“Your chariot awaits.” His hand leaves his pocket and runs through his dark hair.
My mind flashes to the night we tried to give things a shot, and I remember how silky his russet hair felt under my fingers. My cheeks flame in embarrassment. I don’t know where the memory came from. I keep that night buried deep in the vault. Entertaining such thoughts will ruin everything we have.
Opening the door for me, Dev tells me how gorgeous I am even though we both know I appear hungover, because I am. He is always such a gentleman. Again, husband material.
As he is getting in the driver’s side his cell phone rings. Digging his phone from his jacket pocket he frowns when he looks at the screen.
“It’s for you.” He tosses the ringing phone in my lap and starts the engine.
Rubbing my finger across the bar, I answer. Chase.
“Should’ve known I’d find you with the narc,” he snarls on the other end.
“Well, you found me. What do you want?”
“I miss you.”
I sigh. “I’m not doing this today, Chase.”
“Why? Are you with someone? Don’t tell me you’re dating the narc.”
“That’s right, I’m with Devlyn now. We’re moving in together. I’m on my way to his parent’s place for the holiday. Don’t contact me again.” I end the call and Devlyn is gripping the wheel hard as we move through the holiday traffic.
I didn’t exactly lie. I am with Dev at the moment and I am moving in, albeit temporarily.
I hand Devlyn his phone and we ride to New Jersey in silence.
Devlyn
Fiona smiles weakly in my direction, trying to mask the pain that accompanies Chase. I would love to throw the shitbag in a cell and throw away the key. He’s treated her so badly, and she keeps going back for more. I hope Fiona means it this time, that they are over.
Knowing it isn’t my place to tell her what to do doesn’t make it any easier to keep my mouth closed. However, that’s exactly what I do.
Turning up the radio to drown the silence, I continue to drive, stealing glances at my best friend, the woman I love more than anything but can never have. Her hand finds its way into mine. Her soft pale skin clinging to mine, needing reassurance. Squeezing her hand back, I tell her, “You’re going to be okay, Fiona, you’ve got me. Always.”
Her hand relaxes against my palm as I steer with my other hand. The other cars on the turnpike blur into the distance. Right now, right here in my car it is only the two of us.
Breaking the silence, Fiona brings up the roommate pact. “So, I was thinking we should have boundaries if I’m going to live with you.”
“What kind of boundaries?” I ask feeling mildly curious.
“I hate putting you on the couch. You work hard, and I know you hate your couch, its uncomfortable.”
“You offering to take the couch?”
“No.” She shakes her head, her auburn curls tangling through her fingers as she brushes her hair back from her face.
“You gonna cuddle up next to me,” I tease with a wink.
“I don’t know, maybe you can have your side of the bed, and I could take the other. We could separate the sides with duct tape.”
“Duct tape?” I hedge.
“Duct tape,” she encourages.
I shake my head. “You’ve got to be kidding?”
“Nope. Dead serious. Duct tape solves everything.”
“Okay, Fiona. You’re on.”
“As soon as we get back we can buy some.” She grins at me then turns to watch the scenery out the window.
I can’t help but wonder what is going through her head. Occasionally when she looks at me it feels deeper than friendship. It feels like much more. Maybe I can use this living situation to show her how good we can be together. She never gave me a real shot. Though in her defense my timing was shitty.
I’ve never forgotten the way she felt in my arms, giving herself to me so completely. Then she got sick and that was the end of our moment.
“Hey, I really appreciate everything you do for me. You know that, don’t you?” She questions peering through her lashes, hiding those gorgeous dark chocolate orbs from me.
I give her a lazy grin and pull into my parent’s driveway. This should be interesting. My brothers are home.
I can’t believe we are all here at the same time. It’s been months. Ma always complains that she never gets us all together for dinner even though Franklin, Randall, and Leland live with her and Pa, along with Randall’s daughter, Carly Belle.
