by Simone Elise
“What do you have the heater on in here to? A hundred?”
I always felt the cold. “You know I feel the cold.”
“It’s the middle of summer, Hannah.”
I shrugged. I don’t know why I always felt cold but I did. So normally I was rugged up. But considering I wasn’t planning on anyone else being in this room with me, I’d turned the heating up.
I couldn’t turn the heating up at home because it was central heating and everyone would complain about what I turned it to.
His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me back to his chest. It didn’t feel weird. And I knew he wasn’t doing it because he loved me or something. He was doing it because Brad and I were always close.
I would sit on his lap at club parties. I would let him put his arm around me when we were in the clubhouse. Dad never picked up on the fact that I liked it and to me it meant more than just a friendship. But Dad would never think I would fall for a man like him.
He saw Brad’s attention to me as innocent and that was what it was. Innocent. So right now, as he placed a kiss on my shoulder, I didn’t look into it more, he was just doing what was natural. Though he didn’t normally kiss me on the shoulder like that.
“So, what you getting?” he asked. “And are you going to explain why you are in a hotel room instead of at home?”
Nope. I was not explaining that because the reason I was here was so that I wouldn’t be forced to lie to my family about having a full week of radiation.
“I’m getting everything and that’s a mystery.” I turned in his arm and looked back at him. “One I’m not explaining to you.”
“Your whole life to me at this point is a mystery.” He said that like he hated it. Hated not knowing where I was. Or who I was with. “Did you really have tea with Tatz or did you make that up?”
I frowned. Why did he sound so interested in the answer? As if that question had been running through his mind since I told Dad that.
“I have tea with him a lot.” Tatz was always at Layla’s. We had tea together last night. Wasn’t like it was just us. Layla’s family was there. It was a bit like Brad with our family. Brad was always around. Always at family dinners. He was just part of the family.
Mum and Dad trusted him. Loved him.
Tatz was looked upon as family in Layla’s family.
“It’s not just him and I though. Layla’s family is with us.” I felt like I needed to add that when I saw his expression.
Why was he looking so furious?
“Does he sit next to you?” Brad was furious. I just didn’t understand why. God, I had never seen him look at me with such anger. His tone dripped with fury, and the look on his face! I couldn’t explain it.
“Um, yeah, I guess.” I frowned, not understanding the importance of it. Why did it matter if Tatz sat next to me or not?
“Your dad was right about him.” Brad’s hands stilled on my back and gripped me. “I want you to stay away from him.”
“From Tatz?”
“Yep.”
“No.” I was not having this argument with him. “And don’t ask me to do that. You and I are….” Friends? Though a friend shouldn’t be looking with such jealousy at me. I shook my head. “Tatz is a friend. That’s it. Like you and me.”
“So you let him kiss you?”
“No!”
“You just said he is a friend like you and me.”
I sighed, frustrated. “I get you are being protective like Dad, but I’m fine. Tatz won’t hurt me.” I would never let anyone get close enough to hurt me. “So stop looking at me like that.”
His eyes darkened and he didn’t drop the expression. The expression that was telling me he was extremely jealous and pissed off about it. Did he really think I would let anyone touch me the way he does? I didn’t understand what was making him be so protective. He was looking at me like I was his or something and I was violating some unspoken rule we had.
I didn’t harass him about women he saw. I didn’t point out that he only slept with women he liked. I didn’t feel the need to remind him that I thought him sleeping with Andrea disgusted me.
Yeah, it really disgusted me. Angered me. But I let it go. Because Brad wasn’t mine to get jealous over and I wasn’t his.
“It’s not like I’m your girlfriend, so stop looking at me like I’m cheating on you or something!” I said, frustrated with the expression he was giving me. “It’s not like I’m in love with Tatz!” The only man that I looked at with love was him. And I loved him more than a friend should.
“Tatz is worse with women than your brother.”
