by Susan Stoker
“It wasn’t you. I should’ve just answered your question.”
He shrugged. “If it means anything, it wasn’t so much that you wouldn’t tell me how old you were, it was more that I knew you were hiding something from me, and I hated that. Every time I asked you something and you deflected the question, I got more and more frustrated. Then we made love and I thought I’d broken down those barriers. When I realized that I hadn’t, it hurt, and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have. You should know, I feel closer to you than anyone in my entire life, including my sister. What we did, what we shared, had broken down all my barriers. It’s why I told you about being a Delta. Then, when you wouldn’t even share how old you were, it hurt. Bad. I lashed out and said things I’ll never forgive myself for saying.”
“I’m twenty-seven,” Wendy said softly.
“I know.”
Her head whipped around and she stared at him. All sorts of scenarios about how he found out her age ran through her mind. Her breathing sped up and she began to have a panic attack. If he’d searched for her online, or if he’d contacted someone in law enforcement and they knew where she was and what she’d done, she might lose Jackson again! She couldn’t do it. She—
“Easy, sweetheart,” Aspen said, putting his hand behind her neck and gently urging her to lean over. He’d scooted over while she was panicking and was now right at her side. “Slow down your breathing. You’re okay. Jackson came to talk to me yesterday. That’s how I know. He told me everything.”
Wendy sat up at that, noting that Aspen still had his hand on her nape. The heavy weight felt good there. “What?”
“Apparently, he was pissed at me and came over to my condo to tell me off. He told me how old you were, how old he was, and what happened after your folks died. I’m so sorry, Wendy. So sorry that happened to you, and you were put in that situation. It’s not fair, and the system definitely let you and your brother down.”
Wendy didn’t care about him knowing what she’d done. It wasn’t important at the moment. “He told you about that night?”
Aspen stared at her for a beat, as if trying to read her mind. “Yeah. He told me about the bipolar kid, and what he did to him and the others, and how you came in like a Valkyrie and kicked his ass and saved them all.”
Wendy was shocked. She couldn’t be more shocked if Aspen had told her he was married with twelve kids and couldn’t be with her after all. “He’s only talked to me about that night once,” she said softly. “And even then, I knew he was leaving stuff out. I didn’t want to push. He had nightmares for weeks. Months. He wet his bed for at least a year after we left. You’re serious? He told you what happened in that basement?”
She saw Aspen’s jaw tighten and his nostrils flare as he understood what she was saying. “Did he ever talk to a counselor?”
Wendy huffed out a breath. “No. I was afraid someone would find out that I wasn’t eighteen, I’d stolen him, and he’d be taken away again. There was no way he was going to survive being put in another foster home, even if it was loving and wonderful. He clung to me and wouldn’t let me out of his sight for weeks. We went everywhere together for the longest time. I can’t believe he told you,” she said with a slight shake of her head.
Aspen’s fingers grazed along her jaw as he removed his hand from her nape. He scooted a little closer and took her hand in both of his and held it tightly on his thigh. “He told me because he was defending you. He wanted to make sure I understood how badly I’d fucked up. He wanted me to know how loyal and protective you are. And I have to say, he did a hell of a job. I’d already come to the conclusion that I said all the wrong things that day. Hurtful things that if I could take back, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is apologize and tell you it won’t happen again.”
Wendy shrugged.
“Look at me,” Aspen begged.
She didn’t want to, but she turned her head toward him and lifted her gaze to his.
“I swear to God it won’t happen again. I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care how old Jackson is. I don’t care what you did when you were sixteen, except to say that I’m proud as I could be of you. All I care about is that you forgive me and that we can move on from this.
“I love you, Wendy Tucker. Twenty-seven, thirty-one, seventy-eight. If your past comes back to haunt you, I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure Jackson is safe and you have the best representation possible. You aren’t alone anymore. You’ve got me and my friends at your back.”
“Aspen…” Wendy choked out, not sure what she wanted to say. But he didn’t give her a chance, simply continued blowing her mind.
“There’ll be times I can’t physically be here for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re alone. You’ve met my sister and Emily. You haven’t met the other women yet, but when we get sent on a mission, they band together until we’re home. I know it’s asking a lot, but I’m begging for your forgiveness. I was an asshole. A grade-A dick and I said things I didn’t mean. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Do you think you can at least give me a chance to show you it’ll never happen again? That I’ll never fly off the handle like that in the future? Will you ever be able to trust me?”
His words were sweet, and Wendy knew she’d replay them over and over in her head for years to come. But she was still fixated on those three words he’d thrown out there so easily as if he’d said them to her hundreds of times before. “You love me? How is that possible?”
“How is it not possible?” he countered. “From the moment I picked up that telephone all those months ago and heard your voice, I was hooked. Then I met you, and you blew all my expectations out of the water. You’re gracious and more forgiving than an asshole like me deserves. You’ve forgiven me not once, but twice now. There won’t be a need for a third. Oh, I’ll do stupid shit like forget to pick up something at the grocery store or leave beer cans lying around after a night in with the guys, but I swear to you that I’ll never hurt you like I’ve done thus far in our relationship.
