If you happen to see Daniel’s wife, tell her that we are grieving for her today. Tell her that she and Daniel made a deep and lasting impression on Ed, Sarah, Cameron, and me. Tell her, she is in our prayers tonight and for many nights to come. Whether she even remembers meeting us is so incredibly unimportant. What is important is that we remember her, and we will always remember Daniel.
Ejection fraction: A measurement of the percentage of blood leaving the heart with each contraction.
EPILOGUE
Both Sides, Now
Paige, July 23, 2017
Written by Joni Mitchell in 1967, “Both Sides, Now” has been recorded by many artists of virtually every genre. Judy Collins recorded it after hearing the young songwriter sing it to her over the phone from an agent’s office the year it was written. It was a hit. Subsequently, Joni recorded it herself in 1969. Bing Crosby and Carly Rae Jepsen recorded it, as did Willie Nelson. The song has always been dear to me. It has layers and depth that show incredible insight, particularly when considering that Joni Mitchell was only twenty-four years old when she penned it. As she sings of clouds, then love, then life in the three verses, the listener is pulled into the writer’s philosophical musings and arrives at the same conclusion: We really don’t know clouds, love, or life at all.
The events of our lives shape each of us. Choices are made; people influence us for better or worse, depending on our perceptions, our backgrounds, our desire to learn from experience. I believe in the power of love over hate, of good over evil. I also believe that our time on earth is only part of our existence, that we only see through myopic lenses, rarely seeking the long view. I do not pretend to know why Ed was one of the fortunate ones. I thank God he lived, and I grieve for everyone who died waiting to receive a heart or whatever lifesaving organ that did not become available in time.
As for the donor families, how can we ever live well enough and be grateful enough? We cannot. We just cannot do it. For Ed and our family, sympathy became empathy in October 2016. We see from Both Sides, Now.
Once upon a time, there lived a family. The father, Patrick, and the mother, Erin, loved each other very much. They had two beautiful children: Hicks and Mary Caroline. Hicks was a typical three-year-old boy. He was wild, carefree, funny, and mischievous. Hicks had the golden curls of a cherub and a twinkle in his eye that contradicted all angelic tendencies with one exception: his fierce yet tender love for his baby sister, Mary Caroline. “Sister” was his heart. From the time she arrived home from the hospital, Hicks was her protector, her entertainer, her devoted big brother. There was not a modicum of jealousy toward this blue-eyed angel who had displaced his rule as the “one and only.” He didn’t just accept her, he doted on her.
Patrick and Erin were wonderful parents. They spent time playing with their precious children, reading to them, teaching them. Patrick sang to Mary Caroline every night during her bath time. Her favorite song was “Sweet Baby James” by James Taylor. Erin was a wonderful wife and mother. She was sweet and energetic, laughing easily and forgiving quickly. This beautiful family was surrounded by a very large extended family of parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and devoted friends. Everyone loved them because of their generous hearts, sense of fun, and sweet spirits.
Mary Caroline was a product and reflection of her family. She was incredibly secure and outgoing. Even though she was less than a year old, she expressed delight in everything the world had to offer. She laughed and waved excitedly at everyone, friends and strangers alike. As soon as she could stand and walk, she would dance to every tune she heard. With a smile on her face, she watched her brother and her cousins running and playing, as if she knew that before too long, she would be able to keep up with them. Mary Caroline was filled with joy.
One day, Mary Caroline became very sick. Realizing that something was terribly wrong, her parents took her to the hospital. Tests were run, and doctors and nurses worked around the clock to slow the bacterial infection, to make her well. After a couple of days, the unthinkable had become reality. In spite of her parents doing everything right, of doctors and nurses using all the best medical procedures known, Mary Caroline would never resume life in this world. On October 12, 2016, Mary Caroline joined other saints and angels in paradise.
Erin and Patrick’s family and friends gathered around them. They came to show their love, their support, and to be together to share their sorrow. Because this was a very large, loving, and strongly connected family, something very unusual happened. Though tears were shed, there were times of laughter. The joy that was the hallmark of Mary Caroline’s short life filled the waiting room. The hospital staff said they had never seen anything like it. Many of them joined the family during their time off duty to listen to the conversation. The family members thanked them, every doctor and nurse they encountered, for their heroic efforts to save Mary Caroline. It was a strange and spiritual time.
When Patrick’s aunt arrived, he met her with a big hug. After thanking her for coming, the first words he said were “Paige, Erin and I have donated Mary Caroline’s organs.” Paige and Patrick hugged again, for a very long time. After that, they walked back to Mary Caroline’s room so Paige could hold her tiny, perfect hand and tell her good-bye. Of course, Mary Caroline’s beautiful soul had already left her body and flown straight to heaven, but Paige knew that heaven is closer than we think and that this Joy Child could hear every word.
