by Ryan Michele
When we were younger, we were always hanging out together. That all stopped when I got about fifteen, sixteen. He seemed so young then, and I was getting into shit he didn’t need to be a part of. We drifted apart.
“What’s goin’ on?” I pull out my smokes and light one.
“Go away.” When he looks up at me, there’s a sinister glint in his eye. One I’ve never seen on him. Come to notice, his eyes are bloodshot, as well.
“Did you take somethin’?”
“Go. The fuck. Away,” he growls.
“Answer the question. What did you take?” The erratic behavior, the obvious temper flair, bloodshot eyes, fidgeting. Hell, it could be a number of things.
“You think you’re so fuckin’ perfect.” He stands, or tries to, but wobbles. Yes, he’s definitely on something.
I search the room and see Buzz. “Go get GT.”
He nods and leaves.
“Oh, yeah, call my daddy. Just so you know, I’m blood,” he spits out, pointing to his chest. “I’m real Ravage blood. Two presidents and my dad are Ravage. This will be mine, not yours!” He comes at me, but he’s so out of it that I’m able to grab him around his arm and halt him.
“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
“Why can’t you be more like Cooper? Why can’t you act like him? Why don’t you treat your sister like he does his? Why don’t you get your shit together so you can prospect like Cooper did at sixteen? Cooper. Cooper. Cooper.”
I release him and push him away from me.
He turns. “It’s always about you! The fuckin’ golden boy, who can never do no wrong, Cooper. Don’t think the other kids don’t see it, too. We all have to live up to the mighty you. Well, fuck you!”
GT comes in through the doors, pulling his sunglasses off. “What’s goin’ on?”
“Let me guess. Gonna take me away so I don’t embarrass you because Cooper never embarrasses anyone!” Deke screams.
GT looks at me, and I shrug. “Apparently, this is Deke’s club because he’s blood and I’m not.” I shake my head. “He’s on somethin’, GT. He’s not thinkin’ clearly. Need to get him some help.”
“Help? No, I need to get away from you!”
“That’s enough.” GT grabs Deke’s neck and pulls him out of the clubhouse.
Angel, who stepped in after GT, wipes a tear from her eye.
“Nothin’ like a good ol’ family quarrel. Now, let’s drink!” Ryker calls out.
The shots keep coming, and I keep taking them. One after the other. My girl isn’t here, Deke has lost his damn mind, and again, I’m here. My head swims as Tina, one of the club mommas, comes up to me.
“Hey, Coop. Haven’t seen you in a while.” She traces my arm and goes under the arm hole of my shirt.
The smell of her instantly hits my nostrils, and I jerk my head slightly. It’s a floral scent, but not like the kind Bristyl wears. No, this is fake, a cheap imitation, and I want nothing to do with it.
“Been busy,” I clip, just wanting her to leave.
“How about we go play?” She traces my arm with a finger, and I automatically bounce back.
I may be drunk, but Tina doesn’t hold a candle to Bristyl.
“No. Go find someone else and tell all the others I said no.”
“Seriously? You’ve been gone forever.” The damn woman pouts.
Anger fully hits me. “You either get out of my sight and do as you’re told, or get the fuck out. You choose.”
“Sorry.” She steps back and scurries away.
“What crawled up your ass?” Ryker asks, sitting down next to me.
“Tired. I’m callin’ it a night.”
He looks to his watch. “Dude, it’s, like, eleven.”
“And?” I walk off, stumbling to my room and locking the door behind me, not listening if Ryker answered my rhetorical question.
My phone rings as I fall into the bed. Pulling it out of my cut, I see it’s Bristyl, so I answer.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey. You made it home in time?” Her voice is quiet like she’s lying in bed.
“Nah, I was late. My mom gave me shit, but there’s nothin’ new with that.”
She chuckles on the other end, and a deep feeling of loss hits my gut. I want her here, in my arms, lying with me, and not hundreds of miles away.
