by Leigh Lennon
She never thought she was a strong woman, and that was why she felt she deserved to be in this position in the first place. She could never have stood up to Blake; however, knowing about Mikayla, she was ready.
“And if I said no?” she replied with confidence as though he was the average husband taking sass from his wife.
As the silence continued over the line, he finally said, “Okay, Taylor, you win. I’m an ass. Is that what you want to hear?”
“No, not at all. I want respect.” But even as she said that phrase, the one thing she demanded after every one of his episodes, it fell on deaf ears.
“Honey, I love you. Please come home. I will make it up to you. I promise.”
“It’s the same crap all the time. How can I believe you?”
“Because I need you to love me. I need you in my life. I’m nothing without you.”
Knowing he was incapable of change, she still said, “I’ll be home tonight, but I’m tired. I will have your sister’s kids all day. Can you just pick up a pizza?”
“Sure and, Taylor, I will see you tonight, six p.m. And please know I love you.”
She couldn’t say it, not anymore. Did she still love him? Could she still love him?
19
12 Years Ago
Two months of captivity
Mikayla
After their first kiss, he was right in front of her, his lips on hers, and as much as she wanted to pull away, she couldn’t—no, it was more like she wouldn’t. Breaking contact for a second, the dark eyes of Nolan’s pierced her soul, and she shuddered, knowing she couldn’t go back if she decided to go forward.
“Sweetness, tell me to stop.” His hand reached the bottom of her top. Her body went still, and again, she couldn’t find the words.
When his hands found her breasts, bringing them under her bra, he tipped her head to his. “Now, sweetness, I need you to use your words. Tell me this is what you want. If not, I will stop.”
She stalled. How could she find her words when she was battling the demons within? Staying silent for Nolan wasn’t good enough. She had to admit she wanted him. When she didn’t say a word, he stood, leaving them both breathless and gasping for air. Walking toward the door, he spun around. “You know where to find me, sweetness, when you can admit something is here.” With that, he shut the door behind him, making her both curse the ground he walked on as well as worship it at the same time.
Angry was not quite how Mikayla would describe her emotions when it came to Nolan. There were times she wanted to kill him, then in the same breath, she’d want him to take her hard over the kitchen table. How could someone who changed her life in such a drastic way be able to make her love him, even if only half her body did this?
At night, she fantasized what it would be like to have his body next to hers, tangled together and breathless from him ravaging her. But all she had to do to hate Nolan again was think of her mother and how lost Libby was without her.
When she finally appeared at dinnertime, his back remained to hers, not turning with his normal greeting. Having already plated her food, she accidentally rubbed her arm against him, and though it wasn’t intentional, her arm remained touching his.
His warning came out only when his voice rose, and he said, “Mikayla.”
Still she was silent, and he continued, “You have to say something, anything.”
Her words were frozen, out of respect for herself and the family she left behind.
“It was Blake; he belittled me, damaging everything about me for years.” Her voice could only be heard by the person standing closest to her. Taking her, he embraced her, letting her tears escape.
“Let it out, Mikayla, sweetness. Let it out,” Nolan replied.
It was the release she needed to admit to a relationship that kept her in chains for years. In her mind, memories of his fits of anger that would rise from nowhere came flooding back to her. He freaked out when he found out she had slept with Ethan, though he was not her first. In retrospect, that was not a normal brother-sister conversation. Sure, her dad would be upset to know that about her, and she could understand Blake not wanting to hear the details of his little sister’s sex life, but he freaked out like a jealous boyfriend. She didn’t see the distorted manner of their relationship, not until Nolan removed her from the bondage. Now she could see this impossible situation with Blake with more focus. Nolan allowed her to see the whole situation with better clarity.
Leaning back from her, he looked deep into her soul, and she could feel his mind permeating the barriers she built because of Blake. “This is the first, Mikayla. I know you want help now. I’m here to help you.”
It wasn’t the words, but the way he delivered them that gave her confidence that he was telling her the truth.
“I don’t know why I want you,” she admitted, and since she’d just bared her soul, she might as well get this out too.
“I honestly don’t know either, sweetness, but I want you too. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
She brought her chin to her chest. “I can’t bring you into my life when I get back to Bellingham. You will have to let me go.”
“Then if it’s having you for now or never having you, I will pick you any way I can have you.” He kissed her neck, only increasing her moans. “Mikayla, you need to tell me this is what you want.”
Backing away, she turned, running to her room.
Taylor
Her father sat on her bed one day. “You know, I saw the resemblance the second the news broke, but no one mentioned how much you and that missing girl look alike. It’s unbearable to even think that could have been you, honey. Is that why you are so obsessed with this case?” her dad asked as if he was reading her mind. “But your mom said it came as a shock to you.”
“It did, but I see it now. It certainly could be one reason, subconsciously. She’s a local girl like me, abducted from the town where she grew up. It’s a bit unsettling, to say the least.”
