by Simone Elise
I turned to look at Brad with a smirk on my face. He had just scared that boy off.
Brad must have felt my eyes on him because he glanced at me. “What?” he snapped at me. I just kept smirking at him.
He rolled his eyes. “They probably think I’m your father anyway. So if you really want to make a move on him, just say I was being a protective dad.” He was actually thinking I would want to make a move on that boy? I heard the annoyance in his voice. Like he didn’t want to be seen as my dad.
I kissed his cheek and his head snapped round to me as I pulled my lips from his skin. But I didn’t think I’d made my point yet, so I moved closer to him and then ever so gently I brushed my lips against his.
His eyes went wide and I pulled back, my lips still close to his. Had I made my point? Or had I just crossed a line? I wasn’t sure. God, being so close to him was hard. I didn’t know who was going to move first. He wasn’t pushing me away, and then his arm that had been on the back of the bench went around me, pushing me into him.
He muttered something under his breath but I didn’t catch it. I was going to pull away from him. I clearly had crossed a line. I chewed my bottom lip. Yep. I crossed a line. My hand gripped his shoulder and I went to push away from him when his arm around me pushed me back into him.
I frowned, looking him in the eye. That was when he decided to make the move. He was holding back as he kissed me. I went into shock for a second. Brad was kissing me. I wasn’t kissing him. But that changed as soon as it ran through my head.
I started to kiss him back. It was slow. It was magical. Everything I wanted it to be. His phone buzzed on my thigh and I was pulling back so he could answer it, but his hand went to the back of my neck and held me in place.
Brad and control. He loved control. So I gave it to him willingly. Not fighting him. He picked up the pace of our kiss and I wanted more. I moved on the bench seat, moving my leg over him and straddling him. As soon as my body was pressed against his he stopped holding back.
Our kiss went from sweet to rough in a second after my body touched his. His tongue invaded my mouth and I loved it. Welcomed it. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the way he was claiming my mouth while one of his hands was on the back of my neck and the other running down my back.
I curved into him, and nothing felt so natural. I felt his erection between my legs, right at my core. And, acting as if I had more experience than I did, I rocked against it.
“Hannah, stop it or I’ll fuck you on the table,” he growled at me.
Fucking me? Would he really do that? Delight flooded me. And I stole his lips back. He groaned when I didn’t stop moving on him.
I pulled back, out of breath, leaning my forehead against his. “I don’t think they will think you’re my dad anymore.” I smiled smugly. I think we were past proving my point.
He glanced over my shoulder and then looked me in the eye. “I think you did make your point.”
I smiled, happy with that and happy he knew what I was doing.
“That’s the only reason you kissed me, right?” He arched an eyebrow, waiting for me to explain my actions.
No, Brad. I kissed you because I have loved you and looked up to you as soon as I got hormones. I couldn’t say that though. I frowned, not being able to lie to him, and shrugged instead. I went to get off but his hands gripped my hips and held me in place.
“Sweetheart, why did you kiss me?”
I gulped. Lie, I had to lie. “Just did. No reason.”
“You’re lying to me.”
I huffed. “Drop it Brad!” I tried to get off him but he just held me in place.
“Sweetheart, why did you do it?”
“Don’t you do things on impulse?” I snapped, annoyed with him. I would not tell him I loved him. That I had always had had an unhealthy attraction to him. That I’d looked at his friendship over the years as more.
“No.”
Well, there goes my one way of explaining this. “Well, I did it on impulse.”
He looked at me, not buying it. I read his expression. He wanted a real answer. So I had to turn the tables.
“I kissed you to prove a point. Why did you kiss me?” I challenged him. Immediately, he closed up. His hands were off me. He wanted me off. I could tell that instantly.
“We should order breakfast.” He completely closed up.
Well, that was one way to get out of his question. I moved off him, feeling extremely awkward. I shouldn’t have kissed him. But why did he kiss me? I glanced at him, and he was glaring at the menu. What was he thinking?
He was regretting it. I cared too much about him for him feeling guilty and taking all the blame. I kissed him, period. It didn’t matter that he’d kissed me. I started it.
I turned to face him. “I promise I won’t do that again, Brad. I’m sorry.” I looked at the menu in his hand. “I’ll have a hot chocolate. Still not hungry though.”
He glanced at me, his eyes holding mine. “When did you get mature?”
I smiled. “Just don’t beat yourself up about it, okay? I did it. And I won’t do it again.” I had learned my lesson. “So, you won’t beat yourself up with guilt over it?”
I knew Brad. I knew he would take the blame on his shoulders. He had kissed me. But I started it.
“Like I said, when did you get mature?” He looked at me, puzzled, like he was seeing a complete different side to me.
“I’m not. I just know you.” I threw him another smile. “Now, I want my hot chocolate.”
He looked at me longer with disbelief. Like I was a miracle or something. Or he was just seeing me for the first time.
“Hot chocolate isn’t enough, what else do you want?” He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.
“Trust me, that’s more than what I have been having.” I tucked my legs under me.
“That really pisses me off, Hannah.” He didn’t hide it in voice either; his disapproval. It angered him that I hadn’t been eating.