“I don’t expect you to say it back, I haven’t earned that right yet, but I wanted you to know where I stood. That this isn’t about my ego or simply wanting to get back in your good graces so I can get you in my bed again. I love you, Wendy. This past week has been unbearable. I’ve missed you something awful. Those late-night talks of ours somehow became more important to me than anything else, and not having them made my nights depressing as hell. Do you think you can possibly forgive me? Give me another chance?”
How could she not? Wendy nodded. “I’ve missed you too.”
“Thank fuck,” Aspen said with a whoosh of air and leaned into her, putting his arms around her and hugging her tightly.
How long they clung to each other, Wendy didn’t know, but after a while, she heard Ghost say from nearby, “Jackson’s group is up.”
Wendy pulled back and saw that Ghost and Coach had scooted closer and were watching the action on the gym floor.
Aspen picked up Wendy’s hand and kissed the back of it reverently before putting it on his thigh again, covering it with his own.
“Is cheering allowed at this sort of thing?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
Wendy smiled at him. “Yup.”
Without warning, Aspen turned his head and yelled, “Go get ’em, Jack!”
Jackson looked into the stands where they were sitting and beamed up at them. He gave them a thumb’s up, then turned his attention back to the controller in front of him.
Wendy took a deep breath through her nose and let it out in relief. She thought she’d lost Aspen forever. But not only was he there, he’d said he loved her. And Jackson had told him what he’d gone through at the hands of that sick teenager all those years ago. She still didn’t know what was going to happen to her, or if the authorities would catch up to her, but for the first time in a really long while, she didn’t feel alone.
And that felt amazing.
Chapter Fifteen
“Not like that,” W
endy said with a laugh, pulling the spoon out of Blade’s hand. “You have to mix it like this.” And she proceeded to show him the “right” way to mix cake batter.
Blade didn’t give a shit how to stir. What he did give a shit about was the fact that Wendy was standing in his kitchen in his condo, making a mess. It had been so long since he’d done more than pop in a microwave meal or grill a steak that he was happy to see flour on the counter and floor, egg shells in the sink, and about a thousand dishes that needed to be washed.
Wendy laughed as he moved behind her and pulled her into him. His hands rested on her belly as she stirred the cake batter. He put his chin on her shoulder and simply held her as she worked.
The last three weeks had been a learning experience for them both. He learned when to back off on his questions and she was learning how to open up. They were both relearning trust. Blade tried not to take it personally when she changed the subject or evaded answering his questions about her life over the last ten years, and Wendy was slowly realizing that Blade wasn’t asking so he could mock her or get information to use against her. He was genuinely trying to get to know her.
One night, she and Jackson were over at his condo visiting. They were watching television and Blade asked the teenager what he wanted to do with his life. A lively discussion ensued about the benefit of doing his first two years at the local community college versus going to a four-year university right away. Wendy had excused herself, and when she hadn’t returned several minutes later, Blade went looking for her.
He found her in his bedroom, sitting on his bed with tears streaming down her face. Alarmed, he’d immediately asked what was wrong, but she simply shook her head. Instead of getting upset with her, he took her into his arms and rocked her. Eventually, her tears slowed, then dried up, and she told him that she felt like a failure for not even having her high school diploma. That she was scared to even register to take the GED for fear of someone finding out what she’d done and arresting her.
Blade had explained that her information was already out there. That if the authorities really wanted to find her, it wouldn’t be hard. Especially since she’d been filing taxes for years. That had triggered another bout of panic. She’d stared up at him with scared eyes, but he held her in his arms and told her he’d always be there for her. Eventually, she’d calmed down, apologized for not telling him she was upset, and they’d rejoined Jackson.
Her brother knew something was going on, but to his credit, he didn’t bring it up, trusting Blade to do the right thing when it came to his sister.
They hadn’t made love since getting back together, and Blade was okay with that. The time never seemed right. Their fight had seemed to bring them back to square one and he was moving slowly, making sure Wendy knew he was on her side and always would be. They’d worked through what had happened that awful afternoon and Blade didn’t think Wendy was holding on to any residual feelings of resentment or anger toward him, but he could tell sex wasn’t exactly at the forefront of her mind.
And that was okay.
They’d fallen back on their routine from before that afternoon. Talking on the phone and texting. They’d had dates with and without Jackson. They were getting to know each other without any secrets between them. Blade told her what he could about being a Special Forces solider and Wendy opened up more and more about what she and Jackson had experienced over the last decade.
She was amazing.
Tough as nails and ferocious as a lion defending her cub.
Blade’s love for her was as strong as ever, but he hadn’t said the words since that day in the gym.
“How was work today?” he asked as Wendy stirred the batter.
“Pretty good. I talked to my boss like you suggested and she was super supportive about me applying for the supervisor position. I’d be in charge of ten aides. Scheduling and performance evaluations and stuff like that. It would mean less time with the residents for me, but I’d still be able to work with them part-time.”
