And definitely to Hannah, judging by the mile-wide smile crossing her daughter’s face.
Before she could think about what she was doing, Josie rounded the side of the island and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you.”
Nick ran a hand over her head, but stopped at the base of her neck. He turned her around. “Your hair. It’s gone, too.”
She dropped her gaze to her bare feet. “I, uh, got it cut this morning.”
He tipped up her chin. “Great minds, huh?”
Josie nodded and searched his face for his reaction.
Nick trailed his fingers gently down the sides of her neck. She resisted a shiver. “Your eyes…man, I didn’t think they could get any bigger. That cut makes them look the size of dinner plates. You look great.”
She turned back to the mixer so he wouldn’t see how his words made her blush like a teenager. “It’s a huge change, but totally worth it. My stylist knows a woman who makes wigs for children. Since I wasn’t a bone marrow match for Hannah, I figured the least I could do is give her my hair.”
Nick wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on the top of her head. “You have a generous heart, June bug. You know that?”
“She’s my daughter. I’d give her my life, if that’s what it took to make her well again.”
“Our daughter.”
“Right.” She whispered, “Our daughter.”
Hannah cleared her throat. “Your daughter is right here and about to get sick. Can we get back to making zeppole, or are you two still making googly eyes at each other?”
Josie stepped away from Nick and ran her hands down the front of her apron. When he was around, she forgot about everyone else. And that wasn’t necessarily a good thing. She cracked an egg, added it to the batter and flipped on the mixer.
If she and Nick could make it work, he’d be there for Hannah, and he wouldn’t have to care for Ross all on his own. But was that what he wanted? Josie needed to find out before he spent much more time with them.
“So what are you making?” He leaned on the counter next to her. His closeness, the scent of his soap and the way his collar slid to expose the hollow of his neck forced Josie to keep her eyes on her batter. Not that she wanted to, but it was for the best. For everyone.
She added the rest of the eggs. “Zeppole. An Italian pastrylike doughnut. I’m using my nonna’s secret recipe.”
“What makes it so secret?”
Why did he have to look at her like that? “H-her special ingredient.”
“Which is?”
“Uh-uh.” She wagged a finger. “Sorry, family secret.”
“Aren’t I considered family…sort of?” He reached up and brushed a thumb across her cheekbone and showed her the white powder. “Flour.”
“Afraid not.” She turned off the mixer to let the dough cool while she lined a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Nick gave her a slow smile that sent a shiver down to her toes. “Maybe we’ll have to fix that. All in the name of doughnuts, of course.”
What could she say to that? And even if she had wanted to, her voice seemed lodged in her throat.
She filled her pastry bag with dough. Nick, Josie and Hannah took turns piping the dough onto the lined baking sheet. Hannah showed Nick how to squeeze the dough out of the bag. Their blobs looked out of place next to her practiced mounds, but to her, they were beautiful. Seeing Hannah glow under her father’s attention was so worth it.
Fifteen minutes later, rows of puffed pastries cooled on wire racks. They sprinkled some with powdered sugar. Josie helped Hannah add cream then chocolate on the centers.
Josie offered one to Nick. He popped it in his mouth. Closing his eyes, he moaned. “Those are amazing.”
Nonna always said the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Hearing Nick appreciate her baking warmed her heart.
Hannah stifled a yawn. Josie slid an arm around her daughter’s sagging shoulders and directed her toward the living room to rest on the couch with a book. The past hour had taxed her energy level, especially after last night. Hannah grumbled until Nick promised to join her in a few minutes.
Josie put a dozen of the doughnuts in a plastic container and handed it to Nick. “Why don’t you take these to Jacob House? The guys might enjoy them.”
He flicked the corner of the container with his thumbnail. “Is that a subtle way of saying you want me to leave?”
“What? No. I was just saying because I figured you’d be seeing Ross today.” Josie moved to the sink for the dishcloth. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. I have to clean up this mess and make dinner. Stay and eat with us.” She wasn’t ready for him to leave. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“If you’re sure—”
“I am.” Gee, Josie, could you say it any faster? She piled the dirty dishes in the sink and wiped the counters clean.
“Josie. Can I ask you something?” A hint of uncertainty threaded Nick’s voice.
“Sure.” She opened the refrigerator and removed the container of chicken breasts she had been marinating.
“What we talked about last night—are you sure that doesn’t change things? Like how you feel about me?”
Josie’s heart raced faster than her mixer motor. Her hands stilled. Moving back to the island, she forced herself to remove the chicken from the plastic container and place the pieces in a baking dish.
Nick came up behind her and clasped her shoulders. “Josie?”
She tensed, and then relaxed slightly as his thumbs worked magic over her tight neck muscles. “I guess…I guess I’m not quite sure what you mean.”
“Well, I’d like to think we were moving in a good direction. Then yesterday…listen, I’m sorry again about not telling you about Ross. It’s been tough, you know. I feel so responsible. I guess I didn’t want you to feel you couldn’t trust me with Hannah. I promise I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally.”
