Vow of Atonement

by Emma Renshaw

  “Please tell me this isn’t Harper,” the stranger says. My spine stiffens when he says my name, and Roman curses again. He steps in front of me. “She is far too sexy for the likes of your ugly mug.”

  “Stop looking at her like that.”

  “Ah, so it is the famous Harper.” I peek over Roman’s shoulder to see the stranger rubbing his hands together gleefully. He’s gorgeous.

  “Wow,” I whisper. Roman turns, glaring at me. My eyes widen, motioning toward the stranger whose grin grows even larger, showing perfectly straight, white teeth. He’s about Roman’s height but isn’t as broad as Roman. His deep, vivid, blue eyes are twinkling as he watches us, running a hand through the messy dark blonde locks on his head. The hair on the sides of his head is cropped close, but it’s long on top and looks incredibly silky.

  “Kiernan.” Roman’s tone is threatening and menacing. So, not a stranger?

  Kiernan pushes off the door and comes straight into Roman’s space, and they stare at each other before Kiernan breaks out in a laugh. “You should have seen your face.”

  Roman’s lips twitch as he tries to hide his smile, and the two hug and slap each other on the back.

  Roman brings me to his side, wrapping an arm around me. I roll my shoulder, pushing his arm off of me. Roman growls while Kiernan throws back his head, laughing again.

  He picks up my hand and brings it to his lips, flicking his eyes over to Roman, before he presses a kiss against my hand. Roman yanks my hand away from him, muttering to himself.

  “I’m Kiernan, love. I’ve heard so much about you.” He’s still grinning, happily staring at me.

  “I haven’t heard a thing about you,” I respond, looking between Roman and Kiernan. “I’m Harper.”

  “Kiernan Brooks. Best friend and righthand man to your lover boy. I’m sure we’ll get to know each other really well.” He shoots me a wink.

  I start shaking my head and waving my hands in front of me. “He’s not my lover boy,” I say in exasperation, using my fingers to emphasize the last part with air quotes.

  Roman interrupts before either one of us can say anything else. “What are you doing here, Kiernan?”

  “You’ve been talking non-stop about the gorgeous Harper here for the last decade. Thought I should take the chance to meet her. I have to say, you didn’t do her justice. I think you might be too ugly for her. Think I can convince her to go for someone better looking than you? Someone like me?”

  Roman steps in front of me, blocking my view of Kiernan. His hands are balled into fists and he leans forward, going nose to nose with Kiernan. “Back the fuck off, man.”

  Kiernan smiles, patting Roman on the shoulder, not in the least affected by his alpha male show. I push past the both of them, unlocking the door to my apartment and going inside. I try shutting the door in their faces, done with both of them, but Roman’s foot finds his way inside the door frame. “Nice try, Sugar.”

  “I think I love her,” Kiernan laughs, following Roman inside. I walk to the fridge, grabbing a water for myself and a beer for Kiernan. After I open it, I hand it to him. Roman stands there staring at me, waiting for me to hand him something. I shrug and turn my back on him. He can get it himself. Or better yet, he can leave and walk straight out that door. Maybe I can convince Kiernan to take him back to Tennessee.

  I try shutting down the question looping through my mind. Did Roman really talk about me? I shudder, thinking about what he must have said. If he laughed about me with a girl in his bed, he probably said even worse to his guy friends. I close my eyes, shutting off the pain easing into my splintered heart.

  “So, you two know each other?” I ask, turning back toward him, sliding a fake smile into its place.

  “He’s VP of my security company,” Roman states, staring at my lips with his eyebrow drawn in and a frown on his face.

  His security company? I didn’t realize he owned the company. What the hell is he doing here? I bet he needs to get back. I can use this to get him out of my life. I can use this to make him walk out that door before he completely destroys me for the second time. I’ve barely gotten to a place where I can feel my heart beating without feeling pain and here he is, looking devilishly sexy every day, threatening to send me back into an abyss of desperation and sadness.

