He grimaced. “Hurry and get in before she decides to come back,” he said, as he gently pushed me towards his truck.
I scurried around to the passenger side, and he quickly got in on the driver’s side, which was odd to me because he always opened the door and helped me in. I had to hike my skirt up to climb into his tall truck and when he saw that, he quickly turned his head away but still reached over and pulled me into the seat.
I closed the door. “Sorry for flashing you,” I said and felt heat flood my cheeks.
“It’s my fault. I should have helped you up, but all I could think about was getting away from that woman.” He started the truck and pulled away from the church. “We went to high school together. She’s done me that way since the eleventh grade. I don’t want to be mean, so I just try and stay away from her. I’m sorry she was rude to you. That was ridiculous.”
I agreed. “Did you ever date her...or anything?”
“No, but it wasn’t for her lack of trying.” He gave a small shudder then continued, “And don’t think I didn’t catch what you were really asking with that anything part,” he said with a chuckle.
“Sorry. That just kind of slipped out.” I didn’t want him to think I was prying into his past. It really wasn’t any of my business.
“Baby, don’t be embarrassed. You can ask me about anything.”
I knew he meant it, but I wasn’t ready to ask him about his past because I knew it would open the door for him to ask me about mine. I couldn’t go there, not yet anyway.
He looked over at me expectantly, but I just looked away. He reached over for my hand and laced his fingers through mine. “It’s all right. We don’t have to talk about this today.”
We rode the rest of the way to his house in silence. I was caught up in my past regrets and he must have sensed it. When he led me inside, he pulled me into his arms, holding me close. “You can trust me with anything,” he said as I pulled away.
No I can’t. I don’t want to lose you. I looked down and took a deep breath. I couldn’t dwell on this anymore, and I didn’t want it to ruin our time together.
I looked up at him. “How is it that I didn’t know you could play the guitar and sing? You’ve been holding out on me, Levi.”
He chuckled. “I guess you’re ready to change the subject.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, hoping he’d let it go.
“Okay, that’s fine.” He tucked some hairs that had come loose from my knot behind my ear. “Well, I suppose it never came up until now,” he said with a shrug.
I kept my face serious. “You should have let me know sooner. Watching you play the guitar and hearing you sing would have sealed the deal for me.”
He chuckled and pulled me back over to him for a quick kiss. “What? Dang it! If I’d known that I would have serenaded you during your job interview.”
I laughed and let him push some of those bad memories out of my mind for a little while. We spent the rest of the day hanging out and having fun, the past still buried until another day.
Chapter Nineteen
It was Saturday night, and Levi wanted to go out. I was tired and just wanted to stay in but didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I agreed. He picked the same pizza place we’d gone to on our first date, which really wasn’t a date at the time. It was crowded with college kids, and there was a twenty minute wait for a table. Levi asked if I wanted to find another place, but pizza sounded really good, so I told him we could just wait.
He leaned against a wall by the doors and pulled me against him. Our hands were joined together at our sides. Music played through the speakers, and I heard Levi humming along to the song. It was a song from the late eighties, and I snorted out a laugh.
“What are you laughing at?”
“You’re showing your age, old man. I guess this song was a hit back in your day,” I said with a giggle.
“I’ll have you know this song was very popular when I was a kid- a really young kid. Keep it up and you’re going to get it,” he said, tickling my sides.
I squealed and tried to squirm away. I glanced around to make sure the entire place hadn’t heard my squeal when my eyes locked with a blue eyed, blond headed guy sitting in a booth by the door. My laugh died in my throat, and I took a step back, bumping against Levi’s chest.
It was him, JT, and he was staring right at me. I watched in horror as he slid out of the booth and made his way towards me. My heart felt like it was in my throat, and I began to shake.
“Katie, what’s wrong?” Levi asked sounding concerned. He’d obviously noticed the abrupt change in my behavior.
I reached behind me and grabbed his hand about the time JT came to a stop directly in front of me. “Well, look who it is. How are you, Katie? I haven’t seen you in a while,” he said with his perfect smile in place.
I squeezed Levi’s hand so hard I felt my nails dig into his skin. “I’m g-good, JT,” I stammered out. JT noticed the waver in my voice and grinned. I hadn’t forgotten that he enjoyed my fear, but at the moment, I couldn’t contain it.
“I’m Levi, Katie’s boyfriend. Where do you know her from?” he asked from behind me. He squeezed my hand back to let me know he was aware that something wasn’t right.
“Oh, we went to high school together. We sure did have some good times, didn’t we, Katie?” he asked with a sneer.
Afraid I was going to throw up all over myself, I swallowed hard. I prayed Levi wouldn’t ask him about our good times and just get me out of there.
As if he read my mind, Levi replied coolly, “Yeah, okay. Well, we’ve got to go. I forgot we’ve got somewhere else we need to be.”
JT didn’t step back; he just stared down at my face. I thought it was about to get ugly between them when he finally spoke, “That’s a shame. Katie and I have some catching up to do, but that’s all right. I know where to find her now, so maybe another time.”