“I know, Dad told me that.” I snapped. God, I wasn’t even in a relationship with Tatz. All we did was talk and laugh and he treated me like I wasn’t the daughter of the Reaper. “Tatz is good to me. He makes me laugh. He always makes me eat at tea. Even when I don’t want to. And he and I have the same taste in movies.”
“So you watch movies with him now?” His jealousy went up a level. Just when I thought this situation couldn’t get worse and he couldn’t be more jealous. Well, I was proven wrong by his tone.
I groaned. “Why are you making this such a big deal?”
“I don’t want anyone touching you.” He said that like it was a law. Well, I had news for him. Doctors were touching me all the time at the moment.
“Well, we don’t all get what we want, do we?” I said bitterly. I didn’t get him not being with Andrea. I had to put up with it. I have always had to put up with seeing him with other women. The only time he didn’t have a woman around him was when he came to the house for family dinners.
“What do you want that you don’t get?”
“Nothing.” I was not telling him about my jealousy over him and other women. Nope. Not happening.
“I’ll make sure you get it. If you make a promise not to let Tatz become your boyfriend.”
I rolled my eyes, finding this whole thing ridiculous. “I’m not promising anything.”
His expression hardened. “Because you like him.”
I found myself groaning again. “What is with you tonight?” I didn’t see why he wanted to pick a fight with me. “I told Dad to trust me. You have to trust me, too. You can’t just expect me to block every man out of my life because you think I’m some weak female that will get her heart broken.”
Which is what they were saying by forcing men out of my life. Like I was incapable of looking after myself. Like I would willingly follow any man around like some lovesick puppy.
“Hannah, you are gorgeous. Men notice. I’m not saying you are weak. I’m saying I don’t trust a man like Tatz not to make a move.” His hands moved up my back. “I’m not around their club to protect you from men like Tatz.”
“I don’t need protecting to begin with.”
“Yeah, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“I won’t have you getting hurt. Tatz hurts women. He won’t be hurting you.”
I crossed my arms, looking up at him. “Am I going to have to threaten you? Like I did Dad? So you won’t dare scare Tatz away?”
He clamped his mouth shut. His expression gave me my answer. Yeah, I had a strong feeling I would have to threaten him.
“You so much as threaten one man away from me and I will personally cut you out of my life. Your friendship means a lot to me, Brad. So don’t make me do it.” I brushed his hands off my back and walked around him, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I don’t understand why you would think I’d go for a man like him to begin with.”
Brad turned and I watched him walk toward me. I ran my hand through my hair just as he knelt down in front of me, his hands running up my bare legs. “Because he’s a criminal, a biker?” His words came out like those two reasons would stop me from being with someone who was a criminal and biker. How wrong was he?
My hand went to his cheek. I leaned in closer to him. “Because he’s not you.” My words were s
oft but I knew he heard them.
His hands stilled on my thighs. And his hardened expression dropped. He was shocked. And it made me smile—a real smile. Brad always saw everything coming, so he wasn’t usually shocked by anything because he was always expecting it. But clearly he wasn’t expecting me to say that.
“So, can we drop the subject of Tatz?” I asked, keeping my hand on his cheek. He knew I wasn’t lying. I was easy to read when I wanted to be. He didn’t move or say a word and I sighed. “Brad? Can we drop the subject?”
“Because he’s not me…” He repeated my words with a shocked expression on his face. Was he saying that to himself or to me? Because I knew what I’d said.
My fingers ran across his unshaven jaw. I waited for him to calm down because it looked like the shock had disappeared and he had gone into a panic mode. I hoped he wasn’t thinking I was about to become clingy because I’d said that. I sighed, watching his expression. He would be thinking the worse.
“Maybe you should go,” I said, my fingers freezing on his skin. “You look like you want to be anywhere but here.” I shouldn’t have told him the truth. “Just go, Brad.” I was letting him off the hook. “Seriously. I’m fine, you know that now. You don’t have to stay.”