  Kiernan expands on Roman’s simple statement. “We met at basic training. I haven’t been able to get rid of him for the last ten years.”

  Roman rolls his eyes and pushes Kiernan on his way to the fridge to grab a beer.

  “He’s kind of like a fungus that way, isn’t he? Once it’s there, it doesn’t leave, just infects your life and destroys everything.”

  Roman’s head turns, watching me, his frown still tightly in place. He doesn’t say anything as we stare at each other with Kiernan’s laugh booming in the background.

  When Kiernan’s laugh settles down, he crosses his arms over his chest, with a take-no-prisoners attitude. “I came because you’re going to need some backup, Rome.”

  I swing my head to Roman’s, and his head is slightly shaking. Kiernan continued speaking. “I found some cartel chatter about Rafael’s activities. It ain’t good, man. He’s the real fuckin’ deal.”

  “Cartel?” I whisper. Roman mutters a curse as Kiernan looks at me, surprised. “Cartel? As in the freaking drug cartel?”

  Kiernan looks back at Roman. “You didn’t tell her.” It’s not a question, just an angry statement.

  “Want to fill me in, Roman?” I ask, putting my hand on my hip.

  “Nope,” Roman says popping the p, staring at me, daring me to argue with him. I stand up to my full height ready to lay into him when Kiernan beats me to it.

  “That’s fucked up, man. This is her life. She deserves to know.”

  “This isn’t any of your business,” Roman hisses through his teeth.

  “You’re asking me to dig into things. It sure as hell is my business.”

  I snap my fingers, getting their attention and breaking their stare down. “Rafael is interested in me. It is my business.”

  Roman stares at me, reading every emotion on my face. His jaw twitches as the gears in his head turn. He closes his eyes, clenching his jaw so tightly, I hear the grinding of his teeth. “Fine.”

  I nod, crossing my arms over my chest, satisfied I won this round.

  “Rafael’s in a cartel.”

  I stare at him waiting for more of an explanation but he doesn’t give me one. “Taking lessons from James?”

  He pops an eyebrow, watching me. I want to launch myself across the room and strangle him.

  Kiernan’s eyes bounce back and forth between us, waiting for one of us to break. When the silence continues, he grumbles before he starts speaking. “Rafael is the head of a cartel. James is helping Roman track down some more intel.”

  “Wait,” I say, holding up my hands. “I was joking. You brought James into this?”

  Roman shrugs.

  “Is that a problem?” Kiernan asks. “Is James a dick or something?”

  “No,” I say quickly and defensively. “James is the best.” I cut my eyes to Roman. “Which is why he shouldn’t be involved. How dare you drag my friends into this.”

  Roman stalks toward me, breathing hard. “I already told you, Sugar, I’ll do anything to keep you safe. James will be fine. He knows what this is.”

  “You haven’t told her a goddamn thing, have you?” Kiernan asks, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling at Roman.

  I answer for Roman. “No, he hasn’t. He hasn’t told me anything. He lies. He leaves. Pretty charming, isn’t it?” My stare doesn’t break from Roman; he’s fuming, nostrils flaring and eyes on fire.

  “You know enough.” His short reply makes me even angrier.

  “Do what you’re good at and get the hell out. Leave me alone.”

  “Got a place to stay, Kiernan?”

  “Yeah, man. Down the street at a motel.”

  “I’ll call you in the morning.
” Roman doesn’t take his eyes away from me or stop crowding me during this brief exchange.

  I avoid Roman’s gaze as I watch Kiernan walk toward the door and pause in the entryway. He looks back over his shoulder at the two of us. His eyes briefly meet mine before staring at Roman’s profile.

  When Kiernan starts speaking, I turn my gaze back to Roman to watch his reaction. “This is her life, Roman. She deserves to know. She deserves to know everything.”

  20

  Roman

  Fuckin’ Kiernan. Been a pain in my ass since I met him. I’m done with his shit. There’s gotta be another guy out there who’s as skilled on a computer and in the field. I’ll buy out his shares in the company and make sure to kick his ass as he walks out the door.