Her father grabbed her hand with the affection only a father could. “I know it’s scary in the big, dark world, but, honey, you can’t stop living. When the twin towers went down, we all felt like you. I never wanted to get on a plane again. I mean, I travel so often and to those locations, but it just wasn’t my day to die. As hard as it was to board another plane, I had to, and you must pick a college, and if Western is your first choice, don’t let some sicko win by altering your life too.”
Those were the words that Taylor needed to hear in order to stop this fascination that had taken over her life. Though she chose to move on from this stranger she was mourning, Mikayla’s mysterious disappearance never strayed far from Taylor’s thoughts.
Libby
Acceptance was coming to Adam that their little girl would never return to the house they raised her in. The mother inside Libby couldn’t accept it. It was nearing three months, and her heart felt a void that very few could truly understand.
Her time with Delaney was heaven as she snuggled her as she had her other children. One morning on his way out the door, Mark looked at her with such appreciation in his eyes. “This is a really good fit for us, Mrs. Miller. I appreciate it more than I can express.”
“It’s good for me too.” That was all she could say. The truth was, wrapping herself up with another child really did cause a sense of need that she felt was taken from her. Sure, Blake and Jenna still needed her but in different ways.
She still had this physical pain that she couldn’t quite articulate, though. “Mom,” Jenna said one night, “I think you need to explore group options. Speak with those who have undergone something similar.” Her child convinced her to attend group meetings for parents of victimized children. She had wanted Adam to go with her, but he was unable to hear the heartfelt stories of those who had lost children. In the end, Blake went with her. He needed closure as much as Libby needed it, but she knew she’d never get it, and she doubted with as close as he and Mikayla were, he would ever r
eceive it either.
Blake felt the group wasn’t quite right for him but encouraged his mom to continue. Somehow, Libby found her niche there. It was tough at first as she heard story after story concerning grief. Even though it was sad, it was nice at the same time, knowing that others were going through similar situations.
She kept trudging through it, though some days were harder to get through than others. The tragedy that each person had experienced was mind-blowing. She knew she was always so fortunate in what she had in her family. Adam was a supportive husband. Their story was your typical meeting, dating, and marriage in three years’ time. Jenna came along three years later, and Blake was part of their life three years after that, and then after three miscarriages, they thought that the baby aspect of their life was past them until Mikayla made an appearance in their lives just six years after having Jenna.
Jenna was the most attentive older sister, acting as if she was indeed the mother instead of Libby, and Blake was protective of her from the very beginning.
But in motherhood, she never forgot about Adam. As her children became her centerpiece in life, she still made room for Adam as just not the father of her kids but also as her husband and lover. He was tender, and though it was normally behind closed doors, he still treated Libby like royalty. It was a marriage of give and take, and it was one she cherished.
The support group showed her how people dealt with grief in their own way, and that was the hope in her mind as she decided to give Adam the space he needed to process his hurt on a different level than her own.
20
Present
Six weeks after the first letter
Colette
Elizabeth was sitting in front of the television watching her favorite after-school program, and Liam was napping in his room. While she had peace and quiet with her daughter, she sat while she closely surveyed everything that was Elizabeth Rebekah Dubroise. She was beautiful, the perfect combination of David and herself. Having Colette’s original thick dirty blond hair and David’s dark brown eyes, Elizabeth was a beauty. Her child’s wit was quick like Colette’s, but her intelligence was certainly from her father. She never wanted to contemplate a life where she’d been left to Blake’s devices. But if there never was David, would she have married Ethan? It was hard to tell, but she wouldn’t have Elizabeth or Liam, and for that, she didn’t even want to venture where her life would be without David.
Just two weeks after they had returned from their trip to Bellingham and Vancouver, their absence was almost forgiven with the arrival of Goldie, the newest member of the family.
“Mom, if we get a new pet every time you are gone, then I won’t be so mad if you leave again.” She was happy to know her daughter could be bribed so easily.
She missed her kids terribly, but as she watched them with Goldie, she couldn’t escape the fact that today was her parents’ anniversary. She was a better person because of them, but at times, doubt crept into her mind about whether her parents knew Blake’s true nature.
When she met Anna and Emily, it was as if she was reliving the twelve years of her life she missed. She could envision Jenna throwing elaborate birthday parties for her children. Jenna never did anything simplistically. For her high school graduation, she talked their mom and dad into having her party at Whatcom Falls, a large park with wonderful waterfalls that lined the trails. Moreover, she knew some of the older partygoers would need help up the trails, so her parents rented two golf carts.
Blake was the opposite; he asked her parents to use the money that would have been spent for his party on a trip with his friends to San Diego. That trip was good for Colette too, giving her a break from him. He also met someone; becoming serious with a girl from California. He took his frustrations out on Trudy, who had already been accepted to the University of Washington in Seattle. After the long and turbulent relationship, Trudy ended up moving back to San Diego, assumedly to escape the ups and downs of Blake Miller.
