“When would you leave?”
“After the new year.”
“You need to tell the university. I’m sure they’ll be sad to see you go but proud of this accomplishment.” My smile is sad, and his red-rimmed eyes reflect my emotions. He’s trying to be strong for me, but I can tell this is tearing him apart.
“Stay with me tonight,” I plead and hold on stronger. Parker rests his head on my chest.
“I don’t plan on going anywhere. I’m all yours, always.” I fall asleep at some point, feeling comforted by Parker’s weight on me, his arms embracing me and holding on.
I wake up startled and look around the dark room for my phone. It is four a.m. There is no way I’m going into work today. I text Beth and ask her to take care of the bakery. I’ll pay her extra if I need to. I turn and face Parker. His eyes are watching me. “Couldn’t sleep?” I ask him.
“No.” I lean in and kiss him. We’re quiet for a long time, the weight of our reality crushing us.
“Will you come visit me?”
“Yes,” I say. I don’t want him to hurt more than he is, more than we both are, but I’m not sure long distance will work. I’m not sure his schedule and mine will allow for it. Professional teams travel a lot once the season starts, and he’ll be really busy. I don’t know when he’ll have the time for me to go visit him.
“I know I said I wouldn’t take the job, but meeting the coach and hearing him praise me and what an asset I’d be to the team clicked within me. I’m sorry…”
“Shh…” I hold Parker close to me, willing him to ease his guilt. “I’ve been encouraging you to follow this dream.”
I wake up again hours later to a still sleeping Parker. Who knows what time he stayed awake watching me? This is the beginning of the end and my heart is not ready to let him go. I can’t tell him that though, not in those words, because he’ll stay and miss out on coaching for his dream team. I brush my fingers over his cheek, outlining his jaw and lips. His breathing is soft and I move closer into him. “I love you,” I whisper into the room. My body feels heavy.
Parker walks into the kitchen a little while after me and sits on the stool next to me. “Do you want coffee?”
“Yes, please.” I prepare him a cup and we sit silently.
“Okay…We can’t let this bring us down. We still have a week before you leave, and I want to spend it with you enjoying ourselves, not moping.”
Parker smiles. “You’re right. I know one way we can spend it.” He pulls me close to him and kisses me passionately. His hands roam down and under my tank top, massaging and igniting me. They reach my chest and I release the tension surrounding us. I reach my hands down his bare chest and into his boxer briefs. I fist my hand around his cock and teasingly stroke him. I move to the edge of my stool to lean into him to get better access to his mouth.
Parker’s growl vibrates through me and I move my hand more firmly around his length. He’s hard and twitching at the contact and his breathing is ragged.
“Baby,” he groans and pulls my tank top over my head, pinching my nipples and his hands moving wildly over my skin. His hands then move to my pajama bottoms, forcing them down my legs, and returning to my pussy. He rubs my clit and I instantly heat with desire. Both ready to explode, Parker moves us to the floor, primal need surging through us, and he plunges into me. I cry out loudly, bucking my hips to fit him better, and move with him.
This encounter is needy and hot, both of us seeking comfort and confirmation that we will be okay. Parker moves faster inside me, hitting every nerve in me that builds my orgasm, a slow climbing build, pulling me higher and higher, before freefalling down in a spiral of emotions and vibrations. My body tightens under him, my sex pulsating around him and squeezing him the same way my arms are, and I feel the familiar heat encompass me in its blanket of lust and love.
“Oh…My…Parker…” My breathing is rough and my words come in bursts between catching my breath. “Ahh…” I throw my head back and arch my body, titling my hips higher to him and lose all sense of our reality. Right now, only he and I exist, and I reel that in to savor a moment of pure bliss and perfection in his arms.
This week has flown by. Parker’s upcoming move has been looming over us, following us around like a fucktard rain cloud. Seriously, raining on my New Year’s parade. I know this is what he needs to do. I would never forgive myself if he stayed and missed out on this, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy with it.
