I tapped my fingers on the table and then returned them to my leg with a small grin on my face. As soon as it settled on my thigh, Allison’s hand found it, lacing our fingers together as she cleared her throat.
Instantly, I knew.
Dirty emotion overwhelmed me. The mud was running through my veins again, clogging them as a way to clear hers.
She was going to tell them.
Squeezing her warm fingers in support, I braced myself.
“I . . .” Everyone’s eyes landed on her, and side conversations hushed. Her approach was timid, but what it lacked in conviction, she made up for with emotion. Her quiet, heartfelt whisper called to the four of us louder than any bland yell ever could.
She cleared her throat once more, starting again. “I have Cervical Cancer. And in about eight days or so, I’ll be having a total hysterectomy.”
Silence descended in time with their faces, the falling of their expressions all but breaking my heart.
I hardly ever cried, but at that moment, watching her face crumble along with ours, I was really considering it.
“How bad is it?” Danny asked, finding his voice first. Maybe it was because, out of the three of them, he’d dealt with the most adversity in his life, or maybe it was just his nature. Whatever the reason, with an arm strategically wrapped around Haley’s shoulders, he took the lead.
In a weird twist, she felt the worst telling him than her own blood children. I could tell. Maybe because she felt like his heart had already been broken enough. Maybe because he’d just found his niche in the land of carefree, and with one statement, she was ruining it all.
I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that the urge to make it better was nearly overwhelming.
“Not bad,” she assured, wiping an imaginary crumb off of the tablecloth with a sweep of her nervous hand. I had to stop myself from reaching out to stop it. If I hadn’t already been holding her other hand, I would have.
Haley opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Allison explained on to make it easier on her.
“It hasn’t spread, at least that they could see, so it should be a simple procedure. They’ll go in and take both the cervix and uterus, and if they can reach them, the ovaries. It’s the safest route to go, and I won’t even have to do any radiation afterward.”
Three pale faces stared back at her, but connected to her by our hands, I felt their weight all the way on me.
Not caring who we were with or what it would mean or any of the other crap I could have, I leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and whispered in her tiny ear. “You’re doing great, Al.” As I backed away I winked, squeezing her hand harder at the same time.
A small smile touched her pink lips.
“That’s why we’re on this trip,” Hunter surmised quietly.
“The timing of it, yes,” Allison confirmed.
“When did you find out?” Haley asked, Hunter’s comment seemingly breaking the previous barrier of impenetrable silence.
Allison glanced at me and then back to her daughter. “The day Wade got to my house.”
“Why didn’t you tell us then?” Hunter asked as he worked to contain his fury. Not at his mom, but at life.
“I wanted this week to be fun, not miserable. And telling you then wouldn’t have made it possible for you to do anything.”
“Yeah,” Haley agreed, talking to Hunter. “We would have been assholes and told her she couldn’t come on this trip.” Her voice suggested strongly that she’d have loved to have the opportunity.
Allison ignored any underlying sarcasm.
“Exactly. But my doctor assured me waiting a couple of weeks to do the operation was fine, but no longer. The recovery won’t be bad since they’re doing it vaginally, meaning I won’t have an incision, but I’ll still have to take it super easy for six weeks or so.”
“So you’ll have to give up training to be World’s Strongest Woman?” I teased, hoping to make her smile.
She did.
But she was the only one.
To be fair, I’d had longer to swallow the bitter pill. They were still fighting to choke it down, dry swallowing because they’d been given no warning.
“At least temporarily,” she tossed back, looking between me and the others.
Haley jumped from her seat suddenly, stood for only a few seconds, and then slammed back down. Just as Danny went to speak, she did it again.
“Hales—”
Scooting her chair back out of the way, she jumped out, ran around the table, broke the connection of mine and Alli’s hands, and pulled her mom to standing. Both threw their arms around each other, dissolving into a fit of hugging and tears.
I just sat back and watched, getting my fill before turning to survey the other two members of our party.
“You already knew,” Hunter accused quietly as soon as my eyes met his, not with menace but certainly not nicely either.
“I did,” I confirmed with a soft nod, knowing that as the protector of their family, he was feeling like he’d let them down. He, of course, hadn’t, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel that way. His emotions were trying to get a handle on something that was completely outside of his control—something he’d worked hard to make sure didn’t happen.
His blank stare didn’t falter.
“You heard her, Hunt. One surgery and she’s gonna be just fine,” Danny comforted, slapping Hunter on the back like a brother would.
“Yeah,” he agreed, snapping out of his trance and forming a fake smile. “Yeah, she’s gonna be fine.”
The sound of sniffling and giggles danced in the background like music as we all looked to one another and pretended to smile.
We were the happiest bunch of sad people ever.
Only when the music died down and Allison settled back into her seat, taking my hand in hers once more and kissing the back of it, did one of us smile for real.
WADE HELD MY HAND IN two of his, pressing all three to the surface of his lips. The whitewashed, boring walls of my hospital room framed his handsome face perfectly, forcing my eyes to focus on him much like they would a boldly colored work of art.
In a way, that’s what he was.
