“Haley, I want you so badly. I want to show you how you make me feel every time we’re together,” he says while his lips move from my collarbone up to my neck.
“Shh, we don’t have to talk right now.”
“I know babe, we have plenty of time for that, but I am so sorry for ignoring you. I hope I didn’t mess this up for good,” he pleads. “It’s just sometimes I feel like I am losing control. I have no one other than Roy and my cousins. You make me feel alive again. Shit, I don’t know why, but you make the past not seem so fucking awful, even somewhat bearable. I couldn’t bear to lose that feeling, so I kept my distance, which only made things worse, but I stayed away until I couldn’t anymore,” he confesses as he parts my lips with his.
“Kyler, make love to me,” I demand. And in this moment I am his and he is mine, completely.
We lay sprawled out on top of the blankets holding each other after cherishing each other’s body. “I think I am falling in love with you,” I whisper in his ear as I am running my hands through his messy locks. I’ve only been in love once, with Jude, but what I feel for Kyler is a totally different feeling. I loved Jude with everything I had, but we were always together. This thing with Kyler isn’t forced because we live next door to each other. No one is rooting for this relationship to work from the sidelines. I know if this is going to work we have to put in the effort, and seeing him bare his soul to me today just reassures my feelings for him. I’m done with the wishy-washy feelings. I know in my heart I’m head over heels for this boy.
“I don’t want you to think. I want you to know,” he says back as his fingertips tickle my exposed back. I want to tell him all the reasons why I think he is the man of my dreams, but I’m not sure where to start because I’ll have to explain everything. As I’m thinking of what to say, his voice interrupts my thoughts.
“Tell me what happened Hale,” he requests as he kisses my temple. I sit up and pull the sheet up over my body.
“I don’t know where to start,” I say as I look down at the floor.
“Don’t be scared babe. I am right here. These secrets are burdening our futures, not only together, but in life. If it gets too hard, you can stop, but I want to know everything about you. The good, the bad, and the ugly,” he says, his words melting my frozen heart.
“I was riding home from a senior thing at school with my boyfriend. When we pulled on to our street, there were ambulances everywhere. I remember seeing my neighbors lined up in the driveway with tears rolling down their faces. It didn’t hit me at first that they were all in my driveway. I got off my boyfriend’s bike and took off running to my front door. My dad was a police officer, so I recognized the familiar face of the cop who grabbed me and wouldn’t let me go,” I winced, recalling the memory. “I remember breaking free, my feet moving as fast as I could make them go. My boyfriend caught me and held me as he told me my family was gone. I vaguely remember fighting to break free from his grip and running inside my house. What I saw inside looked like it was straight out of a horror film. My mother’s lifeless body was sprawled out on the floor in our living room, outlined with white spray paint. It was so weird, like I was there but I wasn’t or something. I remember lying next to her, holding her, and stroking her hair. It was matted with blood from the impact, but at that moment I didn’t care. Steve, the officer who tried to keep me out of the house, bent down beside me and picked me up like I was a baby. I remember feeling as light as a feather in his arms. When he turned the corner to take me into my dad’s den, I saw a small black body bag in the kitchen.” I look up to meet Kyler’s eyes staring at me. He nods, and I continue. “It was my little brother, Mason; he was dead too.” Tears start running down my face.
“It’s okay Haley. Babe, it’s okay.” Kyler sits up and scoots next to me. I lean on his naked chest and cry for what seems like hours. I know I have to finish, but when I start to speak Kyler whispers, “Babe, we have been through enough today; you don’t have to finish.”
“I can’t stop now Ky.” He kisses my forehead, and I continue, “Steve took me into the den and set me on the sofa. He said he was sorry, and I shouldn’t have to see this, that he knew when my dad arrived at the station something was wrong. He kneeled in front of me, and I could see the pain written all over his face. He told me my dad raised his gun and shot himself in the head after he confessed to murdering my mom and brother.”
