I felt embarrassed paying for the magazine along with my other stuff, but the cashier didn't even give me a second glance. When I got out of the grocery store I contemplated going back to work but decided that I should read the magazine in peace first, without Brett's commentary. I wandered around until I found a bench and sat down.
I had to skip a lot of irrelevant crap before I got to the photo shoot. Perfume ads, hairstyle how-tos, Jesus Christ, there was even a sex column. Eventually I got to the shoot, right in the middle. All the pictures were in a similar vein to the cover photo. Lots of half naked, good looking young people posing on bikes. A lot of them were wearing gloves or helmets or various other accessories from my brand. Lola's interview with me was printed over the photographs. She really had gone all out to make me sound intelligent and knowledgeable about what I was talking about. I appreciated that as she could have so easily made me look like a moron. The last page of the shoot was different from all the others. It was a bunch of candids taken behind the scenes of the models getting ready and all the people who were helping them. There was a picture of Lola's boss Jennifer, standing with her arms folded and watching the shoot with a slight frown on her face. There was a picture of the photographer talking to Josh. There were a few shots of the models sitting in chairs to get their makeup done. There was even a picture of me. I was standing up and looking down at Lola, who was sitting in Josh's chair and talking to me. I remembered that, I was pretty sure she was chewing my ear over something stupid like she usually did. It didn't look like it though. I was smiling at her and she was smiling back at me as she spoke. Though the smiles may have been sarcastic or forced, they didn't read that way on camera. We looked happy. We looked like a couple.
I rolled the magazine up and stuffed it into the pocket of my jeans. As I made my way back to the shop I realized that maybe I did know what I wanted after all.
Lola
I rushed out early in the morning to buy a copy of the new issue of Catwalk. Well, not just one copy. I may have bought one for my Mom, Dad and brother as well as Janey and Allison and my Grandma in Ohio. The shoot turned out just as beautifully as I had expected and the interview looked great printed next to it. The only part that I didn't care for was the candid of me and Vince looking at each other like love struck puppies. That was all right, I could cut it out later.
I invited Josh over for a few drinks to celebrate. The shoot was a big deal for me but it was a huge deal for him. He's been modeling for three years now and had never been on the cover of a magazine. Until now. He agreed to come over once he got something straight.
“This is a platonic friendly get together, right? No chance of me getting anywhere?” he asked over the phone. I smiled. You had to admire him for trying.
“No chance. I'll be wearing granny panties anyway, you wouldn't want to,” I said. He laughed. “You'd be surprised Lola, but OK. Just wanted to get that clear. I'll be over in a bit,” he said. It was nice having a friend who didn't judge me. Josh's work was even less stable than mine and his love life seemed to be non-existent or a disaster depending on the day, so we had a lot in common. He arrived in the afternoon with a small bunch of flowers for me.
“What are these for?” I asked, putting them in the only vase I had. Josh sat down, grinning at me. “To celebrate your first big shoot, of course! I know you worked really hard on it,” he said. He was so sweet, but it was true. I had worked my ass off on this one. I was just relieved that it had actually paid off. For a while it had seemed like it wouldn't.
“Oh, that's so nice of you Josh! But it was your first cover shoot. Damn it, I wish I had something to give you...” I said. I'd get him something later. Maybe not flowers, they were too feminine. Then again, chocolates might ruin his figure. What could you get for the male model who had everything? It would be a challenge.
“That's OK, really. I'll be happy if you just fill me in on the gossip and give me a hot drink,” he said. I made some black coffee for Josh and a hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows for myself. Hey, I'd just had my first real career success. I could afford to be indulgent.
“Here's your drink,” I said, setting it down on the kitchen table for him. I pulled up a seat across from him, “But I don't know any gossip.”
Josh tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes as if he didn't believe me. Why was he looking at me like that? I hadn't even been in the work office for days. I could tell him about Allison and Chad, but he didn't know her so it wouldn't be very interesting. What did he expect?
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, “Don't give me that innocent face! I know you've been up to no good!”
I still had no idea what the boy was talking about. My facial expression must have made that clear because he went on.
“Oh god, are you serious? You don't know what I'm talking about?” Josh grabbed a copy of the magazine and flipped straight to the candids. He put it down on the table and pointed to my least favorite picture, the photo of Vince and me, “Are you gonna tell me that there isn't chemistry there.” Jesus Christ, I was starting to regret inviting him over now. I didn't need to be reminded about Vince when all I was doing was trying desperately to forget him.
“Josh, I told you what happened between me and Vince. It doesn't work between us. It never has,” I said, through gritted teeth. Josh was a persistent little shit though. He flipped back to the interview. “What about this? You had to meet up with him for this, didn't you? He wouldn't give you those detailed, profound answers if he didn't want you to look good. I bet he was aiming for Jennifer to promote you,” he said. I rolled my eyes.
