I giggle. “I love you too! That was amazing. I didn’t even know you could sing. I suck as a girlfriend.”
“I haven’t sung in a long, long time, but with you, there isn’t anything I can’t do.” His face beams a cheesy smile towards me.
“That was weak Kyler!” I laugh. “Who sings that song?”
“Me,” Kyler replies.
“Okay smarty, who really sings that song?” I ask, unfamiliar with a lot of country music.
“My good friend Kenny Chesney,” he says jokingly again. I can’t help but laugh while in his arms.
We make it back to the table and see Drake is waiting there with five shots. “These are on the house for the birthday girl, and Kyler, if you’re going to start singing on my stage again, how about a more upbeat tune.” Kyler laughs.
“I don’t know about singing regularly again. I have a lot on my plate with helping in the admin office, the bookstore, and I work for this guy at a small bar, and I don’t think he would give me any extra time off to sit on some stage and sing.”
“Listen son, you want to sing on my stage again, all you have to do is say the word, and it’s arranged. Don’t forget that.” Drake pats Kyler’s shoulder, then hugs me, and walks back to the bar.
We stay a little bit longer, doing a few more rounds of shots, until I feel so light headed that I think I’m going to pass out. The frat house is close, so the four of us stumble the few blocks there.
Lucy is already passed out in Kevin’s arms by the time we arrive at the frat house. I feel like I need a little fresh air, so Kyler takes my hand and leads me to the front porch. We sit down on the swing, and I immediately lean over and lay my head in his lap. Looking up at his face rather than the stars I say, “Thank you so much for tonight; it was the best birthday ever.” I‘m not really sure how much of that sentence was slurred by my drunken state.
“Anything for you babe. Come on, and let’s get inside. It’s getting chilly out here, and I don’t want you to get—,” I lean over the swing and puke, “sick,” he finishes as I start to cry. “Babe, don’t cry. It’s okay.” He gathers my hair out of my mouth, holding it in a high ponytail.
“I just puked,” I slur.
“Let’s get you inside and cleaned up,” he stands up and helps me to my feet, which can’t hold me up at the moment. He cradles me like a baby and carries me into the bathroom. Once we’re in the bathroom, he sets me on the sink and removes all of my clothes. I would normally be embarrassed sitting completely naked in front of a man, but I just barfed all over his shoes and porch, so all shyness went out the window. I start to giggle thinking about how ridiculous I must look to him. “What’s so funny Hale?” He smirks. His smile is making my knees weaker than they already are. Good thing I’m sitting or I might fall.
“I just puked on your porch and now,” I look down at my nude body, “I’m naked sitting in your sink.” My statement gets the best of me, sending me into a laughing fit that ends with a loud, embarrassing snort.
“I’d rather you be sitting somewhere else right now, but you’re trashed and need a shower,” he says while undoing his jeans and sliding them down his legs to the floor.
“I thought you said no funny business,” I say in a silly voice while scrunching up my nose.
“Is your mind always in the gutter?”
“You should know the answer to that,” I snicker.
“Babe, I wish more than anything you were sober enough to enjoy being with me tonight on your birthday of all days, but you need to shower and get into bed. I’ll help you, come on,” he gestures for me to follow him into the shower. He set me in the corner on a small bench built into the tiled wall and grabbed the girly shampoo he bought me weeks before. He massages it into my scalp before he leans me back and rinses it with a cup of water, paying extra close attention that the soapy water doesn’t drip into my eyes. I stand up as he lathers a bar of soap onto a washcloth and starts rubbing it in slow circles on my back. I can’t help the small moan that escapes from my lips.
“Calm down Rocky,” he whispers in my ear, which only turns me on more. He sets me back on the narrow bench and washes his own body. The mint smell that’s lingering in the air makes me salivate like a hungry dog, except I’m not hungry for food…but his scrumptious body.
