Thanksgiving came and went along with Christmas. I barely recognized myself in the mirror anymore. I’d lost weight and my once vibrant hair now looked dull and lifeless. Dark circles under my eyes were a constant reminder of my lack of sleep, and I had almost forgotten what it was like to smile.
As I stared at the shell of my former self, I made a decision. I had to get away from my parents, Asher and my hometown. I knew I would never get better if I stayed here, so I enrolled myself in the winter semester at Union University. I still felt drawn to that college even though I had no idea why. I had no plans in place. I was simply trying to survive.
My parents were very upset, but I informed them this was the only way for me to keep my sanity. They discussed it with Dr. Baird, who amazingly sided with me but only if I stayed on all my medications. I reluctantly agreed and my parents finally gave in but only on one condition- that I live in an apartment off-campus. They didn’t think I could handle dorm life. They insisted on paying all my bills so I could focus on my studies, or so they said. A part of me thought they were doing this out of guilt, but I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to be gone.
***
Two weeks later we loaded up most of what I owned into both cars and headed to Jackson. Dad had managed to find me a furnished, one bedroom apartment in a decent neighborhood not too far from school. We spent the day getting me settled and as I walked them back to their car that cold January afternoon, I could no longer hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall all day. My parents held me in their arms and cried along with me. As my tears continued to fall, I kissed my almost four month old son on his cheek and watched as they got into their car and drove away, taking my heart along with them.
Chapter Twelve
Jackson, Tennessee
Present Day
I rushed back to the apartment after my last class and crashed on the couch. I was glad to have the day off from the nursery. All the running back and forth over the past week was more tiring than I had expected. My fatigue had put me in a foul mood, and I took it out on a poor guy in my accounting class. He picked the wrong day to comment on my eyes. He must have figured out I wasn’t interested by the scowl on my face and quickly moved on to the blond two seats up. I knew I’d been rude, but I just wanted to be left alone. I could now see that my college life wasn’t going to be that much different from my high school days. The only exception was I didn’t have Hallie to keep me company. I missed her so much it hurt. I decided to call her since I hadn’t spoken to her in almost two weeks. We never went that long without talking.
She answered on the third ring. “Hallie, I miss you,” I whined as soon as she said hello.
“Oh Katie, I miss you too. Tell me how school is going.”
I brushed her question aside and instead told her about my new job.
“Wow, I’m impressed. You’ve gotten your first real job. How about guys? Have you met any hot ones yet?”
I laughed nervously. “Well..um, I have met one, but he’s not a college guy. He’s my boss.”
She squealed loudly in my ear. “What? You are already dating your boss? What does he look like? Is he rich?”
Leave it to Hallie to get straight to the point. “We are not dating. We went out to eat one time, as friends, after my first day of work. We haven’t gone out again. He’s twenty-five, a grown man. As far as being rich, I haven’t thought about it. I mean, he owns his own business so I’m sure he does fine.”
I heard her sigh. “Katie, you need to be careful. He is way older than you. This man may be looking for more than kisses and hand holding.”
Ugh! Why does she have to go there? It doesn’t matter what he is looking for. He isn’t getting it from me.
“I know. You’re right, but like I said, we’re just friends anyway. So tell me what’s been going on with you.”
She spent the next twenty minutes talking about how much she loved college and her new sorority. She told me about lots of new people she had met and a few cute guys she’d talked too. It sounded like what college was supposed to be like. We said our goodbyes and promised we wouldn’t wait so long before our next chat. I hung up the phone feeling worse than before. I had just wanted to hear her voice, but it only brought back painful memories and visions of a life I would never have.
I thought maybe Levi and I had made some sort of connection- even if it was just as friends. But after that one dinner out, he’d kept his distance from me. He was still nice and polite at work, but he seemed different, less flirty.
I grabbed the remote and switched on the TV, banishing all thoughts of Levi from my mind. After a few minutes, my eyelids grew heavy and I didn’t try to fight it, deciding a nap was just what I needed.
***
An achy pain in my lower belly woke me up. I recognized it immediately- cramps. I had started my period. I dragged myself from the couch and into the shower hoping the hot water would ease the pain. It didn’t, so I threw on my old favorite kitten pajamas, popped two ibuprofen, grabbed the heating pad, and curled back up on the couch. I lay there for a while watching mindless sitcoms as the pain continued on. After two hours, it was obvious the heating pad and over-the-counter medication were not enough to cure these cramps. It was time for something stronger.
Decision made, I raked the blanket and heating pad into a pile on the couch. I took a step towards the kitchen when I heard a knock at the front door. Groaning, I shuffled over to answer it. I made the mistake of flinging the door open without checking the peep hole and was startled to see Levi standing there. He looked as handsome as ever in his dark jeans and red long-sleeve polo.
Taking in my rough appearance, his smile fell a little. “Are you sick?”
I gave him a tight smile. “No. This is how I normally look, surprise.”
He chuckled. “I thought maybe we could hang out for a while if you wanted to. Have you eaten yet?”