“He didn't give me those answers. He barely grunted at me and told me to make them up myself so that they sounded good. All of these answers are mine.” I thought that would shut Josh up but it only made him more persistent.
“Ah, so he trusted you to make him look good. He knows you understand him,” he said. I sighed at him. Josh was only a few years younger than me but he still had that naivety that I had grown out of. It was endearing, mostly, but annoying at the same time.
“I think you're reaching a little bit,” I said.
“No I'm not. Or maybe I am. Fine, I'll admit that I'm reaching if you look me in the eye and tell me that nothing happened between you and Vince the day that you did that interview. If you can do that, I'll believe you,” he said. Christ, the kid was like a dog with a bone. He was right of course, but I probably shouldn't let him know that. It felt like giving a little boy false hope that his mommy and daddy would stay together forever when they had just signed divorce papers. I looked into his eyes while I decided whether to lie or not. Josh didn't blink, as if staring me down would somehow force the truth out of me.
Thankfully, the doorbell rang before I had to answer him.
“Oh, I better get that,” I said. Josh didn't argue. I got up and ran over to the door, my heart pounding. Part of me was hoping that it would be Vince, here to sweep me off of my feet and tell me that he did want to be my boyfriend. Fat chance. I needed to get over that, the sooner the better. When I answered the door, it wasn't anyone I recognized. It was a petite woman in a courier uniform, holding a massive bunch of flowers.
“These are for Lola,” she said, checking the card, “Is that you?”
“Yeah, that's me,” I said. She made me sign for them though my hand was shaking. Who were these from? My parents were proud of me but they weren't the kind of people to blow one hundred dollars on a bunch of fancy flowers. Janey and Allison were too busy with the new drama of their own lives to remember something as insignificant as my photo shoot. The options were pretty limited.
I closed the door and admired the bouquet. It really was the biggest, most beautiful bunch of flowers I had ever been given. There were red roses and white lilies and a few other flowers that I didn't recognize wrapped in gold foil. I grabbed the card, which was hanging off of the side. I immediately recognized the handwriting.
Lola, congrats on the magazine. It a
ll looks great. Thanks for not making me look like an idiot. I do that well enough on my own.
He didn't sign off but there was no doubt in my mind that it was from Vince. I shoved the card into my pocket and brought the flowers into the kitchen. Josh did a double take, obviously impressed. “Jesus, who gave you those?” he exclaimed, “They make my bunch of flowers look like shit! Was it lover boy?”
I hated that expression, but I didn't want him to know it. My face was hot and I could feel myself blushing but I didn't tell him.
“It's from my boss, Jennifer. She likes to put on a good show,” I said. Josh nodded.
“I can see that. Here, do you want me to take my flowers out of the vase? Those ones would look much better,” he said. I argued with him though he was telling the truth. Eventually, we compromised. I put Vince's flowers in the vase and put Josh's flowers in a jug that I had laying around. There, that was perfect.
Thankfully, Josh changed the subject and we spent the rest of the afternoon bitching about his fellow models. It was nice.
When he eventually left I pulled the card out of my pocket again. What did it even mean? I couldn't figure it out. One minute Vince seemed to be pushing me away and the next he seemed to be pulling me back to him. It was annoying and hurtful. I didn't want to feel like a yo-yo anymore.
I put the card under the stack of magazines where I couldn't see it. Not getting my hopes up became my plan of action.
Not getting my hopes up was always a good plan when it came to Vince.
Vince
Sending Lola flowers was probably a coward's move but it was my way of testing the waters. If she rejected them, or mailed them back to me after tearing them to shreds then I knew I had no chance. The girl at the flower shop was very peppy and tried to make conversation with me as she arranged the bouquet.
“These for your girlfriend?” she asked. For the first time ever, that word didn't seem to make my skin crawl. Instead I felt a sense of loss, like I may have just missed out on something big. There was no point in explaining the ins and outs of my messy relationship with Lola to the poor flower shop girl, so I just went along with it.
“Yeah, it's for my girlfriend,” I said, hoping that the questions would stop there. It was the first time that those words had ever come out of my mouth. It was strange, but not unpleasant. The girl smiled.
“Must be a special occasion if you're getting a bunch this big. What color foil do you want? Gold or silver?” she said.
“Yeah, she just got her first big feature published in the magazine she works at. It's Catwalk, you might have heard of it,” I said, “Oh, and gold please.”
The girl wrapped up the flowers in the foil.
“Wow, that's impressive. You must be really proud,” she said, “Do you want delivery or will you take it to her by hand?”
“I am proud,” I said, because I was. I thought about the girl's second question. What would Lola say if I showed up to her place with a giant bunch of flowers and an apology? If she was any sort of woman she would punch me in the face. “And I'll take delivery this time.”
The girl nodded.
