Without Apology

by Aubrey Bondurant

  Megan tapped on my door and came in, wide-eyed. She took one look at my face, which must have been showing a fair amount of stress, and shut the door behind her.

  “Oh, fuck. They promoted Jeff over you. Are you fucking serious?”

  I shushed her. “No. Nobody has been promoted yet. But we’re starting an audit. That will be happening over the next couple of weeks, like I indicated in the staff meeting.”

  She wasn’t stupid. “Because George is selling.”

  “You know I can’t tell you that even if I was aware of it.” I couldn’t lie, but I also didn’t want to break confidence.

  “Since we once talked about the possibility of George wanting to sell after Carol had cancer, it’s not hard to jump to that conclusion. His heart just isn’t in it any more. Hell, it’s how Jeff got hired and has been such a shit these last three years. George was checked out for his wife and not able to pay attention like he normally would have to staffing issues.”

  I couldn’t agree more. Before his wife had cancer, he would’ve been one of the first to notice a bad hire and taken care of it.

  “Anything else upsetting you?”

  I wanted to tell her. Especially about Simon being my date from Saturday, then finding him here this morning. But I couldn’t burden her with it. My friend tended to be unable to hide her true emotions, so if I wanted her to do well with the interview, I couldn’t spill any of my issues.

  I chose to paste on a smile. “I have a long list of audit items. Plus, one of the guys on site with the purchasing company is competing with Jeff for asshole of the year.”

  “What can I help with?”

  That’s what I loved about her. Always willing to pitch in. “I’ll forward you the items. We’ll go through it and mark any questions. Then tomorrow we’ll get started. I need to email Emma, my audit liaison, to find out where she wants us to put the documents as we gather them.”

  I left on time that night. Mainly because I knew the rest of the week I wouldn’t be so lucky. Knowing this reminded me to call my brother-in-law and ask him to stop by to take care of Cooper later in the week. Kevin wouldn’t mind, but I’d be sure to offer to babysit soon to repay the favor.

  Since I was tired of checking my phone, hoping Simon would contact me, I blocked his number on my cell phone. Now I could imagine he was trying like mad to get a hold of me and couldn’t. It was silly, but hell if it didn’t make me feel better than waiting and hoping for him to reach out.

  What I hadn’t expected when I pulled in my driveway was a beautiful bouquet of flowers on my front porch. A card said, “Thinking of you. Hoping to get a minute before Friday.” It was from Simon.

  What the hell? He must have sent these before he found out I worked at Maddox Consulting. Before he’d been a dick and pretended he didn’t know me. Although I was tempted to drop kick them off the porch, I realized I couldn’t. They were too pretty. Maybe I’d tell Kevin to take them to my sister tomorrow when he came by, so someone could enjoy them.

  Cooper was super happy to see me when I came through the door, putting the first real smile on my face all day.

  Since I was in the mood for a pity party for one, I slipped into my pajama bottoms and a tank top, threw my hair up in a bun and poured a glass of wine. When the doorbell rang, I contemplated changing my clothes, but then decided against it. After all, who was I looking to impress?

  Certainly not the man I found standing on my porch when I opened the door.

  It was Simon. Still in his suit from the office.

  “Can I come in?”

  I hesitated.

  “Please.”

  The added word tipped the balance. I backed up, allowing him to pass, but I didn’t say a word. After all, he was no longer the nice guy I thought I knew from our date.

  He set his keys on my kitchen counter and looked around. “Where’s Cooper?”

  “In the backyard.”

  “I tried calling.”

  “I blocked your number.”

  His face showed his surprise. “I see.”

  We both stood there, silent for the longest time until finally I spoke. “If that’s all you’ve come to say, you should probably go.”

  He stepped closer to me but then stopped, putting his hands in his pockets as if to keep from touching me. “It took me off guard to see you walk into the conference room today.”

  “You and me both.”

  “I regret having to say what I did when you came to my office. But my main concern was protecting your job. If I’d acted any different towards you than I did or indicated we’d met, Tom would have suspected something, and we’d both be off this buyout.”

  “It was a bit shocking to be talked to that way by you. To know you’re that cold at work.”

  He sighed contritely. “It’s what I get paid to do. Be cold, concise, and calculating.”

  “I’m not a fan of the three Cs.” And why oh why did he have to look so handsome standing here in my house?

  “For the first time, neither am I. I’ve never had my personal and professional lives collide like this.”

  Yeah. Me, neither. He looked uncomfortable, as if he was struggling with the words, so I beat him to them.

  “I take it Friday night’s date is cancelled.”

  “I wish it could be different, but I have to think of the job. Not to mention protect yours. The last thing I want is for anyone to think I’m biased when it comes to the selection of CFO or you keeping your current position.”

  “Meaning you’ll be interviewing me for the promotion.”

  He blew out a breath. “Yes. So will Tom.”

  I moved to my kitchen island, grabbing my glass of wine and drinking deeply. “Guess I’m sunk in the water, then.”

