by Patt Marr
Show me Your way. Please help Ry and me to get through this.
“Meg!” Ry was at her door.
She should have expected that.
“Meg, sweetheart! Open the door!”
Not today.
“Babe, I know you’re in there. Please, let me explain what happened.”
They would work out a friendship. But not today.
The phone rang. She pulled the plug and turned off her cell phone, as well. Ry kept calling her name and knocking on the door.
Pretty soon everyone at Los Palmas would know something was wrong. Hadn’t she had enough embarrassment for one day?
She got up and went to the door. “Ry,” she said, talking through the door.
“Yes!” He sounded relieved. “We have to talk, Meg.”
“Please leave me alone.”
“Babe, open the door. Let me explain—”
“Did you hear what I said, Ry?”
“I can’t leave you alone.”
“You can if you ever loved me.”
“If I ever… Meg! You know I love you.”
No, she didn’t know that.
“Will you call me when you’re ready to talk?”
Probably. They would have to get past this. That’s what Christians did. They didn’t take offense or give it, and they didn’t hold a grudge. With God’s help, she would get to that point, but not now. She could not bounce into happy acceptance of Ry’s secret plans.
“Meg?”
“We’ll talk,” she said. That was the most she could promise. “Now, will you leave me alone?”
Through the peephole, she watched him run his hands through his hair, frustration and anguish in every move. Strangely, she didn’t care. After a lifetime of caring about Ry, of being on his side, of making things better for him, she just wanted out.
One-sided love was too much to bear.
She crawled back into bed and stared at the ceiling, listening for sounds from Ry’s apartment, but he was being very quiet, very considerate. Good for him.
Someday this crushing misery would be just a memory. Someday she would get used to being alone.
Maybe she would get a cat for company. A female cat. A cat wouldn’t be any better at returning her love than Ry was, but at least a cat wouldn’t give her a dream, then take it away.
Meg ended her call to Pete, glad that she had a brother who didn’t ask too many questions. As he had so many times before, Pete had come to her rescue, offering her a hideaway for as long as she liked. Staying with Pete and Sunny would mean a longer commute to work, but it would keep her from running into Ry.
Ry may have surprised her yesterday, but she knew what would come next. He wouldn’t let this end without a full-blown, charming explanation and a humble, Christian apology. He would expect her to be understanding, forgiving and totally supportive, just like always.
And why not? Hadn’t she always backed him, even when he walked out on people who loved him, like his Grandma Rose? When he went his own way then, she’d believed he had a good reason, and he probably had a good reason now. If Ry wanted to be a doctor, if he felt that was what God wanted of him, he ought to do it. He would be a wonderful doctor.
But she would not be his wonderful wife, waiting for him to show up when he could. That was not her idea of marriage. She would trust God for something better.
Her brother had prayed with her, asking God to give her a sweet spirit. She wanted that, too, but it was hard to feel sweet with this heavy weight in her heart.
She picked up the bags she had packed and prayed she wouldn’t run into Ry on the way to her car.
Ry had spent the longest night of his life, waiting in his SUV, knowing that Meg would have to come out of her apartment sometime. He’d never prayed so hard. She had taken a terrible blow, but it would be okay once he got to talk with her. He had to believe that.
The coffee cake twins, who knew everything that happened at Los Palmas, had found him out here in the parking lot. Meg had real friends in those women. They didn’t have a clue what the fight was about, but they were on her side and said he should say he was sorry.
He would love to as soon as Meg gave him the chance.
During his nightlong vigil, the twins kept him supplied with food, coffee and encouragement for the sole purpose, they said, of making sure he was sharp enough to apologize properly. He’d practiced apologies all night and prayed that he would have the right words.
Not long after sunrise, his vigil was rewarded. Meg came out of her apartment, but his relief turned to blazing anger when he saw that she had a piece of luggage over her shoulder, a heavy-looking tote bag in one hand and her big black purse in the other. She was sneaking off without giving him a chance to explain?
When she saw him coming to meet her, her shoulders sagged in defeat. Her pale face was puffy, she hadn’t bothered with makeup and she looked as if she didn’t have the energy to put one foot in front of the other. She must have had as miserable a night as he’d had, but neither of them would have had to suffer if she’d given him a chance to explain.
Taking both pieces of luggage and her purse, he walked beside her, carrying her things just as he would have if the two of them were off to start a vacation. “Where are we going, babe?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, not meeting his eyes.
It did to him. “Are we going to be gone long?”
“I’m not sure.”
After a sleepless night, he might not be at his best, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have liked this attitude anytime.
She popped the trunk, and he stowed the luggage inside. This was his chance to apologize, and as irritated with her as he was, he needed to do it right.
“Meg, I didn’t know that Grandpa was going to announce that stuff about me. I was as surprised as you were.”
Her blue eyes were cloudy with misery. “But Beth said it was true. Have you been admitted to medical school?”
“Yes, that part is true, but—”
“Then why keep it such a big secret?”
“Because there was a good chance I wouldn’t be accepted. If I didn’t get in, I didn’t want anybody to know.” There, that was the raw truth.
