by Simone Elise
When he didn’t answer, I looked at him. Why was he staring at me like that? I arched my eyebrows.
“Do you want anything to drink, Brad?” I repeated myself. God, I was the only making sure no one thought anything was off. He was the one being a mute.
“I think Abby’s already getting him a beer,” Andrea answered for him and then glanced up at him. “You sitting down, babe?”
His eyes broke off me for the first time since he’d got here. Thank god for that. Maybe now he could act normal. I was acting normal! He could at least try. I think him seeing me naked was factoring in. It was like he couldn’t look at me now without being ashamed of what he’d done.
“So, how’s school, Hannah? You still dominating your lessons?” Andrea sipped her water and waited for me to reply.
“I don’t know about dominating. But I am getting through it. And because I’m doing advanced units already for next year, there really isn’t anything for me to study at a level I haven’t completed.”
“God, I never had that problem!” Andrea shook her head. “So what does that mean?”
“Means university,” I grinned and actually sounded excited about it. I wasn’t, though. I reckon come next year I’d be spending more time at the hospital being poked and studied. I’d probably be sicker, not heading to university early.
If anything, I was facing an early death. But I kept a smile on my face.
“Local or interstate?” Andrea asked.
That was a question I didn’t have an answer for. “Actually, it could be overseas.”
“What!”
I looked at Brad who was looking at me like what I had just said was smashing his world apart.
“What do you mean overseas?!” he rudely snapped at me. “You’ve never mentioned that as an option!”
God, he needed to calm down. Andrea frowned at him. Yeah, his reaction was over the top.
I wasn’t shutting him out of my life or anything. “Um, yeah, I got a few letters offering me a spot. And I don’t know where I’m heading right now.” I tried to keep my answer simple. “But it would kill me to be that far from Mum and Dad, so that’s factoring in.”
Brad scoffed and shook his head, not happy with my answer.
Well, I was just telling the truth.
His eyes were back on me and it was like I had broken an unspoken rule or something. Mum was back and handing him a beer but he didn’t even say thank you as he was too busy looking at me; well, not looking, more like glaring.
I didn’t know what to say so I just looked away.
“So, when did you decide heading overseas was an option?” Brad snapped at me. He was rude. And if Mum and Dad had overheard that, he would have been scoring their attention.
I wanted to roll my eyes. I did tell him that I couldn’t be away from Mum and Dad, right? God, why was he acting like I was about to disappear?!
I looked back at him. He really needed to pull his shit together. “It’s just an offer. Not like I’m accepting it.”
“Sounds to me like you’re thinking about it.” He wouldn’t let the subject drop.
I rolled my eyes.
“Brad, stop grilling the girl. She’s smart. The type of smart that could go to Harvard.” Andrea sipped her water and then looked back at me. “We are happy for you, Hannah. Brad and I only want what is best for you.” She gave me a heart-warming smile, and it hit me hard in that very second. She was Brad’s other half.
I knew that. So why did it only hit home now? The thought of Brad having children with her, marrying her, spending the rest of his life with her—it hit me. I took my eyes off Andrea and looked at Brad.
What the fuck did we do last night?
He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have done it at all! This woman sitting next to him wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. He already had his partner.
I should never have kissed him. I should never have convinced him to come into my hotel room.
I’d had my one night and now I was getting my eye-opener. Brad and Andrea were a couple. She wasn’t a fling or someone he just liked having sex with.
Hell, look at them now. At our family dinner. Because she’s attached to Brad she’s seen as Brad’s other half.
I saw it now and I couldn’t undo seeing it. Brad was in a relationship. And I had no right whatsoever to tempt him last night.
I said I wouldn’t feel guilty but I was feeling guilty. Because what I made him do last night, well, it could have cost him his future wife.
I wasn’t his friend. I wasn’t his girlfriend. I wasn’t a member. I wasn’t family.
I was nothing.
