by Lois Richer
“Is that right?” Heddy sounded surprised.
“Yes, it is.” He paused a moment then added, “I hope we won’t make her regret that choice.”
“Oh, Kent, dear. Don’t worry. There are other doctors to be had.” Heddy’s breezy, know-it-all tone glossed everything over.
“Then why aren’t they here?” Kent saw red at her easy dismissal of the generous doctor who’d slaved night and day trying to give to this town. “Where have they been for the last umpteen years? We need Jaclyn in Hope, Heddy. I would think everyone here could see that after the trouble we’ve had keeping the hospital functioning.”
“Are you getting a little too personally involved, Kent?” The snide undertone irritated.
“I am personally involved,” he shot back. “So are you. So is everyone in Hope. Jaclyn lost her sister because of inadequate medical care in this town, and yet she’s put away her sorrow so she could come back to help us. I hope we won’t be responsible for driving her away because we can’t forgive a teenager’s mistake. I think we’ve all made blunders we need forgiveness for. All of us.” He paused a moment, added a good-night and hung up. Let Heddy think on that for a while.
But as Kent cleaned up the job site and drove home, his brain kept replaying Jaclyn’s face just before she’d left. She reminded him of Lisa when he’d told her he wouldn’t move off the ranch. Worse, she reminded him of Lisa’s condemnation.
“You hurt people, Kent, because you close yourself off. You won’t let anyone, even me, see the vulnerable part of you. What are you so afraid of?”
Once, a long time ago, Jaclyn had asked him exactly the same thing.
He’d been on his way home from dropping off Lisa after the graduation celebration when he’d seen a figure in pale yellow in front of the church.
“Jaclyn?” Kent barely recognized her in the ragged and torn dress. Her eyes were bloodshot and black-ringed from tears that streaked mascara down her cheeks. Then he saw the chaos she’d created. “What are you doing?”
“He’s God, isn’t He?” Jaclyn sprayed another red jagged line on the white adobe wall of their church, her brown eyes seething with fury. “He wouldn’t help Jessica, but He should be able to repair His own church, don’t you think? God. The great One. He’s supposed to fix everything. Isn’t that what they taught us here, Kent?”
“Stop it.” He wrenched the paint can out of her hand. “This won’t bring Jessica back.”
“No, it won’t. Nothing will.” Jaclyn picked up a stone and hurled it, shattering the small stained-glass window of the youth room. She tore plants from the flower bed and tossed them on the pavement, ignoring the cactus barbs that tore her delicate skin.
“Jaclyn, stop.” He’d grabbed her hands, held them in his. “Just stop.”
“Stop what—hurting? Stop feeling like God abandoned me, left me hanging when I needed Him most? I wish I could.” Her chin thrust forward, her jaw tightened. “Jess should have been there tonight, Kent. She should have been the valedictorian, not me. She should have worn the dress we chose last winter. Why wasn’t she?” Fury vibrated in that question. “Because He sat there and did nothing. God let her die.”
A second later she’d yanked her hands free and raced to the front door. After removing her shoes, she started hitting the wooden doors with them, antique doors that had guarded entry to the church for almost a century. The gouges from her pointed heels went deep.
“Jaclyn, stop it!” He’d grabbed her arm, tried to drag her away. But anger made her strong. She wrenched free, grabbed the spray can he’d stuck in his pocket and continued her vandalism. Kent tried to stop her but she kept evading him. At last he grabbed her hand and pulled.
“We have to get out of here,” he urged when she didn’t move.
“Why? What are you afraid of, Kent? That your reputation will be shot ’cause you’re here with me? That people will find out you’re not the Goody Two-shoes you pretend to be?” She laughed. “Or are you afraid they’ll figure out you’re not the good little Christian boy they think?”
Kent remembered flashing police lights strobing across her face and the way Jaclyn had pushed against him, hard. She’d dropped the spray can by his feet and run off, her shriek of laughter ending in a muffled sob. He’d stood dumbfounded while the police jumped out of their cars and arrested him.