“And the pay?”
She smiled up at him. “Is enough that I could quit the call-center job.”
Blade beamed at her. “So, we’d have more time to spend together.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Right?” he insisted, moving his hands to her sides and tickling her.
She shrieked and tried to wiggle away from him. She was holding the wooden spoon so she couldn’t grab his hands and try to pry them away from her sides.
“Say it!” he teased.
“Okay, okay, I’d have more time to spend with you!”
Holding her to him, Blade buried his nose in the side of her neck and nuzzled her. “Damn straight you would.”
She sighed and leaned against him affectionately.
“I’m proud of you,” Blade told her softly.
“Thanks. Me too. I’ve come a long way from the thug of a teenager I was to now,” she joked.
“You weren’t a thug,” Blade said. “You were sowing your wild oats.”
Wendy chuckled. “I doubt my parents would have agreed. They were at their wits end with me.”
“Do you miss them?”
“Every damn day. I’m sad they never got to see what a great man Jackson has become. I wish they could see me too. I hope they’d be proud of me.”
“They would be,” Blade said without hesitation. “How could they not?”
As usual, when things got intense, Wendy changed the subject. “Have you heard from Fish?”
Blade nodded. The trip he’d planned to their area hadn’t happened because his new prosthetic arm wasn’t quite ready. Jackson and his friends had been disappointed, but Fish had Skyped with them one afternoon, and that seemed to be just as good for the teenagers. Blade had been amazed at the depth of their questions for Fish and how advanced the robotic arm they were making had been.
“He’s not sure when he’ll be coming out, but when he does, he said he definitely wants to meet with your brother and his friends. He was highly impressed with what they were doing.”
“Cool,” she said with a proud smile.
“When do you have to leave?” Blade asked. He wanted her to stay the night, but hadn’t pushed.
“The party Jackson is at is supposed to go until around midnight. I told him he could stay the entire time as long as he came home right after.”
“Is Jenny there?”
Wendy chuckled. “Everyone is there.”
“I’m assuming this isn’t a school-sanctioned event,” Blade said dryly.
“Nope. But I’m not worried about Jackson. He knows how to stay out of trouble. I told you before that I started letting him taste beer and wine and stuff. He’s seen some of his friends get shit-faced drunk and how stupid they acted. It turned him off. He might have a beer or two, but he won’t get drunk.”
“And that’s just one more way that you’ve done an amazing job of raising your brother,” Blade told her.
Wendy put down the spoon and turned in his embrace. She lifted her arms and put them around his neck. “Most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Something else to be proud of,” he told her with a smile.
“Anyway, can you take me home around eleven-thirty? That way I can be home when he gets there.”
“Of course.” He glanced at his watch and saw it was nine-thirty. “We’ve got time to watch a movie if you wanted.”
Wendy looked up at him for the longest time. He tried to read her mood, but was having trouble doing so.
“I want to make love…but I’m scared.”
“Of what?” Blade kept his tone even and soothing, even though his dick immediately got hard at the thought of being inside her once again.
“Of saying the wrong thing. Of screwing up like I did last time.”
“Oh, sweetheart. We’ve been over this. That wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”
She shook her head.
“We’ll get there,” Blade said. “When it seems right f
or both of us. How about we put this cake in the oven, pop in a movie, then make out until the cake burns and it’s time for me to take you home?”
She chuckled. “Sounds perfect.”
Blade kissed the tip of her nose and hugged her for a second. “I’ll go choose the movie, you finish up in here. And don’t do the dishes. I’ll take care of them tomorrow.”
“But they’ll be all crusty and gross tomorrow,” she protested.
“Leave them, woman,” Blade said with a scowl, although he ruined it by laughing at the frown on her face.
“Fine, whatever,” she grumped.
Smiling, Blade went to the other room to pick out something extremely boring so they could make out and not be distracted.
“And don’t pick a military movie!” Wendy called when he was out of sight.
Grinning, Blade decided on Patton. He’d seen it a million times and knew Wendy wouldn’t be interested in the slightest. It’d be the perfect background as they made out like teenagers.
* * *
Jackson stood in the middle of his friends with an arm around Jenny. They’d been at the party for a while now. David and Patrick were there with the girls they were dating, and Rob was around somewhere. He and Jenny had hung out with the guys on the lacrosse team for a while, but they’d migrated to standing with the others from his robotics club in the last half hour.
Jenny had seen a few of her friends here and there, but for the most part, the kids at the party were juniors and seniors. Jackson was somewhat impressed that people weren’t getting shit-faced drunk, but were simply hanging out, feeling mellow and having a good time.
There were a few people smoking pot, but they were mostly kids he didn’t know and didn’t hang out with.
“Any word on when Fish will be in town?” Dan asked. He was the captain of the robotics club, and he’d been integral in coming up with improvements to their robotic arm after talking with the Army veteran via Skype.
“Unfortunately, no,” Jackson said. “But he told my sister’s boyfriend that he was willing to answer any further questions we had for him.”
