by Mia Ford
“Does Nathan know about the baby yet?”
“No,” I said. “No one but you and my doctor know that I am pregnant. I haven’t even told my father yet because I don’t want to tell him the father of the baby split. He will be so disappointed in me.”
“Tell him you don’t know who the father is.” Lindsey laughed. “Then stand back and watch his eyes pop out of his head.”
“Oh, God.” I cringed. “He would go super crazy on me, like worse than the time he caught me and Billy hiding out in the tree house. He walked right up when Billy scooped up my boob. It was mortifying, and I thought my father was going to stroke out right there.”
“Yuck,” Lindsey said. “I remember Billy. I saw him about two months ago. Time has not been kind to him or his hairline.”
“Oh, gross,” I said.
“As far as the baby is concerned, I really think that maybe you should tell him, whether he wants to listen to you or not,” she said. “I know this is all really hard for you, and you don’t know exactly what to do, but I can promise you that you will feel better having everything finalized and settled. You will have closure, and I think that is what you will need in order to move forward in your life.”
“Thank you, Dr. Phil.” I laughed. “There is one serious problem with all of that.”
“What?”
“How am I supposed to tell him anything if I can’t get close enough to him to even talk to him? If he rejects my calls and ignores my texts, what makes you think that he will stand still long enough for me to tell him I’m having his baby?” I crossed my arms and sat back. “And who knows what he will do after I tell him? He might freak out and start yelling at me, calling me names and losing his mind in a whiskey-haze rage.”
“Then I would club him with a chair and toss his body in the coat room.” Lindsey chuckled. “There will be enough men there to lift his body. Then, I can let the hobo’s outside pick his pockets.”
“How did we go from telling him about the baby to assaulting him and handing him over to the homeless? I think you need to put down the champagne.” I laughed.
“I think that if he decided to drown himself in liquor and yell at a pregnant girl that he abandoned because he can’t think for himself, then he deserves the hobo treatment,” she said, nodding her head.
“You are so feisty tonight.” I laughed. “What has gotten into you?”
“I’m just tired of seeing you hurt,” she said. “I want to see you happy again, like you were a couple of months ago. That was the Amanda I remembered growing up. Not this sickly, depressed girl that needs pep talks. Not that I mind giving them.”
“I know,” I sighed. “You are totally right. I just don’t know how to pull myself out of this. I am miserable all the time, and I think about Nathan ninety percent of the day. I don’t know how I let a man get to me that badly.”
“Well, I think the first step is letting him know you are pregnant,” she said. “I know he has been a douche, but he still deserves to know you are bringing a child into this world with his DNA.”
I knew she was right. I knew that Nathan deserved to know about the baby. I wasn’t purposefully keeping it from him, but he wouldn’t take my calls or my texts. I was too afraid to go to his office and face him, so I sat back and stayed miserable. What he did to me hurt me so much, and I didn’t know if I could take letting him abandon me all over again, knowing he was abandoning his child, too. I didn’t know if I could handle being degraded over something that I never did and never had any intentions of doing. My hormones were so out of whack that there was even a possibility that I could blow up on him, or just burst into tears, losing my dignity in his office chair.
I still didn’t understand how a man that said he felt so strongly for me could believe the lies he was told so easily. He didn’t come to my house to talk to me about it, to try to see it from my point of view. He came there to break up with me. He didn’t listen to anything I said because he had already made up his mind. Sarah had poisoned John, and then John poisoned Nathan. It just kept going down the line until it landed on my damn doorstep.
I would have never reacted that way. I would have talked to him and given him a chance to explain everything. The damage had been done, and it wasn’t just a scrape or a bump. He had completely blown our relationship to smithereens. I had no idea how you could even fix things after he sat there and told me I was a gold digger. You can’t want to spend your life with someone one minute and then berate them and call them a liar the next. He was supposed to be my best friend, the person I walked through my life with, but he turned into my enemy at the drop of a hat. It was really unnerving and made me want to stay as far away from him at the wedding as possible.
After Lindsey had drank her last glass of champagne, we retired, wanting to get a good night’s sleep before the wedding. We had an early morning with hair, makeup, and a champagne breakfast before ever heading over to the event. Lindsey went to bed in my spare room, and I climbed into my bed, laying there staring out the window into the darkness. I must have laid there for hours before falling asleep, running through the different things I would say if I came face to face with Nathan. I tossed and turned all night long, getting barely any sleep at all. A beautiful event was now a place I didn’t want to be at all.
Chapter 24
Nathan
It never failed that every time there was something important going on in my life, I was more than fashionably late to it. Jordan’s wedding was probably already starting, and I was just pulling up and parking the car. I couldn’t seem to get my act together for even one day, and I knew it was all because I had to see Amanda that day. My nerves were through the roof, and my stomach was seasick from the alcohol I was trying to get out of my system.