Now that the day is approaching, I am angry. I am angry that this is the path life needs to take when I’ve met the perfect guy for me. I am angry that our careers won’t let us cross paths. And I am even more upset that I won’t leave it all behind for him, but what good is giving up on my dream for him to follow his? We would be back to square one. I don’t want him to give his up for me; I can’t give mine up either.
I helped him pack up his apartment. We spent most of our nights cuddled together on the sofa or out at Southern.
Last night we went to Southern. Parker and I danced and hung out with Jake and Beth. When “Must Be Doin’ Somethin’ Right” came on, Parker pulled me towards him and hugged me, moving slowly to the music, not caring that everyone around was two-stepping. We took advantage of just being together and loving each other.
“Can you please smile? It’s New Year’s Eve!” Beth tells me from across my room. I breathe deeply and calm down. “Enjoy tonight. I’m sure you and Parker will make this work, but have fun tonight.”
I nod and put on my stud earrings and look in the mirror. The gold sequins dress hugs my body, the sleeves reaching just below my elbows. I admire the sparkles that reflect in the lighting in my room and twirl to look at Beth.
“You look great.” Beth is wearing a black lace, cap sleeve dress that emphasizes her figure. Her brown eyes stand out with the gold makeup around her eyelids and her red lips finish the outfit.
“So do you!” I slip on my black pumps and walk out of my room. We drink a glass of wine to relax and wait for Parker to pick us up.
“Will you go visit him in Atlanta?” Beth asks, sympathetically.
“I’ll try. The bakery takes time and I can’t leave every weekend, but I know I won’t survive without seeing him at all. He’ll have a better idea of his schedule once he starts. The season starts in April, but he’ll be in spring training from February until then down in Florida.” The more details I learn about Parker’s new job, the less positive I can stay about the future of our relationship.
“You’ll make it work. Florida must be fun! And warm!” I laugh and finish my wine wanting not to think about doomsday approaching and just have fun like Beth said.
When I open the door for Parker, I’m frozen. He looks…delectable, gorgeous, perfect… I can’t think of the right word. In a simple black suit with a white shirt and the top buttons undone, he looks like the definition of male perfection. His blonde hair slicked back and his blue eyes sparkle.
“You look beautiful,” he pulls me in for a kiss.
“You look hot!” He chuckles at my enthusiasm and walks into the house, greeting Beth.
The club is packed and we find Jake and his friends after a few minutes of searching. We all squeeze into the high top table and order a round of drinks. The fast paced techno beat mixes with hip-hop as the DJ turns his beats and turns the club on with his music. We are all enjoying our drinks and the atmosphere. The TVs show the countdown in New York and the families, couples, and individuals having an amazing time in such a fabulous city.
Focusing back where we are, I see Parker staring at me. I smile and wink. “Wanna dance?” I hold my hand out to him. He takes it willingly and pulls me out to the dance floor. Our bodies move in harmony, the rhythm of each perfect blend sinking into us and drawing us closer together. I wrap my arms loosely around Parker’s neck, moving my body against his, wanting to get closer to him, the intensity in my eyes speaking much more than any song can.
“I love you.” I kiss his firm lips and bury
my face in his neck, letting the music take over.
“I love you, too,” Parker whispers into my hair and moves our bodies in unison.
“Ten…nine…eight…” People around us begin to countdown. “Five…four…three…” I feel like they’re counting down to the end of our relationship. Do they know this is doomsday? “Two…one…Happy New Year!” The excitement makes my stomach turn.
I kiss Parker desperate to taste him and to express how much I love him.
“I love you,” he murmurs against my lips, as I continue to seek an escape in his mouth and in his love. The first New Year’s kiss I care about and he’s leaving me in a couple of days. The first man I truly love, and he’s not a permanent part of my path. I breathe in deeply and enjoy myself. Tonight is about having fun and being together. That’s what we will do.