He’d been with me the entire time since we’d gotten back, teasing me to keep my spirits up and making love to me every night. We hadn’t made any declarations of love, but even so, I knew that’s what it was. He kissed and touched me with reverence, and no matter where our different tests, trials, and positions took us, he always ended with his eyes squarely on mine.
My fingers pulsed with anxiety, just barely starting to ache from the pressure as we waited for the day of reckoning. Or, since the day was already here, the hour. Surgery was imminent, and as much as I tried not to, it was all I could think about. I wondered briefly if he could feel my nerves through the hand he was holding.
“Like my outfit?” I questioned, not really giving even one shit about the answer. Being nervous just brought out the weird and inconsequential in me.
Wade’s eyes warmed, my hand at his lips moving just enough so that I could understand him before going back. “You make hospital fashion look good, Al.”
“You just like the backless gown,” I teased, laughing softly at his cute face.
“I’m certainly not opposed.”
My heart beat fast, the beep of the monitor giving me away. Wade’s eyes flashed to the monitor and back to me.
“You nervous?” he asked, giving me an out to blame it on something else. The way his brow creased down with barely concealed worry endeared me. Sucked me in and wouldn’t let me look away.
“Wade—” I started, suddenly desperate to tell him how I felt before I went into the operating room. The surgery was supposed to be simple but the older you got, the more you never really knew. Even the easiest of surgeries could turn complicated.
“After,” he cut in, squeezing my hand to his lips even tighter.
“But—”
“After, Al.”
; I would have argued more, but my son stuck his head in the room, knocking lightly on the doorjamb as he did. “Hey, Mama.”
Wade leaned forward, touching a soft kiss to the very apple of my cheek before moving his lips to my ear.
“I’ll see you right after, Alli girl. Dream of me,” he whispered, waggling his eyebrows when we pulled back enough that I could see his face.
Slapping a feminine hand on his bicep, I shooed him out, welcoming Hunter over with an opposite gesture of my hand.
“Hey, son. Sit down, take a load off.”
Hunter complied, stepping inside and taking Wade’s place. I looked over his shoulder and out the door one last time, hoping to watch Wade walk away. Instead, he stood there waiting for my eyes like he knew they were coming, giving me one last wink when he got them.
Hunter’s arms were still tense when I moved my eyes back, and his stare was focused blankly on his lap.
“What’s up, Hunt?” I coaxed, knowing something had been bothering him since we’d gotten back. Unfortunately, for once, I’d let my own problems take precedence.
His eyes jerked to mine, and he made a great effort to wipe his slate clean. “What? Oh nothing. Everything’s good.”
I nodded with narrowed eyes, knowing that just like Nick, if he didn’t volunteer the information, I wasn’t getting it out of him.
It wasn’t even worth the energy to attempt it.
“Alright,” I conceded. “I think you’re bullshitting me. But I also think you’ll tell me whenever you think it’s necessary.”
“Mom’s the word,” he avoided, finally breaking into a smile I knew was genuine.
Mom’s the word. Hah! “Have you been watching Father of the Bride II without me?”
“It was on TV,” he dismissed with a smirk.
“Suuuuure it was,” I chortled, shaking my head in amusement.
He stared at me, considering something and working his jaw as he did. I would have sworn he was just on the cusp of opening his mouth when Haley came bounding through the door.
“Broseph! Madre!”
I looked desperately back to Hunter, willing him to go back to the place where he was willing to talk to me. To come to me with his problems for once, instead of just trying to solve mine and his sister’s.
But the moment was gone.
He shook his head and rose from his seat, murmuring an apology for the short visit. “I’m gonna take off, Mama. I’ll see you after, okay?”
“Hunt—”
“It’s okay. Spend a little time with the crazy one of us.”
“I take offense!” Haley said through a raised voice.
Hunter countered easily with a shake of his handsome head. “No, you don’t.” With one knock to the metal trim of the door on the way out, he was gone.
Haley wasted no time, nor waited for an invitation before slumping into his vacated seat.
“Do you ever wonder why life is always so complicated?” I asked her, shamefully feeling a little sorry for myself. Wondering why God had chosen me to afflict with a disease. Wondering why diseases like Cancer even existed at all. Wondering why I couldn’t get my son to open up to me when I wanted him to!
I’d been fine until now, but the hospital gown and beep of my heartbeat on the monitor behind me made it real. This was happening. The Cancer. The surgery. The family drama. All of it.
Haley’s eyes were altogether too shrewd for my liking as she asked, “What would life be without a little turmoil?”
I didn’t even have to think about it. To me, in that moment, the answer seemed simple. “Easy. Clean.”
Haley nodded slowly, sat back in her chair, and then worked her bottom lip between her teeth, seemingly pondering her answer or maybe even what my receptiveness would be to it.
After several seconds of consideration she leaned forward, her hand reaching out to hold on tight to mine. “Easy and clean are only good for math and laundry,” she said matter-of-factly, squaring her shoulders and making sure her turquoise eyes met mine.
“Think about all of the things you would miss out on if life was only easy and clean.”
I did just that, thinking about where she might be going with this but knowing that, whatever her destination, I would end up better for it in the end.
