by KT Shears
‘Well, Erik,’ he said, clapping his son lightly on the shoulder. ‘You gave us all quite a scare.’
‘All? Erik asked.
‘Anna’s here too,’ Alfred said, and stood back so Erik could see.
Anna wasn’t sure what she had expected. At least for him to look happy to see her, but he didn’t and she paused on her way to the bed.
The Jonassons looked at each other too.
‘Come on, Alfred,’ Erik’s mother said, quickly. ‘Let’s go find a coffee. I’m exhausted.’
The pair left and Anna stood looking at Erik, suddenly feeling like flying out had been a horrendous mistake. Had she misjudged this entire situation? She wanted the ground to swallow her up.
‘I’m so glad you’re okay,’ she began, awkwardly. ‘I’m sorry I came out here, I didn’t know what to do.’
Erik sighed and struggled to sit, Anna rushing round and helping him with his pillows.
‘I appreciate it,’ he said, but it didn’t look like it to Anna.
‘Is something wrong?’ she said, taking his hand. It was limp in hers.
‘This happened because I wasn’t focused,’ he said, carefully avoiding her gaze. ‘Because I let myself lose sight of the championship. I haven’t been paying as much attention as I should.’
Anna felt sick and let go of his hand.
‘What are you saying?’ she asked, tears filling her eyes.
‘I need to take a step back from this,’ he said, waving his hand. ‘From us. I need to have 100% concentration and focus, I can’t let anything get in the way. I’ve wanted to win this since I was a child, and today I realised I can’t have two things I want. Life doesn’t work like that.’
‘I’m getting in the way?’ Anna said, suddenly feeling angry. ‘You’re the one who took me to dinner, you’re the one who made the first move, and now I’m getting in the way?’
She tried to calm down, aware that her voice was wavering.
‘I didn’t ask for this to happen, Erik. Do you think it was nice for me, sitting at home, watching you crash and thinking you might be dead? No, I don’t suppose you did think about that, did you? Because you’re selfish. You like to think you’re not like Devlin, but you’re just as selfish as him. You just disguise it better.’
Erik stared at her, looking shocked.
‘Anna…’ he said, reaching out a hand to her.
Anna backed away from the bed, shaking her head.
‘Good luck with your championship,’ she spat. ‘I hope it’s worth it.’
And she left. She passed the Jonassons in the hallway who looked shocked at her tear-stained face.
‘Anna?’ Alfred said, stepping towards her.
She shook her head.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t. Ask your son.’
And she left the hospital, clutching her bag and weeping as she looked for a taxi to take her back to her hotel.
Chapter thirty-two
Erik winced as he lowered himself into the car. His ribs still ached from the crash two weeks ago, but he couldn’t miss another race. Devlin had gone on to win the last race, even with the penalty he had received for causing the crash, and the standings were neck and neck. If Erik missed a race, this could be it. His mother had been furious, and not just about that.
‘What have you done to that girl?’ she had demanded, when she returned to the hospital room after Anna had left.
Erik didn’t want to explain. The hurt in Anna’s eyes had made him feel like crap, and he wasn’t in the mood for explaining it to his parents.
‘Just leave it,’ he had said to his mother and she had shook her head.
‘I will not leave it, Erik Jonasson,’ Helena had said. ‘You finally found a woman with a brain, someone who could be your equal, someone who will drop everything and fly to your side in an instant, and that’s not enough?’
Erik had shaken his head, looking at his dad pleadingly.
‘I need to concentrate. This happened because I wasn’t focused.’
But his dad, who had always been behind Erik, had shaken his head too.
‘No it didn’t,’ he had said. ‘It happened because Devlin Carter is dangerous on that track. He will end up killing someone. It’s got nothing to do with Anna. That poor girl.’
His parents had left then, thankfully, leaving Erik to his own thoughts.
