“How did you find me?” I forced myself to speak, my breathing slowing as my surroundings began to melt away like a burning candle.
“What? That isn't important.” One of Josh's teardrops fell on my cheek. “Focus on my voice, Ali.”
“Please. Just tell me.”
“I used your phone's GPS. Well, Max did. He was at the house on the computer hacking your cellphone while I was in my car following his directions.”
“You shouldn't talk on the phone while driving,” I teased, feeling reality slip away. “You could've gotten hurt.”
“Alison? Alison!” Josh shouted, but I was already gone.
I gasped as I sat up and took a long deep breath to try and calm myself down. Annoying beeps and noises began to go off in the room I was in, and it didn't take me long to figure out I was at the hospital. Somehow I didn't die, but how? The knife had pierced my heart, which was surely fatal, right? Or was I saved just in time?
“Josh?” I called out, the pounding in my head making me wince. Footsteps hurrying towards my room were heard as a girl walked in, her long brown hair tied back in a messy bun.
“You're finally awake!” The girl squeaked excitedly. My eyes widened in fear as I stared at the mirror image of myself.
“Get away from me!” I screamed at my twin sister before pulling out the IV needle from my arm and trying to stand on my feet. My body felt so weak and stiff, as if I hadn't walked in ages. “You're supposed to be dead!”
“Mom! Dad!” Carly yelled before running out of the room. An army of nurses soon came rushing in as I began to throw whatever I could at them. The only person I could trust was Josh. Where is he? I needed him now more than ever.
“Take it easy!” One of the nurses shouted at me before injecting my arm with some sort of clear liquid. The room fell into instant darkness as unconsciousness swept me off my feet.
When I woke up the second time I saw both of my parents sitting next to the hospital bed I was in, relief on their faces when they saw my eyes open. I glanced around but Carly was nowhere in sight. Had I just imagined her? Was I just dreaming before? I focused my attention back to my parents, seeing smiles on both of their faces.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” Dad spoke. “How are you feeling?”
“I'm feeling okay,” I responded. “Where's Josh? Is he here?”
“Josh?” I could hear the questioning tone in my mother's voice.
“Yeah. And Max and their parents. Are they here?”
“Who's Josh?” Dad asked. “You don't know someone named Josh. Well, at least I don't think you do.”
“Of course I do!” I argued. “Josh Anderson! The father of my child!”
Both of my parents gave me troubled looks just as Carly and Jeremy came walking in the room. Carly held a little girl in her arms who looked to be around four years old, her light brown hair tied up in pigtails.
“Sweetie, don't you remember what happened?” Mom asked. By now I was so confused that it felt like the room was spinning out of control. All I wanted to do was throw up.
“What happened?” I murmured.
“You were in a car accident two years ago. You've been in a deep coma for two years, but over the last few weeks you’ve been slowly waking up.” Mom explained.
I gasped. “What?”
“We've all been waiting for you to wake up.” Carly said. “Even Lily. Your daughter.”
“Lily?” I looked back over to my sister and the young toddler she held. I studied the child for a few moments, finding she indeed had a lot of my own facial features. Carly gently placed Lily down on the ground and watched as she ran over to the bed with excitement. I picked her up and placed her on my lap, her piercing blue eyes staring at me. Those eyes...I've seen them before, but where? They were so familiar, and yet I couldn't place them.
“Do you remember who her father is?” Jeremy asked me. I shook my head, my eyes never shifting away from Lily. “Lily's father is Scott Hamilton.”
I finally snapped my attention back to Jeremy, my tone challenging. “Scott is her father?”
“Of course.” Carly responded.
I was silent as I stared at the floor, taking everything in all at once. Everything that I had experienced, every memory that I had of Josh and I being together was nothing more than a dream. None of it was real.
None of it was real.
“This isn't happening,” I stood to my feet and hurried over to the large mirror that hung on the wall, although my entire body protested and was stiff. As soon as I looked in the mirror I jumped with a startle. The dark brown hair that I once had was gone, now being replaced by wavy blonde hair that went halfway down my back. “My hair! Where's my brown hair?”
“I wasn't allowed to keep up with your roots so your blonde hair eventually grew back.” Carly spoke. “But we can dye your hair brown again if you want. Or red. Or even black.”
I picked up a few strands of hair and lightly rubbed them between my fingers, feeling how soft my hair was. This couldn't be real. Was I in Hell? I had to be in Hell right now. With shaky hands, I lifted up my shirt to see if I had any scars that should've been there, but instead, I was greeted by perfectly smooth skin. Absolutely no scars were there, and none were on my wrists.
There were a couple of puncture holes from when the nurses had to change out my IV needles, and that's when I realized it was those random pinches I would sometimes feel.
“Can I have some time alone?” I asked, turning to my parents. “Please?” They nodded, my mother taking Lily before everyone filed out of the room, my father closing the door behind him.
As soon as they were gone I completely broke down. I leaned against the wall and slid down it until I was sitting on the floor, my face drenched in tears. It felt like I had lost everything, but in reality, I actually didn't lose anything. Not really. Jeremy was alive, and Carly wasn't a psychotic bitch who wanted to kill me. I had a beautiful daughter who looked healthy, so why was I feeling this way? Why wasn't I consumed with joy?
