Manage Me: A Vagabond Romance

by J. D. Fox

  We made our way into the elevator and, as much as I wanted to push her up against the wall and ravish her, I resisted. Instead, I grabbed her hand, and we stood next to each other in silent anticipation of our coming evening.

  We were different together now than we'd been before, getting to know each other as we really were. We'd gotten to know each other's personalities at the hostel, but this date seemed so much more real than our time there. I wasn't hiding behind my long hair and beard. She was getting ready to release her past and the pain she was holding onto. We were there, and present, and ready to embark on something together as the people we really were.

  I was grateful for the opportunity to see Dakota in this context. It heightened both my desire for her and my need to find out more about who she really was. For all our time together in the city, Dakota hadn't been ready to open up about the things that she wanted or that had made her who she was.

  She'd given me some small tidbits about her past life, but nothing that helped me piece together why she'd chosen to run, full-speed, away from her life, and now I saw that that was what she was doing; she was running from this past that had broken her heart and perhaps she and I were finally at a place where she would open up to me.

  "Hello, Mr. Baxter. We have your table ready," the hostess said to us as we walked up.

  We followed her to the private dining area in the rear of the restaurant. Since we regularly had celebrities at the resort as guests, it had seemed like a good decision, and it had been appreciated. It was a comfortable room where people could share a meal without worrying about being approached. It wasn't just for celebrities; it had also been booked pretty often by couples who wanted to propose or were celebrating an anniversary.

  The staff had decorated it exactly as I'd asked with yellow roses in the center of the table and white wine chilled and ready to be poured. At the Palace of Fine Arts, Dakota had stopped to admire a plot of yellow roses, commenting on how beautiful they were, and I knew that I would need to get her some. This was exactly how I'd imagined a date with Dakota would be when I finally got the chance to plan one correctly. Except she looked more stunning than I could have imagined her.

  "A private room?" Dakota asked as I held her seat out for her. "Do you have anything planned for this space that would make this dress a bad decision?"

  "That dress could never be a bad decision."

  I knew she was being playful but it wasn't at all what I'd meant by booking the room for tonight, and truthfully, it had been a miracle that it had been available. I just wanted to spend some time with her without being peppered with questions about work by tactless staff. Also, now that I knew what a painfully private person Dakota was, I figured she'd appreciate the opportunity to not worry about the things she told me being overheard. At the same time, though, I didn't want it to seem like sex was the only thing I wanted when it came to Dakota.

  Not that sex with her was something I could ever get enough of, but I wouldn't have told her where I was going to be working and invited her down her to stay if that was all I wanted out of this relationship. This was new territory for me, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells with my own emotions about it all, but I liked how I felt with Dakota, and that was all I was focused on for the moment.

  "I wanted to make sure you and I could have some privacy," I said, reaching across the table to hold her hand. "I'm so happy you came."

  "Thank you for inviting us," she said, leaning forward to smile shyly at me. "I was really nervous about coming; I had no idea what to do about the whole situation. But Lauren was the one convinced me to come, and we're both excited to be here. I know she's bummed about Jacob having to go back, though."

  "Yeah, I know he is too." I looked out at the regular dining room and saw Lauren sitting at the bar with a book. "She looks like she's keeping herself distracted, though."

  Dakota looked out at her and laughed. "If that's the book I think it is, I'm glad Jacob's not distracting her from it. She's been trying to get through Anna Karenina for ages."

  "I'm sure Jacob would be happy to see that she's not out there flirting with that crazy group of guys in the hot tub."

  "She probably would be if she wasn't so into him. That sounds like a Lauren move." She paused, fidgeting a little. "I think she's surprised by how much she likes him. She thought this whole thing was just going to be fun."

  I stared at her, wondering if she was talking about something other than Jacob and Lauren.

  "I think he feels the same way."

  The air between us thickened palpably.

  "So...."

  "Can you pour some wine, please? I don't think I'll be able to say everything that I'll need to without a drink."

  "Sure."

  I poured her a glass of the Pinot Grigio I'd had them pull to go with the special menu I'd asked them to prepare ahead of time.

  "I like the private room. But I guess that's a perk that comes with being the owner of a resort chain."

  She picked up her wine and stared at me over the rim of her glass. I didn't say anything, but I felt my face heat up.

  "I'm not blaming you. I was just letting you know that I know."

  "Who told you?"

  "Lauren. Jacob told her, and I was suspicious about how we were going to be able to stay down here for free."

  "And you're not mad I didn't tell you?"

  "The way I see it, we both have things we were hiding."

  "Fair enough." I played with the fork next to my plate meeting her eyes dead-on. "So where do you want to start?"

  "Where do you want me to start?"

  "Why don't you start by telling me who Cody is."

  "Easy enough." She took a slug of her wine. "Cody is my ex-fiancé. I broke up with him almost a month ago."

  I felt my face freeze. I hadn't been expecting that. "I figured he was just an ex who you have some bad blood with."

  "Well, he is that."

  "How long were you guys together?"

  "Six years."

  "Jesus. That's a long time."

