by S. L. Naeole
“Robert, you have chosen to forgo the traditional vows and recite those that you have prepared yourself. You may do so now.”
I was set into a panic then when I realized that I would also have to say my own vows, but seeing my reflection in his eyes and how he seemed to absorb it into himself, his smile never leaving his face, I forgot my worry and fell into the lull of his voice.
“Grace, before I met you, I used to measure the worth of my days by the number of lives I could save. Years, too, too many years would pass by without a single one giving me any joy, any hope. The promise of something better never once showed itself to me. Every single moment that disappeared with time combined into a meaningless existence that held as much value for me as an endless night would to a blind man.
“And then you came into my life, and without even knowing it, you changed everything, altered everything in my world. You weren’t the catalyst to the light returning to me. You were the light. You were the dawn that I had given up hope on ever breaking through the black that painted everything.
“All it took was one look at you and everything in my life took shape; the shadows of an endless and empty existence disappeared, the fear of never being anything more than what I was finally leaving me, only…when it was replaced, it wasn’t with what I had thought I wanted. To be some great angel, to be some savior to the people of this world suddenly became worthless to me. Instead, I realized that what would mean the world to me was being what you wanted, what you needed.
“If I could make you happy, then I’d be a prince. If I could get you to love me, then I’d be a king. If I could spend the rest of my life loving you, then I’d be in heaven. And now that I have you here, knowing that you are happy and that I’m the reason, knowing that you love me, and knowing that I will spend the rest of my life loving you, I understand what it truly means to be blessed.
“I pledge to you my life, my heart, my soul—everything that is good in me is good because you’ve touched it and I vow never to give you cause or reason to doubt your gift to me. You have blessed me with far more than I deserve, far more than any man, angel, or god deserves, and I vow to you never to take that for granted.
“The sun is rising, Grace Anne Shelley, and with it comes a new day. I wanted it to begin with our new life; the dawning of us, the start of our life together, not just as partners, but as husband and wife. You see the colors in the sky? All of the blacks, the blues, the purples, pinks, and reds—each shade is like an emotion—emotions that I’d never have felt if it weren’t for you.
“They’re memories and dreams that I would've never had if you had never entered my life. They’re wishes that I’ve wanted for no one else but you. Everything that the dawn represents, I would have never known, never been able to appreciate if it there had been no you in my life, and so as it approaches us, as it consumes us, I make to you my vow to love you, not only for as long as I live, but for as long as time exists.
“The dawn doesn’t end here. It continues to push onward, over the horizon and around the world, endlessly giving the heart hope and the promise of something new. I will love you even long after that is gone and there is nothing left but my love for you. This I vow to you.”
My face was a wet, soggy mess when he was done, and I tried unsuccessfully to wipe away the moisture, even as an emotional hiccup made its appearance within me. Robert’s hand reached over and gently rubbed beneath my eyes, taking with it the damp and the solid tears that had been shed over the words that had acted like its lodestone, pulling them from me.
“Grace, would you like to say something now?” the man who stood there waiting anxiously asked.
I looked at him and then at Robert and knew that, as unprepared as I was, I did have something to say.
I took a deep breath and my mouth opened, allowing the words to flow out. “Robert, when I think about my life and what it was before I met you, I can honestly say that I would have been content to have continued on that way, feeling half-alive, loved and yet not. I thought that that was how life was and that’s how it was supposed to be. I had lost so much by the time we met, and I had given up on knowing anything more because for me; the sun had set on my dreams and I couldn’t even remember what a dawn looked like.
“And then there you were, and you filled my life with light like nothing I had ever seen before, but you weren’t the sun. You were the moon, and you lit up my dark and dreary world like something out of a fairytale. I didn’t think it was possible, but it was true, it was real. You gave me comfort through the darkness, and when the sun finally did appear, you didn’t disappear behind it. Instead, you chose to shine brighter. You made it impossible for me to hide anymore. You forced me to see myself, truly see who I was. There were no shadows to hide in anymore.
“Everything that I thought I knew about who I was has been changed. I think that I was born loving you. What I feel for you, it’s so strong, so unending that it’s not just what I feel in my heart and in my head; it runs in my veins. Loving you came far too naturally to be something new. It’s what I was born to do—I was born to love you, and I will do everything I can to live up to that expectation.”
You’ve already surpassed it.
I blinked, because the words in my head had been unexpected. I giggled in surprise, and he in turn gifted me with a smile so filled with light that it turned my insides to jelly. We both turned our heads to the man who stood smiling over us and he let out a broken cough and patted his eyes before focusing them onto the words in front of him, a sigh of contentment coming out in one long exhale.
“Do you, Robert N’Uriel Bellegarde, son of Ameila Bellegarde, take to your heart, Grace Anne Shelley, to be your bride in earthly measures as well as divine ones? Do you promise to bless upon her your faith, your trust, your devotion, and your love until the life within you ceases?”
Robert looked into my eyes and said firmly, “I do.”
