“That—ohhh—that wasn’t teasing. I—It was seduction.”
“Sweetheart, you don’t need to seduce me. I’m already yours.”
My heart went wild, pounding hard against my chest and demanding clarification of exactly what he meant by that.
But then, he bit down on my nipple and used his hand to caress my other breast before rolling the stiff peak between the callused pads of his fingers. Both my thoughts and my body melted beneath his touch.
I reached out to touch him and let out a noise of discontent when I realized he was still fully dressed. I tugged at the neck of his shirt until he moved back, pulling it over his head with ease and settling back down on top of me. I ran my fingers over his broad shoulders and as far down his back as I could reach, moaning at the combined sensation of the muscles flexing beneath my touch and his mouth and hand still working me.
“Jonathan, I need you. Please.”
He pulled back to stare into my eyes, searching for confirmation that I really wanted this. I used the opportunity to reach between us, pulling at the waistband of his jeans and hoping he’d get the message.
Jonathan knelt between my legs and I sat up, working his zipper while he undid his belt and flung it carelessly to the side. When I finally managed to get his jeans open, I snaked my hand inside, dipping beneath the fabric of his boxers and firmly gripping his hard length.
God, it felt even bigger in my hand than it had looked the night before. I glanced up in time to watch as his head fell back, the muscles of his throat working as he swallowed hard while groaning deep in his chest. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
“Enough,” he grunted, reaching to pull my hand away so he could stand up and kick off what was left of his clothing.
I opened my legs as he crawled over me, staring down at his cock as it got closer and closer to my sex. It was certainly bigger than any of the few guys I’d slept with at college, and for a split second, I felt a pang of fear at the thought that it might cause me more pain than pleasure.
It must have shown on my face, because Jonathan cupped my chin and tilted my head back, bringing our lips together in a brief kiss.
“Hey. You okay?”
“Y-yeah. I just never… You’re really big.” The smile that appeared on his face was nothing short of pure male pride and I lightly slapped him on the arm as I said, “I’m serious. I’m no virgin, but you could hurt a girl with that thing.”
“Maybe without preparation,” he agreed with a cheeky grin as his hand moved between my legs and cupped my sex. A single finger pushed inside and I gasped in surprise, the sound turning into a long moan when he slowly began thrusting it in and out. “I’ll just make sure you’re good and ready first, yeah?”
After his cocky chuckle, a second finger joined the first, pumping in deep and twisting around until he curled them and rubbed right against my G-spot. My hips bucked against his hand and he moved his thumb to caress my clit while he continued to curl and uncurl his fingers inside me.
“I think you’re definitely wet enough to take me,” he mumbled against my neck. “But I can keep going if you want.”
“Don’t—oh fuck, don’t stop,” I panted, digging my fingernails into his shoulders and clinging on as he sped up the movement of his thumb. “I’m so close.”
He silenced my moaning with his lips, slipping his tongue into my mouth and kissing me with such hunger that I nearly slipped over the edge from that alone. My walls began fluttering around his fingers and he pulled back, looking down at me with wild eyes, pupils blown wide with lust.
“Come for me, baby,” he demanded, pressing his thumb down hard on my clit. “Let me feel it.”
The sudden pressure sent me soaring, my hips writhing and bucking while Jonathan attempted to pin me down with his body weight to keep me still. I just barely registered the sound of his groaning against my neck as I came, my entire body shuddering from the force of my climax.
His fingers stilled when my body went slack, but he left them inside me until I let out a contented sigh. I shivered when he slowly pulled them out and raised his head to look at me.
“Do you need a minute?”
The tenderness in his gaze as he asked nearly made me burst into tears, so I hid it by wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face against his shoulder.
“No,” I whispered, turning my head to press my lips to his skin. “I just need you.”
I need to forget about you. I need to let you go. I need to go back in time and never come up with this stupid idea.
“I need you, too, angel.”
I closed my eyes tightly and held on to his shoulders even as he adjusted his body to line up his cock with my entrance. I wrapped my legs around his hips as he slowly began to push forward, the size of him making me cry out in pleasure.
Jonathan went slow, using shallow thrusts to pull out and push back in little by little. I was more than wet enough to take him in one thrust, but he seemed content with letting me slowly adjust to his size. When he finally bottomed out, he propped himself up on his forearms and let out a shudder.
“You’re tight,” he groaned, leaning forward to rest his forehead against my neck. “So fucking tight. You good?”
I nodded against him, my emotions still too raw to speak. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his thick arms around my upper back, holding me close to him as he began to thrust.
Somehow, the closeness of the way he held me was even worse than if I had just pulled back and met his gaze. My eyes rolled back from the sensation of his huge cock moving inside of me and I let out a whimper when I heard his strangled groan of pleasure.
Distance. Need distance. This is too much.
I pushed at his shoulders and tried to pull my head away, but he moved a rough hand to the back of my neck and held me close to him. He did allow my head to fall back just enough to kiss me, and I could feel the tears finally rolling down my cheeks as realization struck me like lightning.