It was because the man that I fell in love with didn't even know I existed.
Chapter Twenty-One
During the next couple of weeks I had to stay at the hospital for further testing and examinations, but all I wanted to do was leave and go back home, wherever home was. My family spent that time slowly filling in the missing pieces so I could try and remember who I really was, but I couldn't. Every memory I had wasn't real, the false information confusing me. I was still terrified of Carly and couldn't look at her without sending myself into a panic attack.
Lily and I instantly hit it off without a hitch. Somehow this motherly instinct flipped on like a switch, and I always wanted to be around my daughter and learn from her. I wanted to get to know everything about her, the young toddler fascinating me. Unfortunately, it turned out that Lily was the one with cancer, not me. She had a cancer called Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia which was detected right before I got sent into the coma, but with treatments over the last couple of years, it seems as though the cancer has decreased, my daughter now in remission.
My parents explained to me what had happened regarding the car crash, and most likely why the actor Josh Anderson was in this fantasy my mind conjured up while I was in the coma. Carly and I had VIP tickets to attend a celebrity basketball game that we got for our birthday, the two of us driving from Florida to California. In Los Angeles, our family owned a beach house that the two of us were going to spend the weekend at, and when my parents began describing the beach house I realized it was the same house I had fantasized about in the coma; it had been Josh's beach house in Hawaii.
Carly and I had a great time at the basketball game and had the chance to meet all of the celebrities during the after-party from the VIP passes. One of the celebrities that were there had been Josh Anderson, the young actor taking a liking to both my sister and I. He even invited the two of us back to his hotel room to have a party of our own, but since I had been engaged t
o Scott at the time I refused the offer, so Carly went back to Josh's hotel room that night without me. The car crash happened just a couple of hours later when I was driving myself back to the beach house.
I had just turned nineteen years old at the time; now I was apparently twenty-one. Time sure does go by when you're in a coma.
Scott and I met when I was only fourteen years old and he was seventeen, the young man finishing high school while it was only my beginning. We fell in love quickly and deeply, every moment passionate and breathtaking apparently. I ended up getting pregnant at only sixteen years old and gave birth to Lily at seventeen, and even though Scott was always busy attending the local police academy he still made time for me and his daughter.
After Scott graduated from the academy he instantly got a job as a police officer at the same station my father worked at. My father was the sheriff and my mother worked from home as a successful writer; I had no idea why I dreamt of them as hospital doctors.
When I asked my parents where Scott was they were both hesitant to tell me, but eventually they finally told me the truth. While I was in the coma Scott had been shot and killed after responding to a gang shooting right here in Los Angeles. My family, Natalie, and even Scott moved from Florida to California since I was in one of the best hospitals in the country, but I felt a pang of guilt. If Scott had never changed locations then he wouldn't had become a cop in a dangerous city and would still be alive.
As for Natalie and my therapist Diana, the background I dreamt about them had been almost completely true. Natalie and I met in therapy when my boyfriend at the time had died from suicide back when I was a young teenager, that boyfriend being Wade Saullo. His death tore me apart so much that my parents decided to put me in therapy since I refused to talk to them about it, but when I met Natalie we just instantly clicked.
When I fell into the deep coma Natalie decided to switch schools and move all the way to California where she lives on her college campus. I haven't seen her yet but I was very excited to eventually be reunited with my best friend.
I was in the middle of getting dressed when a soft knock came from the door. Today I was finally going home, although my new home was now the beach house. My siblings and I did have a trust fund of $500,000 each but were unable to access it until we were eighteen. Carly had bought the beach house from our parents after they and Jeremy moved to a much bigger house, my sister offering me a place to stay and to see if I wanted it to be permanent.
“Come in.” I responded. The door opened and Carly stepped inside, a smile on her face. I don't know what it's going to be like living with her, but I hope that being around her will eventually become easier.
“Hey,” Carly sat at the edge of the bed. “Are you ready to go home?”
“I don't really know what home is anymore.” I admitted as I pulled on a pink tank top.
For the last few days I caught myself looking for any scars that were supposed to be on my stomach and wrists, but they never appeared. Of course they wouldn't; they were never there to begin with. I had to keep telling myself that every memory I had right now was nothing but a lie. The doctors said that hopefully my memories would eventually start to come back, and I had to be patient. A brain injury takes time to heal, even though I'm awake from the coma. My memories could either come back as fragments, all at once, or not at all. For my sake, I hope it will be slowly. If they all came rushing back at once, then I don’t know how I would handle that. Unfortunately, it was out of my hands.
“You have so much support to help you through this.”
“I know.” I smiled.
“Do you remember anything at all?” I shook my head, my attention falling to the window. “What memories do you have from the coma? You haven't really talked about them, only that everything you remember is from that realistic dream.”
“I'm not ready to talk about it just yet.” I sighed and turned to my sister. “Maybe one day I will, but today just isn't that day.”
