“And where do you think you’re going, sister?” I look at him suspiciously wondering why he is referring to me as sister when it dawns on me we still haven’t shared our good news with his family. A faint sense of guilt washes over me knowing Kyler is upset, and we should probably wait for another time to share our news.
“Trent stop!” I scream while dodging the freezing water he is spraying in my direction. I turn and run into the nearest stall, which happens to be the home of a giant tan horse who is staring at me, nostrils flaring like she wants to buck me to high heavens. I slow my breathing so she doesn’t get spooked and start to kick. Kyler and Trent suddenly appear at the entrance with shocked eyes.
“Back up slowly Hale,” Kyler says while standing outside of the gate holding his hand to me. The giant mare doesn’t flinch but is watching my every movement. I start to back away, not noticing the gray bucket on the ground, as I fall over it slamming to the ground with a giant lump. I close my eyes, afraid the horse is going to rear up and stomp on me, but instead I feel the mare’s nose on my head. I look up into the mare’s big round brown eyes. “It’s okay girl,” I whisper as I extend my arm to stroke her nose. She presses her face closer to my hand and closes her eyes.
“Hale, don’t move,” Trent begs. I can hear panic in his voice, but my head doesn’t turn away from the horse that captured my gaze. Other than my dog Molly, I have never been an animal lover, and we only got her after a lot of begging on my part. But an animal of this size is a first for me. I don’t feel frightening, but content, and for some reason I can sense she feels the same.
All of a sudden her mood changes as she starts to stomp her hooves. I don’t know what scared her, but now frightened, I scoot back in the stall until my back is against the rigid wood. Trent is standing in front of me, blocking me from the aggressive horse. Before I know what is happening his limp body flies into my chest. The mare starts to buck, going from peaceful to pissed in a split second. Kyler starts to make a clicking sound with his voice trying to distract the horse as he slides a bridal over the mare’s face and snaps it around her head. He fastens the rope to the other end of the stall before running over to Trent and me. Trent is lying on the ground sprawled out across my legs, motionless.
“Tre, speak to me,” Kyler says while slapping the side of his face in attempt to get him to open his eyes. He doesn’t respond but starts to cough. His cough sounds like wheezing coming from his lungs. I know enough from my nursing classes that his lung may be punctured.
“Kyler, calm down. Listen to me,” I say while my body is still under Trent’s. “I need you to help me roll him onto his side, okay?” I ask making sure he knows exactly what to do. “On the count of three I’m going to get up, and we have to roll him over fast.” Kyler nods at me. “One. Two. Three,” I say as I remove myself from the deadweight lying on top of me and roll Trent to his side. I check his airway to make sure no gum or foreign objects got lodged in his throat when the horse’s hoof connected with his chest. “Call 911,” I say calmly to Kyler whose demeanor is hysterical.
“Ugh, hello?” he says to the operator with a shaky voice. “I need an ambulance now!” he shouts into the phone before rambling off the farm’s address.
I stay by Trent’s side, holding him in position and counting his pulse until the EMT arrives. They put him in a neck brace before loading him onto a stretcher and pull away taking him with them. The whole ordeal seems like it lasted for hours but in reality it only took a few minutes for the ambulance to arrive and take Trent. Kyler and I dash inside the house. As soon as we reach the living room, we start to holler, alerting everyone something is wrong.
“What the hell is with all the ruckus?” Roy asks while sitting at the dining room table working on a crossword puzzle.
“Didn’t you hear the ambulance? Trent. Trent is gone. They took him. We have to go now,” Kyler says while moving around the room picking up our jackets and my purse. Roy jumps up, throws his jacket over his shoulders, and heads out the door. We pile in his SUV because it’s bigger and has more seats. I grab my cell phone out of my clutch and dial Jude’s number. He answers on the first ring.
“Where did you guys storm off to?” he asks oblivious to the situation.
“Trent. The horse. SaddyMcGee,” I say short of breath.