“Not a big deal.” And it really wasn’t. I couldn’t eat because I was worried. Thursday. My mind went back to it. D-day. Breast cancer or no breast cancer. Brad had taken my mind off it for a little bit, but now my mind was locked on it.
***
Sometimes you are given challenges to overcome in life. Sometimes you can’t explain them. Sometimes there isn’t reason as to why they’ve happened. And other times, life just sucks.
Layla’s hand wrapped around mine. I took my eyes off her car’s dash and looked at her.
She was with me. She heard it too.
“Hannah, I’m-”
“Don’t say it.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear it again. Okay, breathe Hannah. Breathe.
“You have to tell your parents.” Layla’s voice was soft. “You have breast cancer, Hannah. You can’t lie to them.”
“I’m not telling them.” I made that decision as soon as I got the news. I was not telling Mum and Dad. I wasn’t telling Tyson. And I sure as hell wasn’t telling Eve.
“You can’t face this by yourself.”
“I sure as hell can.” I wiped the tears off my cheeks. “I won’t let this bring my family down. I can face it on my own.” I was strong enough. I could do it. I didn’t need anyone. “I won’t let this ruin anyone else’s life.” It was already ruining mine.
Layla squeezed my hand. “You aren’t facing it by yourself. I’m right here and I’ll be coming to your first radiation appointment next week.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I’ll be taking you and sitting in the waiting room.”
“Layla, you don’t have to.”
“I’m going to be right beside you every step of the way, Hannah. Don’t fight me on it.” Layla started the car up. “You sure you don’t want to tell your family? Not even Tyson?”
“No. I don’t want anyone knowing.” I turned to face her. “Please tell me you won’t tell anyone?” I
knew I was asking a lot of her. Keeping a secret like this was a big deal. I saw the look on her face.
“Tyson should know.”
“I don’t want him to know. I don’t want anyone to know!” I would beg her if I had to. “Please, Layla. Please don’t tell anyone.”
“If I keep my mouth shut, will you tell me every detail?”
I nodded my head.
“And at the end of the round of radiation, you tell your parents.”
I shook my head.
Layla sighed. “Well, when will you tell them?”
“Never.” I scoffed. I knew how my parents would react. I didn’t need pity. Dad didn’t do weaknesses and your daughter having cancer, well, that was a weakness. I was a weakness.
“I’ll keep my silence on one condition.”
“Name it.”
“You tell them if the radiation doesn’t work.”
I groaned. “But they said it might not work and I might have to have it removed!” She was setting me up for telling them.
“Exactly, and if that happens, you are telling your family. In the meantime, I will take you to every radiation appointment. So, do we have an agreement?” She looked really torn about it. Like it wasn’t what she really wanted. She wanted me to tell my family. She wanted me to tell Mum and Dad.
“Okay. If it doesn’t work, I’ll tell them.” I ran my hands through my hair. “So, you won’t mention it to my brother?”
“Why would I tell Tyson?” She was defensive automatically.
“I saw you talking to him.”
Her lips clamped shut.
I knew my brother. He didn’t take an interest in a female unless he wanted her. Tyson had taken an interest in Layla. He also had been annoying me for her number. Tyson was used to women following him.
He wasn’t used to following women.
But he was following Layla. I knew that as soon as he casually asked me for her number. He did it so smoothly, though; he even came up with the excuse that he needed it for a school question. I told him to message that question to one of the girls’ numbers he did have at the school.
“He’s taken an interest in you.” I stated the fact.
She sighed. “I won’t tell him. You come first.” She looked at me. “Anyway, he isn’t speaking to me. I’m going to make it my mission to make sure you are looked after.”
I frowned. “What do you mean he isn’t speaking to you? And I’ll be fine.” I could look after myself. But the fact she was so concerned, well, it was sweet. I don’t know how we’d become so close but she was the only one I’d trusted to tell the truth to.
“He’s acting weird…it doesn’t matter. You and I are going to be glued together from now on.” She put the car into gear. “By the way, I know who your parents are.”
I froze. Please no. I gulped. How mad was she? I glanced at her. She was calm. Well, I doubted she was going to have it out with me now. Not after finding out I had cancer. She would keep what she really thought to herself.
“I was pissed.” She glanced at me. “But not anymore.”
“Guess it’s cause I have cancer?” I felt bitter saying it. She wasn’t pissed at me because of the cancer. It was already impacting her view on me.
“No.” She took her eyes off the road to look at me, pulling out of the car park. “Because you are my best friend. And I knew you would have told me when you were ready.” She arched an eyebrow at me. “You were going to tell me, right?”
“Yeah, of course.” I blew out. I was going to tell her when it became important. “Once you told me about Cyrus, I wanted to tell you more. But I didn’t know how to bring it up.” I really did want to tell her. But saying your father was the Reaper, well, it doesn’t roll off the tongue easily.
“Your dad is intimidating.” She put her eyes back on the road.
“You have no idea.” Dad scared people away. Just his name scared people away.
“Yeah, well, he is good at what he does.” She glanced at me. “And clearly loves you.”