Colette was in her own thoughts as Maribel walked into the house. “Cole, you seem a million miles away.”
“I am,” she said when she finally acknowledged her best friend.
“Ah, I don’t need to ask where you have gone. Are you doing all right? You look as if you have seen a ghost.”
“I was just thinking of, well, you know,” she whispered. She was very careful never to talk about her family in front of Elizabeth who had sensed something was off with her mom well before their hiatus to Bellingham and Vancouver.
“Ah, given any more thoughts to the next move?”
“No, we gave it that day in Vancouver, and she made the drive. We’re pretty sure she wasn’t followed.”
“Now what?”
“I will make contact eventually. I’m just not sure when.”
Maribel touched her friend and gave her a thoughtful smile. “I know when you do, it will be the right time.”
Maribel was privy to her fears that her mom wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t accept the illness that gripped her brother.
“I hope so, Bell. I really hope so,” she echoed.
Libby
The note only indicated to visit the park on that one occasion, but she was no closer to seeing or meeting her daughter. She left wondering what Mikayla was proving by making her jump through hoops. More so, she was furious with her daughter as it became more apparent she’d left on her own. Of course, she left on her own, Libby silently cursed. The note was clear about this fact; she chose the man who kidnapped her over her family.
How could she believe that this would lead to reconciliation with her daughter? And worse, Adam thought she was a fool. She sat in her living room window, envisioning her kids playing hopscotch as if it was twenty-five years ago.
Adam had moved out of their room and was sleeping in Blake’s old room. He had not spoken more than ten words to her since she decided she needed to see her visit through in Vancouver.
Her husband had never been so cruel to her in their forty years of marriage. Their anniversary passed just days ago without either one uttering a word of love toward the other.
It wasn’t that her hope in their daughter panned out that hurt her; it was her husband not understanding that she had to do whatever to be reunited with their daughter again. She’d walk the earth a million times to see her Mikayla.
Taylor was spending a lot of time at the house, almost as if she was avoiding Blake. If anyone had a perfect marriage, it was Blake and Taylor. He loved Taylor as if it was a necessity, as though she was his oxygen, and he was such a doting father to Dexter. She couldn’t wait to see him with a daughter. It made her day when she found out Taylor would give him a daughter and even more fittingly since they were naming her after someone Blake adored.
When Libby arrived home, Dexter came barreling into his grandma. “Grammy, guess what?” With his lips trembling, he whimpered, “Mommy is upstairs crying.”
“What?” she asked for clarification.
“Yeah, she got off the phone with Daddy, and she crying.”
“Oh, married couples fight. It’s normal, sweetheart. I’m sure she’s okay.” She looked down at her sweet grandson, but he was troubled by her explanation. “Your grandpa and I had a fight the other day, and it went on for a while, but we are fine.” And although they weren’t, they would be, eventually.
“Ah, so Grandpa yells at you a lot too, then?”
Her arms wrapped around Dexter as she stooped down to his level with her hands shaking. “No, Grandpa doesn’t yell at me, maybe once or twice in his life. Normally, if he’s mad, he sits down and talks to me. Why?”
Dexter looked down, confused. “Oh, I guess it not okay then if Grandpa don’t do it.”
“Do what?” She could see Dexter had become more secure than Fort Knox. “Dex, honey, I’m your Grammy, right? It’s okay, you can tell me.”
“Daddy sometimes be mean to Mommy. He doesn’t know I see it, I do. He yelling, and couple of times, he hurt her, but not like how Mo
mmy give me spanking. He scary.”
She gripped the counter for support as she picked up her phone and sent Jenna a text, asking her to take Dexter for the night. As soon as Jenna replied, Libby loaded Dexter in her car, leaving a note for Taylor, telling her that Dex and she had gone out for a while. After leaving Dex in Jenna’s capable hands she took a few moments to collect herself. Her hands had been shaking but calling Adam and hearing his voice helped calm her.
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Adam, we have a real problem on our hands.”
“Bigger than you secretly hoping our daughter will return to our lives?”
She wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her husband, but she bit her tongue. “I think Blake might be hurting Taylor.”
There was silence on the line until finally Adam replied, “Tell me everything you know.”
Taylor
The days were growing old of Taylor feeling worthless in regard to her husband. She was walking on eggshells, yet she was growing confident in herself and the ability she had to walk away from him, if he pushed her to it. She increased her defiance with regards to his rules.
One-night Dexter was playing with her phone. “Hey, Mommy, this Grammy?” he asked, looking at the picture she had programmed of Libby.
“It sure is. Now you know how to call her.”
Walking away from her son, she was amazed by him, but then the mood changed in the house when Blake stormed in the front door. With Dexter on her phone, he lit into her with accusations of her rotten parenting, but she wasn’t silent, not this time. “Things are going to change, and if you don’t like it, you can leave.” He raised his hand to her and came within inches of hitting her, but she knew the baby girl growing inside her was what stopped her husband from hurting her.
