Manage Me: A Vagabond Romance

by J. D. Fox

  "You're a good friend," she replied with a bit of a forced smile.

  "Okay, I'll leave you to relax. No falling asleep in there."

  There was so much more that needed to be said between the two of us. I wanted to tell her how much I cared about her. I wanted to offer to cuddle with her or climb in that bathtub with her, but none of it seemed appropriate given what she had just been through.

  "I'll be okay," she said softly.

  I couldn't get out of the bathroom quickly enough. Every fiber of my being wanted to climb into that tub, wrap my arms around her and let her head rest on my chest again. I ached to be there for her in that way but couldn't stop thinking about how selfish that would be of me and how she needed space after all she had been through.

  She was reaching out to me in that way because that was how our relationship had been so far. We'd built everything on a sexual relationship, and I think she felt like she had to reach out to me in that way to keep connected. But I was there for her, and I was going to be there for her. As a friend. No matter what my biology was telling me, I could leave sex out of her recovery.

  When Lauren came back to the room, it was a major relief.

  "How is she doing?" Lauren asked.

  "She's good. She's in the bath right now. Could you help her out when she's done? I don't think it's my place after everything she's been through."

  "Sure, I've got this," Lauren walked up to the door. "Do you think she's going to feel well enough to hit the road soon?"

  "What? No," I nearly yelled at her. "She can barely walk. Why? Are you leaving soon? What's the plan?" I felt panicked at the idea of the girls leaving already. Not just because Dakota wasn't ready, but also because I didn't want to see her go.

  My breathing increased, and I tightened my fists a little as I tried to release some of the energy building up inside of me. Losing Dakota was not something I thought I could handle. I'd agreed to take her anywhere she wanted to go, but I didn't want to lose her. I still wanted her. I had feelings for her. I wanted her to stay there for a lot longer so she could get better and we could stay connected.

  "No, we don't have plans yet. But I don't think hanging around this place is a good vibe for her, do you?"

  "It's not that bad. Once she's feeling better you guys could swim and workout and enjoy the spa-"

  "She's not going to want to go anywhere that Cody was. I think I should take her back on the road. The guy I've been talking to is heading down to Mexico with his friends; I thought it might be fun for us to go with them. Unless she wants to do something else."

  "That's a terrible idea," I said before even letting myself think this whole thing through.

  Who was I to be telling them what was a good idea and what wasn't? They didn't want to listen to me. Clearly, by the look on Lauren's face, she didn't feel the need to listen to me. But Mexico wasn't the place for Dakota to recover from this. She needed to be someplace calm. Maybe she should go back to her mom's.

  "I'll talk to Dakota about it," Lauren said, rolling her eyes at me.

  I was jealous. I didn't want Dakota to leave. I didn't want her to go with some strange men. I didn't think this was a good plan at all, and I would let them know.

  After hearing Dakota get out of the tub, I went back to the living room and shut the bedroom door to give them some privacy. I was pacing back and forth, trying to figure out how I should handle this situation. If I was truly her friend, I tried to figure out what was truly the best thing for Dakota.

  When had this happened? Only weeks before I would have slept with her and not called her back, and now my heart was in it. I was in it. I was ruminating about what I should or shouldn't do because I wanted it to be best for her. This was strange and unknown territory for me.

  "Can you go into Lauren's room and get her suitcase, please?" Dakota said as she looked out from the bedroom.

  "Of course," I hurried to grab the suitcase and brought it back to the girls. "Anything else? Give me a job. I like having a job to do."

  "Dakota wants to video chat with her mom, but she's afraid her laptop has some sort of tracking on it from Cody. Can you have someone check that out?"

  "Yes." A job, that was exactly what I needed. I grabbed Dakota's laptop from the table and headed for the door. "I'll be right back. My brother Hartley can help with this."

  "Ooooh, another brother," Lauren said with a giggle.

  "No, don't let her near him!" Dakota laughed.

  It was so nice to hear her laughing. Such a relief that she might be able to work through this whole thing and actually get back to herself. But from my understanding, Jacob still was very smitten with her and intended on keeping in touch when his work calmed down.

  With the laptop in hand, I rushed to Hartley to have him run the test on it that he always did on his own laptops. Sometimes he would even refuse to connect to WiFi at the hotels because he insisted that it wasn't secure and someone was going to steal his identity. To his credit, Hartley had never had any of his credit card information stolen or any kind of fraud on his bank accounts. I had gone through that mess a few times, so I did believe whatever Hartley was doing with his personal security was probably better than I knew how to do.

  "Can you make sure there isn't spy software or anything on this laptop?" I asked Hartley the second I saw him.

  "Is that yours?"

  "It's Dakota's. She thinks her ex might have tracked her with some sort of software on here. I thought you might be able to take a look at it."

  "No, you need to have the police look at it. That's a pretty big help in her case against him. I don't think we should touch it at all."

  "Fine," I said without hesitating and went off in the corner to call the police officer who had given me his phone number the day before. Unfortunately, the call went to voicemail, and I didn't feel like waiting around for him to call me back. "I'm just going to go down to the station and see what they want to do with this. I don't want Dakota to have to deal with it."