He gave me a once over with his eyes, stepped back and walked away to his booth. Levi had a death grip on me as he gently pushed me out the door. We’d almost made it to the truck when I stopped and threw up all over the ground.
“Oh, baby,” he whispered, “what did he do to you?”
He held my hair back as I threw up again then stripped off his polo, leaving him in a t-shirt, and wiped my face with it. He picked me up and carried me the rest of the way to the truck. He gently put me in the seat and buckled me in. Panic began to overtake me and my shaking increased. Levi jumped in the truck and took off to my apartment. I curled up into a ball, burying my head in my knees.
“Katie, who was that?” he asked in a slightly panicked voice. I ignored him as I began to sob.
He pulled up in front of my apartment, carried me inside and sat me on the couch. He went into the kitchen, and brought back a wet rag. He wiped my face again before pulling me into his lap. I curled up against him and sobbed as he rubbed his hand along my back. My tears soaked his t-shirt. As my sobbing subsided, I heard him whispering. I strained to listen and was stunned to hear that he was praying over me.
“Lord, please help her. Comfort her in the way only You can. Give her peace, and let her know that she is safe now.”
The sobbing had stopped, but my tears continued to fall. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as some of the fear left me. He stopped rubbing my back and just held me tightly against him.
“I need to take some of my medicine.”
“Okay. I’ll get it,” he said and slid me off his lap. He jogged into the kitchen and brought back a glass of water and several of my prescription bottles. He handed them over. “I didn’t know which one, so I brought them all but the pain medication,” he said, as he sat down close to me.
I read the labels and found the one I needed. I took one pill and washed it down with the water. I gripped the prescription bottle tightly in my hand. It’s time for him to meet the real Katie.
I looked up at him, and saw the tension on his face. I held up the bottle. “This one is fo
r panic attacks. I take two if it’s really bad.” I set it down on the coffee table.
I picked up another one and held it up so he could see it. “This one is for depression. I’ve been on it for over a year and don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get off of it,” I said and winced at the sound when I set it down too hard beside the first one.
I picked up the last bottle. “This one is a sleeping pill. I take it when the nightmares come back, and they always come back.” Click, on the coffee table it went beside the others.
I braced myself for his goodbye and tried to harden my heart. I turned to face him. “You don’t have to stay. I’m okay now. I’m giving you an out, because like I told you before, I’m a mess and you deserve someone better than me,” I said, keeping all emotion from my voice.
I saw the anger and hurt flash in his eyes. “I don’t need or want an out!” he yelled, causing me to flinch. He closed his eyes and slowly let out a breath. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. “I want you, and I don’t care how much medication you have to take, as long as it helps you live your life without fear and pain.” He took my hands in his. “I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.”
I wiped a tear away, but another fell in its place. “I’ve never told anyone what happened, not even my parents. They think all the nightmares and panic attacks are because my ex abused me, but that’s not it.” I said and looked down at our joined hands.
“Please tell me what he did. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he said gently.
I looked up into his sincere blue eyes and knew he was right. I didn’t have to go through this alone anymore. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to tell the story that haunted my dreams and had made me the broken girl that I was. A story I thought I’d never share with another person. “His name is JT Grant, and he was best friends with my ex-boyfriend. They were both popular football players, and I was a good girl who went to church faithfully. I didn’t drink or party, and I was saving myself for my husband.” I laughed bitterly before breaking down into tears again. I cried for my lost innocence that I’d so easily given away, and I cried for my life that was forever changed because of it.
Levi leaned down, taking my chin in his hand, and turned my face towards his. “Katie, stop thinking any mistakes you made define who you are, because they don’t. You have to let all that go and quit punishing yourself.” He released my face and pulled his shirt up to wipe my tears away.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him pull me close. I felt at peace in his strong arms. Oh, how I need this man so much.
“You okay to keep going?”
“Uh huh,” I scooted away just a little, and continued. I told him how JT always watched me and how he liked to see me get upset or hurt, so I tried to be indifferent towards him. I took a deep breath and told him about the party. When I got to the part where JT took me to his parents’ bedroom, I had to stop. I hadn’t noticed while I’d been talking that Levi had scooted close and had me pressed tightly to his side. I looked up into his eyes and he nodded for me to continue. “I, uh, I woke up at one point and JT was on top of me. He was...uh,” I stammered out.
“He was raping you,” he growled out.
I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memory but it was no use and after a few seconds, I opened them. “Yeah. He was raping me.”
I told him the rest, including that JT came from a very wealthy and powerful family in Springfield, and I didn’t know what he was capable of, but I’d believed every threat he’d made. I dreaded telling him the part that scared the most but knew I had to. “Levi, he had me in that room for almost four hours. I only woke up that one time, so I don’t know what all he did to me,” I said and covered my mouth as I tried to keep from throwing up again.
I glanced up at his face. He looked completely distraught. His voice shook with rage as he spoke, “I’m going to kill him. He’s a complete psychopath. That’s what he was calling good times! He wants to scare and torture you.” He covered his eyes and let out a groan. “Baby, he knows where you are now. You have to be very careful. I’m friends with the sheriff. Let me talk to him.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head violently. “Levi, you can’t tell anyone. That will only make it worse on me. He must just be visiting someone in town, because he goes to school in Knoxville, along with my ex. I refuse to run away just because he knows where I am. This is my home now,” I said firmly.