Yeah, Dad did love me. Which was why I was protecting him from the cancer. He couldn’t cope knowing something was hurting me and he couldn’t stop it. It would nearly kill him, making him watch me suffer. So I was going to protect him from it.
“Which is one of the reasons I’m not telling him.” I was honest with her. “Dad deals with things head on. He liked to protect me from things. This he can’t protect me from and he can’t save me from it.” I nervously played with my hands and sighed. “I can’t watch him suffer as I go through this. Knowing there isn’t anything he can do.”
She nodded her head. “I know you think you’re protecting them from it. But trust me, they will want to know.”
“I’m still not telling them, so stop trying to convince me to change my mind.”
She grinned. “I’m not going to drop it. I’m going to tell you all the time and one day you will want to tell them because you want to.”
“If you’re waiting for me to want to tell them, then you shouldn’t be reminding me of telling me.”
“I think a bit of pressure from me might help.” She kept grinning, whacking me on the arm. “Cheer up, Wilson. You didn’t get a death sentence today. We will get through this.”
She was right. I didn’t get a death sentence. I got a challenge. I would beat this cancer. Radiation would work. I kept telling myself that as we drove away from the hospital where I’d be going twice a day for the first week and then five times a week for another six weeks.
I swallowed hard. I had strength to face this, right? I had to have strength. I couldn’t count on my family to get me out of this. I couldn’t count on Dad scaring it away or Mum taking it off my chest, or Eve to reason with it or Tyson to punch it.
I had to face it. Myself.
I looked out the car window. I could do this.
Chapter Seven
Hannah
I knew it would come. It just took three days. Shock. I had entered shock. I was half-prepared for it to come. By yesterday I thought I had passed it altogether. That was till tonight. When I was in our living room and I saw a picture of my grandmother with Mum and Aunty Kim.
Reality of what I was facing hit me hard. She had faced it. She hadn’t won. It was in my DNA. I was going to lose this fight. But it didn’t mean that I wouldn’t fight it.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
My head snapped up. What was Brad doing up? It was after three in the morning. The club wasn’t having a party tonight so there was no reason for him to be outside right now.
“Nothing.” I swallowed sharply.
“Not fucking true.” He stomped toward me, ripping the cigarette from my hand and dropping it on the ground. “You don’t smoke!”
Yeah. I used to not smoke. That was before I got cancer. “Everyone smokes. I don’t see the big deal.”
“Okay. What’s with the tone?” He crossed his arms, standing in front of me. “And what’s with the smoking?”
I didn’t need to be hassled. I had come out here to avoid that. Dad and Mum were asleep. So were Eve and Tyson. Tyson, for some reason, was staying at the house tonight instead of his dorm room.
I’d snuck out of the house and went to the lot to do something I never did. Smoke. Dad relied on it when he was stressed. I wasn’t stressed though. I was in shock. I felt empty. Scared. Actually, I was terrified. I should call Layla.
“Hannah, what’s wrong?”
I glanced back at him, forgetting he was even standing there. Right. He thought something was wrong. Well, I was going to have to lie daily now. Guess now was a good time to start.
“I’m fine.”
He scoffed. “I just caught you smoking. You aren’t fine. Tell me what’s wrong.” He was frustrated; annoyed I wasn’t opening up to him.
I found myself wondering something I had been thinking earlier. “Do you ever see your life ending? Like you can’t see yourself past a cert
ain age?” I stared down at the concrete lot. I wondered if it was just me.
He sat next to me on the picnic table. “I never saw myself getting this old. But why are you thinking like that?”
I turned to look at him. “I can’t see myself older than twenty.” It was a cold hard fact. I couldn’t see myself getting older. “I don’t see myself getting married or having kids.” I shrugged, thinking about it more. “I can’t see me getting into my twenties.” Grandma lasted two years with her cancer. I was seventeen at the end of the month. Two years would put me at nineteen and I was pushing for three years to make it to twenty.
The more I thought about it, the more I knew it wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t see twenty.
His hand went to my knee. “You’ll get married and you will have kids.” His words were gentle and he was saying that like he was making it law. “And you’ll see all your birthdays.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I’ll make sure of it,” he said firmly. He said that as if he had thought about me getting married and having kids. I smiled. That was Brad. Always thinking ahead.
“Some things are out of your control.” I knew he wouldn’t admit that. He liked control. In his world, I’m sure he did see me getting married and having children. But in my world, that wasn’t going to happen. I was going to die young. Without a family or a husband.
There would be no mark on the world from me.
“You should be in bed.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing my ear. “Not out here in the dark.”
“Not like anyone will hurt me.”
“You’re right, no one would dare.”
“No, I meant I wouldn’t get that lucky.” I said it before I realized it came out. I knew I shouldn’t have said that by his reaction.
“What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?” he demanded rudely. Like I would tell him. Heck, I wouldn’t have told him if he asked nicely. “In fact, what’s been wrong with you all month?”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’re never here. You’re out here in the middle of the morning talking about death and you just hoped someone would attack you!”
“Not a big deal.”
