James breathed out slowly. “How were you going to do that?”
“I had hidden your gun out in the field where I crashed the car. I went back and got it. I did a lot of things, everything I could to make it work and it went well for a while. I had drugged Asya and I was getting her to the car, but one of them, Eddie, was waiting for me, and so I ended up being the one abducted and taken to that house. I’d fitted myself with a tracker, which Dylan used to find me, but not before…” Mairead stopped and her face became distraught.
James squeezed her hand gently. “Take another breath.”
For a while neither of them spoke.
“Sweetheart,” James said gently. “When you planned to kidnap Sophie, or Asya, did you have some idea of what you were going to do with her?”
Mairead nodded. “I was going to make her tell the truth. Dylan would come and I knew he would get it out of her. He would find out where the rest of them were and I would be able to prove that you were innocent, but Dylan didn’t come. I had to do it all myself.”
James slowly nodded. “You didn’t think something like that would be far too dangerous without Dylan being there from the start?”
“I couldn’t find him. I tried and besides, I wasn’t afraid of what I was doing. I was more afraid that I would never be with you again and that I’d end up in that prison again, or Asya’s men would find me. I was too terrified to do nothing.”
“Perhaps the police, Cooper maybe, might have been the best approach. Did you think about talking to her?”
“No, James, I didn’t, because my feelings towards the police at that time were pure fucking hatred. They weren’t about to help me.”
“Mairead, it’s alright. I’m just trying to understand…”
“I know it sounds crazy, but you weren’t there. Nobody was there. I was alone and I made a decision which nearly cost the life of our baby.” She looked up at him fearfully. “That’s what I can’t deal with, what they were going to do.”
“Then you’re not ready to talk about it,” James told her quietly. “You’ve done brilliantly today and we can try again tomorrow.”
“No.” Mairead shook her head. “I have to say it. You have to know what my decision nearly cost both of us, and I’m so sorry, James. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m listening.”
Mairead stared down at her feet. “The day you got me back, they were going to perform an abortion on me that very morning. They were going to kill our baby because I had no idea where Dylan was or any information to give them. Dylan died so our baby could live, and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
A long silence followed, and when Mairead dared to glance at James, he was staring out at nothing, his face despaired and grim. She turned away, but he’d caught her glance and suddenly pulled her onto his lap, holding her firmly.
“Don’t, please.” She tried to stand up but he wouldn’t release her. “You’re angry with me, probably hating me, but not as much as I hate myself.”
“Don’t say that to me.” He rested his head against hers and his breath could be felt on her neck. “If you’re asking me if you did the right thing… I don’t know, because I wasn’t there and I don’t know how it was for you. All I can give you is my honesty. This is going to take time for both of us, but it has no bearing whatsoever upon the way I feel about you. I love you, Mairead. I fucking love you. Get that into your head, once and for all, and don’t you ever say that to me again. Do you hear me?”
“Yes.” She stared down into her lap. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry, that you had to suffer alone. You did everything you could.”
“When do I have to talk to the police?”
“Fuck the police. You have a doctor and lawyer that aren’t about to allow anyone to harass you, and when you’re ready, it will be Cooper you speak to.”
Mairead surrendered herself to his embrace, curling into his body and adoring his strong arms around her. She looked up and saw he was still frowning.
“I really did think about everything I was doing, James. I didn’t just plough in…”
A quiet melody had James reaching for his phone. A glance at the screen and he pushed a button to end the call.
“It’s my Dad,” he said. “I’ll ring him back later. They keep asking to see you.”
Mairead shook her head. “I’m not ready.”
“I know. I’ll get them to come to the hospital café tonight and update them. You won’t have to see them and I’ll be only a floor away from you if you need me.”
She smiled at him weakly. “I promise not to have any more meltdowns.”
“Let’s just take it hour by hour. I’m not expecting anything from you, other than you doing everything you can to get well. You’ve got a good therapist and we’ll get in whatever other help you need.”
“What I told you…”
“It’s alright, baby. You’ve done well. Let’s not talk about it anymore today.”
Mairead nodded and rested back against him. She could feel the tension in his body and it saddened her, knowing how hard he was trying to support her, while much of his faith in her would take a lifetime to restore.
CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
After Yvette had left, it was another half an hour before the bedroom door opened. Dylan closed his eyes as if resting, and waited until he knew Lena was near. Already, he could sense her unease, hearing it in her breathing.
“Are you awake, Jahn?”
Dylan opened his eyes and smiled softly. “Hello, Lena.”
She was shaking as she struggled to speak. “Yvette tells me that you are grumpy.” She laughed, but then broke into tears. “You just don’t change do you?”
He shook his head, “I got older, while you didn’t age a day.”
She wiped at her tears. “You liar. I’m a little thinner, but I have wrinkles and lots of grey hairs.”
“No,” he replied, his gaze studying every inch of her. “You’re beautiful as ever.”
“You’re trying to sweet talk me,” she scoffed. “I suppose you want me to release you.”