“A few days later, I met with a detective. She said that my father must have stopped taking his dementia pills. He was a veteran, and he suffered from PTSD that somehow triggered an early onset of dementia. Normally the disease is found in older people, but his doctors linked it to the trauma he suffered while overseas. They found a journal with hundreds of entries. He thought he was on a special mission and that my mother and brother were spies who were reporting back to the President who was planning on killing him because he knew something that no one else knew. So he went home and killed them, then went to the station where he used to work. He showed up with blood all over his clothes. Steve saw him pull in and called a code so it was only him and my dad in the waiting area. The whole thing is on a security tape they kept as evidence. My dad admitted to killing them and said he was going to kill the president next, then opened his mouth and pulled the trigger.” Tears start to flood my vision as I bury my face in Kyler’s chest, sobbing.
I take a deep breath in and out before continuing. “I stayed at my boyfriend’s house. His parents and my parents’ attorney helped me with the funeral arrangements and with selling our home. I started partying and drinking a lot, hell, I did worse things than just drink. At the time, it helped ease the pain I was living with every day, so to have an escape for a few hours was heaven. Except in the process of making myself feel better, I was hurting everyone around me. After a few semesters of college I decided to transfer somewhere. I always wanted to visit the south. My boyfriend at the time said he had family here. When he was younger he used to love spending the summers here, so I figured ‘why not?’ and moved here too.”
“Haley, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Kyler takes me into his arms, and for a brief moment, I feel like the world is right again. “I can’t promise we won’t fight or have disagreements, but I promise you if you stick by my side, I will get up every day and be the best man I can be. We both have some baggage, but hearing you open up to me, out of all the people in the world, makes me feel important again.”
“Me too Kyler,” I say as he leans his head down and kisses me. I break our kiss.
“I want you. I want to watch you come unglued, the way you do with me.” The look in his eyes is priceless. Hunger and desire quickly fill the air, as I slide down his masculine body, removing the covers from me as I expose him.
“Babe,” was all he could say as my mouth found his most prized possession.
I slowly lick him from the base to the tip, as my hand holds him firmly, keeping him positioned as my lips slide down, taking him in inch by inch. I am rewarded as groans and whimpers escape his mouth, encouraging me to pick up the pace. This is uncharted territory for me. Jude and I didn’t participate in foreplay much. I was always so eager to have him inside of me. There was simply no need to drag it out, but now laying here bent in front of Kyler, I can’t imagine why I never wanted to do this. The sound of pleasure he makes because of my performance, excites me in ways I didn’t think were possible. I can feel myself getting wetter every time his hand gently pushes my head, motioning my lips to slide up and down. I can’t take it any longer. I feel like his body is my prey, and I am a tiger ready to pounce. Ending his pleasure early, I lift up my head making eye contact with his blue eyes darkened with need, as I wipe my bottom lip with my index finger, eager to finish him off, but not with my mouth.
“God Haley, that was amazing,” he says as he inhales and closes his eyes.
I watch his chest rise and fall, as I inch my way back up on my knees and position my body over his. His eyes open right as I lower myself onto him, quench
ing my own desire. My body shudders as I take in his length, and a small moan escapes my mouth before he sits up and grasps my face. He kisses me hard, causing our teeth to clink on accident. Our mouths hastily accept one another’s tongues as they move in a synchronized dance. It feels like they have been preparing for this moment for years. The emotion I feel overwhelms me as I pour out all of my fears, sorrow, and insecurities. I know he feels the same as he holds my body on top of his lap, guiding my hips up and down. He plants a small kiss on my forehead as his exhales, holding his hands firmer around my waist. My body ached for this moment, so I listen to its needs and allow myself to let go with him. Our bodies are wet from sweat as we lay in each other’s arms, basking in the moment.
After several long seconds of allowing our breaths to regulate, he guides my naked body off of him and into the shower. I can’t hide the grin that crosses my face as he washes my body. The way his tender hands glide across my back make me want to pin him to the wall and have him again. I refrain knowing we have already spent so much time out here while his family is inside. We get dressed while dancing around each other’s playful hands.
“It’s almost dinner time. I know we’ve had a hell of a day, but I have worked up quite an appetite, and we drove all this way. Do you want to stay and eat? We can leave right after, but it means a lot to my uncle and cousins having me here,” he pleads.