I wasn’t fine though. I stopped being fine when I found out I had cancer. I stopped being okay. I stopped being happy. I stopped everything. Everything I showed now was a front. Which was why I was finding it hard to put a front on in front of him. My front had dropped for a second when I said Tatz wasn’t him and he was the reason I wasn’t interested in anyone else. I should have kept that to myself—hell, I had for so long now.
I went to get up but his hands were planted on my sides and he forced me to stay in front of him.
The look in his eyes, if I could explain it, I would have to say it was pleasure mixed with happiness and maybe a dose of love as well. I didn’t know what he was feeling but clearly it was intense.
His hands were gripping my sides and his thumbs were on my ribcage as he ran his hands down over me. “I know it’s wrong but I want to remain the reason you keep men away.” His grip on me tightened and he nearly lifted me off the bed but all he was doing was pulling me toward him. “It’s selfish. I know that.”
It was like I was everything he wanted but everything he didn’t want at the same. Like he was a junkie and he loved the idea of getting high off me, but he didn’t want the addiction.
“You don’t really want that,” I said and my hands gripped his arms. “And I don’t expect you to want that,” I added with a sigh. “Brad, just because I said you are the reason doesn’t mean I want you to…” My words dried up as I tried to explain what I wanted to say. Finally I cleared my throat. “I don’t expect anything from you.”
That said it all, didn’t it? Somehow in my weird way that I’d gone about it, I’d expressed my feelings. Just because I did it still didn’t mean a thing. That was my issue. Not his.
His phone started ringing. And it was perfect timing, because I knew it would give him an excuse to leave before it got awkward for him, if it hadn’t already.
“You should get that,” I said, giving him the excuse he needed to escape.
He shook his head, looking more determined than ever to not answer. “Nah, fuck that. Last time, you left me when I did.”
“I left because it was late and you had someone waiting for you.”
“You’ve been avoiding me since that night.”
Well that wasn’t a lie. I sighed. “I didn’t want you to feel awkward.” That was the truth.
His eyes flashed to his faded mark and then locked with mine. Pain and frustration covered his brown eyes. “And you think me not seeing you is better? Hannah, knowing you’ve been with Tatz hasn’t left my head. I fucked up a motor because I was thinking about it!”
I frowned. Brad never fucked anything up, especially when it came to cars and motors. Why did a little thing like who I was spending time with matter to him so much? He only looked at me as a friend. A friend shouldn’t be making mistakes because they’re so stuck on how another friend spends their time. I wasn’t his girlfriend, sister or lover. He shouldn’t have gotten upset over a little thing like me having dinner with someone else.
I was curious on how he could fuck a motor up. Brad knew motors better than anyone. “How did you fuck up the motor?” I asked.
“Put the wrong oil in it. It was a client’s car, too, which made it worse.” He took a hand off me and ran it through his hair. “Reaper hasn’t shut up about it. It was a rookie mistake.”
“Sorry,” I smiled. “You should have just called me and I would have told you nothing was happening with Tatz.”
“I was tempted. But then I realized you didn’t have to explain yourself to me. I’ve got no right to expect you to tell me shit.”
“You do have a right.” I began to run my fingers down his jaw and he didn’t push me away. “I’m always honest with you.” Apart from the whole cancer thing. But that was very personal. I wasn’t telling anyone but Layla.
My doctors wanted my parents’ consent to begin treatment and I signed it on my parents’ behalf. Didn’t regret it. The radiation lady hadn’t questioned on why my parents hadn’t come for the first week of treatment. Maybe it was because everyone knew that my proud self-promoted sister was in the waiting room.
How anyone could think Layla and I were related I didn’t know. She had raven-black hair and chocolate brown eyes, whereas I’m a blonde and have blue eyes. We were opposites. But only a sister would show the type of love she was giving me.
“I don’t expect that of you, Hannah.” His words were low. “It’s selfish of me to expect that of you.”