For several days, the family and friends gathered at the hospital. Back in Mary Caroline’s room, Erin, Patrick, Chris (Erin’s brother), Kemper and Craig (Patrick’s brothers), and Mary Caroline (Patrick’s sister) took turns staying with their precious angel. Hicks spent time with his devoted and beloved grandmothers (Peggy and Caroline), aunts, uncles, and sweet cousins in a never-ending cycle of confusion, distraction, and love. The last afternoon in the hospital, Patrick and Erin were alone in their child’s room to spend as much time with her as possible. As Patrick looked out the window, he told Erin, “From now on, I want to take the time to really appreciate every single moment. I want to experience life the way Mary Caroline did. I want to stop and watch the sunset with Hicks. I want to tell him how blessed we are to have a God who loves us enough to create so much beauty for us to enjoy in this world. If we see a butterfly, I want to stop and really see that butterfly and be thankful for it.” With that, a butterfly flew across the window in front of them.
For a minute, neither Erin nor Patrick spoke. Finally, Patrick said, “So, did you see something just now? If so, what did you see?”
Erin said, “I saw a butterfly, Patrick, just like you did.”
Two days later, Highland Park United Methodist Church was filled with people from all over the country who gathered to celebrate the short but profoundly meaningful life of Mary Caroline Cowden. As the minister said, “She never had a bad day. Every day was filled with joy.”
The following day, October 16, would have been Mary Caroline’s first birthday. The Cowdens hosted a huge party at their house. Pink bows on every tree, pink balloons in every chair, a bouncy castle (“Because Sister would want a bouncy castle,” according to Hicks), food, music, and lots of little girls wearing butterfly wings dominated the yard. The launching of dozens of pink balloons by people of all ages was glorious.
Months have passed, and life continues for this family. There remains a Mary Caroline-shaped hole in their lives that will always be there. In spite of water wells in Africa that have been dug in her memory, in spite of countless volunteer hours served in her memory, money poured into charities, and prayers for healing their broken hearts, they miss her. Faith, hope, and love will ultimately win, but they will always miss her, always remember her.
On the twelfth day of every month, many people remember Mary Caroline Cowden. In her memory, they find a way to share joy. It may be a phone call or visit to brighten someone’s day, cookies delivered to a neighbor, groceries bought anonymously for a family in need, picking up the lunch tab of a compl
ete stranger. People use their imaginations and do remarkably joyful deeds.
And somewhere, an unknown family is experiencing the joy of having their child restored to health. Mary Caroline’s gift saved a life.
Life is a mystery. Life is filled with so many challenges, so much drama, so much adventure. Live well, live joyfully, and donate life.
ED’S EMAIL PLAYLIST
“Slip Slidin’ Away” by Paul Simon, attached to emails dated April 9 and July 1, 2015
“Why Me, Lord?” by Kris Kristofferson, July 8, 2015
“Heart of Gold” by Neil Young, July 9, 2015
“The Air That I Breathe” by The Hollies, July 11, 2015
“Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles, July 21, 2015
“Teach Your Children” by Crosby, Stills & Nash, July 23, 2015
“Take Me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver, July 31, 2015
“Blue Moon” by The Marcels, July 31, 2015
“The Road to Ensenada” by Lyle Lovett, August 2, 2015
“How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” by the Bee Gees, August 20, 2015
“Wasted on the Way” by Crosby, Stills & Nash, November 8, 2015
“Streets of Bakersfield” by Dwight Yoakum, December 14, 2015
“One Love” by Bob Marley, December 14, 2015
“Long May You Run” by Neil Young, May 18, 2016
BENEDICTION
“You go nowhere by accident. Wherever you go, God is sending you. Wherever you are, God has put you there; He has a purpose in your being there. Christ who indwells you has something He wants to do through you where you are. Believe this and go in His grace and love and power.”
Richard C. Halverson
1916–1995
Presbyterian Minister
Former U.S. Senate Chaplain
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Ed Innerarity is an observer of life. He is fascinated by science and frustrated with words. In eighth grade he mutated and cultured a strain of E. coli resistant to antibiotics for his science project.
After spending a large part of her childhood with her nose in a book, no one could be more surprised than Paige Innerarity to realize she has managed to help write one! When she is not reading and writing, Paige can be found designing jewelry; binge-watching various BBC series about murder, history, and baking; and hiking the trails above Creede, Colorado, with family, friends, and dogs.
Dispatches from the Heart Page 17
