by Unknown
“Tell them my wish,” Liv told the attorney. “And if it’s alright with them, I’d like to meet the boy once he’s recovered.”
“I will.” Mrs. Barnes scanned the two combatants again, appearing more curious than before. “Is there something here I should know about before I go ahead with all this important stuff?”
Liv had watched the finger Mrs. Barnes had used to wave between her and Neal. Any other time and she would have giggled like an idiot, but not now. Nothing amused her now, and nothing seemed right or fair to be able to find humor in anything; not even Mrs. Barnes typical, jovial mood. Or, what she once believed to be Neal’s genuine concern for her and the happiness that would always manage to elude her.
“No.” The word left Liv’s lips at the same time Neal replied in kind, startling her again and forcing her to take a deep breath. She rose from her chair and held out a hand to Mrs. Barnes, smiling as she thanked the woman for her time and help.
“I’ll be back in Michigan if you need me for anything else.”
She turned and left the office, walking faster than she should and praying that the fates left her alone long enough to keep her from slipping on a high heel, tripping over her own foot, or anything else that would prove beyond embarrassing in front of Neal.
She made it to the elevator without incident, but then he was suddenly standing beside her as she waited for the doors to open.
With his hands in the side pockets of his trousers, he looked up at the lighted numbers above the closed doors and weakly hummed a tune.
“I’m sorry,” she managed when the ding of the elevator had Neal stepping in front of her. And there it was; the humiliation she had hoped to avoid. Apologizing when it wasn’t even necessary and then having it completely ignored by the recipient. No less painful than having slid on a heel to send her into some awkward gyration of utter embarrassment, and no less degrading, either.
For three seconds her heart stopped beating to think he might get in first and let the doors close between them. He entered behind her, but the elevator happened to be empty aside from them. Twenty-three flights down to the lobby with Neal Hendrix and a wedge between them the size of California.
Just strike me dead already, Liv silently implored of the wicked and heartless deity in charge of all things misery and strife.
Neal leaned against the back wall with a foot crossed in front of the other and continued to hum as he watched the lighted numbers above the door. Liv cowered in a corner staring at the floor, wishing for a magic wand – or at least a fairy godmother – even when neither were apt to appear.
“Would you like a ride to the airport?”
Liv stopped in the lobby and turned to stare at Neal. How in the world did he know she was headed for the airport? His smiling eyes glanced from her to the purse strapped to her shoulder. She looked at the purse, and a few seconds passed before she recalled having set it on the floor between their chairs inside the attorney’s office. It tended to remain open in that position, so there was little doubt in her mind that the plane ticket was in plain view of Neal’s eagle eye the whole time.
With an exasperated groan, Liv turned on her heels and started out of the office tower, as anxious to be away from Neal as she was to get out of Los Angeles.
“I don’t even give a damn if I slip on a heel, fall, and break a bone,” she muttered. “Just get me the hell out of this disaster zone!”
AT THE AIRPORT, Liv thought she could start to relax and begin to let go of the awful things that accumulated in less than twenty-four hours to make her so miserable. She had some time to kill, so she bought a diet Coke and looked for an empty area to sit and read. When she spotted the ideal place, she heard someone say her name. Turning back toward the McDonald’s she’d just left, Liv saw a man dressed in navy mechanic apparel smiling at her with a curious look in his huge, dark eyes.
Underneath his grease-stained baseball cap was a large head of dark, tightly curled hair. Liv wasn’t sure his skin was naturally dark, or if it might be more of the grease and dirt that covered his uniform. He was tall and thin, with a slight paunch above a sagging waistband.
“Liv Beckman,” he said and lifted one side of his thick, dark lips. “It is you, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry,” she began, not knowing whether to turn and walk away like nothing happened, or offer an obligatory smile and even approach him to find out more. There were enough people milling about along with plenty of security for her to worry about him doing anything dangerous. “Do I know you?”