I still love him. I’m never not going to love him, no matter how hard I try.
His hand cupped my cheek and he froze when he felt the dampness there, pulling away and letting my back touch the mattress as he pushed himself up on his arms. He seemed uncertain of what to say, but when he saw my tears, he tried to pull out.
“No,” I begged as I locked my legs around his waist, the movement making my walls tighten around him and drawing deep moans from both of us. “Please don’t stop.”
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying. It just—It feels so good. I’m fine. Please keep going.”
He studied my face carefully and I bit down hard on my tongue while I waited. He seemed to find whatever it was he was looking for, because he simply leaned forward to kiss my cheeks as he resumed fucking me.
No. No… this wasn’t fucking. I wanted to be fucked. But apparently Jonathan wanted to make—
No. Not that. Anything but that.
I shoved at his shoulders and whispered, “Roll over. I want to be on top.”
He smiled and obliged me, holding on to my hips as he maneuvered us further up the bed, then rolled onto his back, taking me with him without letting himself slide out. I shifted around until I had a good position and started to ride him passionately, not allowing him the opportunity to slow my movements down.
“Oh, fuck yesss,” he groaned, reaching up to palm my breasts as I bounced up and down. “If you wanted it faster, you could’ve just told me.”
I didn’t bother to reply, I just leaned forward and used his chest for leverage as I increased my speed. I could feel another orgasm rapidly approaching, and while part of me wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and chase my own pleasure, I couldn’t help but use the moment to get a good look at his body.
I straightened back up and trailed my hands down to his abs, marveling at the hard muscles as they twitched against my palms. Jonathan groaned loudly, his head tipping back again and giving me an excellent view of his t
hroat working while he alternated between swallowing and grunting.
Before I got a chance to tire out, Jonathan gripped my hips tightly and pulled me up, propping his feet on the mattress and thrusting upwards, pounding into me so hard that it sent me falling forward, my breasts pressing against his chest.
“You like that? You like being fucked?”
“God, yes! Harder!”
He let out a sound that was nothing short of animalistic before gripping me and rolling us back over, the sudden change in position startling me. Before I could protest, he was sitting up on his knees and pounding roughly into me.
After five thrusts in the new position, the pressure against my G-spot sent me over the edge and I came with a scream of his name, twisting the bedsheets between my fingers as I experienced the most intense orgasm of my life. Jonathan’s hips faltered and he let out a strangled moan, pulling out at the last second and spilling his seed onto my stomach. The way he reverently whispered my name as he came made another pang of regret rise in my chest.
This was the worst idea I’ve ever had. Even worse than when I decided to tell him I loved him in the first place.
Once I finally came down from my post-orgasm high, the realization that we had sex without a condom finally hit me. Jonathan eased my legs down and flopped onto the bed beside me while I silently chided myself for my stupidity. I was still on the pill and he thankfully had the presence of mind to pull out, but this was just another shining example of how blinded I was when it came to Jonathan.
“Shit. That was even better than I thought it’d be,” he said wistfully, ending with a low chuckle before he rolled on his side to face me. His fingers stroked my cheek while I stared blankly up at the ceiling, trying to sort through my tangled emotions. “Fiona?”
“Hmm?”
When I refused to look at him, he moved again, propping himself on an elbow and hovering over me. He frowned down at me questioningly, still softly stroking my cheek.
“Hey. You all right?”
“Never better,” I lied.
Well, it wasn’t entirely a lie. My body was more satisfied than it had ever been and there were still pleasant tingles of aftershocks running through my veins. But emotionally?
I was a total fucking wreck.
The soft strokes of his thumb along my cheek stopped and he turned my chin to face him. There was something in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before and it took a long moment before I finally figured out what it was. Apprehension.
Uh-oh.
“I’ve been waiting for the right moment to tell you something, and I don’t know if I’ll get a better one than this before we leave,” he said softly, gazing into my eyes so lovingly that I could already feel the dread coiling in my stomach.
I opened my mouth to interrupt him, but he placed a finger over my lips, effectively silencing me.
“I know there’s nothing I can say that will change what I did, but you deserve to know that I do love you. Always have, always will. So if you think there’s even a chance that you might be able to forgive me... then I’ll wait for as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
There they were. The words I had been desperate to hear come out of his mouth only a few short months ago, laid out on the line right after I had decided to fuck my feelings for him out of my system.
To call this a backfire would be the biggest understatement of my life.
Chapter Nineteen
Jonathan
After telling Fiona that I loved her, I watched in horror as the entire spark drained from her eyes before she abruptly slammed them closed and turned away. There was a long, painful moment of silence that was only broken when she quietly asked me to leave.
I obliged her request without protest. Not because I was willing to give up yet, but because I was smart enough to realize that she needed space. Even I knew that pushing her now would do more harm than good.