  "Okay, I'm kind of busy here," Hartley said, annoyed at my interruption. "Do what you need to do."

  That was exactly what I was going to do. I grabbed the hotel car outside and went straight to the police station. Give me a task to make Dakota's life easier and that was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to solve this problem for her.

  I arrived and told the desk sergeant who I was. I only had to wait a few minutes before a techie-looking officer came out with his glasses and a briefcase. He handed me a piece of paper to fill out and sign before he took the laptop from me.

  "Thank you; we will do some forensic research and get this back to you when the case is closed."

  "What? No, she just needs the tracking software off of it so she can FaceTime with her family. Can you just look at it?"

  "It's evidence now," the officer said, pointing to the paperwork. "If there is tracking software on it then we will find it. We can see what information was relayed and where it was relayed to. This is very helpful, thank you," he said and then turned back toward the desk and left me standing in the lobby without the laptop.

  How had I managed to screw this up? I stood there dumbfounded at my own behavior before I quickly went to the electronics store in town. It was getting late, but I had to get Dakota a new computer so she could call her mom. I managed to get into the store just before closing and purchase the latest model of the laptop she'd had.

  After rushing back to the hotel, I went straight to the room. I might not have done precisely what she asked of me, but this was the best I could do. I collapsed onto the couch next to the girls as they were eating snacks and watching a movie.

  "What happened?"

  "Police had to impound your laptop for evidence. I'm sorry. But..." I pulled out the new box. "...A consolation prize!"

  "It's okay, we called her mom from my phone," Lauren laughed. "We sent you a text. Don't you ever check that thing?"

  "Story of my life," I laughed.

  "I'm going to head
home tomorrow," Dakota said.

  "Tomorrow?"

  "Yes, I talked with my mom, and I'm going to fly home tomorrow night. Thank you so much for offering to let me stay for the summer, but I need to go home."

  What could I do? At least she wasn't running off with Lauren to Mexico.

  "You know I was kidding about taking her to Mexico, right?" Lauren glared at me.

  "Oh, thank god. I thought you were actually insane for a minute. You have my number, right?"

  "Yes, and we'll still talk. I'm just going to take some time to reset."

  Dakota grabbed my hand and held onto it. She was trying not to cry, and I felt her hand tremble. As much as I hated the idea of her leaving I wasn't going to tell her that. She had to do what she had to do, and I could support her in this decision.

  "I'll always be here for you," I squeezed her hand back.

  Chapter 32

  Dakota

  Returning to my mother's house wasn't exactly what I'd had on my mind when I'd left Los Angeles and set out on my journey to find myself. But as the twists of the summer weighed heavily on me, the comfort of my mother's arms was all I could think of.

  The flight home was uncomfortable for me. Things had been different between Ryan and me after Cody had shown up. Ryan hadn't even wanted to touch me, and he'd used the word 'friend' to describe our relationship.

  I cried a lot on that trip home. I cried for this new relationship that I'd hoped was going to be something more than a fling. I cried because I was so overwhelmed by all the changes that had taken place in my life over the last few weeks. I cried just because I was exhausted and wanted to get a hug from my mother.

  Lauren was going to come visit me in a few weeks, so I had that to look forward to. Ryan said he would keep in touch, but I was pretty sure the drama of everything with Cody would be too much for him. I had the next few weeks planned out, though. I was going to curl up and watch every single stupid movie I could find. I wasn't going to worry about anything in my past, and I wasn't going to think about the future; just pure rest.

  When I got off the plane, I didn't have to look around long for my mom. She came hurling at me as soon as I got out of the security line, my sister right behind her.

  "Careful," I said and pushed my hurt wrist up into the air so they didn't hit it.

  That slowed my mother down only slightly, but she still latched onto me and kissed me hard on the forehead as we stood in the way of other people passing by us. My sister pulled us all to the side and then hugged me tight as well.

  "Rosie, I thought you were in New York."

  "I came back when Mom told me you were coming home. I got a bunch of dessert fixings, and I rented every stupid buddy comedy out there."

  I giggled. "You know me too well."

  Being in their arms was instant relief. I didn't have to worry about anything as long as I was there with them. It was as if seeing them washed away all the sadness that had been building up. Instead, I just felt love, and that was exactly what I needed to recover.

  "Lauren didn't come?" My mom asked looking around for my bestie.

  "No, she went with a friend to Mexico."

  "Oh, what an exciting life that girl has. I can't keep up with her. When is she coming to visit?"

  "I think in a month or two."

  "So I have you to myself. I'm going to spoil you rotten. It's going to be so great to have you home, first-born."

  I looked over at my sister and we rolled our eyes at each other.

  "I think you need to remember what I picked up from the store when I bought Dakota's junk food. Don't forget who has your back, Mom."

  "Shhh, your sister is home now. You know she's my favorite," my mom teased her.

  My mother was always telling each of us we were her favorite. It was sort of a running joke with us that she was constantly telling each of us the same thing. I looked at her with so much love it made my heart hurt.

