Haley was relaxed and content. It was like that every time he was around, every time they grew close. She wanted more. And that more she wanted she felt powerless to have. She was hiding out. This didn’t factor into her plan. She had intended to prove to herself that she was capable; she was strong. And she had. It took some time, but she was better than ever before. She just didn’t know what her next move should be. At the moment, it felt like everything was out of her control. And that was a highly uncomfortable feeling.
Placing his hands on her shoulders, Sam drew her into his chest. He wanted to hold her there forever. He was afraid, at the moment, however, that his mistakes, his impulsive decisions were going to bite him in the ass. He sighed.
Jake and Adam and Neville…as much as it pained him to admit it…they were all right. If he wanted a future with Haley, he had to start being honest and open. And he had to start right now. At the moment, she was a captive audience. Of course, he felt like he was the prisoner. Haley had captured his heart. Feeling naked and exposed, he cleared his throat.
“Haley, we need to talk.”
“Mmmhmmm.” She murmured into his chest as they stood embracing in the kitchen. A moment of his continued silence later and she was staring up at him with her gorgeous eyes. “What would you like to talk about?”
Sam marveled for a moment. Any other woman would have been in a panic. After all, ‘we need to talk’ is code for ‘we need to break up.’ Instead of being worried, Haley was only mildly curious. That was the benefit of her inexperience, of her naïve innocence. He remembered again his vow to never hurt her.
“Well, I need to clear some things up. I need to admit some things to you.” He was suddenly growing very nervous. Haley had a way of being completely unpredictable. She could still bolt if she was too upset at his revelations. “Let’s go upstairs.”
Sam walked her up the stairs to the bedroom where they had shared so much passion not so long ago. He willed her to keep those happy thoughts in mind while he revealed what a louse he was. He motioned for her to sit down.
“I don’t want there to be any lies between us,” he began.
Her brow furrowed. And her demeanor changed noticeably. “What lies?” She asked quietly as she sat up and inched away.
Holding her hands in both of his, Sam tried to gather his courage. “Well,” he could feel himself chickening out. How could he admit that he was the reason some wacko was now chasing after her? How could he admit that he had gone behind her back to investigate her past? How could she ever forgive him for such betrayals? No, Neville, Adam, and Jake had no idea what they were talking about.
“I want you to stay on at the agency. No matter what Ellen decides…I want you to work with me on campaigns. And I’ll be changing your pay to reflect your change in status.” He exhaled. That was part of what he wanted to tell her.
Without thinking, Haley threw herself into his arms and toppled him backwards on the bed. She began plastering his face with kisses.
Laughing, Sam asked, “What made you do that?”
Stopping and arching an eyebrow playfully, Haley responded, “I wanted to.”
That was the easy part. That was the part he was comfortable and confident in. Would she still want to stay if she knew the truth? For Sam, it was too soon to find out. Baby steps. One thing at a time. If they could just make it through the holidays. If she could just see how well they fit together…that he could give her that family she longed for…if he could show her that she couldn’t live without him…he would never have to worry again.
And that’s why in the morning they drove to the airport while talking about Thanksgiving. Sam knew what he was doing when he suggested that he might have it catered as he had done ever since his mother had passed away.
“Nonsense!” Haley said with alarm. “Thanksgiving is my favorite cooking holiday.”
“Huh. I had Christmas pegged as your favorite cooking holiday, “he responded honestly.
“No,” she corrected him. “Christmas is my favorite baking holiday.” As she spoke she wore a blissful nostalgic look. “Every year I find new recipes to try out. I bake a wide variety of cookies. I make homemade egg nog.”
Sam made a face. “I hate egg nog.”
“No you don’t,” Haley said confidently. “You only think you do because you’ve always had that awful processed stuff. You will love my egg nog.”
He was unconvinced, but he loved this side of her, supremely confident in her abilities, happy and excited. Sam would do anything to see to it that she remained that way forever…with him.
“We’ll see.” Haley smiled.
We’ll see was close enough. He was now supremely confident he had her hooked through the holidays. These would be his best holidays yet. He would be surrounded by those he loved. Sam was busy thinking about how wonderful the next six weeks of his life were going to be. He had even begun to contemplate how magical the next year could be. And that’s why as distracted as he was, he didn’t think about going through security at the airport.
Emptying his pockets, Sam quickly loaded his bin and started to walk through. He was already through the metal detector when his phone started to vibrate. Haley was behind him.
“Want me to get that?” She asked, ever efficient.
“Sure. Is it a call or a text?” And his question fell on deaf ears.
Haley was reading the screen. It was a text from Jake.
I could find the guy who mowed down Adam and raped Haley faster if you would just ask her for a name. Come clean. She’ll understand.
