“What?” she gasps. “I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat.”
Easy just laughs at the shock on my face. “That was just cold, babe.”
“Sorry.” She laughs. “It’s fun to fuck with people. I’m due in a week, and if this baby goes over, I’m going to reach up and rip him out myself.” The sweet smile on her face does nothing to diminish the violence in her words. This woman is a warrior; no wonder she can run with a SEAL.
“My sister-in-law is due next month,” I reply unfazed. “She’s just as miserable.”
“My heart goes out to her,” she says.
“Your heart should go out to the associated press,” I add. “My sister-in-law is Julia Black.”
Easy lets out a whistle. Kim just winces. “No kidding?”
“No kidding.”
“You’re Ryan Black’s sister?” he asks.
“MacKenzie,” I answer, holding out my hand to shake his. “But my friends call me Mack.”
“Glad to know you,” Easy says as he takes my hand, and then the commander calls the ceremony to order.
“Please stand while we honor the flag.”
Everyone seated stands, and I salute the flag with everyone else in uniform. Easy helps his wife stand for the color guard and then lowers her back into her seat. He seems like a nice guy, and I can’t help but watch them together and see clearly what they have. Could I have something like that? I’ve never wanted that before. The husband and kids bit never seemed like it was for me, but maybe, just maybe, I can have it all. Kyle makes me feel like I can, I just have to reach out and grab for it. And for the first time in my life, I want to.
“We’re here today because we’ve had the honor to serve with Chief Petty Officers Kyle Garrett and Sean Erikson,” the commander says. “These two have served with honor and bravery, and we are sad to see them go but wish them nothing but the best as they transition to civilian life. So it is my honor to award them both Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medals.”
Kyle and Sean both accept their NAMs with smiles and handshakes before everyone cheers and hollers for them. One thing that can be said about SEALs is they are a rowdy bunch.
“We wish you fair winds and following seas,” the commander says before closing the ceremony.
Afterward, they host a small reception at a bar by the beach. I can tell it was their local watering hole, and more than one woman gives Kyle sad eyes as he stands close to me, but he doesn’t seem to notice them.
I can’t help but wonder if he’d be happier with a nice girl like that. One who could put his career and his needs ahead of her own. I’m not that kind of woman, and I never will be. But will he grow to resent me in the end?
As the celebrating goes on, Kyle and I excuse ourselves. He follows me back to my condo in La Jolla in his truck, and we head inside to change our clothes, pulling on shorts and T-shirts to walk along the beach.
He holds my hand as we trail up and down the shoreline, and eventually we settle in the sand, me sitting in between his muscular thighs as we watch the sunset. I lean my head back against his strong chest and think I could live like this. Everything, every sacrifice, every struggle, is worth it because this moment is perfect. It’s a magical day, one we get to spend together in a way I could easily and happily enjoy every day for the rest of my life. As the sky lights in sherbet oranges, pinks, lilacs, and blues, it’s like a fairy tale.
Today is a dream.
My vision fades and shimmers like the tuner going out on an old TV, and I remember it was a dream, one that was never meant to be mine.
And then I fade into the darkness again.
Chapter Eleven
Kyle
I have to go
She’s pulling away, and I fucking hate it.
Last night, I wanted to take MacKenzie out to dinner and then make love to her all night long. I managed to delay my report date to Cole Security in Virginia so I could spend this time with Mack before she left. But now I can’t help but feel irritated and wonder if I should have left first.
She was quiet, and if I’m being honest, a little despondent when she got home from work last night. I should have known; I should have seen the writing on the wall, but I’ve never been on this side of the leaving before. And to be honest, it fucking sucks.
“Do you want to change and we can go out to eat?” I ask her, though she’s distracted. It takes me two or three times of calling her name for her to realize I’m talking to her.
“What?” she asks, sounding more than a little startled. “Oh, no. I think I just want to stay in and get to bed early. The call tomorrow is at seven.”
“Okay,” I reply. This isn’t my deployment, and I know I like things a certain way before I leave, so it’s not a leap to assume that she does too. I figure she needs a quiet night in and takeout for dinner, and that’s what I’ll give her. “What do you want me to call in for dinner?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers. “What do you want?”
“I want whatever you want,” I remind her. I don’t like feeling that pulling teeth would be easier than prying answers from her. MacKenzie and I have never been like this before. We’ve always been honest and open with one another, and I don’t like this. It makes me feel frustrated and restless. But still, I don’t want to push her before she leaves, so I just bite back what I really want to say.
“Maybe a gyro and fries from Daphne’s?” she asks.
“You got it,” I say before placing a kiss to her lips. “Why don’t you go change and get comfy, and I’ll go get dinner.”
“That sounds good.”
“I’ll be back in about thirty,” I tell her before walking out the front door. Maybe she just needs a minute to decompress before spending her last evening stateside with me, but when I get home, it’s no better.
She’s still distant and cool.
We eat quietly, and then I clean up the containers and take out the trash. When I come back, Mack is on the sofa, flipping through the channels. I climb over her so that I’m laying behind her with my arms around her, and I feel her whole body stiffen.
