by Lois Richer
“Why you? You’re not an emergency specialist,” Brianna said.
“Here in Hope I am. This is a small town, remember? There aren’t any specialists, per se. Lately I’ve been helping out on the emergency ward. This is the first time I’ve sat down since lunch.” She smothered a yawn. “And then I stopped by the clinic.”
“That sounds ominous.” Brianna—a psychologist—had a gift for sensing trouble. “Want to talk about it?”
“Kent’s not going to get it done in time.” Jaclyn had known it subconsciously for days, but she’d kept hoping she was wrong. New water damage caused by a bad pipe had changed everything. Now there was no longer any point in pretending. “It won’t be habitable by my deadline.”
“Can you ask Kent to work harder?”
“No, I can’t. He’s already going all out.” Bitter disappointment threatened to swamp her but Jaclyn pushed it back. “It’s not Kent’s fault. There’s just too much for him to do and no one else to help.” She sniffed. “I’m going to lose my funding, Brianna. The clinic isn’t going to happen.”
“I’m so sorry. Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure.” Jaclyn told her a few of the many things that still needed to be done at the clinic.
“What about the townspeople? They used to be pretty gung ho on working together.”
“That just shows you haven’t been back in Hope for a while. This feud has split everyone. Nobody seems interested in helping anyone else. In fact, I still don’t have many patients.” Where did all this leave her, Jaclyn wondered? “Do you think I was wrong to start this?” she asked her friend.
“You’ve wanted to start that clinic for as long as I can remember,” Brianna said. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“But maybe I’ve been going about it the wrong way.” She reminded Brianna about all the groups she’d joined, all the ways she’d tried to become part of the small community. “I’ve tried to make them see I’m not the same kid that vandalized their church, but Kent was right. I’m killing myself trying to be all things to all people. Worse than that, it isn’t working. Kent says—”
“Sounds like you and Kent have been talking a lot. Anything you want to tell me about him, Jaclyn?” The hint was hard to miss.
“I like him, Brianna. A lot.” Understatement.
“You always did.” A soft giggle. “Has he changed much from high school?”
“We all have. I suspect losing his parents and then his wife changed Kent most. He’s been great, but friendship is all we can share. You know that.”
“I don’t know that at all.” Brianna’s voice softened. “I only know you’ve told yourself that. All these years you’ve been so focused on getting Jessica’s clinic on track that you haven’t allowed anything else in your life. Maybe it’s time to rethink that.”
“Nothing’s changed, Brianna,” she said quietly. “Marriage isn’t for me. I’m dedicated to my patients.”
“To the exclusion of everyone and everything else? I don’t think that’s healthy. We all need people in our lives.”
“That’s the pot calling the kettle black. Who do you have?” Jaclyn challenged.
“My son. He fills my world with joy.”
“Is that all you want?”
“For now it is,” Brianna said. “He’s got problems right now and I need to get his world straightened out. But if I’m being totally honest, I think I had my shot at love and blew it.”
She was referring to dumping Zac right before their marriage. Jaclyn had never figured out exactly why Brianna had done that and her friend had always refused to discuss it.
“Zac’s still here,” she said. “Every so often he shows up to help Kent with the clinic. He’s still single.”
“Oh.” Brianna was silent for a few moments. “So I should get involved but you won’t consider it yourself?”
“I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to the guy.” She squeezed her eyes close and fought back the tears. “You know how my parents’ marriage is, Brianna. Ever since Jessica died, they’ve been like strangers sharing a house. They loved each other once, but that’s gone. I couldn’t go through that—watching love die.”
“There’s no reason you have to. Not all marriages are like theirs. People can heal after a loss, if they’re willing to work at it. Trust me, in my practice I’ve seen all kinds of rifts healed. But they have to do it in their own time and their own way. You’re not responsible for them.”
“But if they approved of my clinic—”
“Come on, Jaclyn, there is more broken in their marriage than your refusal to follow the path they chose for you.” She paused and lowered her voice. “Anyway, it’s you we’re talking about. You seem to think that being a doctor is all you can be and it’s not. You have so much more to give. It’s a shame that you won’t even consider sharing that with someone. With Kent,” she added firmly.
“I can’t. I’m not the kind of person who can do things part way. I want to give the best I can in my practice. That doesn’t leave time for a relationship, even if I wanted one and Kent was interested. Which he isn’t,” she added bluntly.
“And you know this because?” Brianna never had given up easily.
“Because one night he kissed me and the next time I saw him he acted like we were just casual friends,” she blurted. Brianna’s silence said it all. “I’m no good at this relationship thing, Brianna. I never have been. You and Shay figured out how to make relationships work in high school. I never have.”
“And so now you’re running scared?” Brianna chuckled. “As a psychologist, I have to tell you that there is great healing in doing the thing you most fear.”
“But what if Kent can’t or won’t reciprocate my feelings?” she whispered.
“Then you’ll deal with it. Isn’t knowing you did your best and accepting that you didn’t succeed better than not taking the chance and wishing you had because maybe, maybe it might be something far better than you can even imagine?”
“I don’t know.” Jaclyn’s brain was a mix of conflicting emotions.