  "Too long. We met when I was in college, and he was in law school, and at first, everything was great. We both graduated, and he passed the bar, and I got my job, and things started going downhill."

  "Downhill how?"

  "Just...downhill. I will tell you everything, I promise, but I just need to finish saying this."

  There was something about her reticence that told me he'd been a total dick to her, but I needed to ignore all my homicidal feelings toward this jerk.

  "Okay, go on."

  Over the course of the next half-hour, she told me all about how she'd started her MBA and how cruel Cody had started being, cutting her down little by little. She'd stuck around, feeling if she became the perfect partner, he would stick around. Knowing how she and her family had been left by her dad when she was ten, I couldn't blame her. What upset me was how it had never occurred to her that she was worthy of better.

  The conversation switched, then, with her explaining how she'd been screwed over by her boss for a huge promotion, and that day, something inside her snapped. She'd quit, and when she'd gone to her fiancé for some empathy, he'd hit her, and she'd left, without her engagement ring. I'd asked the wait staff to not bring the food in until I signaled them so that she could talk steadily, and when she finished her story, she picked up her glass of wine and drained it.

  "How are you doing?"

  "Well, I see why you didn't want to tell me. How are you feeling?"

  "Weirdly, I feel pretty good, actually. I don't think I've ever talked that much at once in my life."

  I reached across to her, taking her hand. "It's a lot to take in, so I can only imagine what it must have been like to go through. What I don't get is why you were so anxious about telling me you'd been engaged."

  I saw her swallow. "Because I knew if you knew that I'd just gotten out of a relationship like that, you'd think I was just on rebound."

  I pressed my lips to her hand,
maintaining our eye contact. "Are you on rebound?"

  She rolled her eyes at me. "Do you think I'd expose myself to the potential humiliation of coming down here if I was on rebound?"

  I chuckled. "I guess that answers that question."

  She looked at her wine glass, and I took the opportunity to signal Becca, who was waiting outside the private room. "Thank you for telling me."

  She smiled, her eyes glistening a little bit. "Thanks for listening."

  The evening continued smoothly after that, with her talking about the possibilities that were open to her now that she was no longer at a company where she was undervalued the way she had been. I decided to switch up the conversation, talking about something a little bit lighter.

  "So how do you like the new look?" I moved my head to and fro so that she'd be able to take in the full effect of my clean shave.

  "I really like it. I love the handsome CEO look on you. To be honest, the first time I met you I figured you were just some homeless drifter."

  "Yeah, that's how I felt the last few weeks. I was so burned out with life before getting there. My last gig had torn me down and exhausted me. I really needed that time at the hostel. Plus, I met you, and we did some serious de-stressing there."

  She grinned. "That we did. I definitely needed that."

  "It's crazy; I keep thinking that it was fate that brought you to the hostel," I said, running my finger over her knuckles.

  "Oh, no, you brought us to that hostel. You and your sneaky brother sliding into our lives like that," she replied.

  "The months I spent at the hostel were so relaxing. Not just in the recent days with you there, but overall it was a great break in my life. I used to run a hotel in Miami that took me months to get up to snuff. I was working all day, every day, barely sleeping. It got so bad that for a minute I thought I was going to have to change careers."

  "You don't look overwhelmed now, though. How are you feeling about being here?" Dakota asked.

  "This resort reminds me of my father. He loved visiting Big Sur, and I think that was why he bought this resort. We've owned it for a while, but it just went through a major rebranding."

  "Yeah, speaking of your dad... do you want me to tell me why you didn't mention being one of THESE Baxters?" I heard the word in all capitals, the way I'm sure I was meant to.

  "I guess for the same reason you didn't tell me any of this before now. I wanted a little bit of an escape, and I liked that you wanted to be with me because you liked me and not because of anything else. It was a new feeling for me, but I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you can't trust me."

  Dakota was silent as she sipped her drink and appeared to be contemplating everything I'd just said. I was ready for her to be angry. I was prepared for her to call me a liar and storm out of the room right then and there. What I wasn't ready for was how she actually responded.

  "I understand," she said and placed her wine glass down on the table. "I mean, you did tell me your name. It's not your fault I didn't put it together."

  She put her hands under her chin and looked deep into my eyes. I saw then that she did understand. She wasn't acting or pretending in any way. Instead, she sat there, sweetly and kindly, waiting for me to decide if I wanted to give further details.

  "I'll tell you anything you want to know. I'm an open book," I said. It was the least I could promise.

  She looked into my eyes. "I'd like to know more about your dad. Will you tell me more about him?"

  And just like that, this girl skyrocketed through the last of my defenses and set herself so deeply into my heart that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to let her go.

  Chapter 18

  Dakota

  For the first time in the time I'd known Ryan, I finally felt like I was getting to know the real him. We talked for hours at the dinner table, sharing a deep conversation filled with more details about our lives than either of us had shared before, with me talking about all of my recent choices, and him telling me all about his dad, a workaholic who'd done his best to instill good values in his kids in the short time they'd had with him.