She doesn’t want me to hold her. I’m not a mind reader, and I have no idea what’s going through her head, so I just decide to muscle through. She seems to settle in for a bit, and it’s just enough to give my flagging spirits hope.
After a while, she shuts off the TV, and I follow her upstairs, checking the front door and turning off the lights as I go. When I get to the bedroom, she’s bent over at the waist, pulling off her leggings. And a pair of plain cotton panties and one of my PT T-shirts have never looked so sexy.
I strip down to my boxer briefs while she climbs under the covers and turns out her bedside light. I climb in behind her and spoon her under the covers. I ruck my shirt up over her breasts and hold one in the palm of my hand before moving to graze my thumb over her nipple. Tucking my face in the crook of her neck, I kiss and nip at her soft skin. Her nipple pebbles against my palm and she arches her body into my waiting hand.
I’ve always loved her petite body, the way her lean frame holds the understated curves of a woman. Just enough to fill the palm of my hand, or to grab onto while I fuck her right. Her body is perfect. She’s perfect for me.
“Kyle,” she whispers, and I dip my hand between her legs finding her hot and wet. MacKenzie might have wanted me to think her cold and indifferent tonight, but her pussy is anything but.
She moans and rocks her hips against my hand, and I plunge a finger inside her while flicking my thumb over her clit. She gasps and grips my forearm tight in her hand, holding me to her pussy when she needs me most. But I don’t let her come. I want to watch her face flush with pleasure as she finds her release.
Instead, I slip from her hold and roll to the side of the bed.
I grab a condom from the nightstand and wonder what it will be like when we’re free to take risks—when I can fuck her bare, with no barriers between us, just skin to skin. When I can plant my baby inside her and watch it g
row. The image has me harder than ever. The possessive streak she inspires in me knows no bounds when it comes to her.
I roll the latex down my cock while she shimmies out of her panties, and I cover her slim body with mine plunging deep inside her with one stroke.
MacKenzie wraps her arms around my shoulders and grips her strong thighs on my hips as she holds on while I slide in and out of her body.
Every moan, every gasp is like a gift, and I want to scoop each one up and collect them all. I don’t like that the driving force behind making this better than any other time we’ve been together is because she’s leaving in the early hours of the morning.
Whatever this is, whatever we have tonight, is going to have to tide us over for the next nine months. And when she comes home, we’re going to have to re-learn how to be together, who we are with each other. There’s a lot that can change in nine months, but one thing I know won’t change are my feelings for her. MacKenzie Black is under my skin and in my blood. There’s no going back now.
There are no sweet, sexy whispers, no dirty talk as we come together and drink each other in. Just the quiet gasp as her pussy flutters and clenches when she finds her release. And I wrap my body around hers and follow her over the edge.
We stay like this for a moment, and then I slide out of her body, hating the distance that creeps back in between us. I go into the bathroom to get rid of the condom, hating it because it puts even more separation between us. Though I know why condoms are so important for her at this juncture, it would ruin her career if she realized that she was pregnant a couple weeks into her deployment. I still hate it nonetheless.
When I come back to bed, MacKenzie is lying on her side tucked under the covers with her body turned away from where I lay.
While I thought I knocked down some of her walls, she threw them back up and fortified them at the first available opportunity. Did what we just shared not matter at all? How can she cut me from her so callously, and yet so thoroughly, like one would a cancer? It feels like, to her, I no longer matter.
I lay next to her in bed and stew all night. Does she even want me? Why am I even here? I had plans to take her out for a romantic dinner and tell her that I’m falling in love with her, but she never gave me the opportunity.
I want to give her time to love me back, but maybe she just doesn’t.
She clearly doesn’t want to share an intimacy with me other than a few orgasms for the road. That thought stings. It cuts deep, the idea that I’m just an available dick to her when, to me, she is so much more.
By the early morning light, I haven’t slept a wink.
When MacKenzie tries to slide out of bed without waking me, I lose it. Does she think she’s going to give me the slip like a one-night stand whose name she doesn’t even know? I don’t fucking think so. I’m pissed. She’s hurting me—cutting me deep— and I want to hurt her back. She wants to treat me like her whore, then I’ll show her how shitty that feels.
“Where do you think you’re going?” I growl as I pin her to the bed.
“I-I have to get ready to go,” she says.
“Not just yet.”
I press her body into the mattress and grind my erection against her ass, letting it slip between her pussy lips and tap her clit.
She arches her back and moans. “Yes.”
I reached for the bedside drawer and rip open a condom. I cover myself with one hand while keeping her pinned to the bed with the other— a heavy palm in the middle of her back. I spread her legs and thrust in hard and fast.
“Did you think you were going to leave without saying goodbye?” I ask on a plunge. I drive into her with all of the aggression that I have pent up inside of me.
“N-No,” she stutters and gasps as I take her with a ruthlessness I’m not entirely proud of. MacKenzie and I have played some, we’ve shared a lot of intimacies in our short time together, but never have I fucked her like a savage.
“Don’t lie to me.” I plunge into her again and again, over and over.
“Okay! Maybe!” she answers. “I don’t know.”
“Stop putting distance between us,” I roar while pounding into her from behind.