She yawns loudly. “I need sleep, but I wanted to make sure you were there, safe.”
I love that she cares for me enough that she had to make sure I was okay. Damn.
“I’m here. Night, beautiful.”
“Night.”
I click the phone off and pass out.
“So, we have a problem,” Pops says, sitting at the head of the table in church. He called the meeting yesterday after a phone call he received from the Red Devils MC. The one that asshole Nick is a part of.
“It seems that Nick has a totally different story on what happened. His president, Scandal, has called a meeting that we need to go down to Florida to handle. I’m not fuckin’ happy about this.” Pops’ eyes come directly at me, boring a hole in my damn head. “Especially since you haven’t put claim on this woman. So, we’re in a pile of shit because of some bitch you had a hard-on for, and this isn’t how shit works.” His fist comes down on the table hard, shaking it.
My fists clench tight and anger boils below the surface. I learned to remain calm on the outside, but that doesn’t mean I’m not livid with Pops right now. He has no idea what Bristyl means to me.
“She’s not some random bitch I fucked in a damn bathroom.” My words are low and menacing.
“You haven’t even seen her since the rally,” my father charges back.
My gaze shoots to him. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve seen her the past few Saturdays and talk to her every damn night. She is mine.”
A surprised look crosses his face. I don’t know why, considering I don’t tell him every little thing about my life. I am who I am.
“Then why isn’t she here?” Rhys asks, stroking his face. “Pick her up and bring her ass here.”
“I’m workin’ on it.”
“Workin’ on it or doin’ it?” Rhys has always been an intense man. He sees something he wants, he takes it. Me, I’ve always been a bit more laid back, but that time has come to an end.
“Doin’,” I respond, looking at Pops. “Let’s meet him.”
“We’re all goin’. Two days.” Pops tosses down the gavel.
Fuck. I need a plan, and I need my woman.
Chapter Fifteen
He’s coming. Excited isn’t even the word to describe how I feel inside. I’ve been busting my ass today, trying to get all caught up so nothing will tie me down. He says he has to work, which is totally fine. I just don’t want to be returning phone calls when I could be spending time with Cooper. He said he would spend a couple of extra days down here with me, too. So, no way am I letting work get in the way of that.
To have days of just him and me alone … My body quivers remembering how he felt inside of me. That one on one, face to face time is what I crave every moment of the day, and now we’re going to have it for more than a night.
A knock comes to my office door, and when I look up, Racer is leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed.
“Well, hello, brother,” I say, giving a small wave then going back to my papers.
He says nothing as he steps inside the office. The distinct sound of him closing the door has my head popping up. My door doesn’t get closed unless it’s something serious. I don’t want serious right now. The high of having Cooper here is great, and I want to ride the wave.
“What’s wrong?” My mind immediately goes to either a brother or my father being hurt, and my chest tightens at the thought.
He takes a seat in front of me, elbows to his knees, eyes on me. “Got shit goin’ down.” Racer pauses. Racer never hesitates. It’s not in his nature. Again, unease washes over me. “I drew the short straw. Bristyl our Pistol, you g
otta know this isn’t what any of us wanted for you. Time’s come, though. Decision is on you, but you gotta pick.” He runs his hands through his hair in obvious frustration. “Shit burns me to say, but Bristyl, Sterling, he’s stepping up and will claim you. You gotta either take his property patch as an ol’ lady, or Bris, you gotta be a whore.”
My jaw falls to the floor, picking up every speck of dust possible, and my throat becomes impeccably dry. He didn’t just say that to me. Holy fuck, he did. Never in my life would I ever think those words would escape my brother’s mouth.
“You want me to become an ol’ lady or a … whore? What’s gotten into you?”
“I know Dad’s talked to you.”