Good thing he clarified or she may have humiliated herself since apparently they were thinking two different things.
Josie turned. And realized too late she was pinned between the counter and Nick. She cupped his cheek and ran a thumb over the dark circle under his left eye. “I know that, Nick. And don’t worry. I do trust you with Hannah. What happened with your mom and Ross was a tragic accident. You can’t keep beating yourself up over it.”
“I hurt you by not telling you about Ross. I could see it in your face when I walked into the shop. You were as white as flour.”
Josie ducked under his arm and washed her hands. “Hearing what happened was a shock, but no worries. I’m a big girl.”
“So we’re good? I don’t want to jeopardize what we have, but now you know I come as a package deal now.”
What did they have?
The phone rang, but stopped after one ring. Either the caller hung up, or Hannah answered in the living room.
Hannah came into the kitchen, holding the phone. “Mom, Aunt Lindsey called to see if I could come over and watch a new movie with Tyler. She’ll pick me up and bring me home before bed. Please say I can go.”
“Honey, I don’t k
now. After last night, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea for you be away from the house for a while.” She didn’t want to be an overprotective mom, but what if something happened and Josie wasn’t there?
The verse she’d read this morning from Romans reminded her about needing to trust more.
“Please? I promise to take my inhaler and call the minute I don’t feel well. Please, Mom. Say yes.”
The pleading in Hannah’s eyes pierced Josie’s heart. She wanted to say yes. “Your dad’s here, though. He’s staying for dinner.”
“I know, but I really want to go. I’ve wanted to see this movie, like, forever.”
Josie turned to Nick. “Do you mind?”
Nick looked almost surprised that she was asking his opinion. “Me? Not at all. Go, sweetheart, enjoy your movie.”
Hannah wrapped her arms around both of them. “Thanks, you’re the best parents on the planet. I love you both. Aunt Lindsey is going to pick me up in about fifteen minutes. I’ll even rest on the couch until she comes. Oh, and I set the table in the dining room for you.”
After Hannah retreated to the living room, Josie stared at the pan of pink chicken breasts still sitting on the island. “That’s a lot of chicken for one person.”
“I could stay and help you eat it?”
“You’d still want to do that? I figured with Hannah gone…”
“What? That I’d hit the road? She’s not the only reason I’m here, June bug. Maybe I could talk you into more zeppole for dessert.”
That’s what Josie was afraid of. Nick had always been able to talk her into anything. And with Hannah gone for the evening, Josie didn’t want history repeating itself.
*
Nick squirted dish soap into the sink and ran hot water. He folded a dish towel in half, laying it on the bottom. Careful not to chip anything, he set the delicate china plates into the hot water.
A smile slid over his face as he remembered the look on Josie’s face when they carried food into the dining room only to find their mischievous daughter had set the table with a lace tablecloth, Josie’s grandmother’s fine china and white taper candles.
“Nick, what are you doing?” Josie set two crystal water goblets on the counter next to the sink.
“Washing dishes.” He sponged off the plate and set it in the other sink to be rinsed.
“Why?”
He raised an eyebrow and shot her a grin. “Why? Well, it’s kind of gross, don’t you think, to put them away dirty?”
“Why are you answering questions with questions?” She looked so confused that he wanted to lean over and give her a kiss. But that wouldn’t do anything to lessen the confusion—for either of them.
“Why are you asking such silly questions?”
“You don’t need to be doing dishes.”
“You cooked. It’s only fair that I clean up. Just say thanks and let me finish.”
She sighed and pushed away from the counter. “Thanks. I’ll make you some coffee and we can have doughnuts for dessert.”
“Music to my ears.”
“I have something I want to show you.”
Nick washed the white china with tiny purple flowers bordering the edges, rinsed them and set them in the rack to dry.
Behind him, he could hear Josie grinding beans and making coffee. A couple of minutes later, the rich roast scented the kitchen. He quickly washed the other dishes, wiped off the counters and rinsed out the sinks.
“I’m done in here unless you have a secret stash of dishes hidden somewhere.” He turned to see Josie pouring hot water over her tea bag.
“Yes, I stash dishes because I hate washing them.” Josie made a face and pushed a plate of zeppole toward him. “Take these to the living room. I’ll bring your coffee in a minute.”
Nick carried the plate into the living room. Sitting on the couch, he set the plate on the antique trunk coffee table next to a pink photo album. Was this what Josie wanted to show him?
Josie carried two steaming mugs into the living room. Nick took the one without a tea bag from her. She smiled her thanks and then sat on the couch. She reached for the pink album. “This is Hannah’s baby book. Grace and Lindsey helped me finish it last month.”
He took the book. “It’s heavy.”
“Nine years of her life in one book. I had tons of pictures. The hardest part was trying to decide which ones to use. I’m giving this to Hannah for her birthday next week.”