“I’m scared,” she admits as she twists the bedding in between her delicate fingers.
The simple action makes me realize that her avoidance isn’t because she doesn’t want me, but because she’s terrified by how much she does. I change the course of my mission in an instant. Instead of punishing her, I show her more pleasurable ways to work out those pent-up emotions that are scaring the shit out of her.
“Then fuck it out.” I pull out quickly and flip us so that I’m laying on my back and she’s straddling my hips. “If you feel something, work it out. But do it with me.”
She watches me for a moment, those gorgeous green eyes burning into mine, before she comes to a decision. She nods once and sinks down over my cock.
“Thank fuck.”
And then, she begins to move. She rocks her hips, rising up and sinking down until she finds her rhythm. Riding me until we’re both breathless.
When she leans back, her light-blonde waves trail over my heated skin, tickling my thighs and my balls, I have no doubt that she’s close. I pinch her clit hard between us, catapulting her into oblivion. I flip her to her back and pound into her, riding out her climax and extending it until I find my own.
Afterward, I hold her in my arms, our breaths sawing in and out of our lungs in tandem, and then I place a tender kiss to her mouth. We can do this, I reaffirm. We’ve got this.
“You’re mine and I’m yours,” I remind her. “Don’t pull away from me again.”
“I won’t,” she vows when she opens her eyes. It’s not a declaration of love, but I’ll take it. “I won’t.”
I pull out and help her from the bed. Together, we shower and dress. I watch in awe as she braids her hair, a style I realize she favors under her helmet.
This time, I’m the one in civilian clothes. Jeans and a T-shirt with a hoodie pulled over. The morning air is cooler with the marine layer rolling in. I lace up my running shoes while she ties her boots blouse them under the legs of her flight suit.
We eat scrambled eggs and drink coffee silently side by side in the kitchen. She seems to be lost in her own thoughts, but this time, she isn’t intentionally putting up walls between us. It isn’t much, but I will absolutely take what I can get. She grabs her keys and says, “I’ll see you at the flight line.”
And then she’s gone.
I finish up around the house before grabbing my own keys and wallet and tucking them in my pockets. I pick up my phone. My seabag is loaded with the things I’ll need when I hit Virginia Beach. My flight leaves later this afternoon.
I jump in my truck and drive out to Marine Corps Air Station Miramar. I show my driver’s license to the Marine on duty in the guard shack.
“What business do you have here today?” he asks me.
“Saying goodbye to my girlfriend,” I answer. “She’s flying out today.”
He looks a little surprised and then says, “Have a good day.”
“Thank you, you too.” And then I drive to the airfield where we’re to have our “family kiss and cry.”
I’ve watched married guys before when they left and came home, leaving wives or girlfriends behind. I never thought I’d be the one left behind, but I am totally okay with it. For Mack, I will do anything. I had joked before that I’d make a decent Marine Corps girlfriend, but it’s true. I can keep the home fires burning while she’s gone. I can work to build our lives stateside so that we can continue our lives when she comes home.
Now, I wait at the chain link fence with the wives and girlfriends. Some have kids dancing around with them, dancing around with nervous energy; all give me curious glances, but no one approaches. I don’t fit the mold and that’s okay. With MacKenzie and me there is nothing that fits the mold but it’s so much better, it’s so much more.
Finally, the pilots walk ou
t of the squadron building. Mack stands out amongst the crowd—not because she’s tall or tiny, but because I’m drawn to her on a cellular level. She sees me as they make their way to the fence line and I feel the air between us crackle and spark.
The other pilots pick up their kids or kiss their wives, but I only have eyes for MacKenzie Black. I take her in my arms and kiss her deeply, licking into her mouth, savoring the moment, because it’s going to have to last us nine fucking months unless the company miraculously gives me a contract that will take me back to the desert. I’ll probably fantasize about taking her in a tent in the desert even though it’ll never happen. The erotic imagery will be enough to add to my spank bank for the better part of the next year. But hey, whatever it takes.
We’re both breathless when I pull back, but this time she smiles open and honestly. She’s happy that I’m here with her, saying goodbye and staking my claim before all the wives and girlfriends, that I’m with her and only her. Never before have I wanted to belong to a woman, to be possessed by one person so thoroughly, but MacKenzie owns me, heart and soul. And she doesn’t know it yet, but when she gets back, I’m going to put a ring on it and make her make an honest man out of me once and for all.
A bell chimes from the loudspeaker, and the tension ratchets up in the air. There’s only one thing that sound means. MacKenzie looks sad, but she rallies. That’s my girl, so fucking strong and so brave. I squeeze her tight, letting her know it’s okay; we’ve got this.
“I have to go,” she says, and I know it and hate it, but even hating it, I loosen my hold on her, never wanting to hold her back. I will not ever hold her back and I will always make sure that she has her wings, or what she needs to fly.
And while she doesn’t want to leave me, she loves what she does without a doubt. She even told me that she only feels free when she’s flying. So I would never take that away from her. Not ever.
“You have to go,” I repeat. I kiss her again, this time short but no less deep.
Trap: A Salvation Society Novel Page 9