Carly Belle comes running at my car before I can even get the door open. She grins at me missing her two front teeth. “Here’s my favorite girl,” I tell her as I step out of the car.
“I thought I was your favorite,” Fiona teases as she gets out as well.
Carly Belle makes a sour face and pulls back from my hug. “Who is thissss,” she hisses the s sound out.
“This is my friend, Fiona?”
“She’s not your girlfriend, is she?”
“Would you be jealous?”
She bobs her head up and down.
“Then, no.” I shoot Fiona a smile and she winks at me. If only. Tucking those thoughts away I lead them on to the porch. I can hear my father and brother’s shouting at the game. I know Fiona hates football. Glancing at her before opening the door she is already grimacing.
“Hey, you’ve met my family before,” I remind her.
“Yeah, but this…it feels different. I feel like you are bringing me home to meet the folks or something. I mean, it feels weird, doesn’t it?”
I shrug. “You’re just weird.”
Before she can reply my niece is shoving me through the door. “Uncle Dev brought a girl.” She sticks her tongue out after making her announcement as she kicks her shoes off then darts up the stairs to her room to play.
The volume lowers on the TV as my family stares at Fiona and me standing in the doorway.
“Well don’t just stand there letting all the heat out. Come in and stay a while,” my old man says.
Closing the door, I urge Fiona further inside the entryway as she avoids tripping over Carly Belle’s shoes. “You all remember Fiona.”
My mom comes out from the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron. Her hands clasp in front of her and she coos, “How wonderful. Such a great surprise.” My brothers wave and grunt in greeting returning their attentions back to the screen. “You two are just in time to help me set the table. I hope you’re hungry.”
“Starved.” I pat my stomach and remove my jacket.
Fiona
In the kitchen helping Mrs. Sullens, I find myself missing my own mother and feeling guilty that I haven’t called her lately. I should call her, but I am not in the mood to hear I told you so. That’s exactly what she will say if I make her aware of my situation. Lying to her is an option, but I have never been big on being dishonest to a point (I do tell the occasional white lie). My mother raised me better than that. I may have grown up poor but my mother instilled in me to have integrity. I don’t know how many people Devlyn’s mom invited to dinner but she cooked for an army.
There’s ham, turkey, chicken, and so many side dishes to choose from as Dev and I help her set up the buffet on the counter. There is no way all this food would fit on the dining table.
“You okay?” Devlyn asks, placing both hands on my shoulders from behind me. His breath tickles the shell of my ear and travels down my spine as his cologne wraps around me. Musky and so manly. It’s all I can do not to turn and melt into his arms.
“Never better,” I say with a tense smile. I can’t stop thinking about how easy it would be to be more than friends with him. How good of a man he is. The way he treats his mother with so much respect is heartwarming and sweet. “I need to use the bathroom.” I excuse myself needing some space. Being so close to him is clouding my head.
Discreetly, I slip into the bathroom by the back door. I’ve met Devlyn’s family a few times so I don’t kno
w why aim making such a big deal out of being here. I’m being dumb about the whole thing. After a few deep breaths, I return from my time out and find everyone is taking their seats at the table along with a few other guests who must have arrived while I was having my pep talk.
“Auntie Gert, this is Fiona.” Dev introduces me to an elderly woman with purple curls that cling to her head from being rolled so tightly.
“This the girlfriend I hear so much about?” She questions as her grey eyes narrow in on me as though she is assessing me.
“She’s a good friend.” He grins at me and I don’t know what to say. Does he talk about me like I am his girlfriend? Does he insinuate that we are an item? The idea doesn’t bother me as much as it should. I know Devlyn is too good for me, but what if I could be good enough for him? As I watch him smiling at his family, I know deep down a part of me wants to be.
Dev pulls out my chair, placing me between his oldest brother, Franklin and himself.
“Fiona, you sure you and him aren’t a thing?” Frank instigates as he pours me a glass of wine. “Because if not, Randall could use a date. Hasn’t been laid since he divorced Kathy.”