Oreo drew Kent back to reality, shoving her head against his hand. He’d never forgotten Jaclyn’s words. Never stopped wondering how Jaclyn had seen past his carefree facade to his ever-present fear that he failed his parents.
Kent wondered if Jaclyn knew that even after all these years, the fear was still there.
Chapter Five
“We might as well close early, RaeAnn,” Jaclyn told her office nurse. “We won’t have more appointments or drop-ins this late. Besides I’m dead after being on call last night. Two heart attacks, a broken arm, a broken leg, suspected meningitis and an accident with a chain saw were enough.” She grimaced. “Not that I’m complaining. At least people trust me in an emergency.”
“They’ll come around. Hang in there.” RaeAnn patted her shoulder.
“That’s what everyone says.” Jaclyn pocketed her phone. “So far I feel like I’m hanging out to dry.”
“Hey, where’s your faith?” RaeAnn challenged. “God is working. You just have to give it time.”
Time. Something Jaclyn was running short of with only two months left before she lost her funding. Unless Kent got her clinic ready in time.
“Well, if you’re serious about quitting early, I’m going to enjoy a half hour of sun before I get to work on dinner.” RaeAnn shut down the computers and grabbed her handbag.
“I’m going to have a nap. Then I have a supper meeting at a service club.”
“Another one?” The nurse frowned. “You just got in with that speech-making group. You’re sure joining a lot of things. Don’t you think you’re taking on too much?”
“I’m trying to fit in so people will see I’m not the same dumb kid they once knew. And I haven’t exactly joined the second service club yet. I’m still a guest,” Jaclyn told her. “I’m hoping I can make a few friends there.”
Except that no one hung around to talk to her after the meeting. Everyone seemed to have a place to be—except her. Jaclyn deliberately drove past the clinic site, as she had twice every day for the past two weeks. She was getting frustrated. How could she get patients if she didn’t have a professional place to see them? That pokey room tucked into an unused corner of the hospital wasn’t going to inspire confidence in new patients.
Jaclyn climbed out of her car and tried the door of the clinic but it was locked, and no one answered her knock. She’d hoped to work off some of her stress tonight by assisting Kent. Manual labor would go a long way toward making her feel like she hadn’t lost all command of her world.
But Kent was not at the building. Again. Two whole weeks and as far as she could tell, nothing was happening with the clinic. Two weeks of no lights, no noises of construction, nothing. It was as if Kent had completely forgotten about her clinic.
Desperation edged in on her already strained nerves. When was he going to finish the place? Had he given up? And if he had, why didn’t he just come right out and tell her?
“I’m trying to help,” she said through gritted teeth. “What does it take to get some cooperation in this town, God?”
Fuming, Jaclyn climbed back in her car and headed for the McCloy ranch. If Kent had given up or changed his mind, she had to know now. Not that it was likely she could make alternate arrangements at this late date, but she couldn’t just give up, either. She had to do something.
The scenic beauty on the drive to the ranch eased some of her frustration. The valleys burst with lushness. She reveled in the beauty of the hills, and was reminded of the days she and Jessica h
ad saddled up and ridden over the hills of their own ranch, searching for a perfect patch to lie on and peer into the heavens, full of dreams and plans for the future.
Only Jessica never had the opportunity to fulfill her plans.
“I want you to live all the things I won’t, Jaci,” she’d said, lying in her bed. “Don’t be angry at God. He knows what He’s doing.”
“Jess—” Her sister had stopped the words with a pale, thin finger against her lips.
“Do all the things we planned. Be a doctor, start the clinic. Live, Jaci. Do it for me. I love you.” That night Jessica fell into a coma. She never awoke.
The only way Jaclyn could appease her pain was to take action. So Jaclyn worked, trying to earn the gift of life that had been taken away from her sister. She’d strived so hard to make her parents proud of her, but the pain of Jessica’s loss was too great and they’d all fallen away from each other. Neither parent approved of her decision to return to Hope.