“Are you having a party for her?”
“Most definitely. I will always make a big deal out of her birthday.”
Nick opened the first page. A baby with a red face and closed eyes lay on a bed of pink. The words Hannah Elenora Peretti arched over the top of the photo with her birth date aligned beneath her photo. Pink paper and baby stickers decorated the page. “Elenora? That’s your middle name.”
“And my nonna’s name. I wanted Hannah to have a small part of her.”
Nick turned the page and found a photo of Josie wearing a hospital gown and holding a pink bundle smiling at him. “You look so young.”
Guilt gnawed at him. He shifted on the couch.
He turned pages as Josie interjected little anecdotes. Hannah grew before his eyes. Pictures of her smearing food on her face, sleeping, playing, taking her first steps, getting her first haircut, showing off the gap in her front teeth, her first day of school, laughing with her friends, all the way through to recent pictures of her in the hospital.
All documentations of her life. And he’d missed every single one of them.
He swallowed several times to push out the lump in his throat. “It’s beautiful, Josie. She’s going to love it. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
“I figured she and I could work on her teen years someday. If she gets a chance to be a teen.” Josie’s voice choked on the last word. She traced the booties embossed on the front.
Nick took the album from her and set it on the trunk. He turned and tilted Josie’s chin up with his finger. “What’s this ‘if’ stuff? I’m a match, remember?”
“I know. Since Hannah became sick…I know God has a plan for her. I guess I’m afraid His will for her life may be different than mine. I can’t lose her, Nick.” She closed her eyes, the struggle with her emotions contorting her face.
Not caring about the consequences, Nick pulled her against his chest. He rubbed her back and rested his cheek against her hair. Josie’s tears dampened the front of his sweater. His heart felt as if it were splitting in two. He hadn’t known Hannah long, but she’d burrowed deep into his heart. He blinked back wetness from his own eyes.
He’d be here for Josie this time. No matter what happened, she wouldn’t have to face it alone.
“I have something for you.” Josie pulled away, leaving him missing her warmth. She reached for a tissue off the end table, dried her eyes and picked up a smaller book with hearts scattered across the cover. “This is the journal I wrote in while pregnant with Hannah. I had always been able to tell you anything. And well, journaling…it kind of felt like we were still talking. It was the one place where I could be real. You’re welcome to read it. If you want. No big deal if you don’t. I wrote about my appointments and Hannah’s growth. It’s not the same as being there, but if you’re interested…well, whatever.”
“You’re babbling.”
Her cheeks brightened. She looked away. “I am. Sorry. Just so you know—there’s some stuff that’s not so nice about you. I was young. I’m giving it to you now and closing the door to the past.”
Nick took the journal and leafed through it. The first line on the first page clenched his stomach—I’m pregnant. My dad’s gonna kill me. And Nick is gone. What am I going to do?
He flipped to the middle of the book and paused. His blood ran cold. He ran his finger down the page, pushing it toward Josie. “Tell me, uh, about this night.”
Josie scanned the words. “It’s there on the page.”
He turned and cupped her cheek. “Tell me ab
out that night.”
Josie dropped her gaze to her fingers. “I was six months pregnant with Hannah. I started having pains. Really sharp ones. I tried to call Dad, but he was at a school board meeting and didn’t answer his phone. Nonno was someplace—I don’t remember where. I was scared, but figured I needed to get the pains checked out. I drove to the E.R. in the rain, feeling more alone than ever. I knew at that moment the only person I could rely on was myself.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you before, Josie. I can’t even imagine. But that’s not going to be the case anymore. I’m always going to be here for you. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you don’t know if you can keep, Nick.”
Nick set the journal on the baby album. “We have a shared history of parents walking out on us. Let’s keep Hannah from having that in common with us. I will not abandon my family the way my dad did.” He cupped her face. “Josie, when I say I will always be there for Hannah, it’s a promise I’ll keep until the day I die.”
Chapter Fifteen
She wanted to believe him. Really, she did. And even though she told Nick she was closing the door to the past, she still couldn’t help but feel like his time in Shelby Lake was temporary. After Hannah’s bone marrow transplant, would he leave them and head back to his life in Linwood Park? Or would juggling his responsibilities with Ross keep him too busy to worry about Hannah?
Experience had taught her love didn’t stick around. Her mother couldn’t be bothered to stick around for the long haul. Nonna’s death proved love didn’t stay forever. And when her dad married Grace, well, Josie realized she had only herself to depend on.
But the look of anticipation on Nick’s face—well, it tugged on that cord wrapped around her heart that kept it intact. What if his words were true? What if he planned to be around for the long haul? What then? Would she allow herself to fall in love with him again?
Again? Or still?
She couldn’t deny it.
Against her better judgment, she was in love with Nick Brennan.
Now what was she going to do? She couldn’t exactly confess something like that. Quickest way to drive the guy away.