“He’s said that I’m not an ol’ lady, so I don’t have the same rights as the ones here in the club. But he said that I’m an employee of the club. He never said anything about becoming one, let alone someone who sleeps with the entire club.” Sickness rolls in my stomach, threatening to expel from my body. That is so not my gig.
“Great, he left that up to me.” My brother looks at the ceiling like this is killing him. Well, if only he knew what it’s doing to me. “Look, Bristyl, we have club rules here. You being our sister gives us some leeway on protecting you, but it would be better if you were a part of the club so we can really enforce that. We’ve pushed as hard as we can, but we’re gettin’ some flak for it because no one else gets what you get from the club. Shit’s gettin’ deeper than ever before for the club. Dad, Stone, Hunter, and me, we need to know you’re protected. Sinisters can do that and will do that, but only if you take it on your back or the back of a brother’s bike for life.”
“So, you’re saying that I’m in danger and if I don’t buddy up with someone, I’m going to be hurt.”
He leans back in the chair, casual as can be. “You have two options in this club. Ol’ lady or a club whore. There is no in between. Both we protect, each at different levels. You being the sister is lower on that totem pole. So, if you became an ol’ lady, we could work with this better.”
“You’ve got to be shitting me.” I realize I’m holding a pen in my hand and toss it on the stack of papers in frustration. “I’m not going to be either. One, I’m not spreading my legs for guys here to take their turn with me. That doesn’t fly with me. Some women it does, and good for them, but not me. Second, there is no way I’ll be Sterling’s ol’ lady. He doesn’t even like me, just wants me on his arm. How can you even ask this of me?”
“No one said you had to like the guy. Just keep him happy. Then we have the clout with the club to keep you under protection.”
“So, in turn, fuck him so I’m protected? This is absolutely the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t believe you’re sitting there, saying this to me. I don’t want to be an ol’ lady in Sinisters.”
He shrugs. “Then you become a whore. At least you know four of us who won’t touch you.”
My stomach curls again. “No, I’m not.”
He rises from his chair and stretches so damn nonchalantly that it pisses me off. It’s like he doesn’t realize he just flipped my world upside down.
This isn’t happening. I’ve been bound to my family for years, but them asking this of me … No, it’s not happening.
Racer opens the door. “Think about it. We want an answer next week. Got shit to do.” Then he leaves. Gone. Poof. Like a cloud of smoke.
I’m pissed as hell and hurt. How can my own brother, my own family, want to pimp me out to his friends? Either way, that’s what this is. It’s either one or all of them. How can a man I’ve known all my life suggest this to me, let alone expect an answer by next week? He’s lost his mind. This has got to be a cruel joke.
I march from my office and search for my father, finding him in the back room, talking with Wolf. The hesitation is only a second, but I knock as his eyes lift.
“Can I talk to you?”
“In a minute. I’ll be in your office. Close the door,” he dismisses me while Wolf gives me a look that has me darting from the door.
All those old feelings of when I was younger come rushing back. I’m not good enough unless I’m what they want me to be.
Sitting in my chair, my leg bobs up and down, never stopping. My nerves are going haywire.
My father comes in casually and sits in the same chair my brother just vacated.
“Racer just came in here saying I need to become and ol’ lady or a whore. What’s that about?”
He blows out a breath, the hairs on his mustache blowing with it. “Our club rules. You’re my daughter, so you’ve gotten leeway, but you’re twenty-one now and that’s runnin’ out. You either need to be in the club or you’re out. I want you in so I can keep you safe.”
“Do you hear what you’re saying right now?”
“Yes, and it’s how it is.” He’s stoic.
I can’t help wondering what it would take to break my father. He really can’t think this is my only option.
This sudden turn is crippling me. This is not the man that I know.
“I can’t believe you’d want me to be unhappy just to cover your rules.” Pain engulfs me.
I wish my mother was still alive. There’s no way she would allow this.
He leans forward as darkness covers his eyes. It has me sitting back in my chair.
“That’s how this shit works. You don’t like the rules, then you leave.”