“No. I haven’t,” I answered, irritated that for the second time since I’d met him, he’d shown up on my doorstep unannounced. “You are stalking me, aren’t you?” When he answered with a sweet smile and a shake of his head, I replied, “Fine, you can come in, but I don’t feel like changing clothes. You’ll just have to look at me like this.”
“You look beautiful no matter what you’re wearing. I especially like the new hairstyle,” he said and reached over, tucking some hair behind my ear.
What? I reached up and touched the top of my head. Gone was the neat bun I’d put it in before my shower and in its place felt something terrible. Horrified, I turned and bolted towards the bathroom. “Come on in. I’ll be out in a minute,” I yelled over my shoulder and heard him chuckle.
When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I cringed. My neat bun had been transformed into some weird half-in half-out hair explosion. It looked like I had spent some time wrestling a small woodland creature and it had obviously won. I closed my eyes. I can’t believe he saw me like this! I managed to fish out the rubber band and brush out the tangles without too much damage to my hair. I arranged it into a semi-decent twist and switched off the light. I’d done all I could.
I trudged back into the living room and found Levi sitting down on the couch, right next to the heating pad and blanket. Fabulous! This just keeps getting better.
I blushed when I saw him glance over at them and then back at me. “Is your stomach hurting?” he asked.
I didn’t know what to say. I did not want to have a conversation about cramps with my hot boss. “Uh, let me just get this stuff out of the way.” I tried to scoop it up off the couch, but he laid his hand gently on my arm.
“You don’t have to do that, and please don’t be embarrassed. I’m twenty-five years old so I know a little bit about women. Now come on and sit down. I’ll find us something to eat.”
I gave in and curled into the corner of the couch with the heating pad in place. The pain was becoming almost unbearable. In my haste to fix my hair, I’d forgotten to take my prescription pain pill
s. My doctor prescribed them after I had Asher. I’d always had painful cramps, but ever since giving birth, they’d only gotten worse.
I got off the couch and made my way into the kitchen where Levi was making BLT sandwiches. He looked so cute working in my tiny kitchen. I opened the cabinet where I kept all my medication. I finally found the right bottle but the pain was so intense, I struggled to get the child-safety top off.
His large hand covered both mine, stopping my fumbling. “Let me help you,” He said, taking the bottle from me. He turned it around and appeared to be reading the label. “Wow, this is pretty strong stuff. Do you need one or two?”
I gave him a tight smile. “Two please.”
He shook out two into my palm, and as I swallowed them down with a sip of water, I noticed him opening the cabinet door. I panicked, not wanting him to see all the other prescription bottles kept in there and reached out to stop him. My hand bumped his causing all the bottles to crash to the counter and roll off onto the floor. Without a word, he bent down and scooped them up. He stood and studied the label of one before holding it out to me.
“That’s really rude you know,” I barked, snatching it from his hand.
Levi raised his palm. “You’re right. I’m really sorry.”
I looked down at the label; it was my antidepressant. Great, now he’s going to think I’m a nut case. I put it back in the cabinet, along with the other two he’d set back on the counter, and flopped back down on the couch.
A few minutes later, he brought the sandwiches and drinks into the living room, setting them on the coffee table. He sat down next to me and gave me a gentle smile. “You know you can talk to me, right?” he said and it nearly broke my heart.
I gave him a small smile, but knew there was no way I could tell him about my problems or my past. He would run for the hills.
“You better eat, or that medicine is going to make you sick.”
I smiled again and took a bite of the sandwich. I glanced over at Levi; he had his head bowed. I suddenly felt embarrassed for no longer saying grace. He raised his head, meeting my gaze and gave me a quick grin before beginning to eat.
I cleared my throat. “So tell me how you knew I had cramps. Do you have a sister?” I eyed him warily. “You don’t have a wife or girlfriend, do you?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “No to all of those questions, but I was engaged once in college.”
That didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was that he was still single. How had a woman not snatched this wonderful man up yet?
I took another bite, chewing slowly. Was engaged? Hmm, who would ever let him go? Oh no! What if he has a terrible temper? He seems like a great guy but so did Seth at first. Dying to know what had caused the breakup, I finally spoke, “So what happened? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I don’t mind. Denise and I met at college. She was a year behind me. I was a football player, and she was studying theater arts. She was fun and outgoing, and I was drawn to her. I thought I was in love and asked her to marry me my junior year. I was good at football and on track to go to the pros, but then I blew out my knee in a game, and it ended my football career. She decided she didn’t want to marry me now that I was just a regular guy and not a football star. I was with her for a year and a half, and she just walked away like it was nothing. She wasn’t in love with me. She was in love with what she thought I was going to become. I focused on my studies after that and graduated with a degree in business management, which was a blessing really since that was when my dad’s drinking took a turn for the worse, and I had to take over the nursery. God worked it all out in the end though, because I’m so much happier with running the business than I ever was playing football. Denise wasn’t the one God had picked for me to spend the rest of my life with, and I’ve made peace with that.”