I stood up out of the car and untucked my pant leg out of my sock, reaching in and grabbing my coffee. I downed it, trying to sober myself up as fast I possibly could. I tossed the empty cup in the back seat and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was really glad that I had decided to shave, although my neck looked like I was attacked by a pack of wolves.
I didn’t drink that morning. Well, I didn’t drink much that morning, but mixed with what I drank the night before, I was having a hard time keeping myself upright and walking in a straight line. I knew it would be wrong to show up at the ceremony drunk, so I took two cold showers, ate a shit ton of fried food, and drank about six cups of coffee. I was definitely feeling soberer than earlier, and now, I was awake from the amount of caffeine pulsing through my veins.
I walked quickly across the parking lot, stopping and following the signs around to the entrance on the side. I didn’t want to make a grand entrance through the main doors, so I snuck in the side door and crept through the pews until I found a seat. Lindsey glanced over from the front and rolled her eyes at me, and I waved smiling. I scanned across the front, and there she was, standing next to Lindsey and Jordan. Amanda looked stunning, but she did everything she could to avoid direct eye contact with me.
The ceremony was a long, Catholic ceremony, and I sat there completely engrossed by the sight of Amanda. I stared at her the entire time, skimming my eyes over the curves she was showing in the tight, floor-length, rose-colored bridesmaid gown she was wearing. She kept her hands firmly in front of her body, clutching her bouquet of roses. I was as attracted to her now as I was when we were together. There was something about her that just absolutely glowed. Her skin looked rosy and shimmery, and her eyes glimmered in the lights over the front of the room. We weren’t in a church, but Lindsey had it decorated to look like one, including hanging a beautiful piece of stained glass from the ceiling.
Amanda smiled with every word that Lindsey and Jordan said to one another. She looked so happy that I wondered if she were happier without me in her life now. Maybe me being gone had brought something out in her that just made her radiant, or maybe that was how I always saw her and I just forgot in the haze of booze I had been in since I broke things off. I turned
my attention to the happy couple as they recited their vows.
“Lindsey,” Jordan said. “I promise to love you, cherish you, and watch over you all of the days of your life. I promise to be strong for you and be there when love is simple and when it is a challenge. I promise to hold you in my arms every night and thank God for the gracious gift he has given me.”
“Under the Grace of God and the Catholic Church, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the priest announced. “You may kiss the bride.”
Everyone stood and clapped, watching the happy couple embrace. When the ceremony was complete, we made our way down the hall and into the elaborately decorated ballroom. As I walked in, I could see Amanda standing alone to the side, next to the door to the backroom. I knew it was now or never, so I approached her, hoping that she would be willing to talk to me.
“Can we talk?” I asked.
“Sure,” she said, pulling me into the room at the back that opened up to the lobby. “You’re an asshole.”
I looked around, but we were alone. I nodded in agreement but didn’t say anything. I could tell she had a lot of things to get off of her chest.
“How could you believe those lies about me, and never give me the chance to explain?” she asked. “They were blatant, hurtful lies, Nathan. I gave my heart and my trust to you, and you squashed it in an instant.”
“I know,” I said. “And I am so very sorry. I had no idea that Sarah was behind everything. I had no idea that Sarah even knew John. It all started to come together after Lindsey showed up in my office, but by the time I pieced everything together, I was afraid it was too late to make it up to you. I panicked, and I should have been a better man.”
“Sarah has been behind every bad thing in my life since I was in my teens,” she said. “She has manipulated my life to the point where everything is a mess. She slept with my ex, and then this. I mean, this is just beyond anything I thought a person was capable of. She had a man make up a document and then had your best friend convince you that I was married and only after your money. Which, I want to add, is completely insane. I have never, not even once, borrowed money from any man, including my own father. In fact, I have never borrowed money from anyone, except a dollar in the third grade from Lindsey to buy a lollipop, and I paid her back with interest! It showed me how much you really didn’t know me. It showed me how you wanted to know me, but when it came down to the nitty gritty, the real hard stuff, you didn’t want to give me a chance to explain. You wanted to writhe around in your misery.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I said.
“I know I’m right,” she replied. “I have worked really hard for a long time to build my dream from the ground, up. I could take my grandparents’ money, but then I wouldn’t have done it myself. I want to make a name for myself in the medical community that is positive and bright. I don’t want to jump into something I’m not ready to give my all to. That was why I hadn’t opened my clinic yet, not because of the money.”
She was so angry, and I wanted to calm her down, but I knew that she needed to get out whatever she was thinking. I knew that she had bottled this up ever since I left the house, and it was only fair that she got to say whatever she wanted to. I owed her so much more than that.
“As far as the marriage thing goes,” she said. “If I were truly married, I would have never talked to you. I would never be the woman that betrayed the sanctity of marriage. Sure, there were several nights that I couldn’t see you. I thought that was normal. I didn’t know dating you meant I had to jump when you said jump. Either way, me not being available every night didn’t mean I was with a secret husband, for God’s sake. I was helping Lindsey plan this wedding. Everything here, I put together. I did almost everything for her. So yes, I was really busy when you wanted to see me. I am sorry that your expectations were something different than that.”