I was so busy in my realization that I was ignoring the aching in my breast. Finally, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Why the hell was it aching? I touched it just slightly and the pain got worse.
I needed Panadol or something.
“You okay, Hannah?” Andrea asked as I got up.
“Yeah, just a headache,” I half-lied and didn’t even put any effort into my lie before I walked away. It was burning. Not aching. I’d got it wrong. I walked into the kitchen and went to the medication drawer.
I hoped this Panadol took the pain off my headache as well.
I pulled my jumper away from my skin and looked down at my breast. It was red. Looked like a rash. I sighed. Guess this was only the beginning. Everything I was feeling before disappeared as the battle I was fighting slapped me across the face once again.
Breast cancer. I was facing breast cancer.
Tears welled up in my eyes. The burning feeling from my breast, the rash and the reality check were all too much for me.
“Hey Nice, can you grab me a beer?” Tyson sung out from the back door.
I blinked and the tears fell. I just had to get through tea, that’s it. I grabbed the Panadol from the drawer.
I quickly wiped my cheeks and I was thankful I wasn’t having a full-on crying session like normal because then my face would be tear-stained and red.
I grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it before throwing back the Panadol and heading back for outside.
I just had to keep a front on for an hour or two and then I could escape.
The food was on the table now and everyone was sitting down. Looked like they were waiting for me.
“Well, at least it isn’t all burned,” Eve muttered, looking at the meat.
“Shut up, Eve. Like to see you do better,” Tyson snapped at her.
Eve turned to look at him with a smug expression. “You know I can do better.” Eve turned to look at Dad who was sitting at the head. “Isn’t that right, Dad?”
Dad nodded his head.
Everyone knew Eve could cook.
Tyson muttered something under his breath which I don’t think anyone caught.
I sat in between Tyson and Eve and placed Tyson’s beer in front of him.
“Thanks, Nice,” Tyson said, reaching for it right away.
I wasn’t like the rest of my family who all drank and smoked. I guess I was the odd one out. I felt like the odd one out as everyone laughed and ate and I just sat there trying to not let the fear of cancer scare me.
But it was scaring me. To the core.
I glanced up and Brad happened to be looking at me with concern in his eyes, as if he could see how upset I was. I looked down at the meat and I knew I should be filling my plate and pretending to eat.
“Was that the doorbell?” Tyson’s words snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah,” Mum said and got up.
I didn’t care who it was. I didn’t even give it a second thought. I needed to put on a front. Smile, Hannah. Just smile.
“Hannah, are you going to eat or what?” Dad said to me, clearly noticing I wasn’t filling my plate up like everyone else.
Dad wasn’t the only one watching. Brad was watching too.
“Actually, Dad, I’m not feeling well.” I wasn’t lying.
I felt like shit. And I think Dad could tell by one glance at me.
“What’s wrong?” He was concerned. He was always concerned when I got sick. When I was little, he wasn’t like the typical Dad that didn’t come near you when you’re sick. Nope, Dad was hands-on. Always had been. His concern for me, well, it was the main reason I didn’t want to tell him I had cancer.
“I don’t know,” I lied. “Just not hungry.”
He put his knife and fork down, and it looked like he wasn’t letting me go. “When was the last time you ate?”
“Yesterday.”
“What did you have?”
“Um, chips.” I looked at Brad, not even surprised to see him staring at me. “I had them with Brad.”
Andrea knew Brad and I were together last night. And now I was counting on him to confirm what I’d eaten.
He shook his head, knowing what I wanted. “She had, like, one chip, Reaper. She didn’t eat.”
I crossed my arms. I didn’t know why he was bothering to still care about me not eating. Why didn’t he just take that concern and direct it as his girlfriend.
As soon as I thought that thought, I knew it was wrong. Brad was still going to look at me as a friend in a way. So this was him looking out for me. I wouldn’t be jealous of his relationship.
Mum walked outside and I glanced at her and then did a double take at the person who was walking out behind her.