I couldn’t stop the tear that rolled down my cheek. This sweet man had it all figured out. He’d had his heart broken but had gotten over it and moved on with his life. Why couldn’t I do that? Instead, I felt like I was stuck in a dark pit, and knew all my lies would keep me that way forever.
“Hey, why are you crying?” He asked and slowly reached over, brushing my tears away with his thumb.
“I’m just glad you’ve got your life all figured out now,” I answered and gave him a watery smile.
He looked deep into my eyes. “Oh, believe me, about the time I think I do, God throws me a curve ball.”
I let out a nervous giggle. Surely he didn’t mean me. I wasn’t a curve ball. I was a fast ball right to the face, and I would do major damage to him. I was not about to let that happen. He’d already been hurt once, and I would just hurt him again.
I settled back onto the couch and noticed my belly no longer hurt. I felt a bead of sweat roll down the back of my neck and threw the heating pad and blanket onto the floor.
Levi leaned back against the couch. He eyed me curiously as I began to fan myself with my hand. “You okay?”
“Yeah. The pain is gone but now comes the sweats. It’s just a side effect of the medicine.”
He stood and moved to the wall, switching on the ceiling fan.
“Thanks. I’m sure this is exactly what you had planned for your evening, hanging out with a sweaty mess of a girl,” I muttered as he joined me back on the couch.
He brushed the damp hair off my forehead and leaning close, whispered, “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
I closed my eyes, letting his words warm my heart for a moment, but only the tiniest of moments. That’s all I could allow. I had to stop this from going any further.
I opened my eyes and tried not to lose myself in his as I spoke, “Levi, you are an amazing guy, but I can only be your friend. I don’t know if you want more from me, but I can only offer you my friendship.”
He leaned back but never broke our gaze. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No. I don’t have a boyfriend, and I’m not ready for one either.”
His expression changed to one of understanding and he gave me a sad smile. “Someone hurt you.” It wasn’t a question.
I looked away. I guess this was all the confirmation he needed because he laid his hand gently on my shoulder and said, “Tell me who.”
The warmth of his hand passed through my pajama shirt and soaked into my skin. I resisted the urge to lean my face against his hand, instead I turned to face him once again. “My high school boyfriend.”
He let out a breath and shook his head. “I figured someone had. I’ve noticed you seem a little skittish sometimes, like after that episode with my dad and again last week when you flinched away from me. I would never hurt you, Katie.”
I gave him a small smile. “I don’t think you would. When you reached for me, it was fast and unexpected, and I flinched out of habit. I’m sorry about that. Is that why you seemed distant last week?”
“Yes. I was afraid I was coming on too strong. I didn’t want to scare you,” he replied softly.
“Well, I’m not scared of you, and I’m really glad you came over tonight.” I gave him a sincere smile.
He took my hand, engulfing it in his. “Do you want to talk about what happened to you? I meant it when I said you could talk to me...about anything.” I shook my head. “Okay, I understand. So tell me about your family instead,” he said, still holding my hand.
I looked down at our joined hands and decided that it was okay to hold his hand for a little while. I debated what all to say and took a deep breath. “You already know about my dad and my mom is an elementary school teacher. I also have a younger brother. We have a nice house in a good neighborhood. We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. I love them very much, but I wanted to just get away from that town and some bad memories. My parents are aware of what all went on and were worried that I wouldn’t do well with dorm life, so they pay for everything here. They just want me to be safe and happy.”
His eyes grew wide, and his hand tightened slightly on mine. “
What did that guy do to you?”
A part of me wanted to just blurt it all out. Give him every sordid detail, but I knew better than that. He wouldn’t be my friend anymore if I gave in to that urge, so I kept my secrets securely locked away as usual. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Levi studied my face, nodded, but still looked uneasy. I picked up the TV remote and found an old movie I liked. As we settled in to watch it, he slowly rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. I’d stopped sweating and felt very relaxed. I let my eyes close for just a second.
***
The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was the sunshine peeking through the blinds. My brain seemed a little fuzzy as I looked around and realized I was in my bedroom. How did I get in my bed? I suddenly remembered being on the couch with Levi last night.
Panic griped my chest as I yelled out his name in fear and threw back the covers. I looked down, relieved that I still wore my pajamas.
Levi stumbled through my open bedroom door. He was dressed but was barefoot, and his clothes looked very rumpled. His hair was sticking up on the side, and he had some stubble on his face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as his eyes darted around the room.
“H-how did I get in my bed, and why are you still here?” I asked, not able to keep the tremor from my voice.
He let out a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. “Katie, you scared me. I thought you were hurt. You passed out last night from the pain medicine. I couldn’t get you to wake up long enough for me to leave, so I put you in your bed and slept on the couch. I was not about to leave you dead to the world with the door unlocked. That’s dangerous. I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”
I felt relieved at his explanation but still had to ask. “So nothing happened between us?”
I saw a flash of anger in his eyes and I tensed as I waited for his outburst, but it didn’t come. His eyes softened and when he spoke, I heard the hurt in his voice, “No. I would never take advantage of you or anyone else for that matter. That’s not the type of man I am.”
Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) Page 10