“Are you firing me?”
“If I have to.” My father has never talked to me like this in my whole damn life. Surely this isn’t the man that my mother loved, or maybe this is the side I’ve never known. “I’m doing what I know to do to keep you in the fold. You don’t want that, I can’t make you stay. But I can’t change the situation, either.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
He shrugs, and it hurts. The nonchalance is more than hurting me, it’s searing pain. I can’t see why this is even an option.
I look for some sign on him. The wrinkles around his eyes or lips to see if something is wrong, but he remains his cool and calm self.
“It’s you’re in or out. If you’re out, you’re all the way out. It’s time. We’ll need an answer next week.” He gets up and leaves my office as tears well up in my eyes.
This can’t be happening. It just can’t.
Cooper is the first person who comes to mind. I need him to hold me right now and warm me from the chill I just got from the people I thought would love me until I died. However, this isn’t something I can tell him over the phone. He will be here tomorrow. I just need to hold myself together until then.
“What’s wrong?” How Cooper got that from me telling him hello, I’ll never know. It doesn’t bode well if he can tell my emotions just by words over a phone hundreds of miles away.
“Just a long day.” I refuse to lie to him, but what I have to say can’t be said over the phone. And it has been a long day, painfully so.
“Same here. We’re leavin’ in the morning. I have business, then you can meet me at my hotel.”
“Sounds good.” I clear my throat, hoping it doesn’t crack again.
“I’d really like it if you told me what’s going on.”
“Really, I’m fine. Just tired. I need some sleep. Resting up before you get here is probably a good thing.” I try to make light with the joke, but it falls flat.
“Get some sleep, and I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
“Night.”
He clicks off the phone, and I toss it onto the bed.
It’s way too soon for me and Cooper to move in together like he suggested. I have money in the bank and some stashed here at my house. Maybe I could get an apartment somewhere up there where Cooper is. The problem is: what job am I going to get? There’s no way my father is going to tell a future employer that I’m great at my job. He’ll be so pissed that I left that he won’t see straight. But his options aren’t really options.
I can’t stay here. My father and brothers have lost
their ever-loving minds if they honestly think I’ll do either of those two options. Especially when I have serious feelings for Cooper. Now, I’m not naive. This is new, but if I don’t follow my heart, then what good is having one? Danger or not, I’m not going to give my entire life up just to do what they want. What about what I want? I have a brain, in case they forgot.
My mother pops into my head.
“Regg, what are you doing?” my mother calls out from the kitchen where she’s just finished with an apple pie that I’m dying to eat. It smells so good and fills the house to the point I’m sure the neighbors’ stomachs growled outside.
“Not now, Betty.”
“Oh no, no, no. You can toss your brass balls around at the club. I gotta take your shit. You come in this home—our home—you respect me as much as I respect you. Now, I asked you a question, Regg. My tolerance for repeating myself to you is as minimal as it is to our kids. What’re you doing?”
She was an iron hand, hard and unrelenting when it came to my father. She was the dutiful ol’ lady at the club, but at home, she was his equal. When she asked him a question like that day, she expected an answer. He was simply stopping in to pick up a handgun for Wolf. Only, Mom didn’t know the gun was at the house and it wasn’t ours. Dad was trying to avoid explaining, knowing Mom supported the club but didn’t want the club stuff in her house with us kids being so little.
She would have fought about this with my father. She would have been his voice of reason. But ever since her passing, he’s been losing a small bit of himself piece by piece. I just didn’t think he would ever go this far with me. I’ve always been important to him. Well, I thought I was.
I have to leave. If after talking to Cooper, we don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go up there after all, then I’ll find somewhere else. My ties here are to my family and Leah. I can talk to Leah wherever I am, and my family doesn’t seem to want me around the way I am. If I’m far away from here, then I will be far from danger. Maybe I can carve out my own happy somewhere else. It’s better than these options, that’s for sure.