“Your phone is ringing again.” I could hear it. “And you aren’t expecting it of me. I am doing it. There is a difference.” I moved my head closer to his and kissed his cheek. “Answer your phone, Brad. I’m not going anywhere.”
Suddenly, I was feeling tired. Maybe that whole exhaustion thing was kicking in? Brad barked a hello in the phone, sounding very rude. I whacked his arm. You don’t answer a phone like that!
He rolled his eyes at me, knowing exactly why I hit him.
“What, Andrea?” he said into the phone.
Oh. It was her. I sighed and pushed his hand off me and got up. I did not want to overhear his conversation. She most likely was waiting for him and wanting to know where he was. It wasn’t like Brad to not be at the club.
I was surprised he left it to begin with.
I picked up the menu. Okay, I had my order. I went to the iPad which was in the room and placed my order. I jumped when his arm wrapped around me.
“I’m with someone, Andrea, so don’t wait for me.” He pulled me back to his chest. “I don’t know if I’m coming back tonight.”
Was there a chance I could convince him to stay with me? Sharing a bed with Brad. That would have to be the highlight of my week. After the shit week I’d had, I would love nothing more than to have him here for the night.
I turned in his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. I went up on my toes and kissed his cheek. I wondered what I would have to say to convince him to stay.
I pulled my lips from his cheek and he was quick to turn and dip his head and kiss my lips. As soon as his lips touched mine a spark flooded my body. I loved Brad and him kissing me meant a hell of a lot more to me than being healthy.
His lips were soft and welcoming. I wanted more, so I slowly ran my tongue along his bottom lip, hoping he would deepen the kiss. He didn’t though; he pulled away and flooded my body with disappointment.
“I’m with someone important, Andrea.” He was still on the phone. Right. I had forgotten about that. “Yeah, it is a woman.”
I tilted my head; was he calling me important?
He held my eyes. “Yes, more important than you.” He meant that, too. I heard it in his voice. I was stunned. He thought I was more important than his some
what girlfriend?
He didn’t mean that. “You can go, Brad.” I unwrapped my arms from around his neck. I didn’t want him getting in trouble with Andrea over me. I wasn’t important. He had got that wrong. Andrea was way more important than me.
He didn’t have to stay out of obligation.
“Seriously, go,” I whispered to him. His eyes were locked on me and I went to step out of his embrace but his hand pushed me back into his chest.
“Actually, I’m not coming back tonight. I’m staying with her,” he said determinedly and held my eyes. He was serious right now. “Yeah, I am picking her over you. You’ll get over it.”
My eyes widened. “Don’t do that, Brad!” I whisper-yelled at him.
I could hear her yelling at him.
“Brad, take that back!” I gave him some advice. You don’t piss off a woman like Andrea and get away with it. “Tell her you didn’t mean it!”
“Yeah, I did mean that, Andrea.” He ignored me completely. Was he stupid? He looked at me again. “Yeah, she is.”
I was what? Was he talking about the important thing again because that was a lie. “Tell her you didn’t mean it,” I repeated. “And I’m not more important!”
His hand moved up my back. “She is fucking beautiful. So you’re wrong.”
What was he playing at? I frowned up at him, not understanding. And then he kissed my cheek. I was somewhat shocked by what he had just said. He just called me beautiful. Compared to the women he was used to like Andrea, I did not make the cut.
He kissed my shocked lips. I didn’t automatically kiss him back. He wrapped his arm around me and lifted me up, walking us back to the table and sitting me on it. His lips didn’t break from mine. I could still hear her yelling at him.
He didn’t seem to care. Then my shock was gone. And the situation I was in registered in my head. My hands went to his vest and I started to pull it off. He was kissing me gently and soft and slowly. I was the desperate one. I was the one picking up the pace. He let me push his vest down one arm and then he let me push it down the other, moving his phone from ear to ear while being yelled at by Andrea.