The man glanced aside and swiped the bill of his cap. After gazing at the floor, he slid his hands in his pockets and looked at her above thick, dark lashes. “Phil,” he said, his face turning red to show Liv that he did, indeed, have splotches of dirt and grease on him. “Phil Morgan. The guy who ended up in jail after –.”
Liv’s loud gasp caused him to stand tall and reach out to her, his expression so agonized that Liv nearly forgot how terrified she was of him.
“Please don’t walk away,” he pleaded, taking the few steps needed to close the distance between them.
While Liv held her breath in mortification to be standing this close to the partner-in-crime from her past, Phil quietly begged for a chance to redeem himself.
“It’s a blessing to see you after all this time,” he said, barely able to meet her stunned gaze. “I’ve prayed for this day for a long time. Please let me ask you for forgiveness, Liv. What I did to you was wrong, I know that now. Going to jail made me realize a lot of things wrong about my life, and after I was saved, the only thing that mattered most was being able to see you again and apologize for all the wrong I’d done.”
Liv took a step back and pursed her lips. This couldn’t possibly be yet another cruel twist of fate that just happened to come along at a time when the last straw had already broken the camel’s and her back.
She started to shake her head, wanting to turn and walk away; to pretend he wasn’t really standing in front of her and acting in a way that didn’t resemble the Phil Morgan she had tried for so long to forget even existed.
He turned to look at the fast-food stand, and then he smiled at her. “Let me buy you another coffee at least. We can talk before your flight leaves.”
“I don’t . . . drink . . . coffee.” Liv hadn’t wanted to hesitate any more than she wanted to speak to the man. She gazed at the warming diet Coke in her hand and started to fiddle with the straw when Phil’s touch on her arm forced another gasp to escape. He immediately let go and raised both hands at his shoulders, whispering an apology.
Blush tinted Liv’s cheeks as another minor wave of guilt took shape. Here he was trying to be nice and apologize, and she was acting like a wicked executioner. The thought and feeling filled her with disgust, but not because she believed it was true. Instead, she became angry to be put in such a position when she felt she had every right to remain furious and unforgiving.
Phil removed a wallet from his back pocket and smiled as he flipped through a few faded photo sheaths. He turned the wallet toward Liv and beamed with pride as she reluctantly glanced at the picture of a pretty brunette surrounded by three little boys.
“I took up a trade, got this job as a mechanic, and met my wife, Gina. It embarrasses me sometimes to know I don’t deserve any of the happiness God deemed to bestow on such a wretched, worthless human being like me.”
He slid the wallet back inside his pocket and grinned at her, forcing Liv to glance aside in order to keep from being touched by such sincerity and humility of heart. “Like I say, meeting you again is the biggest blessing ever. Even if you never forgive me, I’ll understand. I hope you will, though.”
A third gasp left Liv after Phil went to his knees. He remained there with his head bowed, his dirty hands pressed against his thighs, the backs of his untied work boots bent behind him.
The people milling about stopped to see what was going on; thinking a marriage proposal was about to occur so they smiled.
“I’m sorry,” Phil said aloud before pressing his face at her feet. “I’m so sorry, Liv! I wasn’t thinking! I was a useless drug addict at the time, and I don’t even remember that day. I only know how much I hurt you.”
“Please stop,” Liv quietly begged when Phil sat upright and used a forearm to wipe the tears from his face.
“I’m sorry, Liv. I swear I’ll never hurt another human being as long as I live. I’ll make it up to you by being the best husband and father a man can be. I’m donating a portion of my wages to a battered woman’s shelter in town, too. All in your name.”
“Alright,” Liv said and started to lean forward with the intention of helping him back to his feet when she stopped and turned aside. “I –,” unable to say she forgave him, Liv pursed her lips for a second. “Get up and go back to work now, before you get fired and can’t take care of that lovely family of yours.”