Shaking, Haley set the phone back in the bin and sent it through. She had gone from relaxed to ready to run in the time it took her to read that text message. What did it even mean? And though she knew that the message somehow implied Sam was keeping something from her, all she understood was that it was her fault Adam had been hurt. Sam had never been anything but nice to her and her past was destroying her future. Her hand flew to her mouth. Her eyes were wide with shock. Slowly she backed away.
From the other side of security, Sam stared at her, first confused, then afraid. He grabbed his phone as soon as the bin passed inspection. And he read the text message that had Haley all unnerved. His heart sank. So now she knew. She knew that it was his fault that her rapist had found her. She was hiding just fine without his interference. She was flourishing. And he had ruined it. He opened his mouth to speak.
“No,” Haley said quietly. “There’s nothing to say. I’m sorry. I have to go.” She grabbed her carryon and headed away from the gate.
Sam tried to turn go back through, but security stopped him. He wanted to chase after her. He wanted to speak to her, to explain. And he couldn’t. Sam started to text her wildly.
Haley, please. Can’t we talk?
He waited for a moment. It may have only been thirty seconds. Sam refused to wait any longer. He sent a flurry of messages without waiting for a response from any of them. He wanted to repair the damage that one carelessly written text message had caused.
Tell me how to fix this.
Please call me.
Haley, I’m sorry.
Just talk to me.
And finally as his hope was shattered…
Please.
The weight of truth was heavy. As Haley rushed from the security point, tears blurred her vision, but she refused to let them fall. She had no idea where she was going, no idea what to do. She rushed into the nearest restroom and locked herself in the first available stall with toilet paper. It took some time to compose herself. It might have happened sooner, but the text messages made her cry harder.
Over the last few years she had perfected the art of crying silently. If no one saw her, no one would know she was all but sobbing. Sure, huge tears dripped relentlessly from her eyes, but she had experience in hiding that tell-tale sniffle, the labored breathing. She had to. After her family died, wiped out in one foul swoop, she couldn’t very well cry herself to sleep every night in the dorm. No one coul
d possibly understand the depth of her pain, the length of her mourning, the devastation she felt as she had to rebuild her life alone.
After the rape, she was so bruised, so broken that even crying over it hurt. And she had ensured there would be no reason to cry ever again. Haley had decided never to let anyone in. Look how quickly her resolve had dissolved when Sam came into her life. Maybe it was because in him she saw a kindred spirit. She felt as though their souls had met before long ago, he was that familiar to her. And because of that closeness, discovering that she was the source of his pain, Adam’s pain…was devastating. But Sam couldn’t fix this. No, this wasn’t a problem he could throw money at. In her heart, Haley knew that only she could ensure that Chase never hurt anyone again.
Wiping her eyes one last time, Haley straightened her shoulders, took a deep bolstering breath, and exited the stall. The mirror showed the damage was minimal. She only had red eyes and experience told her that those would disappear soon enough. With renewed determination, she exited the restroom and walked to the nearest car rental counter. Minutes later, she was reminded why she was taking back her life. Despite having more than adequate cash to rent a vehicle, without a credit card, she still couldn’t. Frustration mounted. The drive would have been nice. She could have used all of that quiet thinking time. She could have, but now she’d never know. Haley walked away from the rental counter and headed back toward the gate. She heard her name being paged over the loud speaker. Ignoring it, she trudged on as she tried to formulate a new plan.
In desperation, Sam had the pilot page her. Nothing. Their departure had been postponed the minute he realized that she might just not come back with him. In his mind he tortured himself with scenarios of how it could have been different. He could have been honest with her, completely honest with her the night before. He could have never had Jake go poking around. He could have told her to ignore the phone and just rushed her through the security check point. If he had made any one of these choices differently, he wouldn’t be pacing outside of the private plane like he was now.
After waiting another thirty minutes, he collected himself. “Well, I think it’s safe to assume she’s not coming. We might as well take off,” he told the pilot. Then he sat down in one of the comfortable leather seats and fastened his seat belt. He declined offers for drinks, snacks, and meals. All he cared about was Haley. He didn’t know where she was or when or even if she was coming home. Closing his eyes, he leaned back and covered his face with a hand. What was going to be even worse was facing Neville and then Adam. With a sigh, he asked for a blanket and pillow, then took a nap.
Haley booked a flight. It was a close call. She almost hesitated, almost chose differently, but she knew she was doing the right thing, that she had made the right choice. There was an hour to kill before the US Airways plane would begin boarding. Entering the gift store, she knew what she was looking for and quickly made her purchase. She walked over to the Starbucks and ordered a Grande hot chocolate…with whipped cream…and chocolate syrup. If they had offered her a cherry, she probably would have accepted that, too. She was going to need all the sugar and caffeine and strength she could get. Sitting at the table nearest the windows, she took a long swig from her cup, then opened the notebook, uncapped the pen and began to write.