As he pulled out in his car for practice, he thought of what Anna had said to him. He could still remember the wavering of her voice as she spoke, and the fury of her words. Was he really just like Devlin Carter? He thought of Devlin’s wife Felicity, sitting at home. He thought of Nikki, too. Would she have flown out to see him if he was hurt?
But he had to focus on the championship. He had wanted this ever since he was a child, since he first saw Ayrton Senna on the podium. He couldn’t throw it away, everything he had worked for all those years.
He had avoided Devlin, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to control himself. Devlin had avoided him too. Erik had seen the interviews while he was in the hospital – Devlin claiming something had malfunctioned on his car and how awful he felt. It was crap, utter crap. Devlin had been trying to take him out, and Erik would need to be extremely careful.
He thought about Jack and Elena. He had called them and told him he would be heading there after the race. He hadn’t told them about the Anna situation, and he was dreading it. He thought Jack would understand, being a racing driver himself. But Elena? He felt miserable.
***
He felt curiously empty as he stood on the podium, smiling and waving as he accepted the winners’ trophy. Devlin’s car had broken during the race and he hadn’t even finished, which Erik liked to think was some sort of karma for the previous week. But as he stood, staring down at the tens of thousands of upturned faces, cheering, he knew there was only one face he wanted to see there.
As he trooped off stage, shaking the hands of various public figures and former race drivers en route, he wished Anna was waiting for him. It wasn’t even the sex he missed, he thought, although he missed that a lot. It was the silly conversations, the laughing, the holding her in his arms as she slept. With Nikki it had only ever been the sex.
Gary was waiting for him and ushered him aside.
‘Are you feeling alright?’ he asked.
Erik was surprised by this sudden show of concern. Gary had never asked him if he was alright before.
‘Fine,’ he said, lying.
Gary looked at him appraisingly, and Erik had the unpleasant sensation that his soul was being laid bare by this portly man in his 40s who liked to shout a lot.
‘I can try to stop her coming to Brazil,’ Gary said, suddenly, and Erik stared at him.
‘Anna?’ he asked, his heart wrenched at the sound of her name on his lips.
Gary nodded.
‘No it’s fine,’ Erik said. ‘It’s not a problem.’
Gary looked at him intently for a moment and then grunted and walked off.
Erik stood there, thinking. It was a couple of months until Brazil, surely it wouldn’t feel so raw by then.
***
‘Are you out of your tiny little mind?’ Elena glared at him. Jack shrugged at Erik apologetically.
‘You don’t understand, El,’ Erik said, knowing that an explanation would be futile but he had to try anyway.
‘Oh don’t I?’ she said, hands on her hips. They were sitting in Jack and Elena’s garden, after dinner. Erik had tried to avoid the subject of Anna arising for as long as possible, but Elena, perceptive Elena, had wheedled it out of him.
‘You think I don’t know what it’s like to be involved with a racing driver? To watch you go off all over the world and be fawned over by models? To sit watching on TV praying that something doesn’t happen?’
Erik conceded she probably did have a point.
Jack stepped in.
‘El, babe, Erik’s right about having to concentrate. He can’t have distractions, it could ruin his chances.’
>
Elena shook her head angrily.
‘They’re not mutually exclusive, Erik. You don’t have to be a martyr and sacrifice happiness for your championship. You don’t have to be some tortured soul. That girl cares for you deeply, I’m sure of it. I saw the way she looked at you and I saw the way you looked at her. But I won’t go on about it, you’ve made your choice. I just hope it’s the right one.’
Erik took a draught of his beer, wondering if she was right. Was he being an idiot? He thought of Anna, of her soft skin, her laugh that lit up her face, her beautiful body, the way she made him laugh. He thought of the first time they had slept together in the hotel in Germany. The passion that he had felt for her body. Could he really juggle passion for his racing with passion for Anna? He didn’t know, and that made him feel miserable.
Chapter thirty-three
Anna sat on the floor of her bedroom, deliberating what she should pack. She was leaving for Brazil in the morning.
