Vow of Atonement

by Emma Renshaw

  I close my eyes and slightly shake my head. “No.”

  His hand slides farther back into my hair cupping my head, bringing our foreheads together. “Stay right here.”

  I breathe him in, wishing everything was different. “No,” I repeat louder, completely untangling myself from him and standing from the couch. He groans, swiping his hand over his face. I walk to the other side of the living room, facing him again. “You should go.”

  “Nope.” Roman leans back into the couch, stretching his arms across the backside, and pops his feet on the coffee table, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yes,” I say, barely resisting the urge to stomp my foot.

  “I did some thinking while you were asleep, decided I wasn’t leaving.”

  I look around the room for the hidden camera because this has to be a joke, he can’t be serious. “You’re leaving. You’re going home. You’re not staying here.”

  “I’ll leave.”

  I release the heavy weight sitting on my chest and smile. That was easy. My smile falls when he continues speaking. “To go get my stuff from the motel and bring it here. I’m staying here with you, Sugar.”

  The laugh comes out of me before I can control it. Now I know he is joking. He can’t seriously think I’m going to let him stay here. “Funny.”

  He stands, confidently striding over to me, wrapping me in his arms. “I’m not jokin’, Sugar.”

  Roman’s full lips forming his nickname for me distracts me from arguing with him. A small growl erupts from his chest right before he slams his lips into mine for the first time in almost a decade. My heart starts galloping as his tongue licks along the seam of my lips. I open for him on a moan as my hands go to the back of his head. Our tongues are fighting a war and memories of us are playing through my head. I wrap a leg around his waist and one of his hands drops to my ass, picking me up and rocking me against him. Roman breaks our kiss to trail his mouth down my neck and back up my ear whispering, “Fuck. I’ve missed that mouth, Sugar.”

  And, it’s like an ice-cold bucket of water drops on my head. I bring my leg back down, pushing him away from me. “That can’t happen.”

  “Why the hell not?” he demands, stepping closer to me again.

  The clock behind him catches my eye and I realize I’m going to be late meeting Savannah and Valerie at the bar. “I got to go,” I say before rushing off to my room, hoping he won’t be here when I come back out, but knowing that most likely won’t be the case.

  He’s still sitting on the couch when I walk out of my room. I don’t look at him before walking out the door, heading to my car. He trails behind me, but he doesn’t say a word. I know he’s smiling, though. Probably showing his damn dimple. Roman follows me to the bar, never more than a car-length behind.

  I can’t take it anymore when I get inside, and I whip around to see his smiling face. “Leave. I don’t need your help and you’re not staying.”

  “Sugar, I’ll be on you like glue. Believe me, we will get to know each other again.”

  “I have a boyfriend,” I lie and watch his smile grow.

  “No, you don’t.” Roman takes a step toward me and I retreat a step.

  “Yes, I do,” I scoff, rolling my eyes. I could totally have a boyfriend. He wouldn’t know.

  “Oh yeah? Who?” He pops an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his broad chest.

  I look around at every guy in the room before I notice none of my friends are here, except one. He’s going to have to do. I march straight up to Hudson, Liam’s best friend, wrapping myself around him like an octopus and whisper in his ear, “If you don’t pretend to be my boyfriend right now, I’ll tell everyone that you cried when we watched Notebook last week.”

  Hudson’s hands immediately land on my ass, dragging me farther into him, already playing along. “You wouldn’t,” he growls.

  I giggle like he said something sweet and charming. “You know I would.” I can feel Roman’s eyes watching us, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of looking his way.

  “I was wasted,” Hudson tries to plead his case.

  “Yeah, on wine coolers.” I roll my eyes. The story just gets worse for him. Since Savannah and Liam have gotten engaged, I’ve become closer with Hudson and James. James sometimes disappears, none of us knowing where he’s gone, so Hudson has turned my way to entertain him when he’s not out hooking up with a random girl. We usually hang out in his ginormous house watching movies, but last week, he came to my apartment. I only had wine coolers and chick flicks.