“And I’m ‘anybody’?”
“No! You’re the woman I love, but a man doesn’t want to look bad in his woman’s eyes.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Here’s a clue for you, Ry. A man looks better when he’s up-front and honest.”
“You’re right, but it isn’t as bad as you think.”
“You told your family, but you didn’t tell me.”
“That was a very bad mistake, but I can explain.”
“You wanted to get married at Easter. What if I’d said okay? Would you have told me before the wedding?”
“I don’t know,” he said honestly, “because it didn’t matter then.”
“It didn’t matter?” She looked at him with such disgusted amazement that he had to backpedal.
“Let me rephrase that. It would have mattered if I were still planning to go to med school, but I wasn’t.”
“You had applied, you were worried about being accepted, but you weren’t going to go?”
“Put that way, it does sound odd, but it’s the truth. Meg, I applied while I was still in New York. Then I saw your reaction to Beth going to med school, and I realized what you thought about being a doctor’s wife. I knew you wouldn’t want me to go, and I’d given up on the idea by Easter. Believe me, I wouldn’t make a decision that big without you being in on it.”
“But you let me think you didn’t want to be like the rest of your family.”
“I don’t want to be like them! Long before I fell in love with you, even before I came back here on New Year’s Eve, I knew that I wanted to do more for people than I can as a paramedic. But it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I let myself admit how much I wanted to be a doctor—not like Mom’s father or the family. I wanted to be an ER doc, and I told my dad and Beth
as part of my testimony for the Lord, to show them that I wasn’t a rebel anymore.”
The way her eyes softened, he may have won his case.
“I got my acceptance letter yesterday,” he said, so grateful that he’d gotten this chance to explain. “I showed it to Beth and Dad. Then, before I had a chance to say my plans had changed, she was off to tell Mom, and Dad was telling Grandpa. I couldn’t get to you to explain before Grandpa made that bogus announcement. I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t have happened that way.”
She reached out and stroked his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad for you, Ry.”
Her tired eyes met his, and he knew it was going to be okay. He loved her so much, and he would never hurt her again.
“It’s wonderful that you’ll be part of the family,” she said softly. “You’ll have a good chance to win them for the Lord, and you’ll make a wonderful doctor.”
“No, I’ll make a wonderful husband.”
She shook her head gently. “I don’t think the two go together, Ry.”
“They don’t,” he agreed. “That’s why I’m not going to med school. I’m not going to risk losing you.”
She bit on her bottom lip and looked so unhappy, he knew something was wrong. What had he said? What was so bad about wanting to hold on to the woman he loved?
“You are going to medical school, Ry.” Her voice was husky with tears.
What was she talking about? He’d just said he wasn’t.
“I won’t let you give up anything that important for me.” He’d never heard such steely determination in his girl’s voice.
“But you would give up on us?” She was. He could see it on her face.
“No one should have to sacrifice a dream to be loved, Ry. People can’t live with that.”
“It’s not a sacrifice when there’s something else you want more.” She had to believe that.
“You can say that now, but later, you would blame me.”
“You don’t know that, Meg.”
“I think I do.”
Blood rushed to his head. “So you’ve leaving? Whether I go to med school or whether I don’t, I lose you?” He could barely get the words out.
“Ry, you’re going. And you’ll be so busy, you won’t notice whether I’m around or not.”
She was dumping him. And this was the real reason he’d put off telling her about med school. He had known she would insist that he go if she found out he’d applied. “If you can believe I’d ever be too busy to love you,” he said bitterly, “I’ve got to wonder what your idea of love is.”
That struck home. A flash of anger crossed her face, but she pressed her lips together and said nothing.
“And I’ve got to wonder,” he said, so angry he could hardly speak, “if all this hasn’t happened for the best.”
That definitely hit home. Her blue eyes were dark with fury. “If you think your big surprise was ‘for the best,’ then maybe it was. Maybe it was part of God’s plan for you, Ry.”
Just what he needed, a sermon from Meg to validate her throwing their love away. “God has a plan for both of us, Meg—you and me, even if the two of us aren’t meant to be.”
Chapter Fourteen
On the first Sunday afternoon in June, Meg lay on a chaise on Pete and Sunny’s deck, hoping the warm sun on her body would lull her to sleep. She was always tired these days.
If she could sleep, she wouldn’t think about Ry lying on this very same chaise five months ago or how it felt, smoothing sunscreen over his shoulders and the tattoo of his grandmother’s initials. That was a very sentimental gesture from a very good man.
This Saturday, six days from now, she’d expected to marry that very good man and love him forever. Well, the last part was still true. She would always love Ry.
The rhythmic sound of waves splashing the shore was a peaceful, lulling sound. If she concentrated on that, she wouldn’t think about this Saturday and the wedding they’d planned, though it would have been a beautiful wedding. Small, intimate, it was to have been a simple exchange of vows to love each other forever and put God first in their lives.