“Amanda,” I said. “I deserve so much worse than what you are giving me right now. I was an idiot, a scared little boy that ran off as soon as I thought there was a chance I could get hurt. I ignored every glaring sign that what I was being told was a lie. I’m so sorry for that.”
“Nathan,” she said. “There is something else.”
“What?” I asked. “Please, whatever you need to say, say it. Don’t hold back.”
“I’m pregnant,” she said, looking up at me.
Immediately, my heart stopped beating, and all the alcohol coursing through my veins just disintegrated. I was expecting her to tell me off, not tell me she was pregnant. I didn’t even know what to say to that. I was completely speechless. Everything in my world that I had been so upset about all these weeks just disappeared into the background when those words came from her lips. I stepped forward and grabbed her by the arms, looking deeply into her eyes.
“Are you serious? You’re pregnant with my child?”
She looked up at me, scrunching her shoulders, and tears formed in her eyes. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and knowing that my child was growing in her belly made her all the more beautiful to me. It was so obvious that everything that had been told to me was a lie, and I would never understand how I could ever think anything differently about her. She was so precious and so perfect in that moment.
“Yes,” she said quietly, nodding. “I’m serious.”
“Will you come with me somewhere private so we can talk?”
“Yes,” she said.
I grabbed her by the wrist gently and pulled her through the lobby to the Presidential Suite elevator. I put my key in and climbed inside, feeling more than a little nervous about what was going on. She was pregnant, something that I didn’t think I would ever hear in my lifetime. I was really glad I rented the suite, although now I wouldn’t be using it to get completely wasted and pass out in later. When we got inside, I walked her over to the couch and took her hands in mine, looking deeply in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry for everything,” I said. “I love you more than the world, and I want to be there for you and this baby.”
“You do?” she asked.
“Of course, I do,” I said. “Can you forgive me?”
“Yes,” she said with tears flowing down her cheeks. “Of course, I can forgive you.”
“I can’t believe I am going to be a father,” I said, tears gathering in my eyes. “I should have called you back all of those times that you called. I was terrified that if I talked to you again that I would find out that John was right. I knew in the pit of my stomach that it was all lies, but I didn’t know what to do.”
“You were scared,” she said, wiping away one of my tears.
“I was scared because I have never loved someone as much as I love you,” I said, pulling her into my arms.
“I feel the same way,” she said, hugging me tightly. “I have been miserable without you.”
“I have been someone else without you,” I replied, pulling back and taking her face into my hands.
There was so much emotion flowing around us, but intertwined with those feelings was desire. I leaned forward and pressed my lips gently against hers, breathing in the sweet smell of her perfume. She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned into me, her fingers curling through my hair. Immediately, I could feel the ecstasy creep over us, and our kiss turned from gentle to lustful and passionate. I loved her, and I couldn’t wait to show her how much.
Chapter 25
Amanda
The heat between the two of us was intense, so intense that I could imagine a fog floating around us. We had been apart for so long, wanting each other, needing each other, and now that we were together, we didn’t want to waste a moment of it. He had accepted the baby without even so much as a question, and he’d realized how badly he had messed up. I knew I could never stay away from him, and I dreamt that he would be back in my arms again. The intensity between us was even thicker than before our break up, and my heart felt like it was going to explode. All the exhaustion, the anxiety, and the sick feelings lifted immed
iately when his lips pressed against mine. Hearing him tell me that he loved me was reviving, and I felt like I was whole once again, not fearing or needing for anything.
It was amazing to me what this one person could do for my soul, but as I stood there, running my hands across his face, I knew that the universe hadn’t failed me after all. I needed to know myself, to completely let go and be vulnerable in order to truly appreciate what the two of us had. He was the love of my life, and with his child growing inside of me, we would be a family like I had wanted from the beginning.
He stood up off the couch and reached down, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. He wrapped his hand around my waist and picked me up, holding me close as my feet dangled over the floor. Our eyes stayed locked tightly while he walked across the floor and to the bedroom. Once inside, he set me down on my feet and walked behind me, pulling my hair back and kissing the back of my neck. His fingers found the zipper to my dress, and he slowly pulled it down, holding my hand as I stepped out of it. He unclasped my strapless bra and tossed it on the floor, coming around to the front and rubbing his hands over my nipples.
I untied his bow tie and unbuttoned his shirt, opening it wide and running my hands down his chest. He slid his shirt and jacket off, tossing them over the chair next to him. I pulled the buckle on his pants undone and pulled down the zipper, letting his pants fall to the floor. He slipped his shoes off and stepped out of his trousers, walking forward and kissing me passionately. I whimpered as he walked me backward. The butterflies that had plagued me before returned with a vengeance. I sat down on the end of the bed and stared at him intently as I pulled myself back and laid my head on the pillow behind me.