  Harper’s fury is rolling off of her in waves. My eyes are still on the closed door my soon-to-be-dead best friend walked through. Meddling shithead. I grit my teeth before turning back to Harper. The anger shining in her bright eyes doesn’t take away from her beauty. She’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I saw her before she saw me all those years ago. Ran smack dab into a fucking locker. Her beauty stunned me, still stuns me. By some serious stroke of luck, she looked my way.

  “Dios mio.”

  I can’t stop my eyes from flicking all over her face. She wants to scream and make me burn for lying to her. I want to make her scream and burn. Scream my name. Burn for me. Her lush, pink lips are pursed as she glares at me.

  “You’re stunning.”

  A small flare of her anger deflates as she looks at me with a slightly softer expression, even though the annoyance is still there. The vulnerable hope only lasts a second before a cold, impenetrable wall slams down over her expression. My gut twists and bile rises in my throat, knowing it’s me and my choices that have shut her off from me. I could read her entire mood and thought process with one look when she was mine. She couldn’t hide anything from me. Her expressions and eyes were goddamn open books for me, giving me everything she had.

  I lean in closer, too desperate for a reaction, any reaction. Lust. Happiness. Desperation. Rage. Anything. Harper’s breath hitches when my nose glides along her cheek toward her ear. Her eyes slam shut as her pink lips part, taking in a breath when I whisper in her ear. “Daria cualquier cosa por sentir tu piel contra la mía y estar dentro de ti, llenándote.” She’s always begs me to tell her what I say in Spanish. I don’t wait for to ask, I tell her before she even has the chance. “I’d give anything to feel your skin against mine and be inside of you, filling you.”

  She shudders against me, her hand coming to my chest, gripping my shirt tightly in her fist. Yes, give me everything, Sugar. My dick is straining against my shorts. I slide my lips along her cheek until they’re resting against her lips. I breathe deeply though my nose when our lips touch, resisting the temptation to lift her off her feet and slam my cock against her center. She’d run if I did that. Slowly opening my mouth to trace my tongue along her bottom lip, I urge her to open for me. She does. She sighs and my entire body is on fire.

  I groan as our tongues tangle. Her hand moves up my chest to my neck then my hair, tugging on my ends. I grab the back of her head, angling her and deepening our kiss. Harper whimpers when I break our kiss and sighs when I press my lips to hers again, dying for another taste. I slide my hand down her hip to cup her ass and bring her toward me, rocking my erection against her. And, just as I feared. She breaks our kiss, bringing her hand back down to my chest, clutching my shirt and leaning her head against my chest.

  “You can’t do this to me, Roman. Please.” Her soft voice breaks on the last word. It feels like a grenade explodes in my chest, knocking the air from my lungs and obliterating when I see the tears in her eyes.

  I rest my forehead against hers for a moment before kissing her forehead, letting my lips linger against her skin. “I’m sorry, Sugar. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for every single damn thing I’ve ever done, even the things you don’t know about.”

  Her eyes look up at me again, hands resting against my chest as I have her wrapped in my arms. I’d give her anything to make her stay right here, wrapped up in me.

  “Everything,” she whispers sullenly.

  “Yes, everything.”

  “Kiernan said that, too, before he left. What is everything you need to tell me? What’s everything you’re sorry for?”

  “Fuck,” I mutter, frustrated with the bastard all over again. “Too dangerous, Harp.”

  Harper pushes me away from her, running her hands through her hair before meeting my eyes, staring at me earnestly with tears in her beautiful, amber eyes. “You can’t decide those things for me, Roman. This is my life. You have to tell me. Everything.”

  I take a step toward her, but she walks around me, shaking her head. “No, this can’t happen. You can’t touch me. You can’t do this to me. You’re going to leave again but this time when you do, I’m going to be in one piece.”

  “I never left you, Harper,” I say softly, begging for the impossible—for her to suddenly not be so curious and to just let it go. I want to us to move forward, not dredge up the past.