“In your heart, you know.” Brianna’s voice changed into counselor mode. “You’ve always been an island, Jaclyn. You’re strong and independent. You think if you can just be strong enough, work hard enough, do enough, you can earn what you want. It doesn’t work that way. Nobody gets everything they want. Things happen. When they do, it’s good to have someone in your corner to cheer you on. Don’t let fear about love cheat you. After all, you wouldn’t stop treatment for a patient just because they were afraid of it, would you?”
“No.”
“Then don’t run from your feelings. Think about Kent, pray about him and his role in your life and start imagining your life if he was in it all the time. This is your life, Jaclyn. Make sure you live it.”
Just then Brianna’s son came in and she had to end the call. Jaclyn hung up the phone with her friend’s words spinning around and around her head. She made herself a cup of coffee and sat on the patio, trying to soak in the peace of the tiny space.
Essentially Kent and Brianna had said the same thing—she had to stop trying to make up for what Jessica didn’t get to experience. She had to invest in her own life. The clinic had been her dream for so long she couldn’t imagine it not happening. But what if it didn’t? What if God had something else in mind?
* * *
“Coming! I’m coming,” Jaclyn called when her doorbell rang later. She stubbed her toe trying to cut short the bell’s persistent peal and hopped across the room on one foot. “Is there an emergency?” she demanded as she yanked open the door.
“I think so.” Kent surged into the room, his face glowing, blue eyes sparkling like crystal droplets from the ocean. “I have an idea.”
She flopped down on the sofa, rubbing her aching toe. “Must be big fo
r you to lean on my doorbell like that.”
“Dr. LaForge, are you cranky?” he teased. Then he frowned at her. “What’s wrong with your foot?”
“I hit it trying to answer the doorbell.” Jaclyn gulped when Kent knelt in front of her, took her bare foot in his hands and began to massage away the pain.
“You were a trouper today.” His fingertips were so soothing she could barely keep her eyes open. “I realized something this afternoon, Jaclyn. That clinic of yours could be a huge asset in an emergency. We could use it as a triage center to handle minor injuries, people who are homeless, stuff like that. You’ve got some equipment that would be very useful.”
“Uh-huh.” Heart racing, she carefully lifted her foot out of his grasp. “Thank you. It’s better now.” She waited until he’d taken a seat opposite her. “But the clinic would have to be operational for that and I now realize that isn’t going to happen.”
“You’re giving up?” He bent so he could peer into her eyes. “That easily?”
“Easily? It’s not easy at all.” She pushed back her hair and folded her legs beneath her, fighting the urge to give in to tears. “But it is reality and I’m not the kind of person who avoids the truth. The truth is you can’t get the place operational in the two weeks we have left.”
“Can’t I?” His blue eyes glinted with an interior fire. “Actually that’s why I’m here.”
When Kent smiled his grin did odd things to her brain cells, muddling them. She wanted to put her foot back in his hands, just to have him touch her. Was this what love did to you?
“Are you listening to me?” he demanded. “You look—weird.”
“Thank you. I feel weird.” She nodded. “What’s this idea?”
“Well, I know you originally wanted to call the place Jessica’s Clinic, but after today, after seeing people in this town pull together to stop that fire the accident caused, I started thinking. Maybe they’d chip in and help finish the clinic if they felt they had some stake in it.”
“You want me to offer shares?” She frowned at him in confusion. “That would take ages to arrange.”
“No, doctor dearest.” He brushed her nose with his fingertip. “I want you to sponsor a contest to name the clinic.” He moved his fingers to cover her lips and stem her protest. “Just listen. You want the clinic open to honor your sister, right?” He waited for her nod. “But it’s getting close to your deadline and opening might not happen. So how does it honor Jessica if the clinic doesn’t open?”
She frowned again shifting so his hand fell away from her as she reconsidered.
“People saw you in action today, Doc, and they were impressed. They watched you pitch in unasked. They know you’re good at what you do and I think they finally see that you’re committed. Sooner or later I’m sure they’ll come around, but we need them sooner.”
“So?” She still wasn’t sure how this could work.
He spread his hands wide and grinned, his whole face alive with excitement. “We make them feel like they have ownership in the clinic by appealing to them to help choose a name. That’s inclusion and I think it will turn the tide. You’ve laid the groundwork, now it’s time to see if joining all those committees paid off.”
Jaclyn had let go of so many things. She’d had to relinquish the burnt-out building and make do with a smaller one. Brianna wasn’t going to be able to join her as soon as she’d hoped because she couldn’t sell her home in Chicago. Their friend Shay was supposed to come on board at the clinic in six months but now that arrangement was also in jeopardy. Now she had to relinquish Jessica’s name?
“But if it isn’t named for Jessica, how will people know about my sister?”
“If they don’t know, will that lessen the impact? Will that make Jessica’s clinic any less valuable?” Kent leaned forward. “I know it’s not the way you planned, Jaclyn. But it might be better. Can you take a chance on that?”
There it was again, the suggestion that she had to release control. Jaclyn squeezed her eyes closed. She could see her sister’s face as if she were here now. She could hear the phrase she’d always repeated—let go and let God.