“Look at me.” Parker reaches for my chin and tilts my head up towards him. “I’m with you, always. Please stay with me.” I know he is not asking me to stay with him physically. He is not asking me to keep on loving him. He is asking for me to not give up on the love I feel for him, the immense love that envelops me and draws me to him.
“I’m always with you. Call me. Whenever you want you grab that phone and you call me.”
“You know it.” He kisses me gently. His arms come around me and hold me tightly to his chest. “I’m going to miss you,” he says into my hair.
“Me too. I love you, no matter what.” I kiss his chest, right above his heart, and look up at him.
“There’s no ‘no matter what.’ I’m still going to work on convincing you to move with me.” I smile and release my hold on him.
“Call me when you get there.”
Parker nods and wipes the tears from my cheeks. He bends down to kiss me and his tongue brushes along mine, affectionately.
After a prolonged goodbye, Parker finally gets in his car and I watch him drive away before climbing in mine and heading home. In a daze, I walk in my house and straight to my room, dropping on my bed in fetal position. I am unsure of what I’m feeling. I keep waiting for the tears to fall but they don’t come to my eyes. I keep waiting for anger to fill me, but that doesn’t happen either. I just lie in my bed and stare at the wall.
Denial. Yeah. That’s what it is. Denial that he really did leave for good. This isn’t just a trip for a few days to visit his family, it is a permanent move. Sleep overcomes me and I drift off to another world, escaping my current reality.
Ugh! What the hell is going on? I move on my bed and follow the familiar sound. Billy Currington is singing to me through my phone and that only means one thing–Parker is calling. As realization dawns on me, I shuffle around in my bed looking for my phone. “Hello?”
“Hi,” his voice soothes me and I lay back down, holding back the well of emotions willing to spill.
I sigh and he notices. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better,” I say, no point in lying.
“Me too. What have you done?”
“Honestly, I fell asleep when I got home. Woke up to my phone ringing. Where are you?”
“I’m getting to Atlanta. I wish you were here to help me settle in.”
“Me too. I promise I’ll make the trip out there. Maybe next weekend?”
“Please do.”
“I will. I’ll talk to Beth. At this rate I might as well sign my rights over to her and let her keep the bakery.” I’ve been taking so many days off, and it is so unlike me. “I’ll help you set everything up.”
“I love how that sounds. Come on Thursday. What’s an extra day? I’ll pay for Beth’s salary.” I laugh and settle more into the bed.
“What are you going to do tomorrow?” He doesn’t start working until next week, so that gives him a five day weekend.
“I’m going to stop by and meet the coach for a brief meeting and make sure I’m good to go on Monday. Then I plan on coming home and talking to you.” I know he’s partly joking, but I don’t want to be the reason he’s missing out on his life.
“Baby, I want you to build a routine and a life. No moping around. You’re better than that.”
“I’d feel better if you were here.”
“I’ll drive out next weekend. I’ll come see you. We’ll go out or stay in. I don’t care as long as I’m with you.”
“I can’t wait. I just want you in my arms.”
Parker and I speak for about an hour before he needs to hang up and unpack his car. I decide I need to get out for a bit despite the colder weather. I put on leggings, a long sleeve tee with a sweater over it and my sneakers. It’s time to go out for a hike and disconnect for a few hours. It’s still early and I will go insane if I stay inside these walls.
I drive out to the first park, Parker and I hiked in. Memories of him waking me up so early and making it up with coffee and a gorgeous sunrise rip through my mind. I may not have the sunrise or his arms around me, but this view is still gorgeous. Suck it up, buttercup. Oh subconscious, you’re a real winner. I begin my hike down the wooded path, losing myself in nature and the chirping of a few birds. The sun tries to peek through the clouds that adorn the sky, but I continue to trek on.