“Yeah…”
“The horse kicked him and knocked him out. We called an ambulance, and now we’re following them to the hospital,” I finish breathless.
“SaddyMcGee?” He’s thinking about the stupid horse’s name at a time like this?
“Yeah, the one in the farthest stall away from all the others,” I say with a matter-of-fact attitude.
“Riley’s horse?” I have never, and I mean never, heard Jude sound uncertain of something, but the tone of his voice tells me I shouldn’t have been near that horse.
“Yeah, that’s the one. Look, we are here now so I have to go,” I say into the receiver as we pull up to the emergency room doors.
Roy and Kyler jump out. I stay in the truck, pulling it around to the side of the hospital to park. My phone starts ringing with Lucy’s ringtone. I let it go straight to voicemail, but she calls back until I finally answer as I make my way to the elevator doors. “Lucy, I can’t really talk right now,” I try to catch my breath between words.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, why?” I was unsure why she would randomly call me asking if I was okay.
“Jude called and said I needed to call you. That it was urgent,” she says trying to make sense of my franticness.
“Trent got kicked by a crazy horse. We just got to the hospital. I appreciate Jude calling you, but I’ll be fine. I’ll call you with an update as soon as we know something.”
“Okay Hale, love you. Remember, I don’t have much cell reception on the mountain, but leave me a message, and I’ll call you back just as soon as I can,” she says before disconnecting the line.
I make it to the third floor in the ICU waiting room where Kyler texted me and told me they were taken to. I open the doors to see a doctor in a white lab jacket sitting with them. His face looks familiar, and I recognize him as Dr. Stevens.
“I’m sorry ma’am, I am consulting this family right now. I am going to have to ask you to wait outside,” he says when I walk in the room and take a seat next to Kyler. I am shocked that he doesn’t remember me and hurt that he would ask me to leave. That must have been how Kyler felt in my hospital room that day. The thought makes me sick.
“This is my wife,” Kyler says sternly while locking my hand with his. Dr. Stevens nods and continues.
“He is in critical condition. It appears that the horse kicked him so forcefully in the chest that the lower lobe on the right side of his lung collapsed. While he is still able to breathe, it is very dangerous. We have taken him for X-rays now to see if any ribs were crushed.” He stands up and begins to back out of the room. “I will keep you posted.” He turns the doorknob and exits the room.
I squeeze Kyler’s hand before excusing myself to the hallway to call Jude with an update. “Hey,” he says on the first ring.
“Hey. Dr. Stevens just gave us an update.” The line is silent so I continue. “He said Trent has a collapsed lung, and they are taking some X-rays now to see if any ribs were broken. We should know more soon.”
“Good. We’re all anxious here. Tell Roy that Catie and I will stay the night to take care of the kids, so he doesn’t worry about them. I just made popcorn, and we’re putting in a movie. I didn’t want to scare them so I told them you guys ran to the store,” he says quietly.
“Okay. I’ll call you back when we know more.” I hang up before he responds.
We spend the night on the flower printed couches in the waiting room. Finally, a nurse escorts us to Trent’s room. She tells us he has a tube inserted into the collapsed lung to help keep air out of it, and the X-rays confirmed he has two cracked ribs. Their main concern is the ribs cracking and puncturing his lungs. The good n
ews is we got him here before they had a chance to do more damage. I can see Kyler start to breathe slower as relief washes over his face. While Trent is far from out of the woods, his injuries are manageable and don’t appear to be life threatening. I walk out of the room to call Jude and give him the morning update.
By late afternoon we have spent almost twenty-four hours by his bedside. Jude had a sitter come to watch the kids so he could come relieve Kyler and me. We walk pass the nurses’ station on the way to the parking garage as I hear my name being called in the distance. “Haley,” I hear a deep male voice. “Miss Martin.” I turn around and see Dr. Stevens standing behind me holding a patient’s chart in one hand and cell phone in the other.