In the recesses of her mind, Jaclyn had never achieved Jessica’s peace about God’s failure to heal. That angst was bearable only when buried under a cloak of activity. She had to get Kent to complete the clinic.
In the McCloy ranch yard, heavily scented pink blossoms on fruit trees mingled with the blush of spring flowers newly opened, their whimsical fragrance filling the air. Kent’s truck was parked in the side yard so he had to be around, though no one answered her knock.
Jaclyn headed around the side, toward the paddock, and saw him saddling a big bay stallion that danced with anticipation. Kent seemed totally engrossed in his task and never even looked up as she approached.
“How are you, Kent?”
“Hey.” He blinked at her, smiled then continued cinching the saddle. “What are you doing out here?”
“I came to talk to you.” When he didn’t respond, she added, “About the clinic.”
“You should have phoned. I would have told you I can’t talk right now. I’m on the way to check on some cattle.” His answers were short and brisk. He didn’t look at her.
“But—”
“I’m busy right now.” His tone made it clear he wasn’t about to relinquish his plans.
“I’ll go with you to check the cattle.” The words slipped out without thought, but Jaclyn knew it was the right decision. “Maybe we can talk on the way.” She looked toward the horses in the paddock. “Is there a certain one you’d prefer me to ride?”
“Jaclyn.” Kent studied her for several moments. After a moment he sighed. “How long is it since you’ve ridden?”
“High school.” She held steady under his stare, breathing deeply only when he turned away to whistle. A pretty chestnut mare trotted over.
“This is Tangay. She was Lisa’s.” Kent frowned. “Think you can handle her?”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Confident words when she wasn’t confident at all. Jaclyn hoped Kent couldn’t tell.
“Not that I’m complaining, but are you going to ride in those clothes?” he asked in a careful tone.
She glanced down. “I have gym clothes in my car. I’ll change and be back in a second.”
“Use the house. I’ll saddle her up.” He waited until she’d walked about fifty feet before he asked, “Are you sure you want to come? It’s not an easy ride.”
“Kent.” She tsk-tsked. “You should know nothing worthwhile ever is easy. You should certainly know that ‘hard’ doesn’t stop me.” She grinned at him then walked to her car.
In record time she’d changed into jogging pants, a cotton shirt and sneakers. Not exactly ideal riding wear, but it would do for now. When she returned to the corral, Kent was waiting, obviously eager to leave. He handed her the reins and offered her a boost up into the saddle.
“Hello, Tangay. Be gentle with me, will you? It’s a long time since I went for a ride.”
“You don’t have a hat.” Kent frowned.
“I doubt I’ll get sun stroke this late in the afternoon.”
“Are you sure—”
“Unless you want to get off that horse and talk to me here and now about the clinic, I’m going on this ride.” She gave him the fiercest look she could manage.
“Okay, okay. Let’s go.” He led the way but glanced back to say, “But don’t blame me if you’re stiff and sore tomorrow.”
“Like riding a bike,” she said airily. “Nothing to it.”
The dirt path soon disappeared. Kent motioned her to ride beside him.
Jaclyn reveled in the glorious green of the hillside. “Look at that valley. The sun’s lit a kind of aura around it.”
“Uh-huh.” Apparently he was too used to it to get overly excited.
“Where are we going?”
“Sore already?” he teased, ignoring her dark look. “We’re going over to Shadow Ridge. We used to go there for campfires with the youth group.”
“I remember.” Shadow Ridge was where she’d first asked the other kids to pray for Jessica.
“Some of my cattle trespassed onto my neighbor’s property. Again. I need to see why.” He made it sound as if it was a repeated chore he did not enjoy.
“How do you manage the cattle, all this land and your practice?” Jaclyn was beginning to understand Kent’s reluctance to take on the clinic renovation. He had to be exhausted juggling so many demands on his time.
“I have help with the ranch,” he told her. “Two men usually, but one is off sick and the other’s on holiday. So today it’s just me and the dumb cattle. Normally I don’t have much interaction with them.”
“Why is that?” Jaclyn caught an undertone in his voice. “You always loved animals.”
