Julia bowed her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Not humanly possible. Exactly.
“Let’s get back in there, before our guests think we have abandoned them for a tea party in the rose garden.” She smiled warmly through her sadness.
“Thank you, Mrs. Williams.” Julia lifted her head, though it felt like it weighed more than she could bear.
“You must call me Isabel, Julia. Unless you would be comfortable with ‘Mother.’” If Julia didn’t know better, she might have thought Mrs. Williams was teasing her just then.
“Isabel it is.” Julia smiled, the first genuine smile to touch her lips since Alex’s murder. Mother. I need to find my mother.
The two ladies walked slowly toward the manor, hand in hand, stepping a bit lighter, as though sharing the burden lessened the weight.
“Mrs… Isabel?” Julia asked, just as they reached the door.
“Yes, dear?”
“How would you go about tracking down a woman who is locked away in a psychiatric facility?”
Mrs. Williams smiled, an odd glint in her eye. “I would hire an investigator and let them track the woman down.”
“I know this seems like an odd time to ask,” Julia said, looking through the door at the large crowd gathered to mourn the loss of Alex, “but I feel the need to connect with my biological mother and I don’t really have anyone else to ask.” No one human, anyway.
“There is no need to explain, dear. It makes perfect sense to me,” Mrs. Williams said. “It’s natural to reach out for family at such a time. Leave it with me. I’ll look into it. I know someone in the industry.”
“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this,” Julia said, fighting back tears. “And how much you mean to me.”
The wake ended and Julia returned to her townhouse. Though her heart was still heavy, she felt a sense of renewed purpose.
She had never had any interest in finding her biological family. Her adoptive parents had spoken often of her mother, Maria, painting a vile picture. Julia had heard from a very young age how her birth mother was dangerous, insane, and had been locked away by her own mother. Why would she want anything to do with such a creature?
With all that she had learned in the past few days, however, Julia was beginning to see that there was much more to her story than she had thought. She wanted to meet the woman who had given birth to her. Maybe for some kind of confirmation of everything Gabriel and Michael had told her. Maybe just to know she wasn’t alone on this planet, to meet the one person on Earth who shared her DNA. Either way, she felt a sense of urgency surrounding it, and she wasn’t about to ignore her instincts again.
While the investigator did his thing, it wouldn’t hurt to do a little poking around the internet. Julia turned on the computer, but forgot about her search when she saw that Charlie was waiting for her when she logged on, the message popping up as soon as Julia opened the IM program.
Charlie: Let me know when you get home--I’m waiting here for you.
As Julia typed in her message, her tears spilled out again.
Julia: I’m here. Just got back from the service.
Julia watched as Charlie typed, waiting for her reply.
Charlie: I wish I could be there with you. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how you feel.
Julia: I hope you never find out. Are you alone?
There was a long pause before Charlie’s typing resumed.
Charlie: Yes.
Julia closed her eyes. There was so much information in the pause and in the one-word reply. The same pattern since they’d become friends. She must have been fighting with her boyfriend, and he must have taken off again. Julia wished she could reach through the screen and give her friend a shake. Charlie should be with someone who loved her, who made her happy. Why couldn’t she see?
Julia: Are you okay?
The thought struck her that maybe Charlie wasn’t with someone she truly loved because she didn’t want to feel the devastation of the loss at the end of the relationship. If it ended. Or he died.
Charlie: He didn’t hurt me. He just yelled a lot, then left. He’s probably at a hotel somewhere.
Julia: I’m sorry, Charlie. Maybe this time he’ll forget to come back and you can move on with your life.
Julia hit send, then instantly regretted it. There was another long pause before answering.
Charlie: I want him to come back, Julia. I love him.
Julia sighed and stared at the screen. How had they ended up talking about this again? She just didn’t have the energy to support her friend in her own self-destruction.
Julia: I’m really sorry to cut this short, Charlie, but I am utterly exhausted. Thank you for being here for me. I love you.
Without waiting for a reply, she shut down the program and closed the lid on her laptop.
“I have visited many of your prophets today, Brother,” Raphael said softly, “spreading the word of the A’nwel.”
Gabriel pulled his eyes from the scene below and turned to face Raphael. He fixed her with a stare, evaluating her intentions. Her jet black hair flowed down her back, mixing with her pure white wings, and her obsidian eyes shone brightly.
“Why would you do that?”
“You have become obsessed with this girl. You are the Messenger, Gabriel, and you have forgotten your charge.” Though Raphael’s wings hung meekly on her back, there was a hint of admonishment in her tone. “The prophets must be informed.”
“Thank you.” Gabriel bowed his head.
“You have assisted me on numerous occasions.” She waved a hand. “It is done.”
Gabriel turned back to the hole in the clouds. Julia sat at her desk, her closed laptop in front of her, face in her hands. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed.
“You have fathered many such children, Gabriel. What is it about this one that has seized your attention so fully?”
“This one is different,” he answered. “I do not understand why she pulls me. Her accusations make me want to defend myself. Her suffering…it hurts me. I do not understand it.”
