“Does Jenna’s husband mind that she’s so close to you?”
Ben shrugged. “Not really. Jack and I were college roommates. We’re still good friends. When Jenna needed a place to hide from her ex-husband, I sent her to Jack, hoping he could keep her safe. He did, then he just kept her. He owes me. They are very happy together.”
“And you’re happy for them. You love her, but you’re not in love with her.”
Ben took his eyes off the road and looked at her. “I’m glad you see the difference. Though when you meet the whole crew, you’ll see there’s a running gag that Jack stole Jenna from me.”
“I’m meeting your family?” Surprise and trepidation filled her soft voice.
This time he didn’t take his eyes from the road and said very softly, “I hope so.”
“I’d like to meet them.” An uncharacteristic shyness laced those softly spoken words.
Unable to speak, he brought their joined hands to his mouth and kissed the back of hers. Neither of them found it easy to share their feelings, or commit to a relationship. This thing between them—it seemed so easy to just go along and see where it took them. Neither of them resisted. Why would he? He wanted to be with her. Even as he drove toward San Francisco and Haven House, he regretted having to leave her there. He wanted to take her to his place. But then what? Uncharted territory. He’d take things slow and steady, knowing that when he did bring her to see his “family” she’d belong. She’d be a part of him. Hell, she already was a part of him.
He’d spent his whole day thinking about her, anticipating when he’d get to see her again. He’d felt something similar with other women, but not like this. Not this deep. Not this all-consuming. He waited for the need to distance himself to grow inside of him. It didn’t. In fact, he wanted to pull her out of her seat and into his lap so he could kiss her.
“Ben.”
His name on her lips did something to him. His gut went tight. His mind conjured one dirty dream after another, all of them including Kate naked in his bed.
“Ben.”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t that Haven House back there on the other corner?”
He took the next right and went around the block. “Yeah, we’ll park in back.”
Nice cover, idiot.
He chanced a glance at her when he killed the engine. She gave him a soft smile. Yeah, she knew he’d blown that.
He reached for the door handle, but didn’t open the door. “I’ll get Alex.”
“We didn’t stop at your office to get my car. I’ll need our bags.”
“I already took care of it. Your car will stay at my office, but I had my assistant bring over your bags.”
“You did?”
“I told you I’d take care of things. You’ll be safe here. If Evan comes looking for you, he won’t find your car. If he tries to get inside, well, I’ve got state of the art security on the building.”
“Keeping people safe is what you do.” The confidence in her voice touched him.
“Keeping you safe is my top priority. I won’t let that asshole hurt you again.” He reached over and traced the bruises on her neck with his fingertips in a light caress. She sucked in a surprised gasp, then exhaled and settled into his touch. Their eyes met. Hers dipped to stare at his mouth before they shot back up to meet his gaze again. His hand slipped around her neck and pulled her closer. Did she lean in first? Did he? Didn’t matter. All he cared about was the way his body sighed with relief when his lips met hers. The way his pulse quickened, his heart jumped, then settled like it finally found the right rhythm. The one that matched hers.
He kept the kiss soft, light, an exploration of her full lips, the taste of her, the way his mouth fit perfectly to hers. She pulled back first, but only a few inches. Her hand came up and cupped his jaw. Her thumb pressed to his bottom lip, then swept away as she leaned in and kissed him again. Her tongue smoothed along his in a long sweep that remained slow and sultry.
Everything about her drew him in, from her sweet taste to her rosy scent. He became aware of so many things at once. The softness of her hair sliding beneath his fingers at the back of her neck. The way she took her time kissing him, finding just the right angle to deepen the kiss and bring him closer to her. The way she breathed him in.
She ended the kiss, softly pulling away until their lips parted and her hands slid over his face and cupped his jaw in both her hands. He stared into her desire-filled eyes. She didn’t hide how much she wanted him in that look.
“I want to rush and hold back all at the same time,” she admitted.
“Just don’t run away this time.”
With the way things were going, he understood that maybe she didn’t think this thing was real. He’d had his moments wondering if everything he felt for her was because of what Morgan predicted. Kate had been through a traumatic event. He didn’t want to be just someone she held on to because she didn’t want to be alone. She needed the connection.
But he felt everything in that kiss. Neither of them could hide what they truly felt when they kissed like that.
“This is real, Kate. Whether we take it slow or fast or somewhere in between, it will still feel like this.” He kissed her again to show her and prove to himself that the truth lay in those words and between them. She was meant for him. It hit him all at once. He was meant for her. That thought took on a whole new meaning. The urge to protect her and be the man she needed and deserved swelled inside of him until his chest ached. His kisses grew hungry with the need to show her, prove to her, that he could be everything she wanted. Everything she’d dreamed, but never truly believed could be for her.
He could be the man his father never was.