When he is finished, he rinses our bodies of any remaining soap and steps out of the shower first. His strong arms hold up a dry towel for me. I step out onto the rug as he wraps the towel around me and gathers our dirty clothes. He leads the way to his bedroom, as we hear giggling coming from Kevin’s room. “Lucky,” I say under my breath. Kyler must have heard me because I can hear him laugh beside me. Once in his room he sets me down on his bed, walks into his closet, and comes back out with an extra pair of boxers and a white T-shirt.
“Here babe, step into these.” I stand up and do as I’m told. He then motions for me to lift my hands and slides the shirt over my arms, pulling it slowly over my chest to tug the edges down softly around my body. He gives me a quick kiss before placing his trash can on my side of the bed and lifts up the covers. We both climb onto bed, lie down, and stare at the ceiling. “I love you Hale,” he says as I lay my head on his shoulder and drift off to slumber.
I wake up in the morning with a headache that feels like someone hit me in the head with an ax, which is still imbedded in my skull. “Ahh,” I moan out loud as I roll over to find Kyler is already gone but notice there is a note on his pillow.
Morning babe, I ran to the store. STAY IN BED. I am a kick-ass boyfriend and am going to serve you breakfast and treat you like the princess you are. STAY IN BED XoXo Ky.
I laugh but catch myself as my eyes wince in pain because it hurts too much. I reach down and grab my phone to text Luce, wondering how she is feeling this morning.
R u up? I feel like I’m dying in here but am ordered to stay in bed.
She responds a few minutes later.
Ya we’re up and in the living room chilling with Ky’s cousin. He just got in town for a few days.
His cousin? He didn’t tell me anyone was coming hmmm…okay, well I was ordered to stay in bed, and with an aching head like mine, those are orders I’m following.
I can hear people in the living room talking, but I don’t dare move to see what is going on. Instead I reach into Kyler’s nightstand that he deemed to be mine and grab a bottle of Aspirin. I hear his truck pull up, so I assume it is safe to finally get up, but I feel too lightheaded to get dressed. I stay put until he walks through the door.
“Rise and shine Rocky.” He bends down and kisses my forehead. I notice his freshly shaven face. How long as he been up?
“Ouch,” I whine from his faint touch.
“Yeah, you were pretty tore up. I imagine your head feels like shit this morning.”
“You summed it up.” I look around the room, but don’t see my clothes anywhere. “I need some clothes babe.”
“Here,” he says while handing me some clothes he removed from the bottom drawer of his dresser, “throw these on. Yours should be done soon. I put them in the washer before I ran to the store.”
“I’ll look like a gangster,” I giggle as I slip on a pair of loose fitting plaid pajama pants and a fresh white T-shirt.
“You can mug me any day,” he whispers as he picks me up off of the floor so we’re face to face and leans in to kiss me.
“Yuck Ky, I haven’t brushed my teeth.” I squirm in his arms, turning my cheek.
Seeming satisfied with our morning banter, he opens the door and carries me down the hallway towards the living room. “There are the love birds,” I hear Lucy say as we turn the corner into the dining room where everyone is sitting and drinking coffee.
Holy shit!Is this really happening? Tell me this is a nightmare.
“Kyler, don’t be rude now, introduce Haley to your cousin. She was in your room all morning and hasn’t had a chance to talk to him like we have,” Lucy demands. Am I still drunk? I rub my eyes, making sure I’m s
eeing what’s right in front of me.
“Haley, this is my cousin,” Kyler says while nodding to a chair where a tall, tan, and dark-haired guy is sitting. “Jude, this is my girlfriend Haley,” he finishes as my eyes widen in shock at his formal introduction. Jude, my Jude, is Kyler’s cousin?
I have never in my entire life been taken off guard like I am now. I am dumbstruck as I stare into Jude’s beautiful green eyes while I’m still in Kyler’s arms. I hear Lucy cough, and I am almost positive she notices the change of mood in the room. I haven’t moved…hell, I haven’t even blinked.
Jude breaks the silence. “Hale?” I hear him ask. A voice I haven’t heard in a long, long time. His eyes look strained like he is trying to determine if it is really me standing in front of him.