He agreed but I could tell he wasn’t happy about it. He gently kissed my lips and rested his forehead against mine. “I love you and won’t let anyone hurt you,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes in desperation. I wanted more than anything to let his words heal the hole in my heart, but I couldn’t. I still had one secret left, but I was too scared to share it. I just wanted to feel his love for a little while longer, because I knew once I told him the rest, it would be gone.
“Levi, I love you so much and need you to always remember that, okay?” I said as tears streamed down my face.
He leaned back and studied my face for a second before he replied, “Why are you talking like you aren’t going to be around?”
I dried my face on my sleeve. “My pill must be working. It makes me say crazy stuff,” I said, fighting off a yawn.
“Why don’t you go get ready for bed? I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight. There is no way I’m leaving you alone.”
I kissed him once more before getting up to go take a shower. I needed to wash the feel of JT’s memory off my body. I dried off and slipped Levi’s t-shirt over my head, the one I’d worn home when he’d been sick. I combed out my hair and brushed my teeth. When I came out of the bathroom, Levi still sat on the couch looking miserable.
I climbed onto his lap, taking his face in my hands. “Hey, I’m fine. That was then and you are my now. I’m not looking back, and I don’t want you to either, okay?”
He kissed my forehead and looked down, noticing the shirt I had on. “I love that you’re wearing my shirt,” he said softly.
I smiled. “Good, because you’re not getting it back. I sleep in it all the time.”
He groaned and pressed me closer to his chest, kissing me not so gently on the lips. “What a lucky shirt.”
“Behave,” I said with a giggle.
He chuckled as I got off of his lap. I kissed the top of his head and told him goodnight. I went to my room but left the door open, climbed in bed and closed my eyes.
***
I was swimming in a lake with the sun shining down on my face. I felt so warm. I noticed Levi standing on the bank next to Angie. He held a baby girl and smiled as he looked into Angie’s face. My heart broke. They looked so happy together. I looked over in the water and saw JT swimming towards me. I swam as fast as I could, but he continued to gain on me. He reached me and started to pull me under. I struggled to keep my head above the water as I fought with him. I screamed for Levi to help me, and he looked over at me in the water, but ignored me. I screamed his name one more time before JT pulled me under for good.
I was jolted awake by someone sitting me up and roughly shaking me. I opened my eyes and saw Levi’s face right in front of mine. I clawed at my throat, and heard a croaking sound. Is that coming from me? I couldn’t breathe; I was drowning. I began to panic and tried to get up, but Levi held me tight. I couldn’t speak, only gasp for air. Why can’t I breathe? What is happening to me? I’m dying. I’m going to die right here in my room. I clawed at my throat again trying to get it to open up, but he grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my neck. I saw his lips moving. He was talking, but what was he saying? Then he was gone. He left me. Levi left me to die all alone. I squeezed my eyes closed and when I opened them, he was back in my face. I heard his voice but was too far gone to focus on his words. He took his fingers and tried to shove them in my mouth, so I clamped my lips shut and turned my head. Why isn’t he helping me? I made a croaking sound again, trying to breathe, and he gripped me under the chin and forced my mo
uth open. I slapped at him to get him to stop, but his grip just got tighter. He stuck his fingers in the back of my mouth and placed something on my tongue. He leaned my head back and pinched my nose closed. I opened my mouth to breathe, and he poured a liquid down my throat. I am drowning! I sputtered and some of it went in his face. He got closer and I saw his lips move again, but I didn’t hear any words. He reached over and I felt his hand rubbing up and down my throat. I didn’t like the feeling; I swallowed and he finally stopped. He moved behind me, pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his warm breath on my ear over and over as I continued to be lost in the fear and panic.
I gasped once more before I felt my throat relax a little. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I’m not going to die. The panic began to subside. Levi exhaled a deep breath, and I felt him brush my sweaty hair away from my shoulder and kiss the skin over my collar bone. He whispered in my ear, “I’m right here. You’re safe now.” I knew he’d watch over me, so I closed my eyes and gave in to my exhaustion.
Chapter Twenty
I tried to open my eyes. It took a few tries to get them to stay open. I stared up at the ceiling, trying to focus my eyes. I suddenly noticed my clothes were damp and realized I was drenched in sweat. Why am I so hot? I tried to move my arms to uncover, but I couldn’t. I was pinned to the bed. I turned my head and saw Levi asleep on his stomach beside me. He had his arm wrapped around my waist, over the covers, and one of his legs wrapped over both of mine. Good grief, he’s heavy. I exhaled a deep breath and stared at his face for a second. Why is he in my bed and why is he clinging to me? I closed my eyes and tried to think, but my brain was too fuzzy. I squirmed to try and get free.
He opened his eyes. “Hi, baby. How do you feel this morning?” he asked in a soft voice.
“Like I’m in a fog, what happened?”
He frowned slightly. “You had a panic attack last night. I had to force two of your anxiety pills down your throat.”
Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) Page 16