When Fiona started warming up to me today, I had been desperately hoping that she’d been making an effort to forgive me. But now, after gauging her reactions both during and after sex, I finally figured out exactly what she had been trying to accomplish.
She’d thought that fucking me would provide the final piece of closure she needed to move on. From the very first smile she gave me this morning, every move she made had been calculated—just a part of her plan for a quick fuck before she took off. A one time deal to get me to unlock the shackle and let her go.
And it hurt like a bitch.
Especially since I hadn’t figured it out until after I’d laid my heart on the line.
“Fuck,” I hissed, running my hands through my hair as I paced back and forth in the living room.
Nothing about this weekend was going right. I was supposed to chain us together and wear down her resistance, waiting until she finally realized that regardless of how badly I’d fucked up, we were still a perfect match. Then she’d forgive me and we’d spend the rest of the weekend naked, fucking on every available surface in this cabin.
I was not supposed to unchain her and make love to her. I was not supposed to lay it all on the line like that unless I was damn sure that she was going to reciprocate.
Playing dumb wouldn’t take back what I’d said. Even though I’d meant every word of it, I felt like a total fucking idiot for admitting my feelings only to watch her turn away from me moments later.
Now I really do know how she felt.
I growled at my own thoughts and began to pull harshly at my hair. No. It wasn’t supposed to play out like this. She was supposed to say the words back, say she forgave me, and then we’d make love again. I’d be slower—more tender—try to show her with my body how much I had missed her. How much I needed her here with me.
But that option wasn’t on the table anymore. Now I needed a new plan.
A better plan, because my first one was obviously shit.
I plopped down on the couch as I started mulling through my options, trying to figure out the best way to proceed. Regardless of how badly I wanted to rectify my mistake, I knew it likely wasn’t going to happen here at the cabin. We only had one more day and night together before Dad and Leslie came out to take us back to the house.
The only option I really had at this point was to go along with however she wanted to play this. If she wanted nothing to do with me, I’d leave her alone. If she wanted to pretend like it had never happened, I’d go with it.
But I needed to make some sort of grand gesture before she went back to college. Otherwise, I’d be stuck back home at the shop, constantly wondering whether I could have fixed things if I had tried just a little harder.
I would have preferred to fix things at the cabin where we had some privacy, but if she needed the space, I’d just have to find some way to show her what she meant to me with our parents lurking around. It’d be tricky, but I would find a way. I was fucking determined.
Regrets weren’t something I was fond of having. So I promised myself not to let her slip away again without a fight.
Chapter Twenty
Fiona
The next day passed easily enough thanks to Jonathan allowing me to remain unchained and alone. The only time he bothered me was to ask if I was hungry, and he let me be without argument every time I shook my head while steadfastly refusing to look at him.
I should have been relieved to be left alone and called Brenda to come pick me up. After all, it’s not like I was doing anything productive with my time here by avoiding Jonathan.
But I couldn’t bring myself to dial her number. I was too caught up in everything that had happened since we arrived. Jonathan had not only said he was sorry—words I’d never heard him say to anyone—but also confessed to loving me.
Why couldn’t he have figured that out months ago? Before everything between us had been so completely shattered.
After hours of thinking back on everything that we’d gone through since arriving at the cabin, along with our history together—both the good and the
bad—I was still no closer to figuring out whether or not I honestly believed I could ever forgive him for so thoroughly breaking my heart.
When the sun started to set and it was time for dinner, he came into the room to ask if I wanted to eat. I could sense his frustration from being avoided for the entire day and a small part of me took a bit of pleasure from his sour mood.
“Hungry yet?”
“Nope.”
But my stomach called my bluff, choosing that moment to let out an embarrassingly loud rumble. I glanced over at his face just in time to catch the annoyed eye roll.
“Just eat with me, Fiona. One meal in my presence won’t fucking kill you.”
I begged to differ, but my hunger won out over my pride. I reluctantly followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the table, digging into the stack of pancakes he placed in front of me a moment later.
Even though I didn’t want to talk to him, the politeness my mother instilled in me demanded that I at least thank him for making dinner.
“I didn’t know you could make pancakes,” I said between bites, wincing a little as my attempt at thanking him came out a whole lot harsher than intended.
Jonathan laughed it off though, uncaring about the sarcastic tone lacing my words. “The box just said to add water. It was easy enough.”
“Oh. Well, I’m surprised you didn’t burn any.”
I sensed him lean forward over the table and looked up out of habit, gulping when I saw the playful grin on his face. The movement of his hands drew my attention down to his plate, where he was lifting a pancake up to show me the nearly blackened one beneath it.
“Took me a few tries to get it right. Don’t worry though, I let you have the pretty ones,” he admitted with an easygoing smile as he reached for the syrup. “Do you want a drink? There’s juice in the fridge.”
I opened my mouth to decline, but he was already standing up and moving to get us both glasses. When he held up a carton of apple juice in one hand and orange in the other, I sighed in resignation and said, “Apple.”
Shackled: A Stepbrother Romance Novel Page 7