  “Not necessarily, but you can’t tell anyone you only want the job to protect your staff from who I’m assuming is Jeff. You have to say it’s because you’re qualified. There’s a reason George appointed you the key person for the audit and that you’ve been the interim CFO. Tell us why, and it’ll increase your chances. Tom will look to rile you up. You can’t let him.”

  “You probably should forget what I said about Jeff at the restaurant. And you shouldn’t be giving me advice or do me any favors.”

  “I’ll forget it and make my own assumptions, but take the advice.”

  “Fine.” It wasn’t bad advice, but I hated the circumstance under which it was given.

  His gaze fell on the flowers. “Guess I should be thankful you didn’t throw them away.”

  “They were too lovely. Tell Emma she has good taste.”

  “I didn’t think you’d appreciate me having her send them. I ordered them myself.”

  “You’re right. I probably wouldn’t have. Thank you.”

  I was surprised he’d taken the time. His gesture made it all the harder to swallow that we wouldn’t be able to date. Although I’d realized the whole thing was destined to be short term, it felt especially cruel to have it cut even shorter. But it was clear work and romance would never go together for a man like Simon. Nor should I be tempted to try to give the combination a chance, especially if I wanted the CFO position. However, this newest development of George selling the company made me feel conflicted about whether to stay at all.

  “Seems weird to say you’re welcome since I’m now saying we can’t see one another again. I wish it could be different.”

  “Me, too.”

  He picked up his keys, and I walked him to the door, the whole thing screaming awkward. He stood there on my porch shuffling his feet.

  “I hate this.”

  I sighed, letting go of some of my anger because he looked sincere. “Me, too.”

  He must’ve felt the awkwardness over the moment also as he appeared to struggle with the words. “Guess I’ll see you around.”

  “Guess so. But not unless I email Emma first.”

  He winced at the reminder of his comment up in the conference room. “I regret how that sounded, but with T
om there, I had little choice.”

  I noticed he didn’t outright apologize. But then, did it really matter if we weren’t pursuing a personal relationship? He’d been blunt yet still professional.

  “In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have barged up there. Anyhow, um, have a good week.”

  His gaze was filled with remorse. “You, too.”

  I watched him walk away and get into his car without a look back as if I was simply a blip in his carefully constructed plan. Perhaps this was a sign. A sign that it was never meant to be.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Simon

  I had a tough time with apologies. They showed weakness, in my opinion. Although I was unhappy that Peyton felt the way she did, I wasn’t sure I was sorry for my actions. They’d served to keep Tom from suspecting anything. However, I did regret this entire situation.

  As I drove away from her house, I realized the biggest regret was that I wouldn’t get to see her again outside of work. Something that had such potential had instead completely ended. There’d been no choice. I didn’t mix business with pleasure. For the first time, though, I found myself wishing I could.

  By Friday, I’d seen her twice. Both times in meetings and in front of others. I’d been professional and brief, trying in vain not to notice how beautiful she was. Or to recognize how much I missed her laughter. I did observe her late hours along with Jeff’s lack thereof. Not that we were at the interview stage, but I did make a point to take note of people’s habits. You could teach a lot of things, but work ethic wasn’t one of them.

  When I looked at the clock turning six, I was well aware that, if things had been otherwise, I would’ve been anxious to get out of the office and pick her up for a second date. I glanced over at Emma who stood in my doorway, her laptop bag in hand.

  “I’m heading to the hotel. Uber is waiting outside.”

  “Okay.” I’d probably be here awhile yet. Now that we knew the initial discovery work had been completed and the audit thus far had turned up no red flags, we were proceeding towards the end goal of a purchase agreement. So long as the audit cleared by the end of next week, we’d then proceed with the staff interviews.

  “I’m getting my own wheels this weekend. Figured it might be fun to try my hand at driving. By the way, Tom left for the airport an hour ago. But Peyton is still here.”

  My heart beat faster with the mention of her name. “How do you know?”

  “She sent me an email two minutes ago saying she’d have the last remaining items to me by eight.”

  Since Friday was the deadline, I shouldn’t have been surprised she was working late, but what did surprise me was how guilty I felt about it.

  “I should probably just let her work.”

  Emma’s expression softened. “But you want to go down there. Text me if you want me to place an order for some food. I have options for Asian, Tex-Mex—whatever the hell that is—and Italian.”

  With her last words, she was out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  Fuck. I wanted to see Peyton. Find out how she was holding up this week. If I did, would I be able to stay unbiased? Was I now?

  I worked for ten more minutes and then cursed out loud. I could have a simple conversation to ask her how it was going. No harm in that. We could be friendly. No fault in that, either.

  I made my way downstairs and didn’t see anyone else on the Maddox Consulting floor. As I walked towards her office, thankful I’d received a floor layout to locate it, I could see her light on. Her door was not quite closed. I knocked and heard her call out.

  “Come in.”

  She glanced up from her computer screen, surprise evident on her face. “Oh, hello.”

  “Hi.”

  She was wearing glasses and couldn’t have looked sexier in them.

  “I emailed Emma to let her know I just about have everything. Only three more items.”

