by Kailin Gow
I jumped out of bed to run after him. “You’re not going to do this to me again,” I shouted. In my haste to reach him, I knocked into the sofa and stumbled. By the time I reached the door he’d disappeared. Temporarily forgetting to be mindful of my neighbors, I slammed the door and threw the lock with an exasperated, infuriated and humiliated huff.
How dare he?
“Do you know that two men wanted me today?” I shouted at the door. “Two.”
I leaned into the door and sank to the floor. “Damn it, Eric. Two men want me. Why don’t you? Why do you make me want you so much only to not want me?”
After a few moments of self-pity and self-loathing, I got up and promised myself that this would be the last time he played with the heart of Annette Binoche.
Chapter 12
December 6th, 2009
Dear Diary,
I’ve not been able to write much these past days. This week has been a blur of many hours of rehearsal, a few bites to eat whenever I can and too little sleep. I ignored Eric’s suggestion to have the rehearsal time reduced. Despite the fatigue, I do love to get up and sing. Besides, after his hasty departure the other night, I hardly think I owe him anything.
I’m filling the role of Adelle more and more. Certain songs and scenes come easily to me, while a few leave me struggling to get a grasp of her true emotions. Not too surprisingly, the scenes with fits of anger are the ones I’m best at.
I wonder why that is.
Aaron Aragon has been hanging around, though he’s remained respectfully distant. Just playing the boss who’s watching his investment I guess.
Thank goodness for Chace. I can always count on him for a pleasant smile, a kind word and a reassuring shoulder to lean on when exhaustion strikes.
Enough chatting for now; I have to be off.
“Has the fire finally blown over?”
Startled, I turned to see Aaron waiting inside the lobby of the Met; two cups of coffee in his hands.
“I was hoping you’d simmered down by now.” He stepped towards me, mindful not to get too close.
I had, but was reluctant to let him know that.
“Must I get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness?”
He’d sent a note of apology every day since that disastrous episode at the coffee house and I knew his deed hadn’t been all that bad. How frequently did men listen to what women had to say anyway?
A smile twitched on my lips and I fought it. Seeing his eyes light up, however, I knew that he’d seen it and would use it against me.
“I’m not that bad a guy; I promise.”
Keeping silent, I took the proffered coffee.
“Your mother was in an orphanage with Roberta and protected her and they began mending clothes together and moved to America…”
Surprise must have played with my features because he laughed in that subtly aristocratic way he had about him.
“You see, I was listening more than you give me credit for.”
“They’re going to be waiting for me at rehearsal and I have another fitting and…”
“I’m sure if you tell them that I held you up, they’ll understand.”
I had no argument for that.
“Please.” He reached for my elbow and gently turned to direct me to a nestling of sofas in the corner. “I do need to speak with you.”
“Whatever you say, boss.”
He smiled, but his eyes implored me never to call him that again. When we reached the cozy corner, I deliberately settled into an armchair, leaving him to sit on the sofa alone. I didn’t trust him to keep his distance.
A knowing gaze told me my move had not gone unnoticed.
“People are very interested to know the woman who will incarnate Adelle. Questions of your past, your experience and your training are swirling around town and I believe it’s time we put some of those questions to rest.”
“Well, I don’t really have all that much to say about all that. I have no experience or training.”
“The answers are not important. People just want to make a connection with you.”
“Who are these people?”
“People of the arts. Important people who love to see an opera well played and who are intrigued by this ingénue.” He gestured towards me. “I’d like you to join me tonight for dinner with a few art connoisseurs. I’m sure they’d be very pleased, enchanted even, to meet you.”
I sipped the coffee and shook my head with uncertainty. “Aaron, I’m not used to hanging out with high society people and I don’t really I’d fit in and…”
“Nonsense. They’ll love you instantly, and if you feel even the slightest insecurity, rest assured that I’ll always be at your side.”
“I don’t know.”
“I hate to sound like a crusty old boss, Annette.” He reached out to take my hand. “But this goes with the territory. You’re the leading lady; the star. You can’t expect to wow the crowd with your spectacular talent then just ride off into obscurity every night.”
Roberta’s words came back to bite me. I’d become so enamored with the notion of simply portraying Adelle through song that I’d completely overlooked the business end.
“All right,” I conceded. “But I’m giving you fair warning. These types of social functions are not my forte. So if I stumble and make a fool of myself, or even worse, make a fool of you, don’t say you weren’t warned.”
“I won’t hold it against you. I promise.”
True to his word, Aaron never left my side that night. At a soiree held at an exclusive country club, he introduced me to one well-to-do gentleman after another. They were all polite, if not stiff, but their glances were uncomfortably appraising. I felt like a prized horse being paraded before a host of wealthy bidders at an auction.
“They’re all smitten with you,” Aaron whispered in my ear.
His hand rarely left my waist as he guided me through the throngs of the grotesquely rich.