“Of course we can stay Ky. I hope they don’t mind that my hair is wet, and I have no makeup on now,” I say with a smile.
“You will be the most beautiful girl they have ever seen, trust me. Trent hasn’t let up about you for weeks now,” he laughs.
“Oh, come on! I’m sure the others were way cuter than me, and I’m sure you gave them that whole speech too.”
“What others?” he asks, seemingly confused by my statement.
“Umm, the long list of girls before me; Samantha, Leah, Chelsea. Need I go on?”
“I have never brought any of them here before. You’re the first,” he kneels down, grabs my foot, and puts my shoe on for me as I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, “and hopefully the last.” He flashed that big southern boy grin that makes my heart melt as he stands up and takes my hand in his.
The inside of the farmhouse is just as beautiful as the outside with a touch of rustic charm. I meet Mr. King, who insists I call him Roy, and his children. Roy is Kyler’s uncle from his mother’s side, her only brother. They have another sister, but they explain to me she doesn’t come around often. Trent is our age and the oldest, and then there is Jace who is thirteen, Jackson who is nine, and Suzie, the youngest, who is six. Roy is a fabulous cook and made an entire feast by himself. All of the kids have excellent manners. They even cleared the table after dinner. One boy washed as the others pitched in and dried the dishes. They had everything put away before I was finished with dessert. His family has been so welcoming and kind, and it’s a relief not to be eating diner food for another Thanksgiving meal.
After dinner we watched the boys wrestle around for a few minutes while I played dolls with Suzie. She is so sweet. I can’t even tell that she has autism, and I probably wouldn’t have known if Kyler didn’t fill me in before we got here.
“Well, it’s getting late, so we should be getting back to campus before it starts snowing again,” Kyler says as he stands up and stretches.
“All right, son,” Roy says as he grabs Kyler. I hug each of the kids, and Trent who holds me a few minutes too long. Kyler notices and punches him in the side.
“Boys,” I giggle with Suzie, who is witnessing them acting like cavemen. Roy walks us to the door then leans down and hugs me.
“It’s been a long time since we had a female 'round here. It seems like Suzie really enjoyed your company. You make Kyler bring you back, ya hear?”
“Thank you for your hospitality and dinner; everything was amazing,” I say as Kyler opens the front door, and we slide out. We get in the truck and drive back to campus. I feel like so much has happened in just a few short hours today, but I can’t help but smile. The one person I truly care about knows about my parents and brother. Although he has his own story to tell, I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders, and I’m able to breathe more comfortably. We pull up to the frat house, and Kyler turns off the engine. “Are we stopping here?” I ask, unsure of our unannounced stop.
“Everyone went back home for break, so I figured you might want to stay the night with me.”
“I would love that, but I need to grab some stuff from my dorm.”
“Good thing you’re dating such a smart man,” he says with a smirk on his face. “I went to Wal-Mart before I picked you up this morning and bought a toothbrush, a brush, and some girly face wash and lotion that smells like vanilla.” I giggle under my breath at the length he went through to make me comfortable.
“Of course you did!” I lean in to kiss him.
We go inside and I grab the white plastic bag from his bed and head to the bathroom with my new toiletries. When I come out, I’m wearing only my underwear and bra. I cough to get Kyler’s attention as he sits playing on his laptop with his feet dangling from the kitchen counter. “I think you forgot about pajamas, Mr. King,” I gesture to my exposed skin.
“Trust me, the thought crossed my mind, but you’re not going to need any tonight, Miss Martin.” His stare causes a shiver to run down my bare back. “Don’t laugh, okay?” he asks with a grin.
“Should I be nervous?”
“Not in the slightest, babe.” He hops off of the counter, closes his laptop, and then ruffles around in the refrigerator before holding up a bottle of champagne. I watch him effortlessly glide around the kitchen and grab two clear shot glasses with fleur-de-lis symbols on the front.
“We’re doing shots?” I ask, unsure why we are shooting champagne.
