Rowing didn’t matter, not until I knew for sure she was okay.
“What do you know?” I asked.
Dad stiffened. “She’s being held on charges of murder.”
“What?” I gasped. “That’s bullshit.”
“The driver of the car survived. He claims that the other girl ran out into the street or maybe she was pushed. They found another dead body in an underground bunker at a remote cabin. He’d been stabbed to death. His blood was on the dead girl and Luana’s hands.”
I glared at him. “Reagan’s hands.”
“Son, until they do an autopsy on the girl and find some evidence, like signs of mistreatment,” Dad said instead of rape, “Reagan will be held. We offered to get her an attorney, but her parents refused. I can’t be sure of what Reagan’s mom said to the police about you. Though I think nothing, considering you weren’t there and the girl she claims you murdered wasn’t dead until after their daughter was taken.”
At least I understood why she hadn’t called. I hated the idea of her in jail. She didn’t deserve it.
“Why isn’t the FBI involved?”
“They don’t have jurisdiction. The crime happened here and didn’t cross state lines. The locals don’t want to let it go.”
“This is a bunch of horseshit. That dead guy is probably the same one that took her before.”
“We have no one’s word except hers that he’s the guy. And until she’s cleared of wrongdoing, they can’t use anything she says to take over the case.”
“This is bullshit,” I said, getting to my feet.
I paced, feeling antsy because there was nothing I could do.
“The autopsy should happen in the next few days,” Dad said with a calm I didn’t feel.
“They can’t put a rush on it?”
“I don’t know about their case load and priority, Tade.”
I would have called and pleaded with her parents if I could. I didn’t have their numbers.
“Can you get me into the jail to see her?”
He glanced away. Mom said, “You’re not on the approved visiting list, honey. I’m sorry.”
I dropped back to the sofa and rubbed my face.
“She doesn’t want to see me,” I said with disbelief.
“You don’t know that,” Mom said. “There are a number of reasons why you’re not listed. Don’t read anything into this.”
“She doesn’t want to see me,” I repeated.
That was the last thing I said. They left not too long after.
Days lingered into nights. And nights slowly tumbled into days. I’d almost given up on the idea that Reagan would return my numerous calls and messages.
Jack, Johnnie, Jose and Jim, the four amigos, had become my new best mates after I’d caught the news she’d been exonerated and released a few days ago.
I turned away from my liquid diet and drew myself vertical, to reacquaint my limbs with gravity. Yeah, I’d gotten up for the occasional bathroom run, but I finally stepped out into the sunlight, holding a hand against the brightness of the sky marred with intermittent clouds.
The boat was just where I left it, beached on the sand with a layer of rainwater filling the bottom. I turned it over and watched the liquid rush free to find the rest of its kin at the waterline. After getting the oars, I pushed it out into the water, getting in as my muscles protested movements they’d forgotten over the last week or so. Calluses flared in my palm as I sculled with a painful grip.
Rowing had always put things in perspective for me. The tranquil waters offered me time to catalog my thoughts. After a number of times around the lake, I’d come to certain conclusions. One, I still loved her. Two, I was more than a little angry with her. Three, none of it mattered if she came back to me.
On my next pass by the house, I glanced over my shoulder, my trajectory toward the short pier that jutted out from the path that led to my house. I did a double take before I believed my eyes.
She was all pale and lovely with nothing but red lips to give her color. The white dress began to float as she stepped into the water. Her face held the expression of a puppy found by strangers after a jaunt in the woods. She never looked at me. A sick feeling crept up my throat. I stood and dove in the chilly water just as the boat tipped.
I pushed my way through with broad strokes, opening my eyes in the murky depths, searching. My heart thumped in my chest as the worst emotions filled me with dread and threatened to take me under. I surfaced within feet of her, gulping in air. She floated, her head resting just above water as if she planned to take a nap.
The day she ran out, my heart had been frozen, unable to beat without her. The cool water did nothing as heat flooded my senses. I reached for her. When her eyes opened and focused on me, she took my hand.
Glassy eyes framed in blue met mine and I tried to be brave for what she was about to say. It felt as if my life teetered on the edge of an abyss.
“They tried to keep me away from you.” Her voice was a whispered caress across my eardrums. She blinked, letting the tears fall. Standing now, she took a step closer to me and I dared to toss my doubts about what she felt for me out the window.
“But I couldn’t stay away.”
Rain that had only been a mist earlier turned into a steady fall, drenching us. We ignored it as I matched her steps in the shallow water, finding distant strength in my weak limbs. My hand found her cheek to thumb away her tears. They scalded my skin as my heart broke again, this time for her.
“Then don’t,” I said.
She moved with fortitude in her eyes. Her hands cupped my face, pulling me to her and I didn’t resist the pull I’d felt since the first day we met. When our lips collided and her mouth parted for me, she felt and tasted the same. Nothing had changed. The taint of revealed secrets hadn’t tamped down what I felt for her.
“I just want to be brave.”
I used my fingers to draw a line from her cheek to brush over the curve of her lips.