When question of my background arose, he was proud to tell them of my southern upbringing and encouraged me to speak of my childhood in the Big Easy.
“And where did you train, Miss Binoche,” a sturdy and uncompromising elderly woman asked. She gazed up at me from her diminutive height and I could almost taste the animosity. “I had heard Marie had been trained by none other that Monsieur Dutoit himself. He had hand picked her from a select group of young women and had molded her into the exquisite singer she’d become.”
She turned to Aaron. “Whatever did happen to that lovely girl?”
“Well you see, Mrs. Carrey, Miss Binoche has a natural talent that required little training.”
“Preposterous. Every singer needs some training.” She glanced at me and I knew I did not have a fan in the little woman. Chances were no matter what I said, no matter what I did, she was not going to like me.
“Perhaps when you first see her take the stage as Adelle and hear her sing, you’ll understand what I mean.”
Unpleased with Aaron’s response, she huffed and turned away.
I was mortified. What if they all thought as she did, but said nothing?
“Don’t let me see that expression come to your face,” he warned.
“Huh?” I looked at him and could feel the tears stinging my eyes.
He tightened his hold of me and guided me to the French doors that opened onto the terrace. My skin burned despite the cool air and I suddenly wanted to retch.
“Don’t let her get to you. She dislikes everyone and is constantly looking to tear people down.”
“But Aaron, she’s right. What do I really know about the opera?”
He put his hand to my chest. “Everything you need to know is in here.”
“I didn’t know Marie had been trained by Monsieur Dutoit. He’s known the world around, Aaron.”
“I’m quite aware of that. However, what you may not be aware of is that Mrs. Carrey detested Marie. She’s only bringing her up to make you feel inferior and I fear she’s
succeeded.”
He pulled me into his arms and tilted my chin up so I’d have to face him. “You’ve surpassed in these past few days what classically trained women take weeks, even months to achieve.”
“I want to believe you, Aaron.”
“Then believe me.”
Chapter 13
December 11th, 2009
Dear Diary,
Aaron has me on a whirlwind of appearances and social functions. He never fails to reassure me, and his obvious confidence in my talent has allowed me to find that same confidence within myself. I’m no longer intimidated by high society and I thank Aaron for that.
However, my frequent outings with Aaron have left me little time to spend time with Chace. I only see him from afar as he plays the violin and I sing, but the opportunities to speak to him are rare and brief.
Aside from the time I spend promoting myself with Aaron, what free time I have left is spent with Eric who insists on continuing to help me with some of the more difficult songs that are still giving me a bit of trouble.
Roberta greeted me with her usual hug and motherly kisses. “My dear. I’m hearing so much about you. Opening night is sure to be the talk of the town. We’ve only got one more gown to fit you with and then you’ll be good to go.”
She pulled out the elaborate ball gown Adelle wore for the masquerade party. Adorned with crystals, the endless mass of golden tulle was magical and romantic. The tight bodice was beautifully detailed and the bell skirt seemed to go on forever.
With Roberta’s help I put the miles of crinoline on then pulled the massive and heavy dress over it. She pinned my hair up to see the full effect and I could see her eyes brimming with tears of pride. I felt a sudden pang in my heart and wished my mother could be here to enjoy this moment with me as well. But I was forever thankful to have Roberta in her stead.
As she pulled the ties that were to soon cut off my source of oxygen, the door swung open and Chace stepped in.
“Chace.” I instinctively looked down and patted myself to assure everything was in place and that I was decent. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry.” He nodded to Roberta. “Hello, Mrs. Henley.”
“I hope you have a good reason for barging into my territory,” Roberta challenged.
“Annette, this is the only time I can see you.” His hand fidgeted with the doorknob while his toes tapped the bottom corner of the door repeatedly. “The only chance I have to talk to you. I know things are wild these days, but I thought we could grab a quick dinner, maybe even just a coffee.”
“Oh, Chace, I know. I never would have dreamed this would become so hectic. But Aaron is dragging me to another one of his functions tonight. Apparently Marie’s hasty departure and my sudden replacement of her has people curious and eager to meet the new Adelle. A nice, quiet dinner with you would be such a treat, but I can’t.”
“I understand. It’s not easy being the star.” His smile was stoic, but heartbreaking. “I’ll catch you some other time.” He backed out of the room and closed the door.
“My, that boy sure has it bad.”
“Bad?”
Roberta glanced at me with the wisdom of her years, but kept her lips sealed.
Aaron’s function that night turned out to be the stuffiest one yet. Women in elegant floor length gowns and men in tuxedos circled the room in hushed tones as they sipped from crystal champagne flutes and daintily nibbled an odd assortment of hors d’oeuvres. While Aaron had arranged an advance on my salary so that I could have a wardrobe to keep up with such events, I was hardly in keeping with the extravagance displayed tonight.
After making the rounds, Aaron brought me to a secluded corner for a well needed moment to breathe.