“We’re doing shots to celebrate new beginnings and fresh starts. I hoped and planned for the best today and stocked up. As for the shot glasses, do I look like a wine or champagne drinker? This is the extent of my fancy!”
“But in my underwear?” I ask, weary about standing in the middle of a frat house very close to baring my birthday suit.
“Well babe, you’re in your underwear, so let me join you,” he says as he starts to unbuckle his pants and slide them down. “Now we’re doing shots. Get over here and help me toast to us.” His compassion brings tears to my eyes, happy tears, but I quickly blink them away as the cool, fizzing liquid slides down my throat.
“Cheers to us Kyler,” I say with a wink, trying to look sexy. He laughs, picks me up, and throws me over his shoulder. We giggle all the way to his bedroom.
By the time the seasons changed, the entire campus knew that Kyler King was officially off the market. I have had a handful of girls come up to me and tell me he’s cheating on me, or he was out at the bar instead of at home sleeping. I knew this was going to happen. Hell, he warned me it was going to happen, but I have Lucy to keep the rumors at bay. The week things became official I saw her passing out T-shirts in the Student Activities Center that said, “Kyler hearts Haley…so leave them the F**K alone!” If that didn’t warn anyone, I don’t know what else would. She has been nothing but supportive, and I think Kyler is starting to grow on her.
Lucy and Kevin had become an official item as well, moving on from the front they used to show everyone. I can tell she is head over heels for him, and Kevin doesn’t seem to be that bad. I guess he is growing on me too. Kyler has been a perfect boyfriend, sweet, thoughtful, bringing me coffee to my classes, and walking me to and from them. I had forgotten how nice it was to be cherished by someone. Jude sometimes crosses my mind. I feel guilty how I left things, how I left him. He was perfect in a non-perfect situation. It was me who was going crazy, and I know if I were still in that town, in that place, I wouldn’t be healing like I am here.
I push those memories down and lock them away as my gorgeous boyfriend honks his horn at me in the parking lot. Kyler rolls down the window of his
Dodge. “Hurry your sexy ass up; it’s freezing out there!”
“Merry Christmas to you too,” I say jokingly. It’s been a whole month that we have been exclusively dating, and it has been perfect. Kyler still hasn’t told me about his family. I know when he is ready, he will open up. Today is Christmas, so we’re headed to Uncle Roy’s for dinner. We have spent a lot of time there over the past few weeks. Suzie enjoys having another girl around, and I kind of enjoy having someone look up to me again. I can see the glimmer in her eyes when I walk through the door. It reminds me of how Mason used to look up at me with his big green eyes when I came home from school. The thought would normally send me through a whirlwind of emotions, but I feel better having talked to Kyler about it. The ache is still there, but spending so much time having family interaction is nice. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the everyday things like baking cakes and having pillow fights. A smile crosses my face as Kyler reaches over the folded down console and brushes his hand with mine. This time there are no arguments on our ride there, just jokes and laughter that fill the pickup truck. We’re greeted by Suzie, who looks adorable in a red and black dress with silver sparkly Mary-Janes.
“Merry Christmas angel.” I bend down to pick her up. “You look so nice. Did your daddy help you pick those out?” She nods.
“Yes em did,” she says proudly, mispronouncing her words.
“Well, he did a great job.” I place her back on the floor. “Dinner smells amazing, Roy.” I embrace him in a hug.
“Thank you, darlin’. You look nice too.” He is always the charmer.
We sit down and eat Christmas dinner, and then we make our way to the living room to open gifts. Kyler and I have never talked about money before. I mean, I know he works at the bar and the school, but financially we have never had a reason to discuss things. I assume he inherited his parents’ life insurance policies like I did, but it’s only been less than a year since the accident. And since we haven’t talked about it, I’m not sure of the details. I received my parents’ money once the attorney finalized their estate. I have enough in the bank to finish paying for school, buy a house, and a new car if I wanted to. I don’t flash it around; after all, it isn’t something I wish I had. I would trade in my bank account to have my family back in a heartbeat. But I did use a small portion to buy gifts for everyone. I give Suzie hers first.
The Upside of Letting Go Page 9