Though she had avoided thinking of that fateful night for so long, she knew it was important to organize her thoughts, get the details together. Her life had been comprised of carefully thought out decisions that did little to improve the outcome. For once, she was going to act impulsively. The last time didn’t count. She ran for her safety that night. As naïve as she was, she had known that it would take more than her word and medical records to take down a former senator’s son born into a family of lawyers.
And so she sorted through the events of that night. She thought about how David had disappeared on her about an hour before midnight. Since Haley had been busy helping the hostess refill the snack table, she hadn’t given it much thought, but as it neared midnight, she started to seek him out. She was upstairs in the estate home walking from room to room. With the hundreds of people there, she had trouble scanning the crowded rooms, making it a very time consuming process. Then Chase was by her side. He had offered to help her look for David, but she had declined. There was something about the way he was acting that made her very uncomfortable. Still, he trailed after her. And when they reached the dark distant end of the hall, he made his move. Haley shuddered at the memory. As she replayed the night in her head, she wrote a carefully detailed account.
Sam sat in silence the entire ride home. He stared out the window. He tried watching a movie. It was the longest flight of his life. And as they landed, the dread suddenly took hold. He knew that the rest of the evening would prove to be rough. Hell, if Haley never returned, the rest of his life would be rough, too. Looking defeated, he walked down the steps and across the tarmac.
Neville opened the car door for him. He sat. Neville looked at him with that unspoken question and Sam simply shook his head. Quietly, Neville shut the door and drove them back to the house.
When he arrived, Adam was lurking in the study, just waiting for him. He hobbled out to the entry way and looked around. He started to open his mouth, to question Haley’s absence, but Sam simply growled at him. “NOT NOW.”
Slowly, Adam backed away. Sam bounded up the stairs with his bags and collapsed in the chair. He couldn’t stop staring at the bed. He’d have to buy a new one. There was no way around that. He and Haley had not only slept in that bed together countless nights, but he had made love to her there for the very first time. No way could he sleep in that bed. Of course, taking over the guest bedroom was out of the question. Adam was staying there. And all he needed was for his brother to smell his weakness. He had to get her back. He had to, at the very least, know where she was and that she was safe. He called her cell. And when her voicemail picked up instantly, he knew the phone was off. It wasn’t even dinner time, yet Sam was done for the night.
It was freezing in Philly. Absolutely freezing. And soon enough, Haley realized that she had nothing to wear. At least she had the foresight to pack all of her money in her bag. She glanced at the time and realized that since it was now nearing 5 o’clock on a Sunday, that didn’t allow much time for clothes shopping. Sighing, she realized she would simply have to make it work. Tomorrow promised to be a big day and she needed to look the part. She could pick a hotel after that. And with a plan in play, she set off for the nearest mall.
Chapter Thirteen
Sam woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t find a way to fall back asleep. He had tried reading, a hot toddy, relaxing music, and even some of Haley’s Sleepy Time tea. It was fruitless. He wasn’t tired. He was drained. And he was probably a few more things he hesitated to acknowledge.
Always a man of action, he packed up Haley’s belongings. They used to all fit in the three duffle bags she owned, but since he had taken to giving her clothes and shoes and the occasional trinket, he had to throw in a couple of garbage bags as well. And though he felt better initially, a result of not having to see evidence of her all over the house, he felt worse once he had to face Neville and Adam. There was no way he would able to avoid those encounters two days in a row. Impossible…no matter how early he planned to leave the house.
Neville was exiting the upstairs laundry when he nearly ran into Sam in the hall. And since Sam was desperate to seem in control, and unmoved, he started to instruct Neville on the disposal of Haley’s personal belongings.
“Burn them, sir?” Neville questioned incredulously. “Surely you don’t mean…”
“I know what I said,” Sam snapped. “When I say burn them, I mean burn them.”
There really was no place to burn them, but he didn’t need his employer knowing that. And because he imagined that at some point or another Mr. Davenport would come to regret his hasty decision, instead he took the duffle bags and garbage bags down to the basement. All the whi
le that he worked, he worried over what had happened and where Haley had run off to. Obviously, Mr. Davenport was not yet ready to discuss it.
Sam had barely survived his encounter with Neville when he ran into Adam in the kitchen. He sighed loudly, an indication of his annoyance, a suggestion that he would be better left to his own devices. Of course, Adam was impervious to these subtleties.
“So, how’d it go, old man?” Adam asked playfully. “Did you finally tell her how you feel?” He had to know what had happened, how everything had gone so horribly wrong.
Sam stiffened. “Not entirely.” He was about to deflect, he was about to leave the room, he was about to do anything but answer another question from his annoying little brother who was already one step ahead of him.
“What now? What this time?” The exasperation in his voice was obvious. “And if you didn’t tell her and she didn’t run away in fear, then where the hell is she?” He leaned on the counter and stared Sam down.
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