“I have to say, quite honestly, that I don’t get it,” I said. I stuffed an escargot topped canapé into my mouth and was surprised to find that I liked it. “These people have plenty of money to go out there and have fun, and this is the best they can do; walk around only for the purpose of being seen and only engaging in conversations that will impress everyone around them?”
“Well, you’re certainly a breath of fresh air in all this. I have to say that I’ve never found these functions as amusing as I have these past weeks with you.”
“You’re sweet.”
“Oh, I’m sweet now, am I?” He winked and raised his flute to clink against mine.
For someone so young, he certainly held his own in a crowd filled with so many accomplishments; so many successes. He seemed completely unfazed by the competitive nature of some of the men who set out to prove themselves bigger, better and richer.
He gazed across the room and gestured with his chin towards a large woman in blue chiffon. “See her?” he whispered. “She has three children, and six grandchildren. Except for the holidays, they never come up to see her. She thinks it’s because she refuses to share the millions she inherited when her husband died, but the truth is they never really liked her. She’s a tyrant.”
I took in her haughty gaze as she berated a waiter and had no trouble believing Aaron’s assessment of her.
“And that guy with the outdated mustache.” He nodded to a funny looking man by the entrance. “He was accused of embezzlement last year and everyone turned their backs on him as he faced losing everything. Then he was acquitted, though everyone knew he was guilty, and now, after rebuilding his empire and expanding it, they all hold him in high esteem.”
“That’s awful.”
“And behind you.”
I turned to see a blue-haired lady with a red satin dress that hung unflatteringly on her thin frame.
“People say her husband divorced her because she spent more time making out with her Bichon than she did with him.”
“Aaron,” I let out with disgust. “That’s gross.”
He put his arm around my shoulders and tugged me to his side. Together we watched the people moving around the room, talking quietly.
“I just want you to see how, underneath it all, they’re just people. I don’t ever want you to think that you’re beneath them. You deserve to have people look up to you and admire you. You’ve got more talent when you hit that high C than most people here have in their entire arsenal of feeble talents.”
Flustered, I nodded.
Thankful to see the evening come to an early close, I met with Eric to go over that complicated aria again. I sensed something was blocking me and I couldn’t understand what it was. The melody tripped my tongue and left me scrambling to get all the lyrics out.
Eric seemed annoyed. He was aware that I’d be rehearsing the song the following day and was intent on having me get it right before I attempted it before everyone.
“I think I’ve had enough for tonight,” I said after fifteen attempts.
“You almost have it. You’re just trying too hard. You’re thinking about it too much.”
“Well, of course I’m thinking about it. You have me doing the same thing over and over again and it’s never right.” While I tried to hide my anger towards him, I knew he sensed how agitated I was around him.
He, on the other hand, appeared cool and collected and completely unmoved by the events of that night in my bedroom. How infuriating it was to know that I still felt such a great attraction to him.
“This song is a joyous celebration,” he said.
“I know that,” I bitingly replied.
He ignored the grit in my voice and continued. “It is the culmination of heartache, pain, fear and worry that has been set free in order to allow the deepest love she’s ever known to take her heart.”
“I know.”
“Find the joy in your heart.”
Was he serious? For him, of all people, to tell me to find the joy in my heart when he very well knew that he held the key to that joy… He was mocking me. He had to be.
“Fine,” I said as I regained control of my emotions and determined to show him that there was indeed joy in my heart. “You’re right. I guess I
hadn’t really thought of it that way.”
I waved for him to begin the intro, settled my heart into a happy place, and sang with the joy and celebration the song required. The intricate notes were happy and gay, the lyrics real and heartfelt and the finale had me expanding my arms out to invite the world to join in as my joy filled the air and echoed long after Eric had gingerly tapped out the last note.
Knowing I’d done well and proud of it, I smiled sweetly at him.
He nodded his appreciation of the song, but his gaze remained veiled with dismay. Had he not truly wanted me to feel the joy? Had he expected me to bathe in self-pity forever?
No, dear Eric, I thought. I will not sit and sulk while you try to make up your mind about what you feel towards me. I have a show to put on and I will put all my emotions into that, not into questioning you.
Chapter 14
December 16th, 2009
Dear Diary,
Tonight is the night. I feel ready and look forward to sharing all I’ve been working on with the New York crowd. I know so much is riding on my performance and the responsibility of it all has left me with a few sleepless nights, but I know I’ll live up to the great expectations.
I’m off to hair, make up and wardrobe.
As nervous as I thought I would be, when that golden curtain cleared the way to reveal the full house, I was in a serene place I could barely understand. And when those first notes of that first song rang out, I was absolute calm and confidence. My first note reached to the most distant balcony and it was as clear and perfect as anyone could ask for.
The song came to an end as I was waltz off the stage by Adelle’s love interest. I had all of two minutes to change out of the heavy garment and into a summer frock that was whimsical and frilly. I had ten seconds to spare as I awaited my cue and took to the stage once again.