She matched his urgency, then pressed her lips hard to his to slow him down. She kissed him several times, breaking the kiss and pressing her forehead to his. She still held his face. He didn’t move, except to slide his fingers through her hair and up to cover the back of her head and hold her close. With her eyes closed, she breathed in and out a few times, evening out her breath. He did the same, but watched her. How could he not? This close to her, she took his breath away. Her dark lashes rested on her pale cheek. When her eyes finally opened and stared into his, he saw the depth of her need for him. Not just for the physical connection that still raced over his nerves even now, but for that something deeper he felt but couldn’t name. What he saw in her eyes matched that unique feeling she gave him.
Alex stirred in the backseat and let out a soft whimper of distress. Now that the car stopped, he woke up, wondering what was going on.
Kate fell back into her seat. He let her go, but wanted her back in his arms. Well, not in the car. Somewhere more private. And soft.
“Does it bother you?” she asked.
“Not kissing you bothers me a lot.”
She smiled and let out a nervous laugh. “No, I mean Alex.”
“He doesn’t bother me at all.”
“You and me, we’ve kind of avoided the whole complicated relationship thing for a long time. If we explore this thing between us, well, it includes him.”
“First, what I feel for you isn’t complicated at all. I want to be with you, Kate. I don’t know what it is, why it feels different, but it is that simple for me.”
Her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed tight. Then she admitted, “It is for me too.”
“Alex is your son. He’s a piece of you. I know a relationship with you means a relationship with Alex. I can’t have you without including him. I’m perfectly fine with that.” She eyed him again. “Really, I like kids. I like him. I don’t mind sharing you with him.”
“You have no choice, really.”
“I wouldn’t change it even if I could. I see the way you are with him. The love you have for him and Margo. It makes me like you all the more, Kate. I know you want me to
see how strong you are, that you can take this on and you’re fine. Giving in to your feelings and leaning on me . . . it’s not weak, Kate. You could never be weak.”
“I want to hide away with Alex and pretend none of this happened, that all the bad things were just another nightmare. What does it say that I want to let you handle it, so I don’t have to face it?”
The grief in her eyes and riddled through her words tore at his heart. He didn’t like the way she wanted to push this off on others to handle. That wasn’t her way at all and spoke of how deep her grief and exhaustion ran. It worried him, but he knew she’d rally, because she’d never take a backseat when something needed to be done.
He reached for her again, sliding his hand along her cheek and cupping her face. She leaned into his touch and he smiled softly at her. “It says you trust me.” Her eyes went wide with surprise. “That’s not something you do easily, so I’m glad we’ve got that between us. It’s a very good start. You’re grieving. Let me handle the case, you take the time you need to process what happened and where you go from here.”
She closed her eyes and leaned into his palm. “I’m so tired.”
“Come inside. I’ll show you to your room. You can rest. In a few days, we’ll have more answers. You’ll be safe here.”
Chapter Thirteen
SAFE SEEMED RELATIVE. In the two days since Ben dropped her off at Haven House, someone had set off the security alarms in the middle of the night four times in different areas of the building. Each time, Ben arrived in a near panic despite her assurances over the phone that she was fine and no one got into the building. The fear in his eyes washed away with relief when he finally saw her. The tremble that rocked through him when he pulled her into his arms for a hug touched her more deeply than if that shiver came from pure lust. He cared.
The belief that he had real and deep feelings for her scared her, but didn’t stop her from growing more and more accustomed to having him around. He stopped by in the early morning on his way to work and had breakfast with her. He came by after work to meet with Jill, the person running the center for him until he hired a new director, then he had dinner with Kate. They’d kicked back and watched a movie each night with Alex falling asleep on Ben’s chest. Seeing him with Alex, holding him, feeding him, playing and making silly sounds to make Alex smile, made that fear inside of her ease and grow in a different way. The more she needed him, wanted him in her life, the more she feared losing him.
“Kate?”
She looked up from where she sat on the floor with Alex, playing on his mat, batting at the toys hanging over his head with one hand. In the other he waved a bright green ring around that he sometimes managed to get in his mouth to suck on.
“Hi, Jill. What’s up?”
“If you’re not busy, I wondered if you’d help me out with one of the girls.”
“Let me guess—Mariana.” The fourteen-year-old was all attitude and defiance. Everyone who stayed at Haven House was required to pitch in and help. Though Ben had a full-time staff that included everything from a janitor and chef to counselors and job placement coordinators, residents chipped in with setting the tables for meals, washing dishes, and cleaning up the children’s playroom, the TV room, and the computer lab. Older kids were expected to oversee the little ones on the playground out back and help pick up the toys.
Jill smiled and nodded. “She’s having a difficult time adjusting. She doesn’t believe her mother will stick with the program.”
“Valentina attends her classes. She’s working with the counselor.”
“Her husband is in an anger management class. She’s been sneaking calls to him. Mariana isn’t convinced this time her mother will leave him.”
“What does Valentina’s counselor say?”
“She hasn’t quite hit that point where the success she’s achieving in her computer classes translates to a better life for herself without her abusive husband.”
“Her self-esteem will improve over time.”
“Mariana is tough, but she’s scared,” Jill said.