  Hudson tugs on my hair, bringing my face right up to his. He’s glaring at me, but I hope Roman is mistaking it for passion. “Please,” I whisper. His eyes soften after he glances over my shoulder at Roman and starts kissing along my neck.

  He murmurs into my skin. “Wine coolers were all you had. How long do I have to pretend, exactly?”

  “Just keep going,” I hiss. “Make it really believable.”

  Hudson continues to kiss me before lifting me up and wrapping my legs around him, backing me into a wall. “It was one, single, manly tear.”

  “I have a video, believe me. It wasn’t one, single, manly tear. Make that guy over there believe I’m yours or I will show everyone. Hell, I’ll make James play it on a video screen at the gym.”

  Hudson grumbles, weaving his hand into my hair, pulling my face to his, our lips hovering just out of reach. A shadow falls over us right as I hear Roman’s growled words. “Sugar, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

  I whip my head around to face him. “I will kiss my boyfriend if I want.”

  “He’s not your boyfriend. We both know that.”

  “Fuck off, man. She’s mine,” Hudson barks before kissing and nipping along my neck, trying to bring my attention back to him.

  Roman ignores him, eyes still trained on me and speaks only to me. “Sugar, I’m warning you, if you don’t tell him to get your hand off your ass and out of your hair, I will his break his hands.”

  Hudson whips his head up, turning toward Roman, anger swirling in his eyes. He drops me to the ground, stepping in front of me. “If you don’t back the fuck up from my girl, I’ll lay you out right here.”

  “What the hell is going on?” Savannah screams, coming up to us, Liam hot on her heels. Savannah’s eyes are moving between Hudson and me like we’re a tennis match with her mouth hanging open. Liam’s lips are twitching like he’s holding in a laugh. I try to use my eyes to communicate with Savannah to tell her to shut the hell up, but apparently our roommate bond was not as strong as I thought it was.

  She opens her mouth to say something, but I beat her to it by whispering so only she can hear. “I’ll never bake for you again.”

  Her eyes widen and her mouth snaps closed. I exhale a sigh of relief. Hudson’s still staring Roman down but Roman’s eyes haven’t moved from me.

  “Sugar?”

  Hudson grabs me again, bringing me up to his chest. His lips are lowering toward mine when Valerie, my other best friend, steps up. “When the hell did you two start this?”

  I close my eyes, head landing on Hudson’s chest. “Fuck.”

  “We’ve been doing this,” Hudson insists, lowering his hand back down to my ass and giving it a squeeze.

  “He’s her boyfriend,” Roman says to Valerie. I turn to look at him, and a small smirk is playing along his mouth.

  Valerie throws her head back, laughing. I try the same technique on her that I tried on Savannah, who’s still standing there looking bewildered. Valerie either doesn’t catch on or doesn’t care. “Hudson and Harper? Please, those two are more like brother and sister.”

  Roman grins like the Cheshire Cat.

  I sigh, giving it up and push away from Hudson. He leans in, kissing my cheek, and whispers, “Sorry, Harp. I tried.”

  I nod, swinging my gaze toward Roman. His gaze has finally left mine to stare at Hudson. His eyes are spitting fire and his hands are balled into fists. He looks like he’s about to physically rem
ove Hudson from me, completely done with this charade.

  Hudson breaks our connection but stands in front of me, blocking Roman from getting closer. He crosses his arms over his chest, silently challenging him. Roman’s eyes move to mine. “Aren’t you going to introduce me, Sugar?”

  “No,” I say. “You were just leaving.”

  “I’m here as long as you are.”

  “Back off, man. She’s not interested.” Hudson turns toward me, pulling me into his side, and walks us toward our table.

  I look back at Roman one last time before facing forward and trying to ignore him. Suddenly Hudson’s arm is ripped away from me. “Keep your hands off of her,” Roman threatens in a low voice.

  “Roman, stop it.” I step in front of Hudson, trying to push Roman away. “Go to the table, Hudson. I promise I’m fine.”