“Can I help you?” I ask as Kyler and I stop in the hallway, unaware as to why he would be stopping us.
“Yes. I certainly hope so,” he says with a smile. “I just got a call from our HR department. They were sending me resumes of the interning LPNs on the floor that would be here during my shift. Your name stood out, so I called them to tell them to hire you permanently,” he says while scrolling through his phone. “They couldn’t reach the number you had listed on your resume. It‘s a coincidence you were here already. You’re hired,” he says while grabbing my hand in a quick shake. Why did he act like he didn’t know me? I guess following HIPPA compliance to a tee.
“Thank you so much, Dr. Stevens, I really appreciate it.” I just landed my first ever nursing job!
“Well you have quite an impressive resume, and your letters of recommendation from the staff reviewing your aid duties were all outstanding. So we’re happy to have you on our team now,” he says before nodding and walking off.
We make our way to the elevators before I break out in a happy dance. “Wowzers! Can you believe that?” I shout with excitement.
“I’m so proud of you baby. They would be stupid not to hire you,” Kyler says as he leans me against the wall in the elevator and kisses me quickly.
Kyler and I take a cab back to the farm. We decide to leave him there with the kids while I take his truck back to campus and get a change of clothes for both of us. Before I leave, we sit down Jace, Jackson, and Suzie and tell them about the accident. The boys understood that Trent is hurt but would most likely be back to normal in a couple of weeks. Suzie deals with it differently and stays cuddled in my arms for about an hour. Finally she falls asleep. I quietly lay her on the couch.
“Be careful Hale.” Kyler tucks a piece of stray hair behind my ear as he stands outside of the driver’s side window.
I grab his hand and press it to my cheek. “Always baby. Give me a few hours, and I’ll be back,” I say out of the window as I drive off, watching the man I love wave at me in the distance. I call Lucy to tell her I am on my way and ask her if she wants anything to eat before I remember she isn’t at home. She laughs telling me to take a nap before I get on the road and head back tonight. I agree and wish her a safe trip home from Aspen. My rumbling stomach can’t wait to get back to the farm and eat leftovers, but I am starving after being in the hospital all night. So I pull off the freeway into a truck stop and indulge in a fried chicken meal.
When I get back to the dorm, I quickly park the truck and run inside. I take a quick shower and pack an overnight bag and then drive to the frat house and do the same for Kyler. It’s a surreal moment digging around in his dresser drawers and choosing clothes from his closet for him, but for some reason the thought of me packing him an overnight bag brings a smile to my face.
It’s about ten p.m. when I get back to the farm. All of the lights are off in the house except one. I open the door, which was left unlocked, and make my way up the staircase. I peek in each of the kid’s rooms to find them all snoring. I can see light shining from underneath of one of the doors. I knock quietly before peeking in to find Kyler lying on the bed looking through the pages of a worn photo album. I have never seen pictures of his family nor have I shown him mine. He waves me in as he closes the album and places it on the floor. I don’t want to pressure him, but I want to see his family. I want to see him happy before a part of his soul was taken.
“May I?” I ask while bending over the bed to reach for the album.
“I’d love that babe.” We lie on the bed for hours, together, reminiscing of happier times. He shows me funny family photos and adorable pictures of him and Riley in their Halloween costumes. For a brief moment, things seem normal again.
I glance over at the clock on the nightstand that reads two a.m., and I yawn in exhaustion. We have been up for hours talking about our childhoods. As my eyelids start to close and carry me away to sleep, Kyler nudges my side. “I know you’re tired baby, but I don’t want to sleep in here.”
“Why Kyler? I’m so sleepy,” my voice says in a low whine.
“Hale. Come. On.” It’s more of a command than a request. I sit up and wipe my eyes and try to focus on his face.
“Why not babe? The bed is big enough.” I rub the comforter between us.