“Do you, Grace Anne Shelley, daughter of Avi and James Shelley, take to your heart, Robert N’Uriel Bellegarde, to be your groom in earthly measures as well as divine ones? Do you promise to bless upon him your faith, your trust, your devotion, and your love until the life within you ceases?”
My chin rose defiantly, my shoulders pulling back as I said with conviction, “I do.”
“Then it is done. I pronounce you to be husband and wife, joined and bound together in matrimony that extends from this mortal earth to heaven itself. May it forever be blessed and may you always know the joy of each other. You may now kiss to seal your union.”
Though I had imagined in the last few moments what this would be, what this would feel like, nothing that I could conjure could equal the deeply intense sense of completion and triumph I felt when Robert smiled down at me before his lips gently grazed mine in a kiss so chaste, it could have been a dream. But it wasn’t, because dreams never felt like this: real and vibrating through my skin like an endless breeze.
I watched as Lark handed the man in the red shirt the folded marriage license. He looked at, nodded, and then handed it back before bidding his farewells and disappearing as the sun crept across the sand, revealing the soft pink mist that he left behind.
“Was that…who was that?”
“An old friend,” Robert answered as he took the license from Lark. He glanced at it, and I exhaled as I saw his signature appear beside his name. “Your turn.”
He handed me the thick sheet of paper and I took it with shaky hands, accepting the pen that he slipped between my fingers. He turned around and offered his back to me, and I placed it against the solid plane of his shoulders as I searched for the line that awaited my signature.
“So…I sign my married name here, don’t I?” I asked, and I saw Robert’s head bob once before my eyes located the blank space that attracted my pen and my fingers, surprisingly eager and nimble as almost mindlessly, I signed for the first time my new name.
“Grace Anne Bellegarde.”
As soon as the last swirl of ink
was down, Robert had turned around and had me in his arms, the morning sun filling his eyes with a glittering halo of warm amber light that emphasized the silver irises that looked down at me lovingly. “The most beautiful name I have ever heard.”
“Even more than Grace Anne Shelley?” I pouted playfully.
“Yes.” It was an answer that was final, there would be no explaining it, and there would be no questioning it.
But I didn’t want to, I realized, when he bent his head down and pressed an urgent kiss to the corner of my mouth. “Now then, wife, how about a wedding breakfast before we leave?”
“Leave?” I asked, suddenly nervous.
“Yes. As lovely as all of this might be, there is still the matter of turning that has to be dealt with, plus we do still have to break the news to your father about all of this.”
I groaned inwardly as I pictured the reaction that Dad would have upon hearing that Robert and I had eloped. “He’s going to ground me for life.”
“He might have been able to ground Grace Anne Shelley, but she doesn’t exist anymore,” Robert said encouragingly. “You’re my wife now, Grace. As much as you love your father, and as much as he loves you, you’re an adult now, and you are allowed to make your own decisions. He loves you and will respect that.”
“How nice it must be to be so optimistic,” I mumbled before turning to face the three eager and amused faces that watched us so carefully.
“Thank you guys, for being here, for helping put this all together, for being my friends,” I said, my eyes prickling with tears.
“We’re always here for you,” Stacy said first, her arms taking me into a brief embrace.
“Are you leaving?” I asked, panicked.
“Yes—don’t look at me like that, Grace. I wanted to be here to see you get married. I didn’t agree to anything else.” She looked at Lark with that last sentence and then quickly returned her eyes to me.
“You make a beautiful bride, Grace. I’m happy for you. Robert—take care of her.” And then she was gone, rushing past all of us and disappearing into the water that was slowly lightening before us, the color changing as the sky grew brighter, bluer with each passing minute.
“Congratulations, Grace,” Graham said, his voice awkwardly quiet as he looked at the stricken expression on his wife’s face. “I think…I think your mom would have been proud of you.”
“Thanks, Graham.” I watched him as he turned to face Lark, who stared at me with her blank eyes, her mouth a thin line of disappointment and obvious dismay. “Lark…”
“Don’t apologize for anything, Grace. I did this to myself. It’s the cost of being what I am, and avoiding it all at the same time. I can’t have my cake and eat it too. I can’t keep secrets and expect everything and everyone to forgive me simply because it’s what I’m supposed to do. Choices aren’t just yours to have—Robert’s proven that time and time again. I’ll make things right. I promise you that, Grace. I will make things right.”
It was a quick little thing, her arms dashing out to grab a hold of me and pull me to her, an embrace so brief, I could have blinked and I would have missed it. But I didn’t. I wouldn’t miss this for anything. Instead, my arms went around her for that fraction of time—selfish and grasping—and for a moment, a tiny, sliver of a moment, Lark was my sister. And then, all too soon, she was gone as well, Graham along with her.
I stood there, my feet in the warming sand, my eyes staring out over the water, wondering how it was that I could have just had the most incredible moment in my life and still feel so empty. “Will things ever be okay between them?” I asked aloud.
“I don’t know,” Robert sighed behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist, his chin resting beside my ear. “They share a common interest in your welfare, and despite how betrayed and hurt Stacy feels, she still cares greatly for Lark.”
“You’re not going to kill her, are you?” I asked warily, feeling my blood turn cold at the words that had just left me.