“I would… please, Lena.”
“Well, I’m not going to,” she declared. “Yvette says that you have to rest and I want your attention. If I release you, your mind will be on others things and after nineteen years, I’m owed your attention for a few minutes.”
Lena, you have it, without the restraints.”
“No, I like you tied up,” she grinned. “And I like knowing you are naked beneath that sheet. It gives me the same sense of power that you had over me the other day.”
Dylan narrowed his eyes, but kept his voice calm. “Now is not the time to play games, Lena. I need to be released and then we will talk.”
“And I said no,” she stated. “So you can shut up and listen to me or you can lie there all day, and I’ll take that sheet away, and see how you like being nude, with my eyes and hands all over you.”
He conceded a grin. “You’re more than welcome to find out.”
Her mouth fell open before she narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re just so sure of yourself, aren’t you? And why wouldn’t you be? I see this house and its finery and that French girl, and I know there are others, young and pretty… much younger and prettier than me, and now I understand.”
“Lena,” Dylan began. “You don’t understand…”
“Don’t,” she snapped at him. “Just don’t. It doesn’t matter. You can’t make a fool of me anymore than I have done to myself. I had questions and now I have answers.” She took a breath and lowered her voice, her eyes gazing tearfully at him. “I will always be indebted to you. Somehow, because of you, Greta and I are reunited again. She tells me you have helped many young girls and that you are a good man. She wants to stay with them for a little longer and she promises I will see her soon. This I can do, but staying in this place with you, I can’t and I won’t.”
“We don’t have a choice. This place is a long way from a
nything and Yvette has removed all means of escape. I’m as trapped here as you are.”
“No, I don’t believe you.”
“When have I ever lied to you, Lena?”
She glared at him. “When you told me you loved me.”
“No. That was never a lie.”
“It was a fantasy,” she insisted. “You created a fantasy for me, like you have created this place, and it worked. I never stopped thinking about you and I would often imagine what I would say to you when I saw you again, but you never came back and my heart never mended. And now I discover what you have been doing for nineteen years. Of course you didn’t come back. Why would you? You didn’t need me.”
“Lena, listen to me…”
“I held on to the delusions of a silly young girl, pretending that you loved me, and now reality has finally set in.”
“Lena, stop it.” He glared at her angrily. “You have no idea what you meant to me…”
“Of course I didn’t,” she snapped back at him. “I only had what you left me with, and I made a shrine in my heart of a love that never existed, at least not in your heart.”
“Lena, unless you release me, I’m not about to explain myself.”
“Fine. Have your freedom.” Lena began to unbuckle the restraint on his wrist.
Dylan watched as she struggled with the buckle. “Is Greta alright?”
“She’s great; ready to take up the fight again. These girls, Greta says they will need her. She asked if I minded and what could I say? That I needed her too, like I needed you all those years ago? But it doesn’t work like that, does it? Instead, I smiled and said, ‘go, do what you must do’ because all I really need is her happiness.”
The moment his hand was free, he grabbed Lena’s hand tightly. “Greta is an incredible woman, as brave and stubborn as her mother. Her information and the description of the place where those girls were held, saved their lives and mine. I couldn’t have done that without her.”
“I know how strong she is,” Lena smiled sadly. “I’m proud of her. She won’t tell me what she’s been through, but I’m not completely stupid. Maybe she’ll be able to trust me again someday and tell me.”
As his hand came free, Dylan eased his body up, wincing at the pain in his ribs. He watched Lena go to the end of the bed to unbuckle his ankles. Only the sadness in her face made her seem older. The large brown eyes and her long shiny hair with its fringe still made her as youthful as he remembered. She was wearing a dress that was tight across her large breasts before narrowing to a much more defined waist. From there, her hips were still plentiful.
When he was free, Dylan stretched out his arm. “Lena, come here.”
“I’m alright.” She waved him off. “I said what I had to say. Now go and do what it is that you do.”
“Lena,” he growled. “I said to come here.”
She pouted angrily. “Fine.”
Shuffling around the bed, Lena nervously allowed him to take her hand and draw her to sit down on the bed. She frowned and looked away as his eyes penetrated her.
“Nineteen years,” he smiled. “And I never stopped thinking about you either. I kept track of your life for nearly six of them. I knew how well you had done. Your restaurant was one of the finest in Ukraine. Greta was doing well in school and Danil was studying at university. He was a good man and I’m sorry he’s gone.”
“You turned him into an extraordinary man. He spoke about you all the time, which didn’t help me. You had filled his head to obsession with getting himself educated, and he did. I loved him, but even that wasn’t real because I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Can you understand what that does to me?”
“By leaving, I did what was right for you,” he told her firmly. “And to see you here now, to see Greta… I know it was the right decision.”
“For you,” she said. “But not for me.”
“Lena, I couldn’t give you the life you needed.”
She stared at him. “My needs were simple, and nothing compared to what you have here. You should never have allowed me to believe that you loved me.”