“I understand.” Carly stood up and grabbed my bags, the two of us making our way down to the main lobby where our parents, Jeremy, and Lily all waited for us.
Today was the beginning of a brand new chapter; today was the start of a new life.
Trying to start my life over proved to be a lot harder than it sounded. It's only been around a week since I left the hospital but I could feel myself breaking down from the inside. All I could think about was Josh and how much I needed to talk to him, but I knew I would never see him again. How could you love someone so deeply but never had even met them?
“I wish you were here,” I said to Scott's grave as I sat in front of his headstone. “Maybe things would be a lot easier with you around. I still feel that bond between the two of us, and Lily needs a father figure in her life.” There was nothing I could say or do to bring Scott back, or to make my false memories a reality. I was relieved that Jeremy and Natalie were alive and that Carly was in my life, but with both Scott and Josh gone, I felt this hole in my chest.
Without saying another word I stood up and grabbed my skateboard after slinging my bag over my arm. I knew that if I didn't leave right now then I might shatter into a million pieces, and I didn't want that. From now on I had to stay strong and look forward to the future, not dwell on a past that wasn't even real.
To put that to rest there was one thing I had to do first. It was as if I were grieving and had to go through the proper stages before I could move forward. I walked out of the large graveyard and rode my skateboard down the street, heading towards the basketball court that Carly had brought me to.
Once I got to the basketball court I felt a sense of deja vu wash over me. The court was exactly how I remembered it from inside the coma, but at the same time, it felt different. Something was missing.
Someone was missing.
Jeremy and I had been the ones to find this place while visiting the beach house one summer, but of course, I didn't remember it at all. Supposedly Carly, Jeremy, and I had built a treehouse in the woods one summer, which isn't what I remembered. All I could recall was our father building us the treehouse, but I couldn't trust that memory.
I tucked the skateboard underneath my arm and walked towards the field first, desperate to find a certain tree. In my memories, I remembered Josh and I shooting arrows here and he had gotten one stuck in the tree. When the arrow got pulled out it left behind a hole in the tree's bark. I felt the urge to try and find the hole, as if finding it would make Josh suddenly reappear in front of me. It was completely impossible, but I didn't know what else to do.
Once I got to the tree I searched for the hole but found nothing, causing a ripple of pain to flow through me. Any evidence that mine and Josh's love had been real was just...gone. There was never love between the two of us. There was nothing.
I am nothing.
I tore myself away from the tree and ran into the woods, tears now burning my eyes with each step I took. This reality didn't feel right. Without Josh in my life, I felt lost and smothered with hopelessness. He had been the one thing that held me together. Josh had been my home to go to, and now that home was destroyed.
He was never your home to begin with.
“Shut up!”
When I got to the treehouse I climbed up the wooden ladder until I reached the platform. After standing up, I walked over to the railing and just stared out through the miles of woods, surprisingly finding peace here. It was so quiet and relaxing without having anyone else here. I could swim through my mind freely without interruption.
“It's time.” I pulled off my shoulder bag and opened it, taking out a pack of matches, lighter fluid, a large bottle of water, and the familiar brown leather diary. Over the last few weeks I had read through the diary in hopes of triggering some sort of memory. There were dozens of diary entries but it was as if each word had been written by a stranger. It was indeed my handwriting, but it wasn't me.
From my bag I also pulled out a glass plate
and sat down. I placed the diary on top of the plate and carefully coated the top of the diary with the flammable fluid, making sure to be extremely careful and not get any of it on the treehouse. Once the diary was coated I grabbed a match and lit it, the small flame dancing in place.
“I have to start over,” I whispered to myself. “For me, and for Lily.”
With much care I placed the lit match on top of the diary and watched it light up instantly in flames, the plate catching the ashes as the book slowly burned away.
The girl who wrote in this journal would most likely never return again, but like the mighty phoenix, she would soon be reborn and rise from the ashes.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Six Months Later
Pain shot up and down my spine after getting slammed on the mat. I groaned as the young man I was sparring with pinned my arms over my head and smirked down at me, his forest green eyes challenging as his ginger-colored hair crowned around his face.
“I win.”
“I hate you.” I teased.
“No, you don't.” His muscles flexed as he repositioned his body to press up against me. “If you did then you wouldn't let me do this.” His lips grazed along my neck until they met my own, the two of us locked in a passionate kiss.
During the last few months my life has gotten easier with Josh out of the picture, although I avoided his online fan pages and news articles like the plague. It was a lot simpler that way so far.
My memories still hadn't come back but the doctors said to keep an open mind and not lose hope, and to keep myself busy. Carly landed me a job at the cafe where she worked at which paid really well, the two of us continuing to live in the beach house together. Natalie eventually moved in as well after we added additions to the house for Lily.
To keep myself busy outside of work and when Lily was at kindergarten during the day I signed up for self-defense classes and trained with the young teacher. He was only a couple of years older than me and is even a personal trainer for celebrities. The two of us had hit it off pretty quickly, and even though he doesn't want a relationship it was perfectly fine by me; I also wasn't ready for one.
Untimely Love Page 28