“This bed is Riley’s. I can’t sleep in here,” he stands up, looks around the room once more, then walks out leaving me sitting on his deceased sister’s bed. I feel a little awkward sitting alone in her room, so I stand up and follow him down the hall. He opens a door that has small band stickers plastered all over the front of it. Once inside I notice the walls are a shade of blue and immediately I know this was his room. He sits on the bed and starts to remove his shoes and socks one by one.
“Kyler, I didn’t know that was her room. I’m sorry,” I say while sliding on the bed next to him.
“I know you didn’t.” He puts his arm around my waist and brings the top of my head low enough for his lips to touch my temple. “It happened in there,” he stutters. “That’s where she did it.” I immediately know what he is talking about. Riley took her own life in that room. No wonder he couldn’t sleep in it.
We crawl under the covers of his little twin bed. He starts to play with my hair, twirling little strands around his fingers over and over. My eyes feel heavy, a clear warning I’m drifting off again when he says, “I can’t sleep sometimes.”
“Is that why you sleep with the light on?”
“Yes,” he takes a deep breath and continues, “I walked into her room to tell her that our attorney was coming over to have us sign some papers. It was late, but they were time-sensitive documents that needed to be signed and dated. I opened her door and stumbled over her lifeless body. There was a puddle of blood around her wrist,” his body tenses beside mine. “I could smell a rusty odor in the air. I don’t know how long she was there. By the time I found her, she was dead. The blood was already drying on the carpet.”
I turn to face him, still lying in his arms. “I am so sorry you had to see that Ky,” I say as my chest constricts, fighting for air as I hold my breath, trying to fight the tears that are forming in my eyes. It’s a losing battle.
“No baby, don’t cry. I’m not telling you to make you sad. I just couldn’t sleep in there. I wanted you to understand. You are the only person who understands me. Only you.” He holds me tighter. I lie in his arms long after he falls asleep thinking about his words. You are the only person who understands me. Those words replay in my mind over and over. He is absolutely right. He is the only person who understands. Jude was there. He witnessed what I did, but he doesn’t understand the agony I have in my heart where my family’s memories are kept under lock and key. I allow myself to dream of those memories just like Kyler did hours ago while showing me his childhood in his photo albums. I unlock my heart and begin to let go of the pain that has been filling it.
I wake up in an empty bed. My stomach growls from the smell of bacon permeating through air. I walk down the stairs to see Kyler dancing around the kitchen. I stand in the doorway watching him. His smile looks genuine, and his laugher melts my heart. By the time the kids make it to the kitchen, we have flour and egg remnants everywhere. We’re making memories. I smile and take a mental photograph for my own sc
rapbook.
We sit down to eat, and Kyler tells us that Roy called him this morning, and they plan to release Trent by the end of the week. His lung function is improving, and his rib pain is being managed by meds. I feel relief knowing he is going to be okay. I think everyone in this family has dealt with enough loss for a lifetime. One thing that has been on mind since the accident is the horse that belonged to Riley. I understand them keeping it and taking care of it, but Jude acted surprised I would go around it. I wait until Kyler and I are alone to ask.
We bundle the kids in their snow gear and let them venture outside to build a snowman. Jace and Jackson are really good with Suzie and her limitations, so we don’t really have to hover. I do the dishes and then go upstairs to make each child’s bed, room by room. I wonder what my mom would think of me playing house with Kyler. I know we are engaged now and these duties will solely be mine one day to our own family, but coming in and taking on this role feels strangely normal to me. When I get to Kyler’s room, I can hear him humming a tune in the shower. I can’t make out the words, but he seems sad. I walk over to the side window to check on the kids. They are rolling up a giant snowball. They should be out there for a while. I slowly slide my pants off. By the time I make it to the bathroom door, I am completely naked. The room is steamy. The temperature feels warm against my cold skin. I slide the glass door open before walking in the stall behind Kyler. He reaches out, bringing my body closer to his, holding me under the stream of water with him.
The Upside of Letting Go Page 17