  Hudson doesn’t budge, just stares Roman down. Liam, James, and Gabe, Valerie’s husband, step up next to Hudson, all of them with their arms crossed over their chests. Roman never breaks eye contact with me. “Tell your bulldogs to stand down, Sugar.”

  I match his gaze, never looking to the side at the guys who have become my family. He cocks an eyebrow as the muscles in his powerful arms twitch. I flick my eyes from his to his arms. When they land back on his face, his eyebrow arches even higher, his beautiful mouth tilting into a smile.

  My shoulders drop, sighing in defeat. I turn toward the guys. “It’s fine, I know him. I’ll meet y’all at the table in a second.” When they don’t leave, I push against Hudson’s chest. “I’m serious. I just need to talk to him. Please.”

  They never look at me, only at Roman. I can feel the pulsing anger and threats rolling off of them. Roman is grinning as if he finds them utterly amusing.

  “Come on,” Valerie says to them, pulling on Gabe’s arm. Savannah starts guiding Liam toward the table. Hudson and James don’t move until I whisper please one last time.

  I can feel all of their eyes trained on us as they sit at a table. I look toward them. The guys are perched on the edge of their seats, ready to jump up if I need them. My heart melts a little, knowing they have my back. Valerie and Savannah have their heads bent together whispering and staring at Roman. I catch Valerie’s eyes, she looks over at Roman then fans herself. I roll my eyes when I hear him chuckle. I shake my head, he really doesn’t need the ego boost.

  When I face him, he steps toward me, barely leaving any space between our bodies. He’s not touching me, but I feel more than I felt Hudson running his hands all over me. Roman’s chest is rising and falling with each breath and I can’t look away from the straining muscles beneath his black shirt.

  I slowly look up at his face. That damn smile is finally gone, but the heat pooling in his eyes isn’t better. His eyes are bouncing all around my face before they settle on my lips. I stare at his, too, unable to deny myself from looking at them. The memory of our kiss earlier sends my heart racing.

  It’s always been this way between us. Boiling heat before the first touch. My tongue slides out of my mouth, licking my lips.

  “Harper.” He whispers my name as if he’s on his knees, praying to everything he finds holy.

  My eyes find his again, and I see the worship in his eyes. I let out a breath, barely able to contain my emotions. My eyes flick to his lips one more time. He growls, pouncing on me. One hand winds in my hair, the other landing on my lower back, lifting me against him. His lips crush down on mine, overwhelming every one of my senses.

  “Yes, girl,” I hear Valerie shout from somewhere in the distance.

  My mouth opens for his. At the first swipe of his tongue, every memory slams into me at once. Every sweet memory. Every fiery memory. Every soul-crushing memory.

  I rip my face from his, my eyes stinging with threatening tears. “Put me down now,” I hiss.

  Roman drops me down to my feet. He takes his hands off me.

  I’m relieved. I’m broken. This can’t happen again. I need it to happen again. Every emotion contradicting the next. He’s not touching me, but he hasn’t stepped back. His heat still sweeping into me and overwhelming me. I take a big step back, finally able to look at him.

  “Leave, Roman.” My voice is laced with desperation and heartbreak.

  “Not a chance in hell.” His words are strong and forceful, readying for a fight.

  “Why? You did it so well the first time.”

  He sucks in a tiny breath after I just drew the line in the sand, firmly planting myself on the opposite side. I spin, walking away to our table, blinking away the tears.

  I sit down, willing myself not to look at him. I can feel him, though. He hasn’t moved and his eyes are still on me. I feel his caress as if he’s touching me. I squeeze my eyes shut, hating that he has this power after all these years, hating that he still has it after he broke me into tiny shards of myself.

  I glance over at him. He walks toward me, stopping at the table next to ours. He picks up a chair, turning it so it faces our table. He sits there watching me, unblinking, unwilling to look anywhere but at me. He drew his own line. He shakes his head slightly.

  I know what he’s saying. He didn’t need to mouth the two words, not leaving.

  “Spill,” Valerie says right after Owen, our usual waiter, walks away.