“Tatz?” I couldn’t believe he’d come here to my house while knowing very well Dad would be here. I quickly glanced at Dad, hoping he wasn’t already charging at Tatz for even coming here.
Dad wasn’t though, but he was glaring at Tatz.
“Found this in my car.” He held up a textbook.
Immediately a grin spread across my face, a real grin, and I moved around the table. “How did you know it wasn’t Layla’s?”
“I know Layla and not even she would tackle The Biology of Chemistry Advanced Edition.” Tatz stood dominating and tall in front of me with a smile on his face. “Thought you would want it for tomorrow.”
I nodded my head. “Yeah, it’s my first class. Can’t believe you remembered that, though.”
“What can I say, I listen when you speak.” He shrugged.
“Even when I sing?” I smirked at him.
“You know very well that’s impossible when you make me go deaf.”
“I’m offended you would say that, Marshall.” I faked an insult. Most people called him Tatz, but I tended to not do what everyone else did. So I sometimes called him by his real name when we mucked around.
“Only you, Hannah, would say my first name without me wanting to kill you.” He handed me the textbook.
“Come on, Marshall, you love it.”
“Stop it.”
I grinned. “Thanks for the book. You didn’t have to bring it. I know you’re usually busy on a Sunday.” I glanced down at my textbook and then looked back up at him, seeing him frowning.
“Are you okay?”
I was taken aback for a second. “Um, yeah, I’m fine.”
“Don’t look fine.”
I swallowed sharply. My breast was burning like someone had lit it on fire. I don’t know why it had come out of nowhere but it had. I had been warned about it. Sometimes it happened, sometimes it didn’t. I was hoping that it wouldn’t be a regular thing. That it was a one-off.
“I’m just not feeling well.” I told him the truth. I was surprised he noticed. “Don’t look so concerned, Tatz, people will think you’ve got a heart.” I forced myself to smile at him.
But he knew I was forcing it. “What have you eaten today?” He looked at me, determined.
I rolled my eyes. “People need to stop thinking it’s okay to ask about my diet!” I was sick of it. So what if I didn’t eat? It wasn’t like I was bothering anyone!
“Hannah.” His voice went stern and he stepped in closer to me, which was a brave move to do in front of Dad. “What happens when you don’t eat?”
“I’m not that type of sick,” I whined. Why couldn’t people leave me alone?
“So, tell me what you’ve eaten today.” He wasn’t backing down.
I huffed. “I haven’t.”
“What have you drunk today?”
“Water.” I dodged his question and then sighed. “Half a glass.”
“Let me guess. You’ve been studying all day.” Tatz shook his head. “Guessing you’ve got a headache and feel like spewing when you look at food?”
How did he know that? My breast was burning but I also had a rotten headache and the smell of food was making me sick.
Tatz looked over my shoulder. “Did you know your daughter has an eating problem?” He spoke directly to Dad and he wasn’t polite; if anything he was rude.
I turned, seeing Dad standing up. “It’s come to my attention, yes.”
“Have you also noticed she studies harder when she doesn’t eat?” Tatz said that like he knew me back to front. “Then it reaches a point where she’ll shut down, stop talking and then within an hour of that she will be in the bathroom.”
This couldn’t be happening. Tatz was sharing information with Dad that I didn’t want him to know. That was stuff that happened at Layla’s—that was stuff I didn’t want my family to know. I wasn’t eating because I was stressed, which was making me sick. And why was I stressed? Because I have cancer!
The only person that got me, that got my situation, was Layla. Which was why I was always at her house.
Dad was staring at me, looking disappointed.
I wanted to groan. Great, now I was a disappointment! “I’m fine, Dad,” I reassured him, hoping that look in his eyes would disappear. “I’m not hungry. I’m just under a lot of stress. And it is affecting my appetite.”
“To the point you’re not eating at all?” Dad said and walked away from the table and toward me. “How long have you been like this?”