  I shut her door, giving us privacy. “I noticed you’ve been working late all week.”

  “Yes, well, with so many items on your list plus my regular day job, it’s been busy.”

  It was said without heat, matter of factly, but it still bothered me.

  “You could’ve asked for an extension.” Most people did. And most of the time, I’d give a day or two. I wasn’t completely heartless.

  “I could’ve. I didn’t.”

  I sensed there was some pride behind her words. “You wear glasses?”

  “Yeah. Sometimes. They’re computer screen glasses. Supposed to help your eyes.”

  “You look—I mean do they work?” I’d been about to call her adorable.

  She shrugged. “Seem to.”

  “How late will you be?”

  “Another hour most likely.”

  There was the unfamiliar feeling again. Guilt. “What about Cooper?”

  “My brother-in-law picked him up. Cooper’s staying the night with the girls.”

  I hated the way our conversation was so stilted now. Unnatural. “Have you eaten?”

  She studied me as if trying to figure out my motive. “No. Not yet.”

  “I could order something in. Or at least ask Emma to. You okay with Italian food?”

  “Yeah. Sounds good. Thanks.”

  I went back upstairs and sent a message to Emma to order. When I received a text that the delivery was in the lobby, I went down to fetch it from the delivery guy. Grub in hand, I went back up to her office.

  “Food’s here.”

  Peyton was in the exact place I’d left her twenty minutes ago. She glanced up but didn’t move.

  “Thanks. I have one remaining item I need to finish. But I’m not sure how you want the deferred revenue schedules.”

  I set the bag down and walked around her desk to see the Excel sheet up on her screen.

  She pointed. “If you look here, I have the column for the full amount, then each month and the deferment schedule. Then if it’s recurring, I have it colored coded by year.”

  My gaze focused on what she was showing me. However, my body was reacting to being so near to her. Hunched down over her shoulder and inches from her face.

  “Do you mind if I take a closer look?”

  “Nope.” She slid out of her chair, allowing me to sit and take over the mouse. I couldn’t help noticing her desk was a complete disaster with paper everywhere. I tried not to let the clutter make me twitch. The light floral scent of her was a nice distraction.

  I clicked through her spreadsheet and saw how her deferment schedule for revenue was laid out. I might not be an accountant, but I knew numbers. This was an impressive way of keeping track. “This doesn’t come out of the financial system?”

  “Unfortunately, our accounting software is ancient. Which means we have to keep track manually in Excel and upload the deferments each month. There are less than forty, but if the number grows, it’d be best to invest in a better accounting system.”

  “This looks good. Your last one?”

  “At least until the questions and walk through starts on Monday. I don’t suppose you have someone other than Tom I’d get to deal with?”

  “You’re in luck. We have a forensic accountant named Lyle who’s coming on Monday. He’ll be the one you’ll work with. Tom supervises him but doesn’t get his hands dirty in the details.”

  “Thank God.” She smirked as she watched me gaze over her desk, piled high with folders and papers.

  “Is my mess making you uncomfortable?”

  “No. It’s fine.”

  “Uh-huh. I can practically see you organizing it all in your mind.”

  I grinned as I’d been doing just that. “How can you possibly find anything?”

  She shrugged. “It works for me. It might look like chaos, but I can locate everything.”

  “If you say so. Did you unblock my number?” For some reason it bothered me to no end that she’d done so.

  Her lips twitched. “Did you want me to?”

  “Yes.” I didn’t elabo
rate.

  “I unblocked you the other night,” she admitted.

  “Good.” It was silly, but I suppose I needed to know the connection was available again.

  “Emma seems nice.”

  I stood up to give her the chair back and, in the process, realized how tight was the space behind her desk. “Only with people she likes. The population is small.”

  She moved closer to her chair, making us now mere inches apart. “Guess I should feel lucky. How long have you worked together?”

  “Eight years.” I should have scooted past her. She backed up to the wall in order to give me room. But instead I stood rooted to the spot.

  “She’s very beautiful.”

  My hand moved as though it had its own agenda, cupping her face. “I think of her like a sister. She feels the same.”

  “So there’s never been anything between the two of you?” She winced. “Sorry. That wasn’t an appropriate question.”

  I answered anyway. “No. Nothing.”

  Before I could think about consequences or the fact we were in her office, I closed the small gap between us, my mouth crashing down on hers. Gone was the slow burn from our first kiss, and instead, it was an explosion. As if we’d both been starving for the taste of one another over the last few days. She parted her lips, allowing my tongue access to claim her fully.

  My hands moved to her ass, lifting her up while I turned to place her on the desk, scattering paperwork in the process. When I stepped between her thighs, she took the opportunity to wrap her legs around my waist, pulling me into her center. Deepening the kiss, I wanted nothing more than to sink deep inside of her.

  But then, suddenly, the vision of fucking her on this desk, in the same office where a multi-million-dollar deal was in the balance, had me panicking. Pulling myself away was a monumental effort. One I forced myself to do.

  I put my forehead against hers as both of us fought to control our breathing. I spoke first. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”