“Most animals,” he corrected. His mouth slanted down in a grim line. “I’ve never liked longhorns.”
“Why?” The funny tone told Jaclyn there was a lot he wasn’t saying.
“Since we moved to this ranch, I’ve been stabbed, kicked and mauled by longhorns.”
“Surely that’s not unusual. You must have had animals bite you. I’ve had kids do that. Part of the job.” Jaclyn studied him. “Isn’t it?”
“Maybe. It’s a little different when you’re staring down a two-thousand-pound animal with horns who just wants you out of the way.” His voice grew tight. “I grit my teeth and treat them when I have to but that doesn’t mean I like them.”
“Then why keep longhorns on your ranch?” There was something Kent wasn’t saying so Jaclyn pressed, even though she knew she shouldn’t.
“Because they were Dad’s.” The words burst out of him in an annoyed rush. “He loved them, said they were a breed to honor. Dad spent hours choosing, trading one animal so he could get another.” Kent adjusted his reins, avoiding her eyes. “I can’t just get rid of his handpicked herd. It would be like selling the ranch.”
Jaclyn didn’t remember his father being so obsessed about cattle but then she hadn’t known him that well. She rode in silence, struggling to recall Kent’s parents. She remembered something else instead.
“Weren’t you the guy whose yearbook blurb said he was going to build a petting zoo, or a sanctuary for wild animals? Something like that. What happened to that plan?”
“It’s on hold.” Kent stopped at a tiny stream and dismounted. He offered a hand to help her down. “Let them have a drink,” he said. “Then we’ll head up the hill.”
Once she was off the horse, Jaclyn sank onto a big, flat sun-warmed rock. Kent would tell her the rest of the story when he was ready. She hoped.
He led the horses to the water. As they drank he ran a hand down his stallion’s flanks, his touch gentle on the glossy black coat. Clearly he loved his horse, though he only patted Tangay once before moving away.
“Why didn’t you sell Tangay?” she asked in the gloaming of the riverside.
“She’s got medical issues. I couldn’t charge anyone knowing that and there aren’t many ranchers who want a problem horse.”
“Is it okay for me to ride her?” Jaclyn worried.
“Oh, yeah. Tangay doesn’t get enough exercise. But she’s not up to anything more demanding than an occasional ride.” Kent dragged off his black Stetson and raked a hand through the riot of curls that shone ebony. He sprawled on a nearby rock, a piece of grass in his mouth. Kent McCloy was a very handsome man.
“Thank you for bringing me here.” Jaclyn inhaled the peace and beauty surrounding her. “I needed a break to readjust my thinking. You may have guessed I have control issues.”
Kent raised one eyebrow, smiled, but said nothing.
“I need to have things arranged just so.”
“I noticed.” He winked at her.
“Well, I’m working on remembering God’s in control.” His wink had her flustered.
They sat in silence until Kent held out his hand to help her stand.
“Time to go,” he said, his smile slightly crooked.
His touch against her skin sent a heat wave up her arm that had nothing to do with the waning sun. Jaclyn scrambled back on her horse, pretending nonchalance as they rode up the hill.
“There they are.” He halted on the rise and pointed a finger at several cattle perfectly content to graze on someone else’s land. “How— Oh, I see. The fence is damaged. I’ll have to drive out with the truck tomorrow morning and fix it.”
“I can help now if you want.” Jaclyn saw his smile peek out before he composed his expression into a bland mask.
“Thanks, but I didn’t bring my equipment.” He shrugged. “This was just a trip to reconnoiter. Oh, look.” He pointed to a sleek, dark form racing across the open. Then it slipped into the shadows of a clump of trees. His voice dropped to a whisper. “I think it’s the same one.”
“The same one what?” Jaclyn peered, but the gloomy shadows hid the animal.
“A wolf. I came out here about a month ago.” Seeing the wolf, Kent’s demeanor underwent a complete transformation. “A young wolf cub had injured himself and was trapped in some cactus brambles. Took me a while but I got him free, gave him some water and cleaned up his cut.”