  Harper whips, around staring at me incredulously, opening and closing her mouth before she starts yelling. “How can you say that to me? You never left? You fucking broke my heart over the phone. You never looked back. I was lost without you, desperate to be yours, I drove thirteen hours straight to knock on your door and some girl wearing your shirt answered.”

  I interrupt her before she can continue. “What the fuck are you talking about? What girl?”

  “Yeah,” she laughs humorlessly. “I bet they all blend together after a while, huh? Gorgeous girl, tall. Wearing. Your. Fucking. Shirt.”

  “There’s an explanation for that,” I grit out through my teeth. “I wasn’t with anyone for a long fucking time after you. My roommate was manwhore, she was probably one of his and laundry got mixed up. You’re searching for any excuse to get rid of me.”

  She doesn’t say anything, only rolls her eyes as if I’m lying to her. “Believe me, Roman, you slept with her.”

  “When did you come to see me?” I ignore her jabs about this nameless girl. I don’t know who the fuck she’s talking about. After I broke up with Harper, I didn’t look at another girl for a long damn time. Even after I saw Harper with someone else. Just weeks after we broke up. She couldn’t have been as heartbroken as she’s claiming. I was the poor sap who could do nothing but drink until the urge to go back to her wore off. When I finally did go to see her, she was wrapped in someone else’s arms.

  Thoughts of pulling the guy limb from limb floated through my mind. I wanted to tear him apart and put him in the ground for even looking at Harper. I knew when I broke up with her the wolves would descend. Someone as special as Harper wasn’t going to be single for long. There was a long line after me, waiting for me to screw shit up, to scoop her up and claim her as their’s. I hated myself even more, knowing I was the reason that she was with someone else. That was what I wanted, though, wasn’t it? I wanted her to be happy and not wait for me, to go after everything she wanted.

  And, look at her now. Stunning. Perfect. Smart. College-educated. Owning her own damn business. A great group of friends. This is why I did what I did, so she could get here, not be stuck on some base hoping and praying I’ll come home to her in one piece, dreading every knock on the door.

  She hasn’t answered my question as I follow her into the kitchen, watching her pour herself a glass of wine and sit on top of the counter. “I came to see you the day my family died. Actually, I found out they died in your apartment parking lot.”

  My heart stops beating as I stare at her. She was there? The day they died? How could I not know about this? “Why didn’t you knock on the door?”

  “I did.”

  I shake my head. “I would have answered and I certainly would have remembered if you had come to see me.”

  “That’s what I’m saying, Roman. I did
come see you. I did knock. It was pouring down rain, I just found out my entire family was dead. I knocked on your door, needing you more than ever. Even if you didn’t love me anymore, at least not love me the way I loved you.”

  She stops taking in a breath as I struggle to keep breathing. Loved. Past-tense. There’s nothing about my feelings for Harper that are past tense. Every beat of my heart is for her. Each time she’s near me and my blood roars in my veins, creating an electricity I only feel when she’s close to me, that’s for her. It’s all for her. It’s always been for her.

  She keeps going, not realizing I’m in fucking agony, that each of her words are ripping me open like bullet holes. “I needed you.” Another shake of her head, clearing it, erasing her need for me. “A girl answered. She was wearing one of your high school shirts and was extremely nice when she told me you were sick of me. I was just some pathetic girl from back home. You two laughed about me while you were in bed together, she was there when you dumped me over the phone. And the last tiny thread of hope and of my heart I was holding on to for dear life, snapped and washed away with the rain.”

  Oh, fuck no.

  21

  Harper

  Roman starts pacing. Even though bringing up these old wounds is making my still-shattered heart feel like each bruise is fresh and new, my lips quirk into a tiny smile to see him freak out as he’s caught in the mess he caused. His hands are running through his hair as he’s muttering curses. Suddenly he stops, turns to me, and brings a hand to his chest, whispering one word in the most reverent tone I’ve ever heard. “Harper.”