The setting would have been the lush garden of their church with its landscaped arch and the birds that sang overhead. A harpist would have played sweet worship music while Pete walked her down the aisle. Ry would have been there, waiting with that look that said he just loved what he saw.
She had never expected a man to look at her quite that way, and she never expected to see it again. But how she missed it. She missed his smile, his laugh, the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand. She longed for his kiss, his strong arms around her and the joy of knowing Ry was hers.
Miraculously, he had been hers, if only for a little while. It had been a humbling experience to be loved the way he seemed to love her. He’d called her his “home,” and he’d been the man of her dreams.
But they weren’t “meant to be.” Those were Ry’s words, the last he’d said to her a full month ago, and, endlessly, they’d circled in her mind. She’d been so sure that God had put them together. Apparently, she had been wrong.
Even as they planned their wedding, Ry had known he would have to give up his dream so that she could have hers. He must have believed they were “meant to be” then. What had he said? That he would rather be a good husband than be a good doctor? Didn’t he know she would never let him do that?
Sometimes she wondered if she would feel this continuous ache of loss if she could hold on to her anger. Her first fury made her numb to the pain. She’d felt such betrayal, with Ry and Beth, both keeping her out of the loop and letting their family in on his plans. For days, she couldn’t understand how they could have done that, but prayer had softened her heart.
Beth had only acted with Ry’s best interest at heart. That’s what a good sister did. Meg had forgiven her even before Beth sent a note, saying she knew Meg needed some distance from the Brennan family, but she would be there whenever Meg needed her.
Meg sent flowers back, but Beth was right. She did need space from anything that reminded her of Ry.
Sometimes Meg still felt a blast of righteous indignation at the way Deborah Brennan ordered her to take off Ry’s ring, but how could Meg stay mad at a woman who was under psychiatric care? In her note Beth said her mother was finally getting the help she’d needed for so long.
Meg wasn’t even angry with Ry. Yes, he’d fooled her completely, but she understood his pride as well as his family situation. Of course Ry wanted to please the Brennans. She hadn’t been kidding when she told Uncle Charlie that it was time Ry was out of the doghouse, and it was completely admirable that Ry wanted to win them to the Lord.
Without anger, though, all that was left was regret. Deep and painful, regret had a life of its own. Supposedly, people didn’t change unless they were motivated by pain. If that were true, her mind was open for whatever God wanted her to see. Did the Lord want her to settle for less than her dream?
If Ry got his dream, he earned a place of respect with his family and the chance to use his God-given gifts. That was exactly what she wanted for him. But if she married Ry, it would be just like her parents’ marriage, with each of them following their separate lives.
Medical school was a terrible way to start a marriage. To be sure she wasn’t wrong about that, she’d asked around, and everyone agreed that a med student’s complete focus was his education. That training went on for years.
“May I join you?” her sister-in-law asked.
Meg patted the chaise beside her, welcoming Sunny’s company.
“How are you doing?” Sunny asked with real caring. Sunny had mothered Meg as if she were recovering from major surgery instead of a broken heart.
“Fine,” Meg said automatically.
Sunny lifted one brow.
Meg smiled. Sunny was a coach and high school teacher before she had the children, and she still worked with teenagers at church. Not much got past her.
“I was just thinking ho
w a month seemed like such a short time to prepare for our wedding when Ry and I set the date. Now I can hardly wait for the day to be over.”
“Six days until Saturday. There’s still time to change your mind,” Sunny said sweetly.
“About what? Ry was right. We weren’t ‘meant to be.’”
They lay there, not talking, with only the sound of the waves and a couple of seagulls breaking the silence.
Sunny turned on her side. “Meg, do you mind if I tell you something?”
Meg adjusted her sunglasses. That sounded like the prelude to a lecture, but if anyone has earned the right to speak her mind, Sunny had.
Sunny patted her hand lovingly. “I think we ought to talk about marriage, Meg.”
“You don’t think your timing is a little off, Sunny?”
“Well, I don’t believe we’ve talked about that.”
They hadn’t? It seemed as if they’d talked about everything, not only during the past month that she’d stayed here at the beach house, but in the five years since Pete and Sunny met.
“Meg, I know you want a marriage where your husband is your best friend—”
“Like you and Pete.”
Sunny looked at her as if Meg were joking. “Meg, you’re my best friend more than Pete is.”
Meg didn’t want to hear that. How could Sunny say such a thing when Pete loved her so? “Is something wrong between you two?” she asked softly, dreading the answer.
“No, not at all! We have a great marriage. I’m as sure of Pete’s love as he is of mine. But, living here, you’ve surely noticed how much he’s away on business?”
Meg had been surprised at that. She’d even wondered how Sunny could seem so happy with Pete gone that much.
“Your brother is a wonderful daddy and a good Christian man, but, Meg, his mind is on his work most of the time. I have to admit, there was a time when I resented that.”
Meg didn’t blame her. That’s why Meg’s ring finger was bare.
“But then Pastor Tim talked about how our work is our ministry as much as the things we do for the Lord at church. When we think of our work as a way to serve the Lord, there’s greater joy in the day and greater contentment in a family.”