I choke on my wine and Devlyn pats me on the back as their mother gives me a cheeky grin.
“My sex life is not appropriate for dinner talk,” Randall sneers with flaming cheeks.
“What’s sex?” Carly Belle ponders as she stabs a piece of ham with her fork.
“Grown up talk,” Mrs. Sullens tells her.
“Why does my daddy need it?” She presses.
“Hush, Carly. Eat your peas,” Mr. Sullens says in a gruff tone indicating he isn’t amused by his son’s antics.
“Fiona just agreed to move in with me,” Devlyn announces and the table falls quiet.
“Dev, I um forgot to get the gravy for the mashed potatoes. Can you help me in the kitchen? Now,” I grit at him as I push my chair back.
I can feel all eyes on us as we leave the room. As soon as my feet hit the tile floor the chatter starts again.
Devlyn
“What are you doing” Fiona hisses at me as soon as I follow her into the kitchen.
“What? Nothing.” I shrug.
“You made it clear we aren’t a thing.” Her finger motions between us. “So why are you telling them I agreed to move in with you!”
“Is the idea of being with me really that bad, Fi? I know we tried before but that was then and things are different now, aren’t they?” I step into her. “We’re good together. Let me prove it to you.”
“Dev,” she whispers my name and I want to claim those sweet parted lips.
“Fiona, I want to kiss you.”
She holds her hands up to deter me, but I can see the longing in her eyes. She wants me to kiss her but then she gives me an excuse not to.
“Dev, you don’t get it, do you? You’re so wonderful. You deserve better than me. I’m not right for you. I’m a mess. You’re my best friend. I do love you, Dev, but I won’t ruin us. You need someone so much better than me.”
“You don’t know what I need,” I huff and grab the brown gravy from the counter, leaving Fiona alone. I don’t know what I was thinking. I know she shuts down whenever I make my feelings clear. Maybe I should get her drunk and then see what happens. No, I don’t want her to be with me like that. I want her to choose me, because she wants to not because she had too much to drink.
Maybe bringing her here today was a bad idea. The truth is, my whole family knows I’m crazy for her. Sure, I have dated other women in the past, but no one compares to her, they never will. I can’t put in the effort to be with someone who isn’t her. I’ve tried. It’s exhausting.
I place the gravy bowl on the center of the table and return to my seat.
“Is everything okay, dear?” My mother asks as everyone else avoids making eye contact with me.
“Fine,” I grunt and tear a piece of my roll off, stuffing it in my mouth. Fiona is still in the kitchen. Maybe she plans on hiding there until we leave.
I’ve cleared half my plate by the time she quietly rejoins us. I can feel her eyes on me as I continue to eat. Ignoring her is hard when I want nothing more than to see the expression on her face. Is she sorry she stopped me from kissing her or is she relieved?
She doesn’t speak and pushes the food on her plate around until my mother announces dessert.
Once everyone has their bellies full and has gone off to other parts of the house, Fiona volunteers us to help clean up. When we are alone in the kitchen she grabs my hand. “Dev, are you mad at me?”
“Never. I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. Can we just pretend that awkward moment didn’t happen and let this go? Please?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” I lie, pulling her into me for a hug. I will drop it for now but the moment we get back to the apartment all bets are off. I am ready to make her mine.
My mother comes into the kitchen. “I don’t know what is going on between you two, but whatever it is I hope you wise up and realize you’re meant for each other.”
“Ma, don’t.”
“Don’t Ma me, Devlyn. This is my kitchen. Don’t sass me. Fiona, my son is a catch and he is in love with you. Better snag him while you can. He won’t wait forever. And I know plenty of single girls from church who’d love his company. I fixed you up some leftovers. I love you, but the sexual tension between you is about to combust and I would rather you do it at your place.” She grins and pats my back.
Fiona
After all the awkwardness of dinner and the relationship advice from Mrs. Sullens at the end I am relieved Devlyn is taking a shower and giving me some much-needed time alone.