“Lena…”
“No, I don’t want to hear any more. If I’m stuck here, then there is nothing I can do, but let me hold on to what’s left of my pride. I can conduct myself civilly, and you will need help to wash and get dressed, and you should eat. I’ll cook for you and try not to get in your way, but as soon as you are better, I want to go back to the city. I have a job that I like and a room which isn’t much, but it’s comfortable.”
Dylan nodded, seeing the way she was avoiding his gaze. “I’ll see to it that you have anything you need.”
“I don’t want anything from you,” she replied harshly. “Except for you to be gone from my life forever.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
“The shower is running, towels are on the rack and all your toiletries and make-up are on the vanity.” James emerged from the bathroom. A grin slid over his face. “Just let me know if you need me to scrub your back.”
Mairead smiled at him. “Is that all you want to scrub?”
James’ mouth dropped a little. “No, but I know you need time…”
“I’ve had time,” she told him. “Nearly six weeks of not being with you.”
“The shower isn’t the ideal place to…”
“They have handles on the tiles,” she grinned. “A non-slip mat and even a plastic chair, unless of course, you’re not up to it.”
James laughed. “Baby, you have no idea how much I’m up for it. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“I’m alright.” Undoing her robe, Mairead let it slip off her body and stood naked before him. She looked down at herself. “My tummy is bigger, but then again, so are my boobs.”
James smiled as his eyes wandered over her breasts. “They are, aren’t they?”
“Oh well,” she shrugged. “Guess I’ll just have to lather soap all over them on my own.”
She went to walk past him into the bathroom when his arms went around her, gathering her back against him. His lips came down on her neck and kissed their way to her ear.
“If my wife needs lathering, that’s my job.”
Mairead twisted about to face him, beaming as her fingers began to unbutton his shirt.
He stood still, gazing at her. “You look beautiful.”
“You make me feel beautiful,” she told him. “I was so afraid that you would never look at me like that again, after what I told you.”
“You weren’t to blame,” James frowned. “I’m just sorry that Dylan didn’t make it.”
The happiness wilted from her face. “I’m being selfish. You’ve barely had a day to think about…”
“It’s alright.” James quickly smiled at her. “Dylan would want you doing everything to be happy again, and right now you need me. Now, let me do this and get yourself into the shower. I’ll join you in a moment.”
Tiptoeing up to kiss him, Mairead nodded and hurried into the bathroom. James resumed his frown as he slipped his shirt off. During the night, he had tried not to dwell on what Mairead had told him in the courtyard. Since her arrival at the hospital, she had slept soundly for the first time and woken with a smile. Talking to him had required an enormous amount of trust. He needed to honour that, even if her revelations had left him angry and confused.
If her actions resonated with insanity, it couldn’t be held against her, but it posed the question of what they faced in the future. Mairead had only begun to show full recovery from her prior ordeals. This latest episode was a giant step backwards.
An evening with his parents and her father hadn’t been conducive to his confidence in her. Only Joanne was convinced that Mairead wouldn’t have endangered herself and the baby, unless she truly believed there was no other way. James wanted to have the same conviction, but a comment by Sean had fairly summed up the feeling that lurked at the back of his thoughts.
“Who the hell plots to kidnap a dangerous criminal as some kind of
means to an end? These people assassinated an MP and his wife. What possible chance did Mairead think she had against them? That was not the thinking of a rational person, and especially one who is about to have a baby. I love my daughter enough to know Mairead is going to need help, especially when this child arrives.”
There had been further discussions, through which James had sat brooding silently. Mairead had taught him some hard lessons of not judging her too quickly. He had believed that her days of impulsive actions were behind her, but soon he would have a child’s welfare to think of as well. If that wasn’t enough, he was still trying to come to terms with Dylan being dead, and couldn’t help wonder if he might have survived, if Mairead had not interfered.
Whatever he was feeling, James knew it could not be voiced or acted upon. She needed his patience, support and love, especially now that she was talking to him and accepting her need for help. He had a duty to her and the baby, to support her without prejudice, no matter how he felt about her actions. Right then, it meant getting into the shower with her and indulging a need they both had.
The moment he entered the bathroom, Mairead welcomed him eagerly, melting into him and offering her mouth for his kiss. As his hands glided over her wet skin, it was easy to forget all his concerns. He was yearning for her. Six weeks had been much too long.
James grinned as his erection brushed against the curve of her belly. Crouching down, he glided his hands down to cup her bottom as his lips brushed against the soft swell.
“It’s incredible,” he whispered. “Our baby.”
When Mairead didn’t reply, for a second, he felt irritation, the burning need to ask why she would risk something so precious. Standing up, he turned her away from him and pressed her up against the wall, kissing her neck and shoulders. His hand caressed her breast as his other hand pulled back on her thigh.
“Bend over.”
Mairead leant forward, arching her back and pushing her bottom back against his cock with her legs spread wide. Her hands were splayed on the walls and she was already panting. His fingers went between her legs, finding her swollen clit and the wet heat deep between the folds of her vagina.
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