Recycled

by Selina Rosen

  "No one has set up any such block in the communications system here," Ralling assured her.

  "Yeah, and you kicked the shit out of us at Hepron Station, too. You know what, Ralling? You might get away with feeding lines of crap to your obviously stupid people, but don't insult my intelligence by trying to feed the same line of bullshit to me. I was telling more convincing lies when I was still shitting my drawers. I'm going to give you cringing, stupid mother fuckers one more chance to surrender, and then you'd better put on your diapers because we're going to stomp over there and kick the crap out of you."

  "We aren't afraid of your threats, Qwah!" Tryte said angrily at Ralling's shoulder."We have suffered a minor setback at best . . ."

  "You got your fucking lame asses kicked by a fist full of anti-aircraft guns, some small planes, and a couple of salvaging barges. You should see what we can do when we haul out the big guns. You'd better back the fuck off and surrender. My offer still stands, but if you so much as blow a fart in our general direction, I'm going to crawl up your ass and pull your nose hairs out your dick one at a time."

  "Your threats mean about as much to us as your salvager slang," Tryte shouted at her.

  She laughed as she looked at Ralling."Gee, Ralling you're just like a spaceport porn theater, everyone's comin' in you."

  "You might at least try speaking our language," Ralling sneered back.

  "That was my polite way of saying that everyone seems to have their penis up your rectum." She turned her attention to Trailings, who had been silent until then."Perhaps someone with a brain should explain the complexities of the situation to your president. He obviously isn't the brightest chalk in the box. But then it's been my experience that the very privileged tend to breed ambitious, corrupt, and stupid people with every sperm they spit out of their dicks, while those who must work for their place in the world become increasingly intelligent, because they're constantly having to fight for every crumb they get. Of course, there is nothing quite as sad as seeing a man work his way to the top only to be dethroned by some rich fucker's moronic brat, is there?"

  Ralling still had no idea what she was talking about, but it was clear from the look on Trailings' face that he did. Trailings turned to look at him, and this time did not even bother to whisper what was on his mind."The people want trade, not war. Make peace with the Barions. Stop this foolishness, and bring our country and our people from poverty to an age of prosperity. You can go down in history as the man who brought our country to ruin, or you can be remembered as the man who put an end to their suffering."

  "You treasonous bastard!" Ralling turned to glare at the Barion Queen."His is the voice of a discontented loser. One who would love nothing better than to see me fail. It is for that reason that I know that whatever he says is what I shouldn't do."

  She laughed at him as if he had said something of unbelievable humor."You truly are every bit the idiot I thought you were. Such logic shall surely march your people to their deaths. I will give you forty-eight hours to think about it. If in that time you do not surrender, or you dare to attack even the smallest of our cities, I will unleash the wrath of my army upon you." She closed the transmission.

  "We must surrender," Trailings insisted."It is the only way. That woman and her people are like gods in the sky, and we don't yet know how good their ground troops might be."

  "Shut up, you whining traitor!" Tryte screamed."I tell you that was a fluke . . ."

  "The way her bringing down the Artvail was a fluke? Or their successful attack on our capital was a fluke? You, sir, are a sorry excuse for a general, and if our idiot president continues to take counsel from you, then we shall all perish while accomplishing nothing but the demise of our own country."

  "How dare you call me an idiot or question my choice of who I take counsel from?" Ralling screamed.

  "I was elected to lead these people. They voted for me. You are only in office through yet another fluke. The people voted for me because they thought I could save them from you and him," Trailings said pointing at Tryte."In my demoted role as vice-president, I must at least try to stop you as you work at nothing else so diligently as sliding this country into economic ruin and turning it into a smoldering remnant as we fight a war we cannot win."

  "We can win . . . we most assuredly will win, and then we will make this country truly rich," Tryte promised.

  Ralling looked at Trailings and smiled smugly."The people will soon be thanking the gods that a fluke put me into office instead of you."

  Chapter 12

  "Well?" Facto asked, looking with displeasure at the bottoms of Drewcila's boots where they rested on her desk.

  "They won't surrender. The vice-president, he would in a heartbeat, but he's not in charge. I need to see what I can do about that. In the meantime . . ." She seemed thoughtful for a moment."They will attack sometime before the forty-eight hour deadline I gave them. So we need to be on the highest possible alert, Dirty-Dog-Dick-Red-7 or whatever," she said with the flip of her hand."The minute they attack us we will not only meet them with force, but we will then attack them with everything we have, and we will do it where it hurts, hitting one of their biggest military bases. You want to stop them attacking you, don't lob bombs at their civilian population, you take out their military strongholds."

  "Are you forgetting that they are militarily superior to us?"