“Okay.” She exhaled and opened her eyes.
“You’ll do it?” Kent looked surprised.
Jaclyn nodded. “It’s a good idea. How do we do it?”
“I brought some stuff to make signs. I say we hang them all over town.” Kent opened the door, drew a big bag inside and began unloading markers and poster boards on her dining table. “We’ll tell people to drop off their suggestions at the town hall. I’ve already talked to the staff there and it’s okay with them.”
“Pretty sure of yourself, weren’t you?” She had to laugh at his confident grin.
“I know how much you want this clinic to happen.” His gaze met hers. “I think this will ignite interest more than anything else we can do.” He reached out and touched her shoulder then slid his palm up to cup her cheek. “We’re not giving up on Jessica’s clinic. No way, Doc.”
We. She loved the sound of that. Like they were a team.
Overcome with emotion that this wonderful man had done so much for her, she leaned forward and brushed her lips against his cheek. “Thank you, Kent,” she whispered, and meant it.
“You’re welcome.” Kent grinned. “So what are you waiting for? We’ve got work to do.”
She sat down, pulled the cap off a black pen and began to print as the tall, dark and handsome rancher tossed his Stetson on her sofa and sat down beside her to get to work.
* * *
Kent arrived at the clinic at five the next morning with new resolve.
It had come yesterday, after he and his men had extinguished the fire caused by the rollover of a gasoline truck that had caused a three-car pileup. He’d gone to the hospital to have a minor burn treated and instead watched in amazement as Jaclyn dealt with the taxing of the little hospital’s resources by assigning volunteers tasks without regard for the town feud. As a result, former enemies had cooperated in a common goal for the community and turned what might have been tragedy into triumph. Her actions had given him the idea for the contest. It had also inspired him to get the clinic finished.
Kent had spent a long time last night wishing he could build on the friendship he’d forged with Jaclyn. It would be so easy to love her.
But that wasn’t going to happen.
Kent had failed Lisa—he knew and accepted that, and he was dealing with the guilt. But he could never trust himself to love Jaclyn, couldn’t stand to let her down, to disappoint her. And disappointing people was what he did best. His parents, Lisa, even God. Yes, he was trying to change that, trying to be more trusting in God’s love for him, but that didn’t mean he was willing to risk hurting Jaclyn. So he ignored his feelings for her and got busy on her clinic.
At seven, Zac stopped by with a thermos of coffee and two doughnuts.
“Hey, cowboy, take a break.” He looked around. “This place is coming together,” he said with approval.
“Thanks, but we’ve got a long way to go yet.” Kent paused, grateful for the snack since he’d managed only a meager breakfast.
“I can stop by after school and give you a hand,” Zac offered. “I’m pretty good with a paintbrush. I could do the trim outside.”
“Great! I’ve been meaning to touch that up. I wish I knew someone who was good with cement. The walkway is in terrible shape and I haven’t got time to fiddle with it.”
“I’ll pray about it. Maybe God will send someone.”
“Maybe He will,” Kent said, trying to keep the faith.
No sooner had Zac left than someone else pounded on the door.
“Heddy promised us roast beef dinner with apple pie tonight if we helped you out today.” Two former town council members stood there smiling. “Put us to work.”
<
br /> Knowing both men were dab handymen, Kent gave them the task of adding trim to the bathroom and examination rooms. He’d barely finished talking when two women arrived and offered to clean. More helpers trickled in throughout the day to repair the waiting-room chairs, to paint a mural, to hang shelves in each of the examining rooms. Each offer allowed Kent to place a tick beside another to-do item—even, finally, the much-needed cement work. God really was giving them a hand and Kent was thrilled.
Zac had just started painting the exterior trim when Joey’s parents and three other couples appeared and insisted on tackling the ugly plot behind the building. Kent was dubious about their plans, but when he went to check on them, he found the area transformed into a parking stall for Jaclyn and a tiny walled-off garden bursting with flowers, the perfect place for staff breaks.
“This is lovely,” he told them.
“It’s the least we can do for Dr. Jaclyn,” Joey’s mom told him, her face glowing. “Because of her, our son will have an easier life. The specialist says he will walk without the pain after the operation.”
So Jaclyn had been right about Joey’s chances. Kent cringed as he remembered how he’d questioned her decision.
“If Dr. LaForge hadn’t taken our daughter to that healing center in Las Cruces, she would never have entered drug treatment,” another woman said. “This is our way of thanking her.”
“We need Jaclyn in this town,” said the third. “She makes us think about what Hope could be.”
A rush of awe filled Kent. Jaclyn had given Hope so much. Now, finally, it was coming back to her. She was going to get the clinic she’d been dreaming of. He could hardly control his excitement. After everyone had left for the day, he did a walk-through and made a new list, much shorter and easier to complete. He’d received enough phone calls offering to help that the following day’s tasks should be covered.
Thank You, God.
Part of him wanted to crow with pride at this amazing woman. Jaclyn’s presence in Hope made a big difference to the town—and if he was honest, to him. He couldn’t escape the truth—Jaclyn had dug herself a place in his heart.
