Weighing a healthy seven pounds ten ounces, Amanda was placed on Kathleen’s chest, and she and Jon were amazed by the tiny new life. She remembered looking up and seeing Jon’s tear-streaked face and knowing that she couldn’t wait to raise this child with him. She knew he would be a wonderful father.
Less than two years later, Jamie hadn’t arrived as easily. She had been breech, and Kathleen had to push for an hour. The doctor had almost done a caesarean when he feared the baby’s oxygen might be compromised by a plunging heart rate during an intense contraction, but things progressed quickly after that.
Their worries about Jamie’s health didn’t stop with the safe delivery, however. Early on she was diagnosed with asthma, and Kathleen and Jon had spent many long nights by their baby girl’s side, rocking her to sleep and being there when she awakened in the middle of the night coughing and having to fight for each breath.
Kathleen had planned to return to work after a few months as she had done with Amanda so Jon could attend school without having to work full-time too, but with the limited rest Jamie allowed her, she didn’t have the strength, and Jon didn’t either. With his senior year still to go plus graduate school if he was going to achieve his original goal, he had decided to take a break and defer his scholarship for a year rather than work full-time and go to school also.
The following year a debt of medical bills hung over their heads and forced him to defer his scholarship a second year, the most the foundation allowed. He had tried to go back the next fall, but with both of them working, him in school, and two toddlers at home, they were miserable, and Jon had given up his ambitions at the end of the term. Looking back now, Kathleen knew that was when she had begun to lose him.
Putting the difficulties of the past out of her mind, she set the table with the china they had received for their wedding. She hadn’t used the dishes for several years. She set out the good glasses also and placed two candles on the table along with a vase filled with pink and white tulips she had bought at the grocery store. Tulips had always been her favorite flower. She’d had them in her wedding, and knowing they were what she liked best, Jon had brought them home for her often over the years.
“Wow, Mommy!” Jamie exclaimed, coming over to look at the dining room table. Her brown eyes looked like giant pools of chocolate. “Please tell us who’s coming.”
“It won’t be long now,” she said, patting her daughter’s hand resting on top of the spindle-back chair. She struck a match and lit the white candles, then turned off the overhead light. The effect was quite dramatic. She couldn’t wait for Jon to arrive and returned to the kitchen to finish preparing the meal.
***
Jon glanced at his watch. He had hoped to get off work an hour earlier than usual, giving him time to go home, take a shower, and change clothes. He didn’t want to show up for dinner in his work attire, that was certain, but looking at the long lines beginning to form and the steady stream of people entering through the doors, he feared leaving early wouldn’t be possible.
He should have known better. Friday evenings were always busy. Why hadn’t he thought of that? He tried to keep smiling and engage in pleasant conversation with his customers, but an image kept flashing through his mind.
Several years ago, back when the girls were still very young, he had come home late one evening. He had been studying at the library and let the time get away from him. Working part-time, attending classes all day, and having two toddlers at home, he had a hard time remembering what day of the week it was, let alone his wife’s birthday.
They had made plans to go out to dinner. It had been several months since they had the money or the time for an evening out. Kathleen had hired a baby sitter, and he was supposed to be home by five.
The look on Katie’s face when he walked through the door at eight-thirty still haunted him. His thoughtlessness had hurt her deeply, bringing to the surface all the pain and loneliness she had been living with.
“You’re never home!” she had shouted at him. It was one of the few times he had ever heard her raise her voice. “I’m doing this all by myself, Jon. I work all day and then come home to two demanding toddlers. I bathe them, I put them to bed, I watch Sesame Street videos over and over again. You barely see us. We can’t go on like this.”
He honestly hadn’t realized the tremendous burden he had placed on her by being gone so much. He had only been thinking about himself and how he could continue with school. He had promised to be home more after that, and he had stuck to his commitment. But by the time the term ended, he knew he couldn’t keep up with his studies without sacrificing too much time with his family.
Even though he had dropped out willingly, giving up his scholarship for good, his heart began to harden that winter. A slow decline that eventually led him to the breaking point.
He never wanted to put his ambitions, work, or pride before his family’s well-being again. All he really needed was Katie and their daughters back in his life. He knew that now.
Closing his line, he went to tell his boss good night.
***
Kathleen was in the bedroom getting dressed when she heard the doorbell ring. She had thought Jon might be a little late considering it was Friday night and the store would be busy, but she had not expected him to be fifteen minutes early.
She hurried to button her blouse and dashed into the bathroom to brush her hair. Mandie and Jamie rushed in and asked if they could answer the door.
“Go ahead,” she laughed and finished spraying her hair. A shot of Jon’s favorite perfume on her neck was the final touch.
“Grandma! Grandpa!” Kathleen heard Jamie squeal.
What are Jon’s parents doing here? she wondered, turning off the bathroom light and walking across her bedroom to the hall. They must have decided to come down tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow.