“You’re one of the bravest people I know,” I whispered.
What she’d endured was bigger than the tears that fell like dewdrops from her eyes. She’d overcome obstacles most would never face.
She breathed out, “Only because of you.”
Her eager hands set the tempo as she pushed at my shorts. The love in her eyes amplified the hunger I felt for her deep in my heart.
She twined her limber legs around my waist, lining herself up to impale herself on my shaft. Joined with her, it was more than sex. With her, it was so much more.
I took us into deeper water not willing to share our private moment with potential onlookers.
There wasn’t any hesitation on my part. I wanted her just the same as I had before.
“I—”
My words were cut off as she placed a finger on my lips. Apparently, talking was over. I dug my hands into her hips and rocked her up my length. I pistoned in and out of her tight sheath, groaning as I got closer. When her nails dug into my back and her pussy clamped down on my dick, I let loose a strangled groan of my own, emptying myself inside her.
I briefly glanced around to see my boat had capsized and drifted near the shoreline. I considered rescuing it, but opted instead to carry her up the incline with my dick still inside her, my shorts hanging on for dear life. My body shielded her and the dress had turned opaque from the water and rain.
Once we made it to my room, I set her down, allowing my semi-hard cock to pull free from her. Our twin expressions showed equal dismay at the loss of contact. We shifted gears as I matched her moves when she began to undress me. The plop of my T-shirt hitting the hardwood floor was only the first of such sounds as we quickly shed our clothing, never breaking eye contact.
She led the way to the bathroom where we tumbled into the shower to stand under a blast of hot water that heated our chilled skin. We became one in the best possible way; my dick defied the need for recovery time, bouncing back to quick stiffness just from her soapy hand on my
skin.
I allowed her the time for silence. We communicated to each other through touch and taste. I poured out my heart in long strokes and demanding kisses. There was time for talk later. The need for each other was foremost in our hearts and minds.
The bed hadn’t enticed us to sleep. There we relearned each other slowly. I found a hidden freckle between her parted thighs and spent a long time there making up for not noticing it before. When sleep finally claimed us, we didn’t go willingly. I was certain I went to sleep still inside her.
58
REAGAN
The sun rose, warming my skin. Tangled in Tade, I still reached out, running the pad of my finger down his chest reminding myself this was real.
As I lay beside him, I worried over the things I had to tell him. How much did he know? Would he be disgusted? If he knew, he hadn’t acted like it yesterday.
His long lashes fluttered open, and I marveled again how lucky I was to have found this beautiful man.
“Rae,” he said.
I smiled—I couldn’t help it. I remembered telling him only my friends called me that. He hadn’t ever used it until now.
“How’d you get here?”
“I didn’t steal my parents’ car and drive here.” He chuckled. “Megan came by and I used her for an escape.”
My confidence wasn’t there yet. And he and I hadn’t had a lot of time for practice.
“I’m sorry.”
My sober response broke the curve of his mouth and flattened it.
He reached up and threaded his fingers in my hair.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
I shifted my gaze to look out the window. The lake sparkled under the morning sky.
“I do.” My eyes captured his again. “Meghan’s dead because of me.”
Endless tears streamed down my face and he caught me by the shoulders. The image of her so scared that she ran into the road and got hit by the car that had swerved to avoid her replayed in my nightmares.
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is. He told me he thought she was me.”
I shook my head. He stopped me and tipped up my chin.
“He did this, not you.”
A part of me wanted to believe that. All the years of therapy to fix me unwound as a bigger part hung onto the knowledge that if I hadn’t been at this school, she would still be alive.
“I lost your ring,” I said softly and held up my naked hand.
“I don’t care about the ring. I’m glad you’re safe.”
I brushed hair away that began to stick to my wet face.
“More than that.” I hung my head. “I allowed my fear of the past and my mother’s whispering to scare me enough to run away.”
I bit my lip and tried not to meet his eye. He was having none of that.
“Is your mom the reason you haven’t called? Why you didn’t let me come see you in…”
“Jail?”
He nodded. There were so many reasons.
“Part of it. I didn’t want you to see me in there.” I took a cleansing breath. “When I got out, I had no way to call you. I’d lost my phone that day. Mom refused to get me a new one and Dad was busy trying to keep her stable.”
Not to mention the nightmares I had about plunging the knife in Kyle. Though I didn’t regret it, the idea that I’d taken a life still haunted me.
“Why does she hate me so much? She has to know I had nothing to do with Meghan’s disappearance now.”
I rolled to my back, unable to look at him while I shared secrets hidden from me until a day ago.
“It isn’t you, exactly. It’s any man outside of my father. Mom was abused by an uncle or a close family friend that she called Uncle. I’m unsure of the specifics, but it went on for a while until her family found out. She spent a lot of time in counseling and recovered, kind of. She was functioning enough to eventually meet dad and fall in love. According to him, when I was born, fear that the same would happen to me made her isolate us. We didn’t see family often or go on vacations until Dad convinced her I was old enough to speak out if something like that happened. Only I lied to my parents and…”
The words got caught in my throat.