“Yeah, that's more romantic. I'd love it if I was just hanging out with my boyfriend and someone just arrived at the house with flowers that he had ordered. It's a nice surprise that way. I bet she'll be really happy,” she said. I wanted to tell her that if I was a betting man that I wouldn't be so sure, but I decided against it.
“Yeah, it'll make her really happy,” I said. Maybe if I said it out loud it would actually happen. The girl let me pick out a card and then handed me a pen to write a message with. It was a while before my pen even touched the paper. How was I supposed to put into words what I was feeling? I had so many emotions when it came to Lola and the card was so tiny.
The girl gave me a sympathetic look.
“Most guys find it hard to think of something to say. If you want my advice, just say what's in your heart. It doesn't matter if it doesn't read beautifully or if there are spelling mistakes or if your handwriting is messy. It'll mean a lot to her that you made an effort,” she said. Jesus, this chick was wasted in the flower shop industry. She needed to be a psychiatrist or something.
I quickly scribbled down something and handed it to her before I could change my mind. She grinned at me.
“Thanks, we'll get this to her as soon as we can. I guarantee this will put a smile on her face, but if there are any problems let us know,” she said. I thanked her for all her help and gave her a hefty tip before leaving the shop.
I wondered if flowers really would put a smile on Lola's face. I wondered if I would ever see her smile again.
Lola
When I arrived at work on Friday I felt like a celebrity. Everyone was hugging me and congratulating me and telling me that I was a genius. Even Jennifer's icy demeanor had once again thawed slightly. She brought in a box of chocolates to share around the office and actually ate one of them. It was like I was in another dimension.
Tim came up and presented me with a bunch of flowers and a framed copy of the magazine. “You did it, kid,” he whispered as he handed them over. He was right. I had done it.
Jennifer interrupted the celebrations by calling me into her office. Though I knew that I wasn't in trouble this time, I still felt myself trembling. Jennifer smiled at me when I sat down.
“Well, you really got yourself out of that little mess, didn't you? I'm sorry I doubted you,” she said, “I think you should be very proud of yourself.”
“Thank you so much,” I said, “That really means a lot. Especially coming from you.”
That made her smile too. I could get used to seeing Jennifer smile. It softened out her face so that she almost looked pretty.
“That's good. Now, I'm sure you know that we can't waste any more time gloating about how well our photo shoot went. We should all be very proud, but we can't forget that there's next months issue to worry about,” she said. Working on this issue had taken up so much of my time that it felt strange to even consider next month. Luckily, I wasn't totally unprepared this time.
“Yeah, I agree. I had an idea for the photo shoot actually,” I said. Jennifer didn't interrupt me so I took it that she was listening. I told her about my idea of sunset inspired clothing. We could find a forest to shoot in and give it a real ethereal, beautiful theme. The girls would all have long hair and pose gracefully, not unlike fairies. It would be such a contrast to the edginess of our last shoot that no one could accuse us of being repetitive. Jennifer nodded at my suggestion, a look of consideration her face. Maybe I hadn't quite sold her yet.
“And for the makeup I was think we should go for a nude lip and smokey eye kind of thing. I think that would really bring out the girls' natural beauty,” I said. To my relief, Jennifer's smile returned. “That's a great idea, Lola. If you keep coming up with things like this you're going to end up as our permanent creative director,” she said, “Actually, to be quite honest that is what I called you here to talk about.”
My heart started pounding. Jennifer had mentioned something about a promotion but I had almost ruined last months issue by not getting that interview. I thought that was out of the question now. Maybe it was wrong to jump to that conclusion. Jesus Christ, what would it be like to have more money than I already did?
“Yeah? What did you want to talk about?” I asked, keeping the panic out of my voice. If she was going to promote me I couldn't afford to make an idiot of myself during this meeting. No fucking way.
“I trust that you will keep anything I tell you in the strictest confidentiality?” she said, “I really don't need any of this information getting out prematurely.”
I nodded eagerly. “My lips are sealed.” “Good.”
There was a long pause and Jennifer just looked at me, as if she wasn't really sure if she could trust me or not. I did my best to keep my expression earnest and trustworthy. If there was one thing that I could do well it was keep a secret. Eventually, she spoke.
&n
bsp; “I'm sure you've noticed my weight gain lately,” she said. I'd been too caught up with the stress of my own life to notice, but once she pointed it out I really started to look at her. It was true. Jennifer was still skinny by anyone's standards, but her face had gotten a little bit rounder. Her hips and her breasts were slightly fuller. Still, I didn't have a death wish so I didn't admit to it.
“Weight gain? What weight gain?” I asked. Jennifer looked pleased.
“You're too kind. But yes, I have put on weight. Turns out that I'm actually three months pregnant,” she said. I couldn't keep the look of surprise off of my face. Everyone in the office always said that Jennifer and her husband hated each other and slept in separate beds. It was surprising to find out that the rumors were false.
Sweetest Sin: Bad Boy Bundle Page 59