Kathleen froze when she entered the living room and saw her own parents standing there rather than Jon’s. She had not told them about their plans nor invited them to the ceremony tomorrow. She knew they would not approve and had decided to wait until it was already done so they couldn’t try to talk her out of it.
“Grandma and Grandpa are here for dinner, Mama,” Jamie announced. “Can I show them where to sit?”
Kathleen licked her lips and felt lightheaded. She saw her mother’s eyes move to the formally set table, then back to her.
“Did we come at a bad time, dear? Are you expecting company?”
Trying to decide what to say, Kathleen swallowed hard. Her mouth had gone dry. “Yes, we are,” she replied, stepping forward to give her mother a mechanical hug. “What are you doing here?”
“We’re on our way to Crater Lake. I’ve always wanted to go this time of year, but the forecast is calling for snow tonight, so we thought we’d spend the night here in Eugene and wait to see what the weather does tomorrow. We already checked into a hotel but thought we’d stop by and surprise you. We’ll come back later or in the morning if you’re busy.”
“Can’t Grandma and Grandpa stay for dinner too?” Jamie asked.
Kathleen felt trapped. If she sent them away and they returned later or in the morning, they would find out about Jon anyway. She might as well just get it over with.
“That way,” Jamie continued, “they can meet your new boyfriend too.”
Mandie shushed her little sister. “Jamie, I told you not to say anything.”
Kathleen’s mother’s eyes lit up. “Is this true, Kathy? Do you have someone for us to meet?”
CHAPTER NINE
Jon pulled alongside the curb in front of the house five minutes early. Stepping out of the truck with the bouquet of pink and white tulips in his hands, he began to cross the wet lawn when he noticed the sedan in the driveway. He didn’t recognize the vehicle.
Ducking out of the rain, he knocked and wondered if his daughters would answer the door or if he would have a chance to sneak a kiss with Katie before they discovered his arrival. Of co
urse, if Katie had other company, he would have to wait until later anyway, just as he’d been doing every night this week until the girls were in bed. He was anxious to move in for good and have all night to be with his beloved bride. Although stealing kisses did have a measure of excitement.
Mandie opened the door. “Hey, honey,” he said, holding the flowers behind his back.
“Daddy!” she exclaimed and hugged him around the waist. Jamie echoed her big sister and flung her arms around his legs.
Jamie discovered the flowers, and her eyes grew large. Looking up at him with wonder, she said, “Are you Mama’s new boyfriend?”
He laughed and stepped through the door. “I guess you could say--”
Jon stopped when he saw Kathleen’s father standing in the middle of the room staring at him with that stone-cold expression he knew all too well. Katie must have changed her mind about telling them the news, he assumed.
“Well, hello,” he said, trying to stay calm. “I didn’t know you were in town.” Jon glanced at Katie and her mother and stepped forward to shake his father-in-law’s hand. Katie’s father did not return the greeting.
“Get out of my daughter’s house,” he said.
“Daddy--” Katie stepped in. She looked as white as a sheet.
“You better not be telling me you are taking this lousy excuse for a husband back, Kathy.”
Jon looked back to his wide-eyed daughters. “Amanda and Jamie, go to your room please.”
They stood in place. “I said, go,” Jon commanded. They jumped from their position, and Jon followed them to make sure they closed the door before returning to the tension-filled room.
Katie was talking now. “Daddy, this is none of your concern. Jon is my husband and--”
“Husband? Ha! Now that’s a laugh. A real hoot, sweetheart. I think you need to--”
“That’s enough, Mr. Porter,” Jon interrupted, stepping between his father-in-law and Katie. “This is between you and me, not Katie.”
“Why don’t you let my daughter speak for herself, Jon? Are you afraid she’ll come to her senses and kick your lousy butt out once and for all?”
“I’d like you to leave,” Jon said.
“Isn’t that what you do best, boy?”
“This is my house, and I’m asking you to leave,” he repeated calmly.
Katie’s father stepped around him and into Katie’s face. “Have you forgotten what he did, Kathleen? Have you forgotten that he abandoned you and your little girls. Do you think they will survive that twice?”
Kathleen looked away from her father and into Jon’s face. He seemed to be waiting for her to respond for herself. She wanted to tell her father to get out, but she couldn’t bring herself to be disrespectful. He was only trying to protect her. He wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true.
But she couldn’t ask Jon to leave either. He was right. This was his house, and he was her husband. She decided on the only other option. She would go.
With determined steps she went to the closet for her coat and walked past everyone to the kitchen where her purse sat on the counter. Grabbing her keys, she headed for the garage. Jon caught up with her when she reached the car.
“Please don’t leave,” he said.
His words brought back the painful memory of when she had said the same words to him two years ago. Her resolve to get in the car and escape this nightmare only increased. She needed time to think, time to get away. She had tried to bury her fears, but her father had dredged them all up again in less than five minutes. Maybe she was rushing back into this too fast.
Without a word, she opened the door and sat in the driver’s seat, tossing her coat and purse aside. Closing the door behind her, she took her keys in her trembling fingers and started the engine. Jon didn’t try to stop her.