My hand reaches out to a tree and feels the roughness of the bark beneath my skin. I feel that roughness around my heart. The same way the bark’s roughness protects the inner layers of the tree, the roughness of my heart will protect the soft spot within. With Parker I never thought I’d need that roughness, but now having him away has made me reevaluate that. He’s a state away. Albeit, it’s a four hour drive, but it’s a place he already had a life before. I don’t know if his friends will bring up his ex-girlfriend, or if she will reappear now that he’s working for the Braves. I trust Parker, and I believe when he says she wasn’t the one for him, but I still get anxious about the uncertainty of our relationship. All I know is that I love him and he loves me. Surely, we can figure this out.
I decide to stop at Southern on my way home and hang out with Jake for a while. He gives me the same encouraging words everyone else has, but they do no good at the moment.
“Can I have a beer?” It’s past happy hour time, so it’s perfectly acceptable for me to have a drink. “Actually, make that a Jack and Coke.”
Jake looks at me with worried eyes and I challenge him to go against my demand. He serves my drink and clears my empty plate. I hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch today, and I was starving when I arrived. Southern has a crowd building with people still on break.
“Sav, it will be okay. I really think you should consider moving. Just a thought.” I shrug and drink my Jack, I’m being stubborn but I don’t give a shit at the moment.
“Beth, are you sure you don’t mind watching the bakery?”
“Are you kidding me?! You’re going to go visit your man and I couldn’t be happier for you. Go take the time to be with him. It will help you…you’ve been a downer lately,” Beth jokes so I giggle, but I know there is a lot of truth to that statement. This past week and a half I have been Debbie fucking downer. Crap, it’s only been few days since he left.
“You’re the best!” I hug her quickly before finishing our recipes for the day, or at least for the morning rush.
I spend most of the day in the kitchen, baking and preparing a special order I got for a birthday cake. I allow myself to get lost in my baking and that helps me to not think about Parker and the way he would sit at a table in the morning and have his coffee before work. Think about the way I would sneak to the front of the bakery to catch a glimpse of him and steal a kiss. I’ll be in his arms tomorrow. I’ll feel his lips on mine as soon as I arrive.
“Hello?” I answer my phone.
“Hey, sweetie. How are you?”
“I’m good, Em. How are you?”
“I’m good. I wanted to check up on you and see how you were holding up.”
“I’m doing okay considering the circumstances. I’m heading out there tomorrow to see him. This relationship goes both ways and I want it to work despit
e the nagging feeling telling me long distance relationships are bullshit.”
“That sounds great! Call me when you’re in town if you want to have dinner or lunch, whatever. You know, if you’re not too busy running bases.”
“Ha, ha!” I drip with sarcasm. “I hope to be busy playing the field with Parker.”
Emily and I talk for a little while longer, and I feel better about my impending visit to Atlanta tomorrow. All I know is that I love Parker, and there has to be a way for this to work.
I follow the directions my GPS is guiding me with and get off the highway. After lefts and rights and anticipation building, I finally find Parker’s apartment complex. Butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach and my heart starts to race knowing I will be face to face with Parker in a matter of minutes.
I take a deep breath and jump out of my car. It feels differently seeing him now.
I walk towards the part of the building his apartment is on and when I turn the corner, I see him standing outside. Love fills me and I run to him when he sees me. He catches me when I jump to him, my bag dropping to the sidewalk, and his mouth is instantly on mine. I melt into the feel of his firm lips on mine, the warmth of his breath, and the demanding strokes of his tongue. Wrapping my legs around him, I hold on to his neck, and kiss him fervently.
“I missed you.” Parker breaks away first.
“Me too. It’s only been a few days, but knowing you wouldn’t be returning after that first week made it so much harder.” Parker’s eyes soften and he brushes a loose strand of hair from my face.
“I know. But you came. I thought maybe you’d back out and change your plans.”
“Are you kidding me? And miss this?” I kiss him wildly and passionately, my tongue stroking his and moving inside his mouth.
“Definitely can’t miss doing that. Come on.” He grabs my bag and takes me up to his apartment, still carrying me, and I laugh against his neck. He places me on my feet with a gentle kiss and I look around his apartment.
Sweet on Wilde Page 21