  My mom, despite the poverty we'd grown up in, had never let us feel a lack. I hadn't realized how poor we actually were until I'd reached high school. My mother didn't let on, though. I think we were even on food stamps at some point because I remember my mom having to pick certain kinds of foods and not being able to get other kinds. But overall, she'd hidden our financial struggles from us, not allowing us to see her pain or stress.

  I'd sworn that I would pay her back for what she'd given us, and as soon as I'd been able to I put a down payment on a cute little bungalow in Ann Arbor near where she worked. She was more comfortable than ever. When we arrived at the house, she brought out a huge amount of food that she'd made just to welcome me home. It was an extravagant feast, just because she was happy to see me.

  "I think you should rest first, and then tomorrow we can all catch up," my mother ordered. "I want to hear all about your trip and the boys and what happened with Cody, but you look like you need two days of sleep and eight meals before we can start."

  We only visited for a few minutes, and I ate as much as I could before I took her order to heart. She had a bedroom made up for me, and when I crawled into bed, all I could think about was how wonderful it was going to be to sleep and sleep and sleep until I wasn't tired anymore.

  My quest for sleep didn't come as easily as I'd hoped. I found myself on my new cell phone searching Ryan's name and everything about him. I hadn't even tried to research him while I'd been there with him, but now I was consumed with the details of his life.

  I cried for him when he lost his father. I felt the stress he and his brother must have been under as they took over the business. I spent hours and hours reading articles about his family. I'd known him before but felt like I knew him better now. Every now and again I came across a picture of him with a model or some other beautiful woman. They were high-powered supermodel-looking women, nothing like me. I was sure they had some other qualities that he'd liked, but he wasn't photographed with any of them more than a couple of times.

  Yet, we'd had something special, something uncommon, and I couldn't help that I wished he'd fought harder for me. There was so much I felt like I didn't know about him.

  Heck, I wasn't sure I could handle lying either. But when he told me about the hotel and his family, it didn't feel like a lie. It felt like just another part of his story that I was being let into. I wished he had felt that way about the part of my life that involved Cody.

  It was nearly morning when I finally wound down enough to sleep. My mind was stuck on all the thoughts of Ryan and the fantastic time we had together. I could have been thinking about Cody and how badly that had turned out, but instead, I just kept thinking about Ryan and all the positives that came from my time with him.

  In the morning I heard my mother peek her head into the room before going back out. I was awake, but not enough for a conversation. She continued to check on me several times throughout the morning and into the early afternoon before I finally managed to drag myself out of bed.

  "I'm so glad you're up," she handed me a huge cup of coffee and had a big smile. "I can't wait to hear about your trip."

  This was her hint that she'd waited long enough to hear about what happened to me. I'd only given her a few details while I was still in California, and was a little surprised that she'd allowed me to get off the call without telling her more. Now I was going to have to tell her everything.

  I did my best to skim over the scary parts. Making it sound like Cody had just chased me and I'd fallen. We had a little scuffle and then Ryan saved me. After all, Ryan was what I really wanted to focus on.

  "He was like Superman, Mom. He picked me up and carried me all the way back to the hotel. It was amazing. You know all of those romance movies we watch on television? It was like that. Mixed with a little mystery."

  "So this is the guy with the beard that you sent me a picture of while you were in San Francisco? He looked nice. Remind me how he ended up at the hotel you and Lauren were staying at in Big Sur?"

  My mom saying that he looked nice was
her way of saying he didn't look like the sort of guy who could afford to stay at a fancy hotel. And to be honest, the picture I'd sent her of Ryan was from when he and I had been hiking around the city all day. We'd both been exhausted, and his beard and hair had looked a little wild that day.

  That was the part I didn't want to tell her. My mom always wanted me to end up with some rich guy that would take care of me. I knew she would love that Ryan came from a family with money. I wasn't ready to give her all those details just yet.

  "He was working there. Lauren and I got to stay for free. I wish we could have stayed longer but I just couldn't stay in that place after everything that happened."

  "So you like this guy?"

  "Yeah, he was pretty cool. I'm not sure if I'll keep talking to him, though. I guess we'll have to see how things go."

  "He just let you leave? Did you make plans to see him again?"

  "No plans."

  "Then he's not the right one. If he were the right one, he wouldn't have let you leave. He would have stopped you. He would have taken care of you and kept you close to him. It's okay, though."

  I laughed and kept drinking my coffee. Ryan had offered to have me stay there all summer. He did try and take care of me. There was just something that had seemed to be holding him back. I still didn't know what the answer to what that was, but I hoped to someday get to talk to him again and straighten things out.

  "He's a good man, Mom. I'll tell you more about him later, but he was good to me."

  "Okay, honey. Now tell me about Lauren. Who's the guy she ran off to Mexico with?" And just like that, I was able to switch the conversation over to Lauren and get the attention off of me.

  "Lauren is finding herself right now too. She actually liked Ryan's brother, but he had to go back to work and left her alone. She makes friends so easily, though; it's harder for me to find guys that interest me. Most of them annoy the hell out of me."

  "Cody annoyed the hell out me," My mom said with a funny laugh. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you that sooner, but I thought he was weird and I should have said something. He always had a stick up his ass about coming out here."