The last few months had been awful, and she wanted to get the weekend out of the way so she could get Erik out of her head once and for all. She had been trying, but it was impossible when she knew she would be seeing him.
Jules and Dan had been lifesavers. She had turned up at their door, sobbing, after flying back from Belgium. She hadn’t even been able to get the words out, and Jules had shrieked, ‘Oh my god, has he died?’
Anna had shaken her head and managed to choke out what had happened. Jules had been absolutely furious.
‘That man was in our home,’ she had raged. ‘How could he treat you like this?’
Dan wisely stayed out of the way, but Anna sensed he had at least a but of sympathy for Erik. She didn’t know whether that made her feel worse or better.
She had listened to Jules ranting on about him, talking about what a typical racing driver he was, how they were all the same, how they just used women…
She had got an e-mail from Elena too, which had made her cry with its kindness. It had said how sorry both Elena and Jack were about what had happened, and that if she ever happened to be in Monaco, they would love her to visit. Fat chance, Anna thought. She was staying away from racing after this.
Anna thought back to the nights she had spent with Erik, the gentle way he had kissed her head when he thought she was sleeping, the way his arms held her. She wasn’t stupid, she knew there had felt something. He had to have done. But obviously it wasn’t enough.
After a while, Jules’ ranting had become too much for Anna to deal with and she made her excuses about needing to get home. She’d already missed a day of work, she couldn’t miss another. She wouldn’t let Erik break her heart and destroy her career.
And here she sat, three months later, trying to get on with her life. And failing miserably. She missed Erik so much it hurt, and so many times she had wanted to pick up the phone or send him an email, just to let him know she was thinking about him. She wondered if he had a new girlfriend. She had tried to avoid all TV and news coverage, but inevitably sometimes she switched on TV or passed a magazine stand, and there he was. She ached when she saw him, and she felt miserable to think that he was carrying on with his life as if she had never been it.
She had got an email from him two weeks ago. All it said was ‘I miss you.’ She had been furious tears springing to her eyes as she sat at her desk. Was he drunk? Or just stupid? He had been the one to end it, he shouldn’t have the luxury of sending emails telling her he was missing her. She had deleted it, and then cried that it was gone.
She had finally braved the sports news last night, feeling that she should at least know what she was heading into this weekend. Devlin and Erik were only two points adrift of each other, so it all came down this last race. Whichever one of them won would win the championship. A few months ago, this would have excited Anna, but not now. What did it matter?
She felt ill when she thought of seeing Erik again. Oh god, what if he had a new girlfriend and she was there? Sitting in the VIP section. She wondered if his parents would be there, too. Probably, but they would probably just smile awkwardly at her, another one of their son’s girlfriends cast to the side. They were probably used to it.
***
Gary had arranged the hotel. It was the one the majority of the team were staying it, but Gary had been quick to add, ‘Except Erik, he’s staying elsewhere.’ Anna wondered if that had been Erik’s choice or Gary’s. Either way, it didn’t matter. She was torn between relief at not having to worry about any awkward encounters in hotel corridors, and sadness that she would be limited to seeing him in that pokey little garage. He probably wouldn’t even notice her.
She had seen Devlin on arrival, and he had tried to escort her to her room. She wondered if he had sensed what had happened with her and Erik. He was his usual arrogant self, making offensive remarks and leering at her.
She couldn’t bear leaving the room for dinner, so she ordered room service. Ordinarily this would have been exciting, and she would have felt like a celebrity, but she just felt lonely and upset. She was just about to try to get some sleep and hope, in the morning, the pain would somehow be gone, when there was a knock on the door. Her heart leapt. Surely it couldn’t be? She crossed to the door quickly, excitement building.
Devlin stood there when she opened the door, and she could tell at once she was drunk. Her heart sank. She had been stupid to imagine it was Erik – he probably had forgotten she was even coming to this race.
‘What do you want, Devlin?’ she asked, irritated. She became more irritated as Devlin staggered into her room.
‘You,’ he said, and she could smell the alcohol radiating off him in waves.