Phil leapt to his feet with a magnificent grin of satisfaction. He removed the cap twice to slide those dirty fingers through his hair, and he bowed several times while thanking Liv for making him the happiest, most relieved man on the planet. As he started back to work, he turned and shouted “Praise the Lord!” which caused the few gawkers left to titter and murmur about the things they just witnessed.
Liv started to turn away when it suddenly hit her that any of the three little boys in the picture would likely resemble the child she had miscarried. For the first time since that awful day, Liv became filled with overwhelming grief and an unshakable sense of loss. Before she could find a suitable place to run and cry though, she felt the painful grip of a large hand on her arm. That hand shook her as she spun in the direction of her assailant, and seeing Neal again made her already clouded head start to spin.
“Have you lost your mind?” Neal snarled, glaring at her with enough anger to make Liv feel dizzy as well as heartbroken. “What the hell possessed you to let that guy get anywhere near you again?”
“My baby,” she quietly sobbed. The floodgates threatened to burst, but Liv forced them back; struggling between her own painful memories and those Neal seemed determined to create for her now. “I want my baby.”
Neal slowly slid an arm about her, letting her rest against his shoulder. His mind played back similar words she had uttered the night they first made love, but in a sultry voice and with definite arousal in her tone. I want to have your baby, Neal. Give me a baby.
They were double-edged sword words to him, but Liv wouldn’t know that. It had almost worked to ruin the night for him, but even that hadn’t been enough to keep him from taking her again and again. The few times when he had warned himself to pull out in time and failed still gave him a chilling sense of foreboding he didn’t like to think about even now. They had gone through the entire twelve condoms that night as well, but the damage had already been done.
“What baby?” he asked. “What are you talking about now, Liv?”
“Nothing,” she said and stepped out of his embrace after her flight was called. Without meeting his gaze, she turned and headed for the gate. Now it was her turn not to look back, and by the time she sat down aboard the plane, her neck felt stiff from having tried so hard.
Chapter 18
“It only looks like we’re kissing,” Liv argued while Carmen, Noelle, and Sherry stared at an online image that showed her and Neal at the airport. She was back home and several days had passed since she last saw Neal.
“At least her face isn’t showing,” Sherry offered, standing behind Carmen, who sat in a chair at a desk inside Liv’s bedroom.
“There’s no mistaking whose juicy butt that is,” Carmen grumbled before dropping a few M&M’s into her mouth. “He’s even got a hand on it,” she said and pointed at the screen. “Neal must be an ass man, huh?”
Noelle read the caption under the photo: Naughty Neal Nabs another Knock-Out, and made a sour face before clicking her tongue. “Who writes this stupid stuff?”
“I thought he was interested in them big titties of yours,” Carmen offered and smiled at the nasty scowl Liv flashed her.
Sherry slapped Carmen’s shoulder. “I think he’s interested in the whole package. Look at her! The hair, that face, those eyes, the big butt, big boobs, long legs that look even better in high heels . . . any guy would –.” Sherry gasped and hurried to Liv after discovering she was in tears. She knelt beside the upholstered chair Liv had curled up in and quietly asked what was wrong.
Carmen and Noelle joined her, encircling the chair on their knees and gazing up at Liv with the same wide-eyed look of concern.
A weak gasp of laughter escaped, but then Liv glanced aside and wiped the tears from her flushed face. “I’m so glad you guys are still here,” she quietly admitted and bent an arm in front of her eyes, crying like a baby. That sent the three women into panic mode, but they also knew from experience that there wasn’t much they could say or do until Liv finished.
Noelle returned with a box of tissues and ripped out a few before handing them and the box to Liv. Carmen had her hands on Liv’s knees, gently rubbing them while Sherry patted her on the back and slid strands of her hair behind an ear.
“Out with it,” Carmen ordered after the crying ceased and Liv had blown her nose for the last time. The no-nonsense friend bent her long legs and hugged them as she stared at Liv. “I won’t even say I told you so if you’ll promise to be completely honest and not leave anything out this time.”