  "To the country maybe, and even that is in serious doubt." Drewcila looked at him and smiled."But they can't stand against the country and Qwah-Co Industries. I have literally hundreds of ships, all fully loaded with weapons they aren't supposed to have. And I have something else the Lockhedes aren't counting on. An army of the fiercest foot soldiers the universe has ever known. The problem is it's going to take time for me to get them here, and every time they make a strike against us, successful or not, it costs us lives and, more importantly, it costs us money." She took a drink from the bottle in her hand, then looked at him."Go get Van Gar and send him in here."

  "Drewcila . . . you could call him on his com-link," Facto protested.

  "I . . . I know that. Don't you think that I know that? I need to think, and I can't do that with you standing peering in my brain," Drewcila said.

  Facto bowed, then ruined the effect by stomping out of the office.

  Drewcila re-ran the fabricated tapes the Lockhede television stations were running. The more she watched them, the madder she got, and then she had a sudden brain storm."Oh, I am truly brilliant!" She got on her comlink."Dartan! Get your ass in my office on the double."

  He was there before she had time to lower her arm, bowing and scraping, with his full news crew in tow.

  "Not them, just you, Dartan." The others quickly left the office as Dartan moved closer to her desk."Take a load off."

  "What, my Queen?"

  "Sit down. I want you to see something." She ran the footage again.

  "I have seen, my Queen, blatant lies . . ."

  "Brilliant propaganda. They are losing battle after battle, and morale, which was already low, goes right into the toilet. How do you raise morale? Tell the people you won something, even if you have to lie. Problem is they don't know who they are dealing with. When it comes to dishing out bullshit, no one can stand shovel to shovel with me. You get what I'm saying, Dartan?"

  Dartan swallowed hard."Not really, my Queen; if you'd allow me to bring in just the interpreter."

  Drew sighed, thought for a moment, and then spoke slowly."I'm going to make my own propaganda, and you're going to help me."

  Dartan chewed on that for a minute, and then his eyes widened."You mean . . . We're going to make up the news? Give the people false reports?"

  "Yes. And we're going to boost the signal so that it goes not only on every television in Barious, but on the whole stinking planet."

  "Oh, my Queen, I don't think that I could . . ."

  "No thinking will be necessary on your part. I will be hiring someone else to do that. All you have to do is follow
his guidance. Meet me back here in an hour. I just have a few more things to set up before we go."

  He nodded and left the office, head hanging low. He stopped in the doorway and turned to face her."My Queen?"

  "You still here, Dartan?"

  "My queen, if I do this . . . It goes against everything I believe in. When the people learn what I have done, they will never take me seriously again, my career will be over."

  "Who says anyone's ever going to find out? Besides, do you want to be a reporter, or a war hero? The fate of the entire country may very well rest on your shoulders. And here's the shit . . . if you won't do it, I'll find someone else that will, and that mother fucker will be the most famous broadcast journalist in Barious instead of you."

  Dartan understood just enough of what she'd said to know that he really didn't have a choice."Always happy to serve my Queen," he said, bowed, turned, and left.

  Van Gar walked in, followed by Facto."Well?" he asked flopping in the chair across from her.

  "I want you to coordinate half our salvaging fleet. Send them to pick up every single one of your people and have them come directly here as quickly as possible. I need as many as possible of both here in the next thirty-two hours."

  "Using this equipment?"

  "Yes, can you do it?"

  Van Gar looked hurt."Well, of course I can. Shreta can help me. She's homely, but very capable."

  "Great. I have to go on a little field trip. Foxtrot! Go and fetch Arcadia."

  "Wrist-com, Drewcila," Facto said in a pleading tone.

  "Trying to get rid of you again, Factoid," Drew said waving her hand dismissively. Facto sighed and stomped out of the room again."I only have one little thing left to do, and I didn't want stiff pants to know." She got on the intergalactic communicator, found a closed channel, and after several missed tries finally reached the party she intended. A large speckled alien with three chins and one eye filled the screen in front of her."Ah, Viny! Good to see you again."

  "Drewcila, always a pleasure. What can we do for you?" the creature drawled, his voice coming out strangely as the translator he spoke into interpreted his language into something she could understand.

  "I need a top notch assassin, best you got. Money's no object, and I need him here as quickly as possible."

  "Money's no object? A sentence I never thought I'd hear from the lips of Drewcila Qwah. It must be very important. Who is the target?" Viny asked.

  "Don't want to say that over the air in case this channel's not as closed as I think. My country's at war."

  The alien laughed."It's Barious. Of course you're at war. It's your planet's favorite pastime."

  "Yeah, well it's wreaking havoc with my profit margins. I want the war over, and I want it over yesterday, and that's where your people come in."

  "You just want one?"

  "That ought to do it, yeah. How soon can you get one here?"

  "Twelve to fourteen hours . . ."