  I'd been more shocked than upset to find out he'd withheld the fact of his family's wealth from me, and knowing how I felt about my own privacy, it really wasn't something I could hold against him. But it was hard for me to reconcile the two versions of Ryan; the man I'd met in San Francisco with the man sitting in front of me.

  The Ryan I'd known in San Francisco hadn't seemed to have a single care. He liked to spend time at the beach or walking through town, and I hadn't seen him do a shred of work in the time I'd spent with him. His physical appearance was radically different as well. It was a lot to take in; I'd really liked that version of Ryan and was a little sad that it wasn't the one in front of me.

  This Ryan was clean cut and shaven. He had on a fancy pair of slacks and button-up shirt. He knew about wine and which fork to use at each course of our incredible meal. This Ryan was driven and ambitious. He was dedicated to his company and much more of an alpha male than I'd thought in San Francisco. And I knew it was still him; this was just a different side of him that I hadn't met. Deep down I couldn't help but wonder which version of Ryan was the one he was most comfortable with.

  "Would you like to go for a walk?" Ryan asked as we wrapped up our long conversation and meal.

  "Sure. I walked around the grounds a little this afternoon, but I was pretty nervous about getting lost. Can we go to the lighthouse?"

  "Sure. It's actually better to go down there at night. It's a long walk, but I'm game if you are."

  I looked down at my outfit and knew I'd have to change if we were going to be trekking through the woods out to the lighthouse. It was convenient that our date was taking place at a hotel where all my clothes were, conveniently, upstairs.

  "How about I go change and meet you back down here?" I offered.

  "No, I'll walk you up. I'll change too."

  It was already nine o'clock and very dark outside as our date moved into its second phase. My hands were shaking as I hurried into my room and peeled off my dress to find something both cute and comfortable in which to go for a walk in the woods. I was even more nervous getting dressed for this part of the date than dinner, where I'd felt like I was on his level. But now, handsome, driven, impeccably dressed CEO Ryan and I were going for a hike, and my nerves were getting the better of me.

  He'd already seen a lot of my clothes. After Lauren's purge of my suitcase, my options were severely limited, so I grabbed one of Lauren's sweaters and put it on over jeans. It was baggy and not an ideal choice, but I hoped he wouldn't be looking at my sweater much in the dark.

  "Are you ready?" Ryan asked as he knocked on the hotel room door.

  "Yep," I opened the door, and we made our way down the hallway. This time he grabbed my hand and walked beside me instead of ogling me from behind. Ordinarily, it would've made me feel weird to be admired like that, but nothing about Ryan's admiration felt unwelcome or objectifying. I found that I enjoyed being looked at by him.

  "I think the walk is about an hour, but once we get there, it's so worth it. It's good that the weather is cooperating. Sometimes the wind can make it really cold out here at night," Ryan explained as we went back downstairs and made our way out of one of the side doors.

  I had explored the trail a little bit earlier, but I'd turned around though when it hit the woods. In the forest, it had felt as if someone was watching me. You never knew who might be lurking around the next tree. Going out at night didn't feel entirely comfortable, but I decided to trust Ryan and let him lead the way. After all, he'd grown up here and knew the area.

  He did take the lead nicely, and with him there I didn't feel as worried as I had earlier in the day. He had brought a flashlight and held my hand as we walked through the woods. It was incredibly hard to see anything except the patch of trail lit by his flashlight. I squeezed his hand and tucked myself close to him as I worried about what sort of animals might be in the woods
and how clearly they would be able to see us with our light.

  Trekking through the forest wasn't always my idea of fun. I really liked camping, but I was a city girl at heart. As we walked, I realized how much wine I'd drunk and how much I enjoyed clean toilets as we got further and further away from them.

  Why didn't I pee in my room?

  I would never be one of those badass wilderness survivalists. I couldn't even remember to use the bathroom before setting out on a long hike. I certainly wouldn't have brought a flashlight, and I had already lost track of which direction we would return from after we took one path that veered off from the main one. I was really glad Ryan was so confident as he led us toward the lighthouse.

  I'd always really liked alpha guys. Guys who took charge had always been a turn-on for me, and I think that's why I'd started dating Cody in the first place. But now, in the presence of a real alpha, I understood that Cody was just a bossy asshole who like the sound of his own voice. Ryan was someone who took charge while protecting me and making me feel safe. He was comforting and kind and rugged and confident in his skills as we made our way through the woods.

  "Okay, this is a little scary," I whispered.

  "Don't be scared. We are too far away from civilization for any people to be out here. It's just animals, and they're more afraid of us than we are of them."

  "Why do people always say that? I've seen a lot of animal attack videos; I know that animals are still capable of killing when they are afraid."

  "Oh, don't worry," he stopped and held onto me. "I'll fight off any animals that come close to you and give you a chance to get away."

  It was purely hypothetical, but it happened to be one of the sweetest things a guy had ever said to me. Cody had never offered to fight a bear off for me. He couldn't even be bothered to protect me and make me feel loved when it was just my own emotions at play. In fact, the more I thought about my exes, the more I realized I didn't have a single ex that I thought would've placed themselves in danger for me, where I would've for any of them. That was a disturbing trend in my dating history.