“The words of mortals have never affected you. Perhaps your connection has something to do with the mother.”
Gabriel’s head snapped around to face Raphael, his eyebrows high with surprise. “The mother was a vessel. No more than that.”
Raphael’s eyes danced with unspoken questions. After a long silence, she rested one hand on his shoulder. “Her spirit is an old one. The oldest we have used. Perhaps with that comes a larger sense of protectiveness.”
“I do not know why it is that when I see this Child suffering, I feel her pain. When she looks upon me with hatred in her eyes, I feel the burn of it, and want to change it. For this Child, I would reverse the damage.” Gabriel shook his head. “I do not know why it is, Sister. I only know that it is.”
“Do as you must, then,” Raphael said, “but remember your duties. You will not spare her any harm if you neglect the world she lives within.”
XVIII
JULIA sat on her doorstep, dressed in black slacks and a black blouse, staring at her car. A week had passed since Alex’s service and she still had not been able to bring herself to drive it. Now she had no choice. Mrs. Williams—Isabel—had called and asked her to come to dinner. She supposed she could take a taxi, but the forty-five minute trek would be costly.
She forced herself to her feet and trudged down the walk to the driveway, her black pumps clicking. She pressed the key fob and watched the lock buttons pop up. The sound propelled her forward, past the memory of Alex standing by the driver’s door. She slid into the driver’s seat, squeezed her eyes shut, swallowed hard, and started the car. The running engine soothed her as it always had, and she managed to keep the tears at bay as she backed down the driveway and into the street.
It was a small accomplishment, but to her it felt like a milestone. She had thought about selling the car over the past few days, but didn’t want to get rid of something that held so many memor
ies of Alex. She shifted her focus to the drive and dinner.
Isabel had said that she would hire an investigator to locate Julia’s biological mother, Maria. She had also given Julia the key to the lake house. She wasn’t able to bring herself to go see it. It was uncomfortable, receiving something handed down in someone else’s family. The key remained in its box at the bottom of her purse. She guessed it had been Alex’s secret project during the last few months before his death and she figured he’d been getting it ready to ask her to move into it with him, but she wasn’t ready to go there yet.
She shrugged away the chill that crept across her skin and pulled into the driveway at Williams Manor. A wave of sadness clutched at her heart when she saw the tree Alex had once waited beside, smiling in eager anticipation of her arrival. The temptation to find the memory of Alex in that place was great, but Julia pushed it away. She was beginning to feel like a junkie—memories of Alex her heroin.
Isabel met her at the door, also dressed in black. Julia thought she could see her own sadness reflected in Alex’s mother’s eyes. Their hug held a tightness that spoke of mutual grief, and when they moved into their seats in the stately dining room, their eyes both fell to Alex’s chair. Each woman fought her own silent battle against the tears.
The silence seemed to become a physical thing, pressing down on Julia’s shoulders. The scraping of Isabel’s chair split the stillness.
“Let’s go,” Isabel said, plucking her wine glass and the bottle of Merlot from the table. Her tone left no room for argument. “Bring your glass.”
“Where are we going?”
“The kitchen table. A much better place for a family dinner, don’t you think?” Mrs. Williams led the way down a long corridor and into the massive kitchen. Brushed stainless-steel appliances complemented the hanging stainless cookware over the island that housed the gas stove. Deep green marble counter-tops gave the kitchen a warm yet pristine feel.
The table, only slightly less formal than the one in the dining room, was covered by white linen. It was set for two, one place at the head of the table and one beside it to the left. It was obviously planned for them to sit here, and Julia wondered why Isabel had bothered with the façade of first going to the dining room.
“I suppose a part of me needed to see you look at his chair,” Mrs. Williams said, as though she had read Julia’s mind. “I needed to see that you feel the loss as I do.”
“Why?” Julia’s voice crackled as she spoke. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“My dear, I am alone now. My beloved husband gone, and now my only child. I have no remaining family.” She filled her glass, then Julia’s, as she spoke. “Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to be the only one who feels the way I do.”
Julia sipped her wine as she listened. It was drier than she liked, but had a smooth taste to counter it. When she met Isabel’s eyes, she wasn’t prepared for the vulnerability she saw.
“You aren’t the only one.” Julia set her glass down, reached for Isabel’s hand, and gave it a light squeeze.
“There’s something about you, Julia. I knew the first time Alex brought you to meet me. You were meant for each other.” Isabel leaned closer to Julia. “Don’t think for a second that I’m some old biddy who swoons over every romantic notion. I assure you I’m not. But there was something about the air when the two of you were together.”
Julia smiled, and for a second her heart lifted and a tear slid down her cheek. “There was something about Alex.”
Isabel returned her smile and they sat in a comfortable quiet. After a moment, Isabel frowned and took a deep breath.
“I have a confession to make, Julia.” Isabel sat back in her chair and reached for her wine glass. “I have been trying to figure out a way to tell you this. I’m afraid that you’ll walk away from me when I do. I don’t want you to do that. You are all I have left and I don’t want to lose you.”