I didn’t have the answer, but I knew she did.
I shrugged.
“Hard bodies. Dirty sex. Dirty books, difficult puzzles, dirty fucking dancing. And I wouldn’t even feel remotely right ordering a clean martini.”
The list, our trip, Wade, Kristen Ashley, my favorite crime shows, and Patrick Swayze telling me he’d had the time of his life all danced in my eyes.
God, I loved my daughter.
“I love you, Haley,” I murmured, soaking up every inch of her answering smile. “And you’re right. If everything was clean and easy, I wouldn’t have you. You’re extremely hard to handle, and you have the dirtiest freaking mouth.”
She didn’t deny it. “Or Wade. I’m sure he gets into his fair share of dirty.”
“Why do you always think that? Always assuming he’s into some kind of freaky stuff.” I shook my head.
“I don’t know. He’s just got that look about him.” Her eyebrows danced to the salacity of her waggle.
I smiled to myself, making sure not even a millimeter of it touched my face. Thank God she was never going to find out about the cuffing me to the bed incident.
“Anyway. I’m sorry I was whining. I’ve got it so good compared to so many other people.”
She shrugged, nonplussed.
“You’re right, you do. But everyone’s allowed one day to feel sorry for themselves.” She leveled me with a look and pointed at my face. “And anyone who doesn’t agree, you tell to go blow a fucking goat.” I laughed, letting my secret smile shine through.
“But on day two, you get over it. Those are the rules.”
“The rules?” I asked.
Her voice was weighty, wise, and absolutely soaking wet with bullshit when she explained, “Yeah. The guidelines for being awesome. They’re very strict.”
She sat quietly for a minute before reaching out to take my hand in hers.
“So you’re doing this with him, huh?”
“I honestly don’t know.” I shrugged. “All I know is that I’m never tired of him being around.”
“You’re set then,” she advised with a wink. “I’m pretty sure ‘tolerable’ is the only real requirement for a solid partner for life, despite what our original stupid list said.”
As the nurse came in the room, we both looked to the door.
“We’re ready to take her down when you are,” she said with a friendly smile, looking at our joined hands resting on the bed.
Haley got up slowly, releasing my hand only to wrap her strong arms around me.
“I love you, Mama.”
I squeezed her tight, fighting tears with all of the strength I had. When we pulled back, there wasn’t a dry eye among us.
“Fate did good, planting me in your belly.” She laughed, one single tear sliding down her beautiful cheek. “I’m not sure anyone else could have handled me.”
“Aw, sweetheart,” I cooed. “God will smite you with a little devil-daughter of your own one day.”
She nodded again, jerkier and less composed. “I hope so.”
Pulling away swiftly, her skin left mine and a curtain of hair fell over her downturned face as she left the room.
Amy, the nurse from my office, watched her go, smiling at me as soon as Haley cleared the door. “The two of you really have something special, huh?”
“Oh, Amy,” I sighed, wiping one escaped tear off of the apple of my cheek. “You have no idea. I wish our relationship on everyone. Not many people understand, but it’s because they’re really missing out.”
Robin burst into the room at once, ruining the moment and cursing within the first sentence.
“You bitch!”
“What’d I do this time?” I asked, laying
back in the bed as Amy worked around me getting me ready for transport.
“I’ve got a list for you,” she snapped, ticking her points off on her fingers. “First, you go on vacation without saying anything or taking me. Strike one. Second, you don’t answer my text while you’re gone. Boom, a little sunshine and your family, and it’s like I don’t exist. Don’t you care about my suffering at all?”
I shook my head in wonder. How did I attract people like this? Was it something I did? Said?
It had to be something.
“Strike two. And third—and worst of fucking all—you come home with some dreamboat of a guy that I know nothing about and don’t immediately send me naked pictures of him! Strike three!”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re married!”
“Well, I’m not flipping dead! Have you seen the guy waiting for you out in the lobby?”
I smiled knowingly to myself. I had definitely seen him. A lot of him.
All of him.
“A time or two.”
“A time or two,” she mocked. “You’re lucky you’re headed into surgery or I might have just had to wrestle you to the ground. But I know Amy will never forgive me if I mess up her IV.”
“True story. I won’t. I’ll also be pretty pissed if you raise my patient’s blood pressure.”
Robin rolled her eyes comically. “Fine. I’m going. I just wanted to stop by and list all of my complaints. Promise me you’ll get to rectifying them as soon as you’re out of this place?”
“Promise.” Not on her life. Just like the secret of culinary talent, Wade’s naked body was something I planned on keeping all to myself.
“Alright then,” she begrudgingly agreed with a clasp of my hand and wink. Strolling out of the room, just as quickly as she’d come, she was gone.
“She’s too much,” Amy remarked, sliding the railing into place and resting her hands on it. “Ready?”
“Yep,” I agreed, lying there as she confirmed with a nod and started maneuvering my bed.
Robin was crazy.
She was also the perfect distraction. Strategically planned, no doubt.
The operating room wasn’t as far of a trip as I would have thought, and before I knew it, Amy was pushing me through the doors.
Accidental Alpha Page 20