“Reagan, you don’t have to talk about it.”
His eyes, so soft on mine, helped me push past it. I wouldn’t be ashamed of the past. It wasn’t my fault except for running off like a foolish girl. Putting trust in someone who by all accounts was trustworthy didn’t make me stupid.
“I was young and sheltered. And when a really cute boy said all the right things that gave my heart butterflies, I did something stupid. He took me from my family and did horrible things.”
“Reagan—”
“I’ll spare you the details, but there are some things you should know. I was eventually sold to a man who did worse things to me. They tell me I was gone for a year and twelve days. I didn’t see the sun for all that time, so for me, I had no idea. The man who took me eventually made a mistake. I got his phone for precious minutes and called 911.”
“I know what happened next.”
“Your dad?” He nodded. “He saved me. He was so kind to me. Did he tell you I had a baby?”
Anger burned in his eyes, but it wasn’t for me. “Yes,” he gritted out.
“I never knew if it was a boy or girl until he took me again. I don’t think he realized he said her,” I said, absently.
I sucked in a shuddering breath and he pulled me to lie on his chest.
“I wish I could kill him again,” he said, sounding murderous. My tears spilled on his warm skin. “I want to kill the bastard who kept you all that time.”
“He’s alive, you know. He’s in prison in Indiana.”
Tade stiffened. “At Terre Haute?”
“Yes.” My lungs constricted. “Is that where your dad is?”
“Yes.”
There was a moment we both didn’t breathe.
“What is your dad in for?”
He took a moment to think, as if processing his answer before he said it out loud.
“Drug trafficking and killing a federal officer during a raid on his boat.”
I hated the coincidences. “What’s his name?” My voice was barely a whisper.
Time froze for a second until he answered.
“Tate Ford.”
Though it wasn’t the same name, that didn’t mean anything.
“Is that the only name he’s ever gone by?”
His brow crinkled. “Yes. What is the asshole’s name who hurt you?”
“Frank Westmont.”
When he blew out a sigh of relief, I did the same.
“My father is registered at the prison as Tate Ford.”
“Did he have any connections with…”
“No, and I asked my dad. He said Tate didn’t have anything to do with human trafficking,” he said decisively. “I told you I’d done bad things. I was in a lot of fights at school and forced to sell drugs. I never made anyone buy. I was so immersed in that world I didn’t think I was doing anything bad. I believed those kids made their own bad choices. If it wasn’t me, they’d buy it somewhere else. I was only providing a service. Things changed when I started hanging out more on the boat. There were loads of women there, but none of them were held against their will. Some of them got knocked around, but they were always free to go. It was the things I saw them do to other men who’d been loyal, men who used and got hooked on the product, that made me wonder if I was on the wrong side of things. I’d never seen the lingering effects of the drugs from both sides until then.”
He shuddered beneath me.
“When did you leave and go with your mom?”
“I was around twelve, maybe thirteen.”
We were silent then until he broke it long minutes later.
“Does knowing what I did change things between us?”
I bent my head back to look at his stony face as he stared at the ceiling.
“No. Does my
past change things for you?”
“No,” he said.
“Even knowing I could have a kid out there. Kyle—” That had been his real name according to the police, “—He’d told Frank he would get rid of her. But I don’t think so. He was all about money. I’m afraid—”
“We’ll find her.”
“How? Where can we look?”
“I’ll go back to the prison, talk to Frank and my father. I think he knows more than he’s telling about my mother’s disappearance. We’ll find out what happened to both of them.”
His determination rallied me.
“My wish is that he sold her to a family that loves her. In my heart, I hope they were so desperate to adopt a kid, they resorted to paying for one. That’s what I like to think when I wake from nightmares.”
He stroked a hand down my hair.
“We’ll look for her.”
“What if we don’t find her?”
“We’ll keep looking.”
I hadn’t thought mentally I could go through another pregnancy. I’d been so alone without any idea what to do the first time. But looking at this man, I knew anything was possible. He had a way of taking away the darkness and filling it with light.
As if he’d read my thoughts, he threaded our fingers together. I scooted up and gave into the need to be closer to him. Our mouths tangled as did our limbs.
When I pulled back and sat up, his green eyes questioned if he’d done something wrong.
“Kyle and Frank, they took something from me. But because of you, I learned to love and not fear. Because of you, I can be loved and not be tormented. Because of you, I feel like a woman and not a victim.”
He reached for me, but I placed a hand on his chest.
“I’m not finished,” I said softly. “Kyle and Frank—” I forced myself to use their real names. “—stole my choice and for a long time even after, I let fear hold me away from life. I chose to be with you. But there was one thing.” He waited for me to continue. I asked him a question instead. “Why is it you never ask me to go down on you?”
His startled gaze told me he’d never thought much about it.
“I figured if you wanted to, you would. You were so new…well I thought…That first time, I’d been so worked up I didn’t…but I never banged a virgin anyway, so…”
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