“Hale, do you know each other?” Kyler asks confused while looking between us. I don’t answer either of them. I can’t talk. I can’t breathe. Kyler sets me down to look in my eyes. “Haley, do you know him?” His voice sounds like it is a pitch higher than normal. My eyes are locked with Jude’s, and right now they are rendering me speechless, just like he used to take my breath away. All of the sudden I feel light headed. The urge to run has never been greater in my life than it is this very moment.
“Luce,” I murmur under my breath, unsure if she can even hear me, “can you give me a ride?” She looks at me blankly before leaning over and whispering something into Kevin’s ear. He reaches into his pocket, grabs his keys, and hands them to her. She nods at me as we both move to the back door and slide out. I hear Kyler and Jude shout out my name in unison, but I don’t look back. We make it to Kevin’s Honda and jump in.
She frantically starts the engine. “Where are we going?” she huffs.
“The shed on Roy’s farm. They won’t think to look there.” I keep an eye on the rearview mirror. I know Lucy enough to know she is dying to know what is going on, but I know she loves me enough not to pry, so instead she drives in silence. We make it to the shed in record time. We both get out and rush inside. I feel like it is suddenly easier to breathe, but I notice my side is hurting. So I take a few deep breaths as I try to gather my thoughts before I sit on the loveseat the boys have pushed up against the wall. I burst into tears.
Lucy grabs an old T-shirt then sits next to me and dries my face. I have never needed her more than I do in this moment, but the words ‘thank you’ don’t reach my lips. “Haley, I don’t know what is going on, and you’re scaring me,” she finally says, breaking the silence that has surrounded us like the plague.
I take a deep breath and say the words for the second time in my entire life, “My family is dead.” She looks at me, shocked at first, but I can see the sympathy in her face, and I know she understands.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks softly, her eyes never leaving mine.
“I’ve never told anyone Luce, except Kyler. Please don’t be mad,” I plead.
“Honey, I would never be mad about something like that, but I wish you would have told me sooner. I knew something was going on. You never talk about your family or have pictures anywhere, and here I am thinking they are some dirt bags you’re not proud of. But lo and behold you have this huge secret.” She embraces me in a hug. “Don’t you ever be sorry Hale!”
We sit together on the couch for hours. Lucy lets me use her as a human tissue as I cry my eyes out, not only for my parents and brother, but for Jude and Kyler also. What a mess I’m in. Cousins, really? Finally, when I have no more tears to shed, I sit up and wipe my face and nose. “Lucy, I want to tell you the truth,” I say while running my hand under my sore nostrils. She nods, urging me to continue, and I know she is ready to hear about my past, regardless of how horrid it might be. I know she will accept it as she has so kindly accepted me. I begin with our senior luncheon and coming home to find my dad had killed my mother and brother before he took his own life. Then I explain growing up with Jude and how things developed into more than friendship.
“We started dating our freshmen year of high school, but we were neighbors since we were five years old. He moved in the summer we started kindergarten. I knew for a while he liked me, but I just wasn’t ready to date. I was always daddy’s little girl and was preoccupied with him, but when he started to get sick and forget who I was, it was Jude who I turned to. The summer before our freshmen year we were in my tree house, and he kissed me. From that moment on, everything changed.” I remember the day like it was yesterday in my head. Lucy is sitting, staring at me wide eyed and confused.
“We were like the power couple. Jude was captain of the football team, and I was the cheerleading captain.” Lucy laughs. “I know right!” I giggle. “Things were amazing, and there wasn’t anything we couldn’t face. When I was a sophomore, we lost our virginity together. It was like something you see on TV and only imagine happening. I was the center of Jude’s world, and he treated me like the princess I thought I was,” I say as a single tear trickles down my cheek.
“Haley, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. I understand if it’s too hard,” she acknowledges as she hears the tremble in my voice.