I wanted to bolt. I wanted to bolt so bad. I went to leave but Tatz stepped in my way.
“Last three weeks I’ve noticed,” Tatz answered Dad’s question. “She also has some boyfriend she won’t mention.”
I narrowed my eyes at Tatz. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”
He arched his eyebrows and I knew I was going to regret something I’d told him. “Then who is the guy who is always leaving a mark on your neck? Who is the guy that has you turning every male down?”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brad get up. Oh my god, he better bloody not say anything!
I had to speak and fast in case Brad was about to do something incredibly stupid.
“He’s history. He has a girlfriend. He is in love with her. I was a fling. There, I said it. Okay? I had an affair with him and now it’s over. So there, there is your answer. I don’t have a guy. Not anymore.”
It was the truth. I realized that what Brad and I had had, well, it was nothing but a fling. A one night deal. Hell, it didn’t even class as a fling! It was stupid of us to even have that one night. It was all a mistake. Brad had a woman that loved him.
I turned and looked at Brad who was standing up like he was ready to defend our mistake.
I looked into his eyes. I think he needed to hear this more than anyone else. “He is a great guy. I fell in love with him too easily. But he has a woman. One that will always stand by him. One he will have children with. He has a whole life ahead of him with her.” I smiled dimly at Brad; it was taking all my strength to not cry. “He has moved on. And I will too.”
I had to let Brad go. I would always love him. But he couldn’t love me. Not when he had a woman like Andrea wanting to be his.
“What a fuckwit. Who would want someone else over you?!” Tatz snapped. “Seriously, what’s the dick’s name?”
“Yeah, Hannah, who was it?” Dad’s hand landed on my shoulder. He had an edge to his voice. He didn’t approve of me being a part of an affair. But he wasn’t judging me on that right now. He just wan
ted to know who it was so he could hurt them.
“A man who is better off without me. I can never give him what he wants.” I looked at Brad, giving him an accepting smile. “I’m just a young, stupid teenager. He can do better and has.” I took my eyes off Brad and looked at Dad. “He didn’t know what he was thinking. It was all my fault. I drew him in and nearly ruined his life. Trust me, Dad, you couldn’t make his life worse. I’ve already done the damage by nearly costing him his future wife.”
And that was the truth. I nearly cost Brad his future wife, Andrea. How could he even take that sort of risk on me? Was he that stupid that he would give up a woman like her for me? I wasn’t special. I wasn’t a model. And I could list a thousand reasons why he shouldn’t want me but there was one strong reason why I shouldn’t have encouraged him. And that was that I had cancer. What type of life was I offering him?
Say we did fall in love and on some rare miracle Dad let us be together. Say we were madly in love. I was still dying young. That wasn’t changing. I couldn’t offer him even a future any more than two years. He didn’t realize I couldn’t offer him more. But I should have factored that in last night. Instead of pulling him in, I should have pushed him away.
I shouldn’t have given into the need to touch him, love him, be with him—yeah, I should have fought it. I was so stupid for even having one night with him.
“Hannah, can I talk to you?” Brad was at my side.
That was the very last thing I wanted to do. I saw Dad’s eyes narrow on him. Oh my god, Brad, what are you thinking?! I had to come up with a reason over why he would want to talk to me because Dad wasn’t fucking stupid! He had eyes! And the way Brad was looking at me right now, with so much anger, passion and hurt—well, a fucking blind man could see there was more between us!
“Brad,” I turned to face him. Okay, lie, Hannah, and lie well. I put on a fake smile. “Thanks for yesterday. But I don’t need your concern anymore. Everyone knows now. It’s no secret. I fell in love with a taken man. I’m an idiot. Like you said, I’m rebelling.” I gave him a bitter smile.
I just prayed that Dad and the rest of my family believed what I’d just said. The look in Brad’s eyes didn’t go away—it got worse and I saw the edge to him. He looked determined to make a point to me.