“Not if I can help it. She has to feed—and while I did not encourage her change, I did nothing to stop it. For the moment, the deaths she has caused have not been unjust ones, and I cannot fault her for doing what I would have done myself—except for the whole eating part. However, if she ends up taking the life of someone innocent, I will have no choice Grace. If the seraphim decide to hand down a rapid punishment, there will be nothing I can do to stop it.”
I turned around in his arms and frowned. “That’s not what my dad said. He said that the seraphim don’t have as much power as you do—he said that you have more powers than they do combined.”
He nodded. “I do have more power than they do, but power is not the same as authority, Grace. If the seraphim decide that Stacy is to die, then she will die. They do not go back on their orders; they do not change their mind.”
His hand rose to adjust the lily against my ear. “I’m sorry—this is not the time for that. We’re alone now. What would you like to do?”
I flushed, my eyes suddenly needing to look anywhere else but at him. My head was filled with thoughts that I couldn’t voice, suggestions that I felt embarrassed just thinking.
Warm hands surrounded my face and a soft sigh was my only warning before all I felt were lips and warmth against my forehead. “You’re such a silly girl, Grace. I was hoping that you’d ask for me to turn you—but I can see that’s the last thing on your mind. Well then, what shall we do first? Perhaps a bit of light misting?”
His voice seemed to fade away, and I turned to see his face begin to dissipate into a dark, smoky haze. “Robert, don’t!” I blurted even as the fog began to curl around me, not leaving me this time, instead wrapping me up in its sweet smelling warmth.
Is this what you wanted, Grace?
I wanted to nod, to shout out yes, but the nagging feeling of it not being enough settled over me, even as the wisps that tickled my skin reminded me of the wonders that simple mist could do.
“We’re not done,” was all I could say, and sighed with a strange yet familiar mixture of relief and disappointment when the soft caress against my skin disappeared, and the firm grip of reality took hold of me.
“So you’re ready to turn?”
“It’s why we did this, right?”
He didn’t answer me. Instead, he scooped me up into his arms and slowly carried me back into the small, white cabin. In the light of morning, I could see that it was really sparse, with a front room and the one bedroom and bath in the back. A rudimentary sofa took up the majority of the floor space, while mini refrigerator sat next to it, acting as a makeshift end table and range, holding both a lamp and a camp stove.
“How much do EPs get paid if they’re living like this?” I wondered aloud.
“Thomas lives a rather extravagant lifestyle while he’s with us, Grace, but when he’s allowed his leave, he comes here. He appreciates the solitude and the lack of responsibility that this place affords him, and I admit it is quite relaxing and peaceful.”
“So…is this where…is this where we…do it?”
He laughed, a full-bodied laugh that flowed out of him as easily as water a glass, and I marveled at how he could be so nonchalant about this whereas I felt as tightly wound as an over turned screw. “If you want to know if this is where I turn you, the answer is no. I don’t plan on waiting too long after turning you to finally make love to you, but it won’t be on some itchy, lumpy mattress.”
“Oh,” I breathed, suddenly wordless. I looked down at my clothes and knew that I needed to change before we left. Dad saw me leave in one set of clothes; if he saw me in another, he’d automatically assume the worst.
“You don’t have to change, Grace,” Robert kidded as he placed my feet onto the wooden floorboards. “But if we don’t hurry, your father is going to suspect something and that would be counterproductive for what we have planned.”
It registered with me then that we weren’t going to be telling my father anything. “You don’t want my dad to
know that we’re married.” It was a statement, a matter-of-fact statement that didn’t need his acknowledgment to make it any more true. “Are we keeping this from your mother, too?”
A flash of something passed through his eyes, and then there was a peaceful calm that was so blatantly false, I could taste it. “We’re keeping this from everyone who wasn’t here.”
“So what happens when I turn? How do I keep that a secret? And why should I keep that a secret from my dad?”
“No one will know you’ve turned, Grace, or when you’ve turned. This is for your protection as well as your family’s.”
A slamming sensation gravitated from my chest to my head as his words echoed all around me. “Why? My dad’s not just anyone, Robert! He knows what you are; he knows what we planned on doing. I’m tired of keeping secrets from him. All we’ve had are secrets—I don’t want to start our marriage with them!”
The look of anguish on his face pained me, but I was too angry to let it affect me the way that it wanted to. “This isn’t fair. If we’d gone through with a regular wedding like we’d planned, he would have known. He would have known everything, so why is now so different?”
“Because things have changed, Grace. This isn’t a simple matter of me trying to prolong your life anymore.”
I looked at him and the pain that contaminated every feature in his face burned into my memory and told me more than his own words could have. “You’ve seen my death, haven’t you? You’ve already seen it, or at least know when it’s supposed to happen.”
He nodded, though the motion was so minute, it was almost imperceptible. “I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it a million times.”
“Tell me.”
He looked at me as though I had just asked him to destroy the world. “And so you did! Asking me to describe to you your own death forces me to accept it—I won’t!”
My hand was cold, bloodless when I pressed it to the side of his face. “Please.”