Noelle sat on the edge of the bed near Liv’s chair and glanced at her phone, shutting it off before setting it aside. She then turned her attention to Liv and waited patiently for the tale to unfold.
Liv began with the bone marrow incident that had left her feeling selfishly unfulfilled, and then she backtracked, telling them about the two young girls who surprised her at Neal’s place. Then about seeing him at the VMA’s with Shauna. Her voice sounded raw by the time she began to explain about her having taken a chance on surprising Neal and then seeing him with the super model.
“It all started after that amazing night we shared in that bed.” Liv pouted at the furniture in question, causing Noelle to blush and bound from the mattress.
“I had no idea I was sitting on a sacred shrine.” Noelle giggled before apologizing.
“I think I made him angry,” Liv grumbled. “He asked me to go back to California with him and it hurt to think he didn’t care about my feelings after I told him I’d never go back there, not even with him. Then I ended up having to go there anyway because of my real family and the crisis they suddenly faced. I barged in on him and Shauna. I accused him of being unfaithful when we haven’t even established a relationship. And then I called him a liar after he explained about the two girls.”
“So, why is he still interested then?”
Liv pouted at Carmen and didn’t answer the question.
“He never gave me the impression of being insincere,” Noelle offered. “But, I’m still confused about the airport picture. I’ve never seen him when he’s angry. Except whenever he saw you with another guy at the beach party two weeks ago. Even then, though, he didn’t look that upset.”
“Was he trying to make you stay in L.A. with him?” Sherry asked, still gently sweeping Liv’s hair from her face.
Liv shook her head, pouting at the tissue she now slowly tore into long, thin strips, trying to avoid the one topic she wasn’t comfortable discussing with them or anyone else.
With a heavy sigh, she left the chair and slowly started across the room, trying to collect her thoughts. When she felt ready, she turned to face her curious friends and took another, deep breath.
“I ran into the guy who raped me,” she said and closed her eyes as a flurry of startled remarks filled her ears. The girls were on their feet now and surrounding Liv, demanding to know more.
“Did he try to hurt you again?” Carmen snarled; her expression practically mirroring the one Neal sported in the online picture.
Liv shook her head and broke free of their suffoc
ating nearness. She stopped at the balcony window and gazed out at the water. “He’s not the same guy I hardly knew and don’t remember anything about.”
“Then how do you know he’s not the same guy?” Noelle asked.
Liv turned to them with a shy, half smile. “Because he was saved in prison. He’s one of those bible believers who repented and begged me to forgive him. He even donates to a woman’s shelter in my name.”
“Like hell he does,” Carmen argued. “If you were fool enough to believe anything that guy said, Liv, I’ll kick your ass before hunting him down to do the same.”
Liv didn’t want to, but she smiled anyway and told them that Neal had practically said the same thing. Then she pointed to the laptop, losing the smile as she gazed at the floor in sadness to be reminded of what she had lost.
“That guy showed me a picture of his family,” she told her friends. “It didn’t dawn on me right away, but after he left, I remembered my own baby. I was suddenly shocked to know what he or she might have looked like had it lived. The pain and sadness came back, but before I lost it, Neal grabbed me so hard and with such force –.”
“Good,” Carmen grumbled, folding her arms at her chest and tapping an angry toe. “I’m glad he was there to shake some sense into you.”
“I’m glad he was there to protect her in case anything bad happened,” Sherry added.
“I knew going back there was a bad idea,” Liv breathed, turning to face the water again and sniffing when renewed tears filled her eyes. “Nothing but bad things happen, and all those awful memories that kept wanting to come crawling back to bring me down. I could never live there. Not even . . . with . . . him.”
While Liv wept in her hands, her friends congregated nearby and quietly decided on a pizza, wine, and old black & white movie night to help Liv get over her nightmare trip.
“I’ll go chill some wine,” Noelle said.
“I’ll order the food,” Carmen offered and pointed at Sherry. “You keep an eye on her, and don’t let her crawl into the sacred shrine or the whole night is ruined.”