She pressed the garage-door opener and was glad to see her parents’ car was not blocking her exit. Lowering the window a little bit, she looked up to Jon’s tear-streaked face.
“I’m sorry, Jon. I can’t be here right now. Will you stay with the girls until I get back?”
He nodded. “Please be careful, Katie. The streets are wet, and it’s getting dark.”
She raised the window, put the car in reverse, and backed out. Dusk was nearing with the heavy cloud-cover, and she turned on her headlights, then pulled away from the house without looking back. Several times in the last few years she had felt like doing this very thing: getting in her car and driving away. Times when she and Jon had a fight, times when she felt at the end of her rope as a mother, times when she had been so depressed she didn’t think she could make it through another day.
She came to the stop sign at the end of their street. With tears running down her face, on the verge of doing what she had thought about doing so many times, she had absolutely no idea where to go.
***
“Is Mama home yet?” Manda asked, coming from the hallway and rubbing her eyes.
Jon invited his oldest daughter to come sit on his lap and held her close. He had put the girls to bed an hour ago, but Amanda was too worried about her mama to sleep.
“She’ll be here soon,” he said. “And I’ll be here until then.”
“Why was Grandpa so angry?” she asked.
“Because he doesn’t like the way I hurt Mama.”
“You mean when you moved away?”
“Yes. When I moved away. He didn’t like that.”
“Then why doesn’t he want you to marry Mama again?”
Jon sighed. “Sometimes people have a hard time forgiving others who have hurt them or someone they love.”
“Does Mama forgive you?”
“Yes. She does. She's a very special mama.”
“I forgive you too, Daddy.”
“I know you do, honey,” Jon said, standing to his feet with his daughter in his arms. He carried her wispy frame back to bed. “Don’t worry. She will be home soon.”
Jon returned to the living room and went to the window to watch for Katie. He thought for sure she would be home by now.
I shouldn’t have let her go. I should have made her parents leave and made her stay.
The phone rang and he snatched it by the second ring.
“Have you heard from her?”
“No, Hannah. I haven’t. Have you?”
“No,” she said. “Did you try calling her?”
“A dozen times. She’s not answering.”
“Okay, let me know if you hear anything.”
***
Kathleen let the cool water cleanse her dry mouth and throat. She set the plastic cup next to the sink and went to sit on the bed. She had ended up driving to the coast after circling Eugene for two hours. Once in Florence, she’d grabbed some dinner at a fast-food place and then checked into a motel.
Tucking her knees into her chest, she knew she should call Jon, but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want him begging her to come home. She didn’t want him to come after her. She just wanted to be alone.
Kathleen laid down and closed her eyes, trying to shut out her father’s angry words and Jon’s tense face.
She needed to rest.
Between the howling wind and her disturbing dreams, she woke several times during the long night. At three a.m. she crawled out of bed to turn on the heater again and then made herself a cup of hot chocolate from the complimentary packet left on the counter of the kitchenette.
Returning to the bed, still dressed in her clothes from the previous evening, she pulled the covers over her tan chinos and soaked up the warmth coming from the hot mug. She had chosen a nice motel to stay in. Being by herself, she hadn’t wanted to select someplace dumpy just to save a few dollars.
The simple but clean room reminded her of the one she and Jon had stayed in on their honeymoon. They had spent a week at the beach at the north end of the Oregon Coast. The weather had been perfect, their days carefree and relaxed, their nights romantic and intimate.
She had been very nervous, not ha
ving anyone she felt comfortable talking with about such things beforehand. But Jon had been so gentle and sweet. He had made her feel beautiful and cherished and sensuous. She had loved falling asleep and waking up in his arms.
Her heart and body ached for him now. But she didn’t know if they could ever be what they once were. Too much had happened. Too much disappointment and pain. Too many angry words and months apart.
She managed to sleep better in the warmed room and didn’t wake again until nine-thirty. She showered, redressed in her rumpled clothes, and tried to decide what to do next. She supposed she should call Jon before he sent out the National Guard looking for her, and she did, but she wasn’t ready to go home yet.
She spent the day driving up the coastline, stopping at various places to get out and walk around when the weather allowed. Jon had sounded concerned on the phone, but he hadn’t tried to talk her into coming home immediately. She said she would be back by that evening.
“Katie, please tell me everything is going to be all right,” he said.
“I can’t promise you that,” had been her reply.
She tried to remember how much Jon loved her and how different he had been during the last six weeks. But her mind kept returning to the dark times.
After Jon had quit school, things had been good for a few months, but eventually he had become more distant with each passing day. They had decided to buy a house with his parents’ help, and that final summer together had been fun, getting settled and feeling like a family again. They had gone to the beach for their six-year anniversary, taking Mandie and Jamie too, and Jon had told her that he didn’t need school to be happy. All he needed was her and the girls.
Bring Me Flowers (Garden of Love 5) Page 29