“She’s got good reason to be. Unless her father really embraces anger management, it’s just a means to an end in getting his wife back and the authorities off his back. For now.”
“Which is why I hoped you’d work with Mariana. She watches you in the gym. I thought maybe you could teach her some kickboxing moves. Work with her to build her confidence.”
“Sure. Where is she?”
Jill smiled and tilted her head to indicate the hallway. “Pretending to be you in the gym.”
That made Kate smile. She picked up Alex and held him close. He grabbed fistfuls of her hair and pulled, rubbing his face against her neck.
“Tired baby,” Jill crooned, patting Alex on the back. “Give him to me. I’ll grab his bouncy seat from your room and bring him to my office.”
“Are you sure?”
“You help me out with Mariana, I’ll watch this little man for you.”
“He needs a diaper change before his nap.”
“I’m on it. He likes the puppy to sleep with, right?”
Kate appreciated Jill’s attention and friendship these last two days. “Yes. And the blue blanket on my bed.”
Jill held her hands out and Kate transferred Alex to her arms. She hated to be without him, even for a short time. Funny how that happened without her realizing it. Every second of the day she grew closer to him and the guilt that Margo wasn’t here dissipated. Margo would want her to raise Alex without constantly beating herself up for loving every second she had with him.
Kate kissed Alex on the head, patted his back, and watched Jill walk away with a smile on her face and in her heart. The last two days she’d let herself grieve for her sister, but not think too much about the future. She needed to make plans and decide what came next.
Soon. Right now, she could fall back on what she knew how to do. Help teenage girls direct and overcome their anger.
Kate stood in the gym doorway, spying on the little girl punching the heavy bag. Mariana had some moves. The tears in the young girl’s eyes tore at Kate’s heart. She knew each one cost her. As much as she hated her father, she hated that he made her cry even more.
Been there. Done that. Kate understood all too well.
Dressed in black leggings and a pink short-sleeved tunic, Kate walked into the room ready to lend a hand. First, she’d need to get the girl’s attention.
“You’ll never hurt him that way.”
The girl punched the bag harder, but it barely moved. She flinched with the impact and held her hand against her chest.
Kate stood next to the bag, crouched, and held her hands up, fists ready for a fight. In slow motion, she moved her right hand into the bag. “You need to plant your feet wide. Bend your knees to keep your balance and your center of gravity low. When you swing, follow through with your body, keeping your stomach tight.”
Kate made the move a couple more times in slow motion, then went full force with the third punch.
“Come on, crouch like me. Show me what you’ve got,” she taunted, because a girl like Mariana couldn’t back down from a challenge. She needed to be tough. She’d been taught to be tough, or left bloody and bruised on the floor.
Mariana didn’t say a word, just mimicked Kate’s moves. Kate moved in behind her. Mariana jumped out of the way, spinning to face off with Kate.
Kate held up her hands. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“But you could.”
Kate nodded. “I’ve spent many years learning how to protect myself. I’ll teach you the basics.”
“I need more than the basics. I need to be able to fight.”
Kate understood that all too well too. “I can teach you how to fight. First lesson. Be smart. A guy who is ten inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier will always win.”
>
“Then what is the point of even trying?”
“Survival. You don’t have a chance if you try to stand and fight. What you want to do is block and counter so you can get away.”
“I’m not scared. I can fight.”
“You should be scared. Fear can either get you killed, or keep you alive. If you let that fear freeze you in the moment, you’re dead. If you learn to think through the fear, you can save yourself. It is more important to save yourself, than win the fight.”
“But I want to hurt him.”
Kate sighed. “I know you do. I want you to live. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but there is so much more out there for you than the life you think you’ll never escape.”
Mariana’s sad gaze fell to the floor. “She’ll go back to him. I’ll have no choice but to go with her.” The misery in Mariana’s voice tore Kate’s heart and made it bleed. It took her back to when she was young.
“Then I’ll teach you to survive until you do have a choice.”
Mariana nodded, then waited for Kate to begin the lesson.
“Be smart. Never be a stationary target. Keep moving. If he can’t catch you, he can’t hit you.” Kate swung her hand wide. Mariana ducked. Kate expected her to move, so she swung her other arm and caught Mariana on the shoulder. “Always be prepared for the attack to come on all sides.”
Kate worked with Mariana for an hour, teaching her to move, punch, and kick. Most of all, she taught the girl that escape didn’t mean defeat. She hoped that lesson sank in, because at Mariana’s five-foot-nothing height, a grown man could do some damage. Her father had done enough.
Mariana breathed heavily in front of Kate. They circled each other on the mats. “Enough. We’ll work some more tomorrow.”
“No. One more time. I’m getting better.”
Ah, confidence. Kate loved it. She swung her arm wide, palm open to smack Mariana on the side of the head. Mariana ducked and sidestepped under it, avoiding her other hand coming the other way. “Good job. You are getting better. We’ll work on it tomorrow.”
Everything She Wanted Page 13