“I appreciate it, but I have to tell you. I am sick and tired of hiding who I am. The past defines me, and you ought to know about the real me,” I admit not only to her but myself as well, knowing it is finally time to face the past. “Once my parents were gone, Jude’s mom and dad helped me out a lot. It didn’t help that he was my next door neighbor, but it was a roof over my head while we finished our senior year. They held a graduation party for both of us, and they were the only two people in my cheering section as I walked across the stage to get receive my diploma,” I take another deep breath. “Jude and his family helped me with selling my parents’ house and meeting with their attorneys to figure out their life insurance pay outs. Lucy, I have over three hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars in the bank. I am so fucking rich that I don’t know what to do with it, but I would give it back in the blink of an eye, if it meant bringing my family back.” I lean back to face her again.
“Back then, I couldn’t handle it. I was flunking out of college and partying way too much. Jude understood. No matter how many mistakes I made, and trust me I made a lot, he was there waiting with open arms telling me it was okay and that we would get past the rough spot. I cheated on him, and the sad part is I can’t even recall how many times. He always took me back though.” I cough, ashamed of my own words I hear coming from my mouth.
“I got a dose of reality when my period was a week late. Jude was the first person I told. If you can imagine the look on his face, it was like a father too disappointed to look into his child’s eyes,” I say as I sniffle. “Disgust isn’t even close to a good word to describe how he felt, but he never said it. I wanted him to scream or yell at me, but he didn’t. He calmly said he would be there for me and support me even if the child wasn’t his. You know, he would have been a great father though. He is always so loving and caring. I was so stupid Lucy. If I could describe the perfect man, it would be Jude, but his spirit was crushed, and I wouldn’t be the reason his world was ruined. He didn’t have to suffer along with me, but he chose to, so I chose to end his suffering. I left town.” She doesn’t say anything to my admission. Instead she continues to stare blankly at the wall while twirling a piece of my hair around her finger over and over again. I can’t help but feel like she is somewhat disappointed in me too. “I got my period on the bus ride to Alabama. I came here knowing Jude had family here. I don’t know why, but I prayed about it, and this is where I was led,” I added so she didn’t assume something ridiculous like I had an abortion.
“Please don’t judge me Luce.” I wouldn’t be able to bear it if she was disgusted in me too.
“Haley, I’m not mad at you. Stop saying that. I feel sad for you, for your family, for your childhood ending too soon. I’m sorry you had to go through all of it, and I’m sorry you’re just now telling me, but don’t for one second think you can run away from me. I will nev
er let you face another trial alone, you hear me Rocky?” she says with a smirk on her face. Before I can answer I hear the muffled sound of a motorcycle in the distance.
“Well, one of them found us,” I say as we both sit up to look outside of the window as Jude leisurely puts down the kickstand to his bike.
I walk outside, leaving Lucy alone in the shed. Jude is just standing by his bike as I approach him with a blank look on his face. That face. I have tried so hard to forget. He looks the same other than the bags under his eyes. His brown hair looks a little longer in the front than he used to wear it, but he is still rocking the jeans and his lucky leather jacket. Time treated him well, that’s for sure.
“Hale,” Jude says while walking towards me, closing the remaining distance between us. The sound of my name rolling off his tongue brings back a rush of memories. Without hesitation he picks me up in his arms and twirls me around. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
“What…what are you doing here?” I ask in a hoarse voice, confused by his presence.
“A letter came for you in the mail at my parents’ home. When you left, you didn’t even say goodbye. How was I supposed to know how to find you? My mom told me to open it. I would never invade your privacy, but I knew your twenty-first birthday was around the corner, so it had to be from your attorney.” He retrieves a manila envelope out of his leather jacket and hands it to me. I take the envelope which resembles the same one I received yesterday. Twenty-one is a big year, not in the average “Drink ‘til you sink” way, but every monumental age meant I got more money from my parents’ insurance company. Happy birthday! Here is another reminder of a past you can’t seem to shake.
“I called the attorney who signed the letter. He said he was getting returned mail from your P.O. Box. I told him you moved, and he said he had some important information for you. He hired some young investigator who tracked you here. He was going to forward you another letter to your address here, but I asked him not to, knowing I was planning on coming here myself.”
The Upside of Letting Go Page 11