‘You’re drunk,’ she said, her hands on her hips. ‘And obnoxious. Go back to your room.’
To her horror, Devlin shook his head and came across to her, putting his arms around her.
‘You know you want it too,’ he said, gripping her head and trying to force his tongue into her mouth.
Anna shrieked and shoved him, but he was too heavy. She could feel the alcoholic breath hot on her neck and she felt like she was in someone else’s body, looking down on herself as she struggled against the drunken Devlin.
Just when she had almost given up, she felt a surge of energy and she lifted her knee sharply, catching Devlin square in the crotch. He fell back, swearing, and she rushed to the door, shaking.
‘You get out now,’ she said. ‘You get out now and never come near me again or I will call the police.’
Devlin climbed to his feet, looking furious.
‘Out!’ Anna shrieked and Devlin shrugged and sauntered towards the door.
‘I’ll be waiting if you change your mind,’ he said, and left, whistling to himself.
Anna thought she was going to be sick. Her whole body was shaking and her heart was pounding. She collapsed down onto the floor, hugging her knees. What had just happened? If she hadn’t had managed to interrupt him, what would have happened? She didn’t want to be here anymore, she wanted to be back at home, away from racing drivers, away from the whole scene. She didn’t fit in here. She pulled the chain on the hotel door, terrified that Devlin would come back.
She climbed into bed, drawing the covers up tight around her. Praying that the weekend would be over soon and she could try to put her life back together.
Chapter thirty-four
Erik scanned around the garage but he couldn’t see her. He wondered if she had decided not to come, and the thought made him desperately sad. His parents were there, seated in their usual place, but the seat beside them was empty. That was Anna’s seat, she should be sitting there, with her silly banner, gasping every time he drove round a tight corner.
The race would be starting soon, and Erik tried to focus his mind when Devlin walked up. The two had barely spoken since Belgium and the crash, and Erik had no desire for this to end. He didn’t think Devlin did either, and he was surprised when Devlin started talking.
‘So here we are,’ he said, looking
at Erik intently.
Erik nodded.
‘Here we are,’ he agreed, wondering what Devlin’s game was.
Devlin paused for a second and then grinned, maliciously.
‘No sign of that little writer from the magazine yet?’ he said, and Erik felt his whole body stiffen. He ignored Devlin, and busied himself with fiddling with the straps on his helmet.
‘She’s probably exhausted after last night,’ Devlin said, his voice cruel. Erik snapped his head up.
‘What did you say?’
‘I popped by her hotel room, just to see how she was and…well, you know how it goes,’ Devlin flashed him a grin.
Erik felt sick. Surely not? But Devlin kept talking.
‘I feel a bit tired myself,’ he said, yawning theatrically. ‘I sure hope it doesn’t affect my race. Mind you, it would have been worth it.’
Erik felt the anger rise inside him. Had he pushed Anna right into Devlin’s arms? Just then he noticed her enter the garage, looking pale. She made eye contact with him and then looked away as she saw Devlin. Erik strode over. He couldn’t race without knowing what had happened, and hearing it from her mouth.
‘Is it true?’ he hissed, reaching her. She looked at him, a look of confusion on her beautiful face.
‘Is what true?’ she asked.
‘You and Devlin,’ Erik said, trying to keep his voice low and calm. He could see his parents were watching, and he didn’t want them to see him lose his temper.
‘Excuse me?’ Anna said, starting to sound angry.
Erik gestured at Devlin, who was standing a way back, grinning.
‘He says he went by your hotel room last night and stayed. Is it true?’
Anna stared at him, and then stared at Devlin.
‘Are you kidding me?’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘Please tell me you are kidding.’
Erik shook his head, confused.
‘Oh Devlin came by my room last night,’ Anna said, pointing at him, her finger trembling. ‘He came by my room drunk, pushed his way inside and proceeded to try to stick his tongue down my throat. I had to knee him in the crotch to get rid of him.’