His apartment is so freaking small we are going to be on top of each other all the time. Snooping through the junk drawer in the kitchen, I find the duct tape. I am probably being silly, but I need to redraw the lines between us. Especially after Dev said he wanted to kiss me. If we don’t have boundaries we will fuck up our friendship beyond repair. Staring at the couch, I tackle the first order of business and tear off a long strip and divide the couch into his and her sides. Next, I do the bed, even though I am not so sure now that this whole arrangement is a good idea. However, first thing tomorrow I will be back on the job hunt. This is temporary.
I repeat the mantra until Devlyn walks out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. Droplets of water roll down his neck to his chest, traveling down his torso, and disappearing into those sexy muscles shaped like a V. Sweet lord, the man is fine.
“Bathroom is all yours,” he says, not even sparing me a glance.
“Um, sure. Thanks.”
I watch him as he goes into it not the bedroom, not bothering to shut the door. That damn towel is hanging dangerously low on his hips and I can’t stop staring. His head snaps up and I don’t bother to pretend like I’m not staring.
“Can I help you with something?” He questions.
“Um, do you want to watch a movie after I get changed?”
“Sure.” He smiles and swings the door shut, ending the free show. I grab my bag and head to the bathroom to put some pajamas on. I feel so stupid standing here contemplating whether or not to leave my bra on, but in the end, I take it off. I hate sleeping in one.
Devlyn has a clothes line attached from his shelf to the shower rod so I put my bra there so I can find it quickly in the morning. By the time I get out of the bathroom he is relaxing on the couch, having claimed his side. Dressed in only his boxer briefs, he isn’t being conscious of my presence here at all. I guess I don’t blame him. It is his place after all. He should be comfortable. It isn’t like I haven’t seen the man naked before, I just don’t remember that much about the experience or at least I try not to. Folding my arms across my chest to hide my hardened nipples I take my allotted seat, careful not to get too close to him. I feel this weird buzz of energy passing between us. Ever since he told me he wanted to kiss me it’s all I can think of.
“I see you
found the duct tape.” He grins at me as he flicks through the movies on Netflix.
“Yeah.” I laugh but it sounds fake even to me.
“What are you in the mood for?”
“I don’t care. You pick. I will probably end up going to bed before it’s over anyway.”
“About the bed…” he starts.
“Yeah, what about it?” I raise my brows.
“What if I don’t stay on my side?”
His question catches me off guard. We agreed not to talk about the whole relationship, will we or won’t we stuff. I thought he was going to offer to take the couch tonight.
“Dev, maybe I should go stay with April.”
“I’m sorry, Fiona. I keep screwing up. It’s just you don’t see yourself the way that I do. You’re everything to me. When I wake up, I wonder where you are and if you are thinking of me. Whenever I am with you it is a constant struggle not to kiss you. I can’t keep pretending I don’t want you. So here we are. My cards are on the table one last time. We could work if you’d stop fighting this. Fighting me.”
“You think I don’t think about it, Dev. I told you. I’m a mess. You should be with someone who has a career and can walk down the street without getting into a situation. What if my bad luck rubs off on you and you get hurt or worse all because of me?”
“Is that the only reason you won’t try? Because you think you aren’t good enough? You think your mishaps are contagious?”
I turn my head unable to answer. Because when he says it aloud it sounds so dumb.
“Hey.” He hooks his thumb under my chin. “Answer me,” he demands, turning my head in his direction.
When I open my eyes, he’s right in front of me and I don’t know what comes over me but I lean forward and press my lips to his. He’s shocked at first. His eyes are wide as I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him between my legs. “I am willing to try, Dev, but you have to promise me, if you change your mind or if this doesn’t work out. I need you to promise me you will always be my friend.” I think back to Chase, even though he has no room here. We were friends at first and it destroyed us. I don’t want that happen with Dev. I’m scared to lose him.
The Roommate Pact Page 3