  I turn my head and shrug, looking out at the bar, avoiding the gazes at our table and the table next to us. “Nothing to spill.”

  Valerie laughs and Savannah places her hand on top of mine, bringing my attention to her. She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “How’s wedding planning?”

  Her green eyes start to sparkle like shining emeralds, and she sighs. She is the picture-perfect image of someone hopelessly in love. Liam tightens his arm around her and kisses her cheek, looking just as lovesick. If I didn’t love them, they’d make me sick.

  “You’re not going to change the subject.” Valerie’s hand slams down on the table. Savannah snaps out of her blissful bubble, shaking her head.

  “She’s right. You can’t change the subject,” Savannah says.

  “Who is he?” Valerie demands. The guys haven’t said anything but they’re all listening, wanting to know just as much as my best friends.

  “He’s no one.” I try my best to sound bored and go back to staring at other people.

  “A man who looks like that can’t be no one.”

  I roll my eyes when I hear Roman’s chuckle. Fantastic. He can hear us.

  “Don’t make his head bigger than it is, Van.”

  “Sugar.”

  I whip my head toward Roman’s rumbling voice and point my finger at him.

  “No. You don’t talk. You won’t leave, fine, but don’t talk. You don’t exist.”

  He winks at me, and my cheeks turn red in anger.

  “See, that’s not nothing. Tell us who he is,” Valerie whines.

  “Just a guy I used to know. That’s all I’m saying right now. Can we please move on?”

  “Okay,” Savannah says quietly, placing her hand on top of mine again.

  “For now,” I hear Valerie mutter under her breath.

  “Actually, tell me about wedding planning, Sav,” I say, changing the subject.

  Savannah dives into every detail they have planned for their wedding. I don’t really hear a word of anything Savannah says, my mind is scrambling, reliving memories.

  Valerie’s fingers snapping in my face pull me from my thoughts. When she has my attention, she starts speaking. “Sav, I love you. I’m so excited for you, but I want to hear about this sexy guy who won’t stop staring at Harper.”

  “I know. He’s totally eye-fucking her,” Savannah whispers.

  I don’t need to look at him to know that damn dimple popped out when Valerie gasps. I groan, knowing there’s no way to get out of this. “He’s my ex.”

  “For now.”

  I don’t give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him.

  “Damn,” Valerie says, fanning herself.

  “Ri
ght here, babe. One of these days you’re going to give me a complex,” Gabe says.

  Valerie turns toward him. “You know you’re my favorite and no one else can compare.” Gabe winks at her, going back to his conversation with James.

  “Invite him over here,” Savannah says. “He can pull up a chair.”

  “No, he can’t,” I hiss.

  “It really won’t make a difference. He’s so close, he can hear everything, anyway.”

  I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. “Nope. He stays there.”

  Valerie shrugs. “I’ll invite him, then.”

  I reach across the table to slap my hand over her mouth before she can get the words out, but I’m too late. Roman is standing with the chair in his hand, putting it right next to mine. He sits back down, smirking at me. He always did love to win.

  12

  Roman

  Harper huffs when I stick my hand out to her friend. “I’m Roman.”

  “Valerie,” she says, shaking my hand. Her eyes are bouncing back and forth between Harper and me. Valerie makes the introductions to the rest of the table while Harper fumes silently beside me. When I sit back and relax, I sling my arm around her chair. She sits up straighter, not letting herself touch the back of the chair—or me.

  “How do you know Harper?” Harper’s fake boyfriend, Hudson, asks. He’s been shooting daggers my way since our introduction. I don’t let it deter me. I’m getting answers from Harper’s friends.

  “I’m the love of her life,” I state confidently and try to hide my grin when Harper’s eyes finally meet mine. Gotcha, Sugar.

  “You are no such thing.” She turns toward Hudson, shrugging with nonchalance. “He was a fling, a long time ago. It meant nothing.” Her gaze cuts back to mine with her last sentence, making sure each of her words stab me with their intended effect. I grit my teeth, matching her glare.

  “You two are so going to bang,” Valerie says. I laugh, already liking this friend of hers.