Julia’s heart picked up its pace. It probably would be easy to walk away. They hadn’t exactly been close before, and the only thing they had in common now was their shared loss. But why would Isabel worry? What could she be hiding that would turn Julia away?
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Don’t say anything, dear, just listen.” Isabel took a long sip of her wine. She set the glass down and folded her hands in front of her. “When you asked how to find your birth mother and I offered to take care of it for you… Well, the truth is, I had already tracked her down.”
Julia’s mind raced with questions, and her breath seemed to catch in her throat. The heavy silence came crashing back onto her shoulders.
“Why?” Julia finally stammered. “Why would you track her down? And why wouldn’t you tell me? Did you find something horrible?”
“I kept it to myself because Alex would have been furious if he knew I had been nosing around. Every time I asked him questions about your family, he became so defensive. I simply had to find out what he was hiding. I didn’t realize he was only trying to protect you. Once we found her, we pieced together your family history.”
Julia’s eyes narrowed, her fingers entwined in her cloth napkin. “We?”
“The investigator and I.” Isabel raised her eyebrows when relief swept across Julia’s face. “Oh, no, not Alex. He never would have stood for it.”
“What did you find?” Julia’s mouth was dry.
“I tried to tell you both, that last family dinner we had.”
Julia stared at the woman across from her and let her mind drift back to that last dinner. Yes, Isabel definitely had been trying to steer the conversation somewhere, but Julia had panicked and fled.
Closing off the memory before the pain of Alex’s presence sucked her in, Julia returned to the present and searched Isabel’s eyes. The woman wasn’t lying. Julia knew that as clearly as she knew her own name. But she also knew there was more.
“Tell me what you found. Please.” Julia braced herself.
It was Isabel’s turn to evaluate Julia. After a moment, she gave a curt nod and began. “Your mother, Maria Samson, is in the Woodgrass Psychiatric Hospital in Dallas, Texas.”
Julia leaned forward. She knew her birth mother was in an asylum. Her adoptive parents had filled her in on that much. But to hear the location and name of the facility—it filled her at once with relief and dread.
“Do you know why? Who committed her?” Julia asked.
Isabel shook her head. “I was only able to find her location. The circumstances surrounding her admission to the hospital are not accessible.”
Now that she knew where the woman who had given birth to her was, what was she going to do? Show up on her doorstep? It seemed preposterous. Julia sat back, pondering her next move. She definitely wanted to meet the woman and ask her some questions. For example, “How did you sleep with an Archangel?”
“Julia?” The fine lines around Isabel’s mouth deepened as she pressed her lips together.
“I understand, Isabel.” Julia reached forward and rested her hand across the older woman’s. “You wanted to know who your son was getting involved with. I’d have done the same thing.”
“I did, and I make no apologies for that.” Isabel straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. “But now I have no son to protect. You are all I have left. And there is no question that you would have been my daughter.”
Julia felt a wave of guilt as she thought about all the times she told Alex not to propose to her. She realized now it wasn’t because she didn’t want to marry him. She did. She just knew she wasn’t ready, and when he asked, she wanted to be able to say yes—to have that moment of romance where she could fling herself into his arms and be swept away by his kisses.
“I found nothing of your birth father,” Isabel said, pulling Julia from her thoughts.
“Oh?”
“Your original birth certificate simply says unknown,” Isabel said, wearing a pinched expression.
Julia raised an eyebrow. Maybe she should h
ave been offended by the intrusion, but instead she was amused.
“That birth certificate was sealed by the court when I was adopted.”
“Yes, well,” Isabel said with a wave of her hand, “I’m usually very good at opening closed doors, dear.”
“I don’t doubt that for a moment,” Julia said with a laugh.
“Will you ask her when you meet her? Who your father is?”
“Oh yes,” Julia said, smoothing out a non-existent wrinkle in her slacks. “I’ll be sure to do that.”
“I went ahead and made arrangements for you to go to Dallas,” Isabel said. She lifted her napkin, revealing some tri-folded documents. She passed them to Julia, who leafed through them—airline tickets, itinerary, car rental documents, and hotel reservations.
“I don’t know what to say, Isabel,” Julia stammered. She wasn’t entirely certain she was ready to face her birth mother. “Why would you do this?”
“I was adopted.” Isabel took a sip of wine before she continued. “I was blessed with a good home and a strong family. Nevertheless, I still wanted to know where I came from. When I found my truth, it was less than savory and I was able to walk away cleanly. It wasn’t until I did that I felt complete.”
“Alex didn’t tell me you were adopted.”
“No, I suppose he wouldn’t have.” Isabel lifted her chin and straightened. “I did not share this secret with Alex. I wanted him to feel as though his family was whole, not waste time wondering about the grandparents he never met.”
Julia’s eyes welled up with tears. Whole. Something she had never had the luxury of feeling.
“You are a good woman, Isabel.”
“We do what we think is best, Julia. That’s all any of us can do.”
Michael stood watch side by side with Gabriel as Julia continued her dinner with Mrs. Williams. “I’d hoped I’d have more time with her before she made this journey.”
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