  "That's too long."

  "I have one who can get there sooner, but he's sort of a screw up. Missed his last target, and shot himself in the leg."

  "Twelve hours is the earliest you can get someone here?"

  "Yes, I'm sorry, they're all on this side of the galaxy. It's the busy season here."

  "Do the best you can."

  "Don't I always?"

  "Yes. Give my love to the wife and kids."

  He laughed."Caught the wife cheating, and I had the bitch killed."

  "Just the kids then." The transmission closed.

  "Who are you having whacked, dear?" Van Gar asked coyly.

  "Now, now, don't spoil the surprise."

  Arcadia and Facto walked in the room.

  "What's up?" Arcadia asked. She looked better than she had earlier, so she must be getting over her hang over.

  "You and I have to take a little trip."

  "Did you talk to her yet?" Arcadia asked Van Gar.

  "Not yet. We said we'd do it together."

  Drewcila sighed."What's this shit?" Both Van Gar and Arcadia turned to look at Facto."Fraction, be a good man and go fetch Shreta."

  Facto made an unhappy noise, turned on his heel and left."All right, now that we've completely ruined the royal tight ass's day, you want to tell me what the hell's going on?"

  Van Gar looked at Arcadia. She nodded, so he started, "We've been talking . . ."

  "I'm not going to choose between you. Why the hell should I?" Drewcila said with a dismissive shrug."Everything's fine the way it is now."

  "We don't want to make you choose between us," Arcadia said.

  "We want you to choose us," Van Gar clarified.

  Drewcila was silent as they got into the limo and left the castle. Finally she looked at Arcadia."So let me get this straight. I can be with Van Gar and you, but no one else, and not at the same time?"

  "That's right."

  Drewcila fell silent again, brooding. When she finally spoke again, it was to ask."No one else, you mean like—ever?"

  "That's right."

  "What if you're both gone?"

  "That's not going to happen. No matter how hard you work at it."

  She looked at Facto."I just don't know if I could do it. I mean . . . only the two of them, for like the rest of my life, it just seems so . . . restrictive."

  "I think if we can share you and only be with you, it's not that much of a concession for you to pledge yourself to us."

  "See, and now they're using words like pledge. I'm not pledging shit to anyone. You're my advisor, Fuck Toad, what do you think?"

  "I think you're the queen of our country, and that as such you have certain responsibilities. You should find a mate of the opposite sex, and of our race, marry him, settle down in a monogamous relationship, and give the country at least one heir. Since that is about as likely as you ever saying my name correctly more than twice in a row, I think this is a less detestable alternative to what you currently do, which causes the country and the crown constant embarrassment, and has made the tabloids rich," Facto said.

  Drew seemed to think about what he said, then looked at him."I've said your name correctly as much as two times in a row?"

  "On several occasions, actually."

  "Damn! See? I am losing my touch." She looked at Arcadia."What if I say no?"

  "Lose us both forever," Arcadia said with conviction. Drewcila gave her an incredulous look."All right! All right! If you don't agree to our terms, we are going to be pissy and hard to live with—forever."

  Drewcila had no problem at all believing that. After all they'd been doing that for years. Choosing between them would have been impossible. Giving up a long parade of mostly forgettable lovers would have seemed like too much to ask just a few days ago. However after the incident with the sex tattoos, and after sleeping with Zarco and the bad taste that had left in her mouth, giving up what could be equally bad lovers to keep the two best lovers she'd ever had hardly seemed like a sacrifice at all. Then there was that other thing, that thing she didn't like to admit even to herself. She actually cared about them. If she could actually have both of their company all the time without them being at each other's throats . . . well, she couldn't imagine anything closer to perfect.

  "You know, until now I have had to keep the two of you in separate parts of the galaxy to keep you from ripping each other apart, and now you're saying you aren't going to fight. That you're going to share me. I just have trouble believing that," Drewcila said skeptically.

  "Do you have any real feelings for me?"

  And now the bitch was going to make her say it out loud. Drew looked at Facto, who shrugged and said, "Just pretend like I'm not here, just as you normally do."

  "You know I do," Drew answered.

  "And Van Gar?"

  "You know the answer to that as well."

  "And we both love you. So neither of us is willing to let go, and I think we all know that you are never going to just choose one of us, because while you'd never admit it, our relatio
nship is much more than just sex, and so is your relationship with Van Gar. After all these years, I think you owe us some sign that you're committed to us."

  "Why do you both have to be so stinking possessive? Couldn't we all just get along and let me do whatever the hell I want to do?" Drew asked "Is that too much to ask?"

  "Do you really not give a damn about how either he or I feel? What we want?" Arcadia asked."Because if that truly is the case, then maybe Van and I should walk away before we invest too